[lets play] Fighting Fantasy (Scholastic 16): Assassins of Allansia.

[Thaluikhain]

May as well.

[Queen of Swords]

Sure, let's try that.

[JourneymanN00b]

I vote to ride with the horseman.

[Dogopolis]

You pay the horseman 2 Gold Pieces and are soon galloping across the open plain. You soon discover that he is not keen to talk, and the only question he answers is when you ask him where he is going. “Firetop Mountain,” he replies curtly, but doesn’t elaborate when you ask him why. As the light fades you hear the howls and growls of the creatures of the night, which are eager to begin their hunt for food. By the time you arrive at the log cabin, shadows are already creeping over the plain. “This is where you get off,” the horseman says abruptly, pointing towards the cabin. You jump down from his horse and watch him gallop off without another word said. The log cabin looks to be well built and secured with wooden shutters on all the windows. There is a wooden sign above the door which reads OTTO’S OUTPOST. It’s been a grisly day and you are looking forward to a good night’s sleep

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You open the creaking door and enter a large candlelit room which has a large collection of monster-head trophies mounted on the walls. A red-haired man with rosy cheeks and curly sideburns is sitting behind the wooden counter reading a book with thick, wire-rimmed round spectacles perched halfway down his nose. There is a blunderbuss on the shelf on the wall behind the man. “Good evening. Welcome to Otto’s Outpost. I hope you had a pleasant journey here?” the man says jovially, peering over the top of his spectacles. “I presume you are wanting a room for the night? That will cost you the princely sum of 1 Gold Piece, including breakfast. Does that meet with your approval?” Do you want to pay 1 Gold Piece to stay at Otto’s Outpost or would you rather go back outside and spend the night under the stars on the open plain?

Now finished munching 4 provisions and back up to 15 STAMINA.

[Queen of Swords]

Sure, pay. Though we are hemorrhaging gold pieces.

[Thaluikhain]

Pay, I guess, though I'm a bit wary of this guy. And of course the random rider was going to Firetop.

[JourneymanN00b]

I also vote to pay 1 Gold piece.

[Dogopolis]

Otto tells you not to worry if you hear any sounds in the night. The creatures outside will not be able to get inside the cabin. After paying Otto, you retire to your room, locking the door behind you. You place a chair against the door handle to make extra sure nobody can enter before finally flopping on top of the bed and falling into a deep sleep. You wake early the next morning and look out of the window to view the scrubland of the Pagan Plain, which stretches out as far as you can see. You go downstairs, where Otto is laying a table for breakfast. He turns to you and says, “Would bread, butter, cheese, jam and a jug of water be to your satisfaction?” You nod in approval and are soon enjoying a hearty breakfast in preparation for the new day. Add 2 STA MINA points. When you are about to leave, Otto asks you where you are headed to. You reply that you are on your way to Fang. “Not another one!” he says jovially. “It’s that time of the year, I guess. The best way to go is to follow the trail just north of here, which will take you to the ferryman, who will row you across the River Kok for 1 Gold Piece. I wouldn’t risk swimming across if I were you.” You thank Otto for his hospitality and set off at a brisk pace. You soon pick up the trail and press on, eager to reach Fang by noon.

------------------------------------------------

Your walk along the trail is uneventful and you reach the banks of the River Kok by late morning. The river is wide and fast-running. Looking north, you see the town of Fang set against the stunning backdrop of the snow-capped Icefinger Mountains in the distance. Just to your right, there is a small wooden hut close to a wooden jetty which has a rowing boat tied to it. There is somebody lying in the boat who appears to be asleep. Do you want to ring the brass bell on the pier to wake the sleeping man or do you want to look inside the hut?

[SGamerz]

Look inside the hut.

[JourneymanN00b]

I vote to look inside the hut.

[Queen of Swords]

Yes, look inside the hut.

[Dogopolis]

There is a sign above the door of the hut which says FANG FERRY. You open the door to find a man slumped in awooden chair lying face down on a table in a poo! of blood with a dagger sticking out of his back. There is a message on the table written in blood with his finger which says, Get Zeedle. But it is too late to save the ferryman. You look outside to see the man in the rowing boat is still asleep and decide to ring the brass bell to wake him up.

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You tap the brass bell with the edge of your sword. It rings out sharply and the man sits up with a start. He has long hair sticking out from under his woollen hat, and a lined and weathered face. His black woolen jumper matches his hat, and he smiles warmly as he steps on to the jetty, saying, “Good
morning. My name is Zeedle. I am the Ferryman of Fang. For 1 Gold Piece I will gladly row you across the river. Please step aboard. I would advise against swimming across since this part of the river is teeming with flesh-eating Snapperfish.” Will you:

Pay Zeedle 1 Gold Piece?
Punch him in the face?
Swim across the river?

