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Sirocco
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Post by Sirocco »

Darth Rabbitt wrote:UK Steve should go eat all the dicks. Seriously UK Steve, fuck you. Go fuck yourself with a cordless drill for the Birdmen in the hills earlier, on a doorknob for the bullshit death rope, and go suck a barrel of razor cocks for this travesty. Do all three at once, while gargling cat piss and using shards of broken glass soaked in salt and lemon juice as lube. And then go sit your mangled ass on a Vlodblad while you think about what you've done. Fuck you. Whenever I think "maybe Steve's going to start being reasonable" he pulls out something that is super fucking bullshit. The moral of the story: never trust him.
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MisterDee
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Post by MisterDee »

Darth Rabbitt wrote:Was this that moment?
That one is pretty Steve, but it's mere journeyman work for Steve at this point in his career. The moment I'm referring to is pure artistry. As bad as "walk through door, die" is, it's nothing compared to the arbitrariness of the decision you have to take and especially the assholishness of the consequence for making the wrong choice (and rolling poorly - in fairness to Steve, the moment I'm referring to has a dice-roll to pick the consequences, and IIRC it's even possible to win after rolling the right number)
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angelfromanotherpin
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Post by angelfromanotherpin »

The door to the room is already open and you step inside. As you would expect, the walls are ribbed with shelves, on which hundreds of trinkets, artefacts, knick-knacks, and treasures are displayed. A plump, yellow-skinned merchant sits behind a table in one corner and eyes you suspiciously. He seems to be undefended and you cannot see how he prevents his customers from stealing his wares. Do you have any money?

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• If so, you may purchase some of his merchandise. √
• Otherwise, you may attempt to steal something. If you want to do this you must Test your Luck.
• If you don't want to steal and you haven't any gold, leave the room and try the door at the end of the passageway.
A number of the merchant's wares are interesting. You browse through his shelves and ask him about several items that take your fancy. He recommends a rusty cutlass, which he claims is an enchanted weapon and a bargain at 3 Gold Pieces. He also has a set of two candles, bound together. According to the merchant, these will light to order. One is a red 'blood candle' made from the dried blood of a Firefox, while the other is an ordinary wax candle. These will cost you 2 Gold Pieces. He has a number of spell artefacts – some of the ones you might require for spells – but these are expensive, at 5 Gold Pieces each. A bird's-nest has a single golden egg inside: this will cost you 2 Gold Pieces. And a pouch hanging from one of the uppermost shelves contains ancient silver pieces. These will cost you 4 Gold Pieces, but he will not part with the pouch, which is not for sale.

If you want to buy any of these, decide which you want, and pay the price in Gold Pieces.
Darth wants the things you got before: Candles, Egg, Jewel of Gold. Other opinions?
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Sirocco
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Post by Sirocco »

Did we sniff our last Yellow Powder fighting the Sightmasters? If so, I think we should renew our stashsupply.

Other than that, I don't think we need the cutlass, since we can sharpen our axe on the machine, and I think Starmaker was right about the silver pieces being duds. So yeah, let's go with DR's choices.
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Post by Starmaker »

Get the powder, too.

---
I'm still more pissed about the fires than this Inner Sanctum thing. (Note that I'm totally on board with the penance proposed by Darth.) The latter is a (pretty common) lolololol I am so subversive bullshit where the author takes a couple of fantasy cliches and goes for maximum RAELIZARM to show just how hardcore and mature he is - while playing everything else straight. (And yes, one might add more zomg! reverse psychology layers where an inner sancum is indeed an inner sanctum because no one would expect it to be true wow much subversive.) The core of the problem is that none of those chiches actually exist in-universe in the first place, and nothing is to be gained by subverting them. In-universe, ohsoclever logic puzzles don't exist; the door marked "ZOMG PHAT LOOT INSIDE" means fuck all and one can and should take the fourth, fifth, sixth option to decide whether to actually go in and how. Making a puzzle out of it has never been clever and never will be.

