[Let's Play] Fighting Fantasy 9 - Caverns of the Snow Witch

[Omegonthesane]

Start with the most fascist one and work our way left.

[JourneymanN00b]

Votes registered, striking the man to our right since he is the most fascist of the three.

232

The Illusionist screams in pain as your sword cuts into his side. He drops to the floor as his other two images fade away. As you step over him, he starts to laugh and stands up, his wound completely healed. If you wish to thrust your sword at him again, turn to 261. If you wish to try to smash his prism, turn to 72.

Please make your votes before 9:00 AM PST to guarantee that they will be counted.

[Beroli]

Smash the prism.

[Darth Rabbitt]

Smash the prism.

[Thaluikhain]

Half vote for middle.

Somehow missed that we'd passed that vote, smash prism. And make inarticulate Arnie noises.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLr1f84fj8U

That film came out the same year as this book, so yeah.

[Queen of Swords]

I'll go with the prism too.

[JourneymanN00b]

Sorry for the delay, folks.

Votes registered, Dirk McMurderhobo will try to smash the Illusionist’s prism.

72

You pretend to give up the fight and then suddenly leap at the Illusionist. Catching him momentarily off guard, you manage to snatch the prism out of his hands and throw it on to the floor. It shatters into tiny pieces and the Illusionist turns and flees into the skull mouth, screaming at the top of his voice. Smoke rises from the shattered fragments of the prism, and forms itself into the shape of a bald fat man – a Genie! Hovering in mid-air, he bows and thanks you for releasing him. He tells you that if you call on him, he will make you invisible, just once, as a token of his gratitude. Without saying another word, the image shimmers and disappears. You now have to decide which way to head. Will you:

Enter the tunnel to your left? Turn to 266
Enter the tunnel with the skull mouth? Turn to 288
Enter the tunnel to your right? Turn to 49

Please make your votes before 8:00 PM PST to guarantee that they will be counted.

Adventure Sheet:

Dirk McMurderhobo
SKILL: 12 Initial Skill = 12
STAMINA: 13 Initial Stamina = 18
LUCK: 7 Initial Luck = 11
EQUIPMENT LIST:
Leather Armor
Backpack
War-hammer
Spear
Salted Fish
Candle
Dagger
Sword
Leather Bag
Sling
3 Iron Balls
Genie Offer to Be Invisible Once
GOLD: 2
JEWELS: None
POTIONS:
Potion of Strength (one measure)
PROVISIONS REMAINING: 7

[Darth Rabbitt]

So Illusionist probably leads to the Snow Witch's room, since he's talked about how nobody else is allowed to enter, and I figure we need to pick up more plot coupons before we can take her on. Reject Fascism, go Left.

[Queen of Swords]

Why not? Left.

[Thaluikhain]

Make a bad one liner and go left, as reinforcements are probably gathering in Castle Greyskull.

[JourneymanN00b]

Votes registered, entering the tunnel to our left to further make our rejection of fascism clear.

266
As soon as you step into the tunnel, an iron grille drops down behind you, barring your retreat. It is impossible to lift and there is nothing you can do but find out what lies at the end of the tunnel (turn to 323).

323
You soon arrive at an iron door which blocks your way forward. Beyond the iron door the tunnel turns to the right. If you possess a key, turn to 165. If you do not possess a key, turn to 393.

Dirk McMurderhobo does NOT possess a key.

393
You are trapped inside the mountain tunnels. You know that it will not be long before the Snow Witch’s guards discover you and condemn you to a life of slavery. You have failed in your mission.

Bonus death entry:
As Dirk McMurderhobo wastes away in the mountain tunnels, he curses himself for his greed and swears at his stupidity. “Why, oh why, did I not just return to Big Jim Sun after I killed the Yeti? I would have been 50 Gold Pieces richer and would still be free. Hell, I could have relaxed and lived the big life for a while at a much warmer place!” Tears fall down Dirk McMurderhobo’s face as he continues cursing at himself for his foolishness. As the Snow Witch’s guards approach their depressed prisoner with glee, he prays for a happier life in the next world.

Well, that is the end for poor Dirk McMurderhobo. His greed for not simply taking the reward for killing the Yeti cost him big time. The lesson here is to never aim too high and to take good offers when they come to you. If it makes anyone feel better, this is one of the more poorly written books. And the path that we needed to take involved some pretty illogical choices, chief among them being to attack the Snow Witch’s servants in the kitchen rather than just taking the stale cake.

I will start a new thread for the next book that I am aiming for very soon. Thank you all for playing, and I hope to see you in the next thread, as I believe that the book in question has a better reputation than this literary monstrosity.

Adventure Sheet:

Dirk McMurderhobo
SKILL: 12 Initial Skill = 12
STAMINA: 13 Initial Stamina = 18
LUCK: 7 Initial Luck = 11
EQUIPMENT LIST:
Leather Armor
Backpack
War-hammer
Spear
Salted Fish
Candle
Dagger
Sword
Leather Bag
Sling
3 Iron Balls
Genie Offer to Be Invisible Once
GOLD: 2
JEWELS: None
POTIONS:
Potion of Strength (one measure)
PROVISIONS REMAINING: 7

[Omegonthesane]

Frankly, I think this further demonstrates why the earlier convention was to cheat death and save-scum to get all the content out (you know, the way you'd actually play one of these when you're 9 years old and it's what you got instead of Super Mario Bros), because so much illogical bullshit.

[Thaluikhain]

I find it interesting that various gamebooks (eg, Talismans of Death, Grailquest, the Escape series) recognised the problem and came up with their own workarounds.