I'm not going to insult you by asking.
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Your powerful punch knocks Zeedle over and he lands on his back on the jetty. You pounce on him before he can sit up, pinning him down with your knees. You pull down the neck of his jumper and see the all-too-familiar scorpion pendant, which you snatch from its silver chain. Zeedle looks at you defiantly and spits out a tooth from his bloodied mouth. “You can’t win,” he says, grinning, trying to distract you as he reaches for a dagger hidden in his boot. Sensing his move, you punch him again and push him into the river. He lands with a splash and begins swimming frantically towards the bank. Attracted by the blood from his mouth, a school of SNAPPERFISH race in to attack him. A look of terror grips his face. He screams and spins round and round as the carnivorous fish begin their feeding frenzy, churning up the blood-red water. It’s all over in seconds. You step aboard the boat and row yourself across the river to the opposite bank, wondering what fate awaits you in Fang.

--------------------------------

After tying the rowing boat to a wooden jetty, you walk along a cart track towards Fang in good spirits, heartened by the knowledge that Lord Azzur can’t be far away. As you approach the main gates, a giant bare-chested man with bulging muscles steps out from behind the jail to stand in your way. His body is covered in jagged scars, and he makes no attempt to hide the silver scorpion pendant hanging on a silver necklace around his neck. He is wearing an iron helmet which completely covers his face and he is armed with a large battle-axe and shield. “I’ve been waiting for you,” he growls slowly in a deep voice.

“I knew you would come. You have defeated many assassins. But you cannot defeat me. I am the ultimate assassin. I am the berserker, Urzle Ironface. There is a bounty is on your head and I must do what must be done. It cannot be undone. This is my pledge to Lord Azzur.” The huge man smashes his axe against his shield and strides forward to attack you.

URZLE IRONFACE SKILL 12 STAMINA 12

If you are still alive after 5 Attack Rounds...

Lazy author hasn't accounted for luck, so you could technically kill him in 3 rounds.

Code: Select all

F 19 U 19 draw
F 19 U 22 F at 13
F 15 U 19 F at 11
F 16 U 24 F at 9
F 21 U 16 U at 10

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The relentless blows from the Berserker’s battleaxe are impossible to withstand. He swings his axe with superhuman strength, and it is all you can do to parry the giant blade. You are forced backwards and stumble over a tree root. He grunts with satisfaction and strikes again, and you suffer a deep wound to your thigh. Lose 2 STAMINA points. If you are still alive...

Weakened by your wounds, you sink to your knees under the weight of the Berserker’s ferocious blows. You wonder how much more of the relentless onslaught you can take when you suddenly notice a long-haired Barbarian wearing an eyepatch running towards you from the town gates armed with two throwing axes. When he is no more than ten metres away, he hurls one of his axes at the Berserker and you hear it sink into his back with a dull
thud. He immediately throws the second axe, which also strikes home. The Berserker teeters for a moment beforetoppling forward to land on top of you. You are pinned down by the dead weight of the body, unable to move. You watch the Barbarian walk up to retrieve his axes and are relieved to see that he is not wearing a silver necklace. His stern look turns into a half smile, and he drags the dead body off you and helps you to your feet.

After thanking the Barbarian for saving your life, you snatch the silver scorpion from the Berserker’s neck and place it in your pocket. The Barbarian introduces himself as Throm and tells you that Urzle Ironface was a slave pit fighter who gained his freedom after killing a hundred opponents, one of whom was Throm’s brother. Throm asks why the Berserker tried to kill you and you tell him about the multiple assassination attempts on your life and that you have come to Fang to find Lord Azzur and settle the issue. Throm slaps you on the back and says, “That’s bold! I’m here for the Trial of Champions. It begins tomorrow. If you enter the contest, you’ll be introduced to the Baron and Lord Azzur. It’s probably your best chance of getting close to him. There’s still time to enter if you want to?” You agree to Throm’s plan and gather up your belongings. Certain that Lord Azzur will have put his “Wanted” posters up around town, you decide to wear Urzle Ironface’s face-covering iron helmet so that nobody will recognize you when you enter Fang.

---------------------------------------------

You walk through the main gates, where colourful flags and bunting are hanging from all the buildings. There is a wild carnival atmosphere in town with everybody enjoying the Trial of Champions festivities. The streets are packed with people singing and dancing to the sounds of flutes, pipes and drums. When they see you arrive with Throm, the cheering crowd parts to make a pathfor you to walk to the Town Hall to register your entry. The officials warn you that your chances of surviving “The Walk”, as it is known, are virtually nil, and you tell them that you understand. A violet scarf is tied to your arm and you are taken to a luxurious guest house, where you spend the rest of the day resting and recuperating. The next morning a servant takes you to the entrance of Deathtrap Dungeon, where five warriors are standing proudly in line, waving to the jubilant crowd.