However, the air of intellectual superiority aside, it's still a blind binary fuck-you choice. We've seen plenty of them. The fire room is worse, because it breaks the fundamental mechanism of communicating our intentions to the book. Time and again, we're supposed to make an educated guess or have a flash of inspiration, and the book, in the interest of not making the right choice spoilery and/or blindingly obvious, makes it bland but expects us to invest it with a hidden meaning received via said guess / flash of inspiration. So, "jump through the fires hoping that they don't burn you much" is exactly the option that should be able to be invested with "we guess the fires are actually an illusion, jump". We go through the door with the noose thinking "hey, maybe it's a torture chamber", we chat up the Birdmen thinking "hey, maybe they're Samaritans", we jump through the fires thinking "hey, maybe they are illusory". It would've been okay if there had been an otherwise unfindable hidden button or a secret magic word to part the fires or whatever. Instead, that room is just super fucking bullshit, triply so because it could have been easily remedied by changing one fucking line.
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Darth Rabbitt
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Post by Darth Rabbitt »

Yeah, in pretty much every other FF book interacting with an illusion automatically makes you disbelieve (in some cases you're screwed anyways, but that's besides the point.) Examples include the Lizard King's collection of Fire Swords disguised as rusty knives and Senyakhaz's supposedly summoned spider and web. And I'm not particularly concerned with consistency between books or anything (although I do joke about it from time to time), but I do agree that the whole shadow evocation thing is cheap. But, you know, UK Steve gonna UK Steve.

Anyways, I agree that we should buy the yellow powder in addition to the other things. Fletch ain't gonna narc on this dealer (he's not Dirk McHeadshot XIII), and he needs some good shit now.
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angelfromanotherpin
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Post by angelfromanotherpin »

I actually don't have a problem with the fire. It's the Archmage's citadel, it's totally okay for his illusions to be Spectre of the Gun quality. The secret of the flames is just a password of a different color.

I'll get the Powder, though I don't see any reason to believe that a single cast consumes an entire vial.
As he has told you, the two candles are self-lighting. The Blood Candle will last longer than the normal one.
The nest and golden egg are a mystery. Could they be useful if you come across Birdmen? Does the egg have any value? Or are they both simply luxurious ornaments? Will you find out?
He has on his shelves some of the artefacts that you may need for the spells listed in your Spell Book. Furthermore, he will let you have two artefacts for 8 Gold Pieces, three for 10, and any others you may wish to buy will cost you only 1 gold piece each. He can offer you: A Jewel of Gold, Yellow Powder, A Gold-Backed Mirror, an Orb of Crystal and a Jewel-Studded Medallion.
If you have now investigated all of your purchases, leave the merchant and continue to the door at the end of the passageway.
The door opens into a passageway. To the right, the way leads onwards and the passage widens. To the left, it reaches a dead end. You decide to turn right and follow the passage.
Image

The passageway widens until you reach an open hallway which is evidently a main thoroughfare. Several passages open out into this area and the way onwards is a choice of two doors. Ahead are two heavy wooden double doors, standing some three metres high. Your caution is aroused by the fact that one of these doors is slightly ajar. The other door is a more ornate affair, a few yards to the left of the double doors. Carvings are set in its wooden timbers.

• Investigate the large double doors?
• Instead try the smaller door? √
The carvings on the door itself are interesting, but give you no useful information. Grasping the handle, you open the door. Inside, you find a bare room with a mechanical contraption of some sort standing alone in the centre of the floor. It is made of brass and iron, with wheels, bands, and cogs linked together in a way that suggests some sort of machine designed to work metal. But it is still.

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• If you wish to discover how it works, Test your Luck. √
• Or do you not want to waste your time with it?
5 is Lucky!
You turn a few wheels and push a couple of levers, but nothing seems to make any difference. Suddenly it splutters! You repeat your actions and it splutters again, but this time something catches and the machine springs to life! Wheels turn, plates move up and down and steam rises from the top of the contraption. But you still cannot decide what it does. Finally, it dawns on you. This is a device for sharpening weapons and knives; it has a large grindstone rotating at the back. You may use it to sharpen your own weapons if you have any. Anything you sharpen on the machine will add a bonus of 1 point on to your attack strength from now on. When you have done this, you can turn the machine off and concentrate on your mission. You don't seem to be able to get through this room, so you will have to return to the main hallway.
You are naturally suspicious of such an important-looking door being open. It looks safe enough, but are you walking into a trap? You pick up a length of wood lying in the hallway and touch the door. Nothing happens. You shove the door open a little further and then you realize the trap. A roaring flame and blast of heat flare up from behind the door, causing you to shield your face! The door opens directly into a burning inferno! Your heart sinks. There seems to be no way through here.

