[lets play] Fighting Fantasy (Scholastic 16): Assassins of Allansia.

[Dogopolis]

You reach for the idol and hear a click. An unseen trapdoor suddenly gives way under your feet and you fall through it, landing on the cellar floor and banging your head. Lose 2 STA MINA points. Lying on the damp floor in pain, you are plunged into darkness when the trapdoor is pulled back up and bolted. It seems like an age before the trapdoor opens again, whereupon you see two DWARFS wearing horned helmets staring down at you with curious expressions on their faces.

They are identical twins with long ginger hair tied in plaits, beards, moustaches, eyes set close together, missing front teeth and big, hairy noses which they are both picking furiously. One of them stops picking his nose for a moment and says in a long, drawn-out voice, “Well,
brother Billy, who have we caught trespassing?” “No idea, brother Bobby.” “Is it somebody we know?” “Nobody I know. Is it somebody you know?” “No.”
“Well, somebody must know!” “You could always ask.” “I will,” says Billy. “Hey, you down there, who do you think you are coming into our house without being asked? Did you not read the sign outside? Let me tell you that we are the Bogg brothers. I’m Billy Bogg and this here is my brother Bobby Bogg. We don’t like visitors, and we really hate trespassers. What have you got to say for yourself?”

Do you want to reply that you were looking to buy some food or do you want to tell them that you are on the run from assassins?

Picture if you really want to see it.

[Thaluikhain]

Ew. Don't buy food from them, say we're on the run.

[Beroli]

Tell them we're hiding from assassins.

[Queen of Swords]

Tell the comic relief that we're hiding from assassins.

[SGamerz]

Any food that's ever handled by these 2 can't possibly be edible. Tell about the assassins.

[Dogopolis]

Bobby’s eyes light up at the mention of the word “assassin”. He looks at his brother and says, “Brother Billy, didn’t an assassin come knocking on our door yesterday asking if we’d seen the murderer on his ‘Wanted’ poster?” “He most definitely did, brother Bobby. Now where did I put that poster?”

“It’s in your back pocket, pea brain!” “So it is. Let’s have a look at it,” Billy says excitedly. Holding it at arm’s length, Billy squints, trying to focus on the poster. He then brings it up close to his nose and starts cursing to himself. His brother snatches the poster from him and looks at it closely with his eyes scrunched up into tiny slits. “Bah, it’s all too blurry. I can’t focus my old eyes,” Bobby blurts out in frustration. He turns the poster towards you and, tapping the face on it with a fat finger, says, “You down there, is this you?” Do you want to reply that the person on the poster is you or do you want to say it isn’t you?

[Beroli]

Let's not walk these idiots through realizing that we're the "murderer." Say no.

[Thaluikhain]

Say no.

[JourneymanN00b]

I think Finella needs to be honest in order to get out of this situation since she already said that she was on the run from them. I vote to say that the person on the poster is her.

[Dogopolis]

Billy looks annoyed and says, “That’s not the answer I wanted. Methinks you are of no use to us. So, it’s time to say goodbye with a game of Beat-the-Buss. These are the rules, so listen carefully. Brother Bobby and I are going to climb on to the roof. I should tell you he’s got a blunderbuss. That’s where the buss in Beat-the-Buss comes from, as in blunderbuss, if you’re understanding me? I’m going to throw you a rope and count to twenty before brother Bobby starts shooting. All you have to do is climb out and hightail it for the wooden gate without being shot full of lead. Are you understanding me? Don’t try any funny business or brother Bobby will shoot you right here and now.” The brothers disappear and seconds later a thick length of rope drops down into the cellar. You catch hold of it and give it a tug. Satisfied it will bear your weight, you haul yourself out of the cellar. There is a ladder leading up to a skylight in the roof, through which you hear a voice counting, “Twelve... thirteen... fourteen...” and realize you must run for your life.

You bolt for the door and run out of the farmhouse and down the path as fast as you can. If you are wearing Elven
Boots....

-----------------------------

The boots help you run so fast that you are halfway down the path before the brothers see you. You keep on running at full speed and are almost at the gate before Bobby fires his blunderbuss at you. It’s a long shot for such an unreliable weapon. Roll one die. If the number rolled is between 1 and 5...

