That's normal. Five years after his death, my father's soft drinks still rest in my fridge. They're stale and gross at this point, but I still can't bring myself to get rid of them. Because they were his. It's really hard to get rid of them. Even though I should.Maj wrote:Today, I broke down because of pens. PENS!
I'm learning that sometimes it's the things you didn't like the most that get you because they're all his. Ess liked to write with ball point pens that were really dull - 1.0 mm points. I'm the opposite; I like super precision points. My pens are at least 0.5 mm, if not the awesome G-2 0.38 mm ones.
So I'm trying desperately to get his desk out of the office because if I don't change the room, it's going to be an emotional sink that I can't escape from. That means I have to clean the desk out. Well... I got that part down. Gi and I emptied all the drawers, and any of Ess' writing just went into a bin for me to deal with later because I knew I'd fall apart if I tried to sort it. His office supplies we just put on top of his desk to be tested and donated to someone who likes blunt-tipped pens.
And while I was testing them, I just cried and cried. Because the pens weren't ever anyone else's. They were just all his, and his alone. And it really caught me off-guard because I wasn't expecting it over pens. Pens that I don't like, even.
*sigh*
The same thing happened with our laundry hamper. I'd always hated it. It was too round and in the way of the aisle on the sides of the bed. It was fugly cracked wicker. But when I went to replace it, I almost couldn't get rid of it. Now that it's gone, I'm OK and I'm glad. But it's been so dissonant to cry over stuff I have always wanted to get rid of.
Death
Moderator: Moderators
This is a tangent on death. Well, it's directly about death, but it's a tangent to anyone in my life dying.
We need to bring more of the idea of death to the table in all aspects of life. I have watched lots of terrible TV shows lately, and they're terrible because people don't know when to end it. The Den has actually talked about this before and my favorite comment was about how we make TV shows until they fail.
This applies to organizations, too. There are lots of organizations that should have a set goal, but yet continue to exist beyond the goal. And it applies to businesses, too. Businesses can become entrenched in a city/neighborhood to the point where people try to save it even though it's not really doing well.
Death aversion is not healthy. Things need to die, and we need to be able to plan for things to end. We never learn how to quit gracefully.
We need to bring more of the idea of death to the table in all aspects of life. I have watched lots of terrible TV shows lately, and they're terrible because people don't know when to end it. The Den has actually talked about this before and my favorite comment was about how we make TV shows until they fail.
This applies to organizations, too. There are lots of organizations that should have a set goal, but yet continue to exist beyond the goal. And it applies to businesses, too. Businesses can become entrenched in a city/neighborhood to the point where people try to save it even though it's not really doing well.
Death aversion is not healthy. Things need to die, and we need to be able to plan for things to end. We never learn how to quit gracefully.
My son makes me laugh. Maybe he'll make you laugh, too.
Sorry for your lost. I'm late here, was kind of busy - unfortunately had to organize two consequent funerals for family members of my own this summer. I hope your son is well after all of this.
As about death in general - I think we are fucked here. Western culture is based on Abrahamic myth, in which physical death is just a transition to eternal spiritual life, but then we removed the second spiritual part and are hoping to somehow continue to operate physical part as is. It's totally impossible and we inevitably are facing the window into total emptiness each time we are meeting death for real.
There are no good ways around it, we can only they to chose most suitable bad one.
As about death in general - I think we are fucked here. Western culture is based on Abrahamic myth, in which physical death is just a transition to eternal spiritual life, but then we removed the second spiritual part and are hoping to somehow continue to operate physical part as is. It's totally impossible and we inevitably are facing the window into total emptiness each time we are meeting death for real.
There are no good ways around it, we can only they to chose most suitable bad one.
Last edited by elotar on Mon Jul 22, 2019 10:46 am, edited 1 time in total.