• Let the door close and try the ornate door, perhaps to return here later?
• Risk an all-or-nothing run through the inferno? √
You use the sapling once more to shove the door wide open. The roaring swells and the heat blasts your face. With stolid determination, you leap through the door. This leap is noble, but foolish. You land in the centre of the inferno, screaming wildly as your clothes, then your hair, catch fire, and your blood boils. Your death is mercifully quick.
The flames lick your clothes and the heat begins to feel unbearable. But you have seen through its illusion. As you continue through the inferno, its effects die. The flames are cold. There is no heat. On the far side of the inferno is another door, which you walk comfortably up to.
A sign over the door catches your attention. It reads 'Chamber of Night.' You pause for a moment before you try the door. What can the Chamber of Night hold in store? Night creatures? Sleeping gas? There is only one way you will find out. You turn the handle.

The door opens to a room as black as coal. Not a beam of light comes from the room. Even the dull light from the area where you now stand cannot penetrate its blackness.

• Do you have a candle which you can use to light your way through this room? √
Which candle will you use to light your way?

• The blood candle?
• An ordinary candle?
Name: Fletch Beckett
SKILL: 9
STAMINA: 20/23
LUCK: 11/13
Favor of Libra: x

Backpack
Bag of Teeth (3 Goblin, 1 Giant)
Beeswax
Torch
Tinderbox
Gold-Backed Mirror
Incomprehensible Parchment Scroll
Green-Haired Wig
Bracelet of Bone
Serpent Ring
Galehorn
Chakram
Vial of Yellow Powder x2
Crystal Orb x2
Pearl Ring
Brass Pendulum x2
Mail Shirt (+1 SKILL, DR 1 on a 5+)
Snake-Bite Antidote
Hewing Axe (-2 CS)
Vial (for Sleepless Ram)
Sand x2
Stone Dust x2
7 Pebbles
Jewel-Studded Medallion
Calling-whistle
Potion (cures disease)
Potion of Fire Water
Sun Jewel
Nose Plugs
Orange Powder
Throben Door Key
23 Gold Pieces
Vial of Glue
2 Provisions
Ring of Green Metal
Amulet of Luck
Holy Water
Sword (+1 Attack Strength)
Silver Whistle
Blood Candle
Candle
Nest w/Golden Egg
Jewel of Gold
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Darth Rabbitt
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Post by Darth Rabbitt »

Air Serpent wrote:In the dark chamber of night, do not light your way with the blood candle.
Ordinary candle.
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Sirocco
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Post by Sirocco »

Well, yeah, we were specifically warned not to use the blood candle in the Chamber of Night, so...
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angelfromanotherpin
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Post by angelfromanotherpin »

Image

You take the candle from your pack and concentrate. Suddenly a flame flickers and appears at the wick – just in time, as the door behind you slams shut of its own accord! You are alone in the room, but your candle lights up some of the way. You gasp as you look at the floor! Sharp blades protrude through the wooden floorboards at irregular intervals! Your balance will have to be perfect as you pick your way through this deadly maze. Will you be able to keep your footing? Choose your next few steps.

• 87?
• 239?
Ah, a return to the contextless reference number peak-blind-choice dealie. I actually think it's more evocative than nonsensical here, where Fletch can't see more than a few feet in any direction, as opposed to for no reason over open ground in broad daylight.
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Darth Rabbitt
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Post by Darth Rabbitt »

87, for no real reason.
Pseudo Stupidity wrote:This Applebees fucking sucks, much like all Applebees. I wanted to go to Femboy Hooters (communism).
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angelfromanotherpin
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Post by angelfromanotherpin »

You inch your way slowly across the room. For your next few steps:

• 488?
• 341?
• 359?
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Darth Rabbitt
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Post by Darth Rabbitt »

488.