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You hear a loud bang behind you and see a clump of cabbages to your left get shredded by lead shot. Seconds later you reach the farmhouse gate and turn around to see the twins sitting on the roof with Bobby holding his blunderbuss in the air, a wisp of white smoke drifting out of the barrel. They give you the thumbs up and call out to congratulate you. Add 1 LUCK point. They start waving and laughing so hard that they almost fall off the roof. You decide it best to leave them to it and bandage your leg before heading for Kaad.

-------------------------------------------------

As you approach the outskirts of Kaad, the path widens into a dirt road leading to the main entrance gates of town. You see a horse-drawn open carriage coming out through the gates driven by a man wearing a bowler hat and a tailored waistcoat over his crisp white shirt. Sitting bolt upright next to him, looking snootily down her nose with an air of grand superiority, is a rosy-cheeked woman wearing a floral hat and long baggy black dress. Do you want to put your hand up to stop the carriage to talk to the woman or do you want to keep your head down and enter Kaad?

[JourneymanN00b]

I vote to lay low and enter Kaad.

[Beroli]

Ignoring a potential assassin hasn't worked yet. Stop the carriage.

[Queen of Swords]

I'll go with stopping the carriage as well.

[SGamerz]

Talk to the woman.

[Thaluikhain]

Talk to random.

[Dogopolis]

The woman signals for her driver to stop, and he pulls on his reins to bring his horse to a halt. He sits there rigidly, staring straight ahead with his long whip and-reins in his hands. The woman looks down at you from her bench seat and says in a haughty voice, “I recognize you from the posters in town. I was at a banquet last night as a guest of Lord Azzur, who was in Kaad for the day. He’s a loathsome tyrant and I don’t believe a word he says, but he claimed that you murdered his master. You don’t look like a murderer to me. If you were hoping to find Azzur in Kaad, I’m afraid you are going to be disappointed. He left this morning for Fang. He’s gone to see his old friend Baron Sukumvit, who is holding his annual Trial of Champions. Did you know that nobody has ever come out of Deathtrap Dungeon alive? Quite astonishing really. But there is always some fool who is willing to give it a go! Anyway, I must be on my way. I can offer you a ride as far as Otto’s Outpost on the Pagan Plains if that is of interest?” Do you want to accept the woman’s offer or do you want to enter the gates of Kaad?

[Thaluikhain]

Accept offer.

(And, ok, tone down the random mentions of other books)

[SGamerz]

Again, I don't think Livingstone will reward players for not visiting all the nostalgia set pieces from his old books. I'm sure there's something important in Kaad even if Azzur isn't there.

Enter the gates.

[Queen of Swords]

I'm in favor of visiting Kaad.

[JourneymanN00b]

I vote to enter the gates of Kaad.

[Dogopolis]

You walk through the main gates and mingle with the townsfolk, who are busily going about their various tasks. Nobody pays you much attention as you walk down Crown Street, which is lined on both sides with small shops and old wood and plaster houses with tiled roofs. The street leads into the market square, where the traders are packing up their stalls for the day. You see a portly man in long brown robes walking towards you carrying a large sack over his shoulder. If you want to talk to him...

To save time I'm going to assume you will talk to him.

The old man, who you notice has a bald pate and a ring on every finger, stops in his tracks and begins speaking cheerfully in rhyming couplets.

“No doubt the reason you’ve stopped me here
Is because it can’t be me you fear
Perhaps you think my sack contains Treasure, gold or illicit gains?
Banish all thoughts of theft and plunder
That would be an enormous blunder
I might look old and frail and tragic
But I’m a Monk with the power of deadly magic.”

The old man folds his arms across his chest and starts tapping his right foot impatiently, waiting for you to speak.

Do you want to ask him if there is anything in his sack that he would like to sell or do you want to attack him
with your sword?

[JourneymanN00b]

I vote to ask if there is anything he wishes to sell from his sack.

[Thaluikhain]

I want to attack him for that stupid rhyme, but I guess we should trade instead.

[Beroli]

Ask if there's anything he wants to sell.

[SGamerz]

So this guy must be some distant relative of Dungheap Dan the Mushroom Man, right?

Ask about his merchandise.