Throm is one of them. You nod at him and he acknowledges you with just the slightest movement of his head. Standing on a gold podium surrounded by Guards is a long, whitebearded man wearing lavish red robes and an enormous headdress. It is Baron Sukumvit himself, the Overlord of Fang and owner of the Deathtrap Dungeon. Standing just behind him is a formidable-looking figure whose face and body is totally concealed by clothing apart from his cold, ice-blue eyes. He is wearing a hooded cloak made of dark blue silk with gold fastenings and a thick gold chain around his neck with a golden scorpion hanging from it. His face is hidden by long strips of blue silk wrapped tightly around his head, held in place by an emerald brooch on his forehead and a large golden scorpion brooch on his head. “Lord Azzur,” you whisper to yourself. Do you want to wait to be introduced to Baron Sukumvit or do you want to leap on to the podium to attack Lord Azzur?

Brilliant plan, join the deadliest labyrinth in Allansia to get close to Azzur: like getting off a graffiti charge by revealing you were banging the mob boss's wife at the time

[Thaluikhain]

Introduce ourselves to the baron.

And, of course it's Throm. Sigh. Though at least we know that Deathtrap Dungeon takes place after City of Thieves now.

[Queen of Swords]

Yes, wait to be introduced.

[SGamerz]

No way the author's letting us kill off Azzur. Wait.

[Dogopolis]

One by one, the contestants are introduced to Baron Sukumvit and Lord Azzur. When your turn comes, the Baron asks you to remove your helmet before stepping on to the podium out of respect for his guest. Do you want to take off your helmet or do you want to refuse to take it off for fear of being recognized?

[JourneymanN00b]

I vote to take off the helmet and go after Lord Azzur.

[Queen of Swords]

Take off the helmet.

[Thaluikhain]

Take it off.

[Dogopolis]

As soon as he sees your face, Lord Azzur points at you and shouts, “It’s the murderer!” Baron Sukumvit orders his Guards to arrest you. “No, not yet!” Azzur says sharply. “ I admire the nerve of this fool. I want to know how many of my assassins have been killed.” You remain silent and take the scorpion pendants out of your pocket and rattle them in your hand. “So, you think this is a game, do you?” Azzur continues in his sneering voice. “Right, let’s play your game. Tell me, do you have an odd number or an even number of pendants in your hand?” If you want to reply “Odd”....

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Azzur rubs his hands together, enjoying the moment. The Guards become restless and inch forward, desperate to be told to drag you away in chains. The Baron raises his hand and the Guards immediately stand upright, rigid as statues. Azzur walks slowly to the front of the podium and looks you in the eye. “Now tell me, cockroach, how many pendants do you have exactly?” he asks with a snarl. Will you reply:

Seven
Nine
Eleven
Thirteen
Fifteen

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Silence descends over the crowd. Azzur plays to the audience, rubbing his chin as though appearing to be deep in thought. “That’s a good number,” he says coldly. “But it’s not good enough!”

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Azzur looks at you with contempt and says in a sinister voice, “Miserable worm. You failed to kill them all. Look behind you!” Before you have time to turn, your head is cleaved from your neck by a flashing blade. A huge cheer erupts from the excited crowd, many of whom have travelled far to see blood spilled today. Lord Azzur puts his arm around his assassin and says, “Congratulations. Not only have you earned my reward of 1,000 Gold Pieces, but you have also earned the right to represent me in Deathtrap Dungeon today. You will earn another 1,000 Gold Pieces of the prize money - if you survive!” The assassin bows to Lord Azzur and Baron Sukumvit raises his arm for the trumpets to signal the start of this year’s Trial of Champions. The crowd goes wild, and one by one the contestants salute the Baron and run through the ornate stone-pillared dungeon entrance and disappear into the darkness. Your adventure is over.

[Dogopolis]

Alernative narrative coming in this post, but no time at the moment.

[Beroli]

So we were killed by a ninja who will die at the hands of Hai Tien. Pity he apparently hid the gold before going inside.

[Thaluikhain]

Doesn't actually say ninja, which is disappointing, you'd think they'd go the extra step. Oh, hang on, if that's supposed to be one assassin we missed, they can't describe them, because it could have been anyone we've encountered, if we didn't encounter them. And if the "true" ending, we killed them, and the ninja was alive enough to enter.

Personally, I think we did pretty good getting to the end, and am pretty happy with the result, even if we got offed at the end. Not a fan of the stupid nostalgia stuff, maybe if it was handled better it would have been ok, but it was rather forced and made a mess of things. Especially Lord Azzur, he used to be cool.

As for Throm, FF companions are usually doomed to die, but he's an extra special case of that now.

[JourneymanN00b]

I should have known that our hero would have been failed a test such as this. The Trial of Champions had a similar ridiculous test that our hero certainly would have failed had he managed to make it that far.

Thank you for running this book.

[Queen of Swords]

Especially Lord Azzur, he used to be cool.

Agreed. This book really did a number on him, from "storms in kicking and screaming" to "throws assassin after assassin after assassin at an enemy". And the assassins themselves were meh, IMO. I'd have preferred fewer assassins who were well-written and smart, rather than this horde of villains who exist so you can collect scorpion pendants. I don't even remember any of them except the one who got eaten by piranhas. Oh, and the one who used a blowpipe.

But at least now I know I shouldn't buy this book. Thanks for that, and for running the game!