EDIT: Actually, take the middle option, 341. This is probably a Goblet B scenario.
Double edit: nevermind.
Last edited by Darth Rabbitt on Tue Jun 03, 2014 9:21 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Pseudo Stupidity wrote:This Applebees fucking sucks, much like all Applebees. I wanted to go to Femboy Hooters (communism).
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angelfromanotherpin
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Post by angelfromanotherpin »

You inch your way across the room. For your next few steps:

• 52?
• 341?
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Darth Rabbitt
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Post by Darth Rabbitt »

We could've gone to 341 before, which makes me think it's an autodeath. Go to 52.
Pseudo Stupidity wrote:This Applebees fucking sucks, much like all Applebees. I wanted to go to Femboy Hooters (communism).
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angelfromanotherpin
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Post by angelfromanotherpin »

At last! Your hand touches the wall ahead of you and feels the outline of a door! You grasp the handle and turn it.
Image

You breathe a sigh of relief as you step out of the darkness and into a brightly lit room. Your eyes smart in the light and you are forced to close them momentarily to adjust. Hurried by relief, you step through the doorway, perhaps a little too quickly. Caution should have been your watchword.

As you step into the bright room, hands grab your wrists! Guards! You have been captured! The two sentries march you proudly over towards two doors in the left-hand wall. Their gruff voices cannot conceal their excitement as they bundle you in through one of the doors to present you to their captain.

Cartoum, Captain of the Guards, sits behind a wooden desk, which is covered in papers. You are surprised to find that he is no Beastman as are the other guards. He is tall, slim, and his hair falls down to his shoulders. Although he is a human, he is not from Analand. Most probably he is a renegade from the lands to the east of Kakhabad.

• Face the captain to see what he has to say?
• Try to make a break for it before the door is closed behind you?
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Darth Rabbitt
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Post by Darth Rabbitt »

Running out into the dark blade maze is probably more dangerous than a few guards.

Talk to Captain Cartoum.
Pseudo Stupidity wrote:This Applebees fucking sucks, much like all Applebees. I wanted to go to Femboy Hooters (communism).
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Post by Starmaker »

Ooh, a named character. Definitely talk, he might know how to open the last door.
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Sirocco
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Post by Sirocco »

Let's trade some words.
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angelfromanotherpin
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Post by angelfromanotherpin »

"The Analander!" exclaims the captain in a high-pitched voice. 'You have done well. This capture will be reported to the master.' The two guards shift their positions and grunt proudly at each other. Thecaptain stares deep into your eyes and sits down at his desk. 'But now,' he says, 'we must question our prisoner.' You look round the room while he studies you. Study the illustration, for there may be a clue which can help you. The captain asks your intentions.

• Tell him that you have a private message for the Archmage?
• Tell him you have come to destroy the evil in the Fortress?
• Offer him something from your backpack, perhaps as a bribe?
The captain looks at you curiously. The obvious similarity between your races has come as a shock to him as well. You hold his gaze, then look around the room. (You may find a useful clue in the illustration.) Finally, he sits down and speaks to you. 'What have we here?' he asks. 'An intruder? Or one with legitimate business so deep within the confines of the Fortress? Well? Have you lost your tongue?' What will you tell the captain?

Image

• Tell him that you have a private message for the Archmage?
• Tell him you have come to destroy the evil in the Fortress?
• Offer him something from your backpack, perhaps as a bribe?
Name: Fletch Beckett
SKILL: 9
STAMINA: 20/23
LUCK: 11/13
Favor of Libra: x

Backpack
Bag of Teeth (3 Goblin, 1 Giant)
Beeswax
Torch
Tinderbox
Gold-Backed Mirror
Incomprehensible Parchment Scroll
Green-Haired Wig
Bracelet of Bone
Serpent Ring
Galehorn
Chakram
Vial of Yellow Powder x2
Crystal Orb x2
Pearl Ring
Brass Pendulum x2
Mail Shirt (+1 SKILL, DR 1 on a 5+)
Snake-Bite Antidote
Hewing Axe (-2 CS)
Vial (for Sleepless Ram)
Sand x2
Stone Dust x2
7 Pebbles
Jewel-Studded Medallion
Calling-whistle
Potion (cures disease)
Potion of Fire Water
Sun Jewel
Nose Plugs
Orange Powder
Throben Door Key
23 Gold Pieces
Vial of Glue
2 Provisions
Ring of Green Metal
Amulet of Luck
Holy Water
Sword (+1 Attack Strength)
Silver Whistle
Blood Candle
Candle
Nest w/Golden Egg
Jewel of Gold
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Post by Starmaker »

We have the non-recognition perk, so let's try pushing it further. Private message.
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Darth Rabbitt
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Post by Darth Rabbitt »

The Archmage has 1 new private message.
Pseudo Stupidity wrote:This Applebees fucking sucks, much like all Applebees. I wanted to go to Femboy Hooters (communism).
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angelfromanotherpin
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Post by angelfromanotherpin »

The captain listens with interest to your story. He is undecided whether or not you are telling the truth. How good are your powers of persuasion? Roll two dice and compare the total with your SKILL score.
It's weird that this is a SKILL thing and not a LUCK thing, right? Are you really supposed to get super bad at lying just because you don't have a weapon? In any case, 9 is 'equal to or less than our SKILL.'
The captain believes your story. He will escort you himself to the Archmage so that you may relate your message in person. The guards release your arms and you walk with the captain out of the room and across the light chamber towards a large door on the far side.

Image
As he is about to open the door, a guard hails him. The two of them meet in the centre of the room and exchange frantic whispers. There is evidently an emergency of some kind. The captain returns to you. 'It is the mutants,' he says. 'They are a rowdy lot and things have gotten a little out of hand. I must go straight away. But here is a key which will open the Throben Doors at the foot of the Archmage's tower. Give it to him before you leave.' The captain bustles off. The key he has given you has the number 17 cast into it. When you reach the Throben Doors and wish to use the key, deduct this number from the reference you are on at the time and turn to this new reference. You may now enter the room ahead of you.
The door opens and you step into a large open chamber with dark alcoves around the walls. Torches, set into the wall, light the room with a flickering glow. The floor is marbled, as are the walls. Across the room you can see two large double doors.

Image

Although there is no one about, there is something in the centre of the room. Standing on a pedestal, a few feet above the floor, is a large marble sculpture. It faces towards you, but in the dim light you can only just make out its shape. It is about the size of a large shaggy dog, or perhaps a sheep. But apart from this sculpture, the room is empty.

• Walk across the room towards the double doors, treading carefully?
Cast a spell?
• SUN
• FAL
• SAP
• MUD
• ROK
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Post by Starmaker »

Walk, we have the means to deal with it.
angelfromanotherpin wrote:It's weird that this is a SKILL thing and not a LUCK thing, right? Are you really supposed to get super bad at lying just because you don't have a weapon?
The more hardcore Fletch seems to be, the more likely he is to be an important messenger with an important and confidential reason to bother the Archmage personally and not just a grunt asking for a pay rise. And since everyone is armed, the captain might want to find out why the messenger is walking around without a weapon or carrying one that is clearly inferior to a standard-issue sword.
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Darth Rabbitt
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Post by Darth Rabbitt »

Sometimes SKILL seems to be DEX, and sometimes it seems to be INT. Occasionally Str checks are based off of it, but sometimes they're based off of STAMINA instead; sometimes they're based off of SKILL+STAMINA against some pile of dice.) STAMINA also occasionally represents willpower (although in Beneath Nightmare Castle, WILLPOWER is its own stat). Pretty much everything else is based off of LUCK. In most other books Bluff checks are LUCK tests. I know that lying to the Ranger or to the Master of Frogs in Scorpion Swamp requires one, for instance, and I want to say there are a few others.
Dintainta wrote:At the Fortress of Mampang, beware the Sleepless Ram, for even your skill will be no match for its powers. You will overcome it by uncorking this vial in its presence.
Walk.
Pseudo Stupidity wrote:This Applebees fucking sucks, much like all Applebees. I wanted to go to Femboy Hooters (communism).
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