Zak Smith is Accused of Abuse

[virgil]

I suspect nobody is particularly surprised, his ex posted a long letter stating that he's a long time abuser and an overall scumbag.

https://www.facebook.com/amandapatricia ... 5527064252

[RobbyPants]

This is I think the fourth post on this forum since this broke, but I'm not really complaining. It probably deserves its own thread.

[deaddmwalking]

I certainly believe the women.

I think there is danger in this type of thread where it appears that people are celebrating their confirmation that a terrible person was exactly as terrible as they appeared to be, but I think (and I certainly hope) that it is clear that this is not that. Real people were really hurt because he is a terrible person and it isn't limited to his online persona. That's hardly surprising. The fact that the victims have asked that this be spread as far and wide as possible certainly justifies the share.

Let me just repost PseudoStupidity's prior Shitmuffin quote

Zak S wrote:
I'm not a dick, I'm really nice.


Zak S wrote:
(...) once you have decided that you will spend any part of your life trolling on the internet, you forfeit all rights as a human.If you should get hit by a car--no-one should help you. If you vote on anything--your vote should be thrown away.

If you wanted to participate in a conversation, you've lost that right. You are a non-human now. You are over and cancelled. No concern of yours can ever matter to any member of the human race ever again.

Please note that the specific content of this message was previously addressed by the fbmf in the context that it was offered. I hope that Shitmuffin decides to become the person he always thought he was, instead of continuing to be the ass we all recognized him for.

[Dean]

Of course the women are to be believed, that's not a discussion that needs to be had. It's really awful but it does tie exactly to the Zak S we all knew and interacted with. He was the most obvious clinical narcissist I've ever seen and that includes actual in-facility clinical narcissists. His behaviors described here are absolutely textbook, down to minutia. Getting lovers to groom other women, long term manipulation for sex, lack of respect for consent boundaries, even involvement in stuff like gamergate. Male narcissists have lots of problems with women who they often view as having a power over them that they resent so there's actually a predilection towards that kind of MRA stuff. Zak S is a clinical narcissist and given who and what he is it's both tragic and unavoidable that that was always going to include sexual abuse of women around him. It makes you wish for the good old days when he was just alternatingly calling us swine that should be killed, telling us he was nice and smart and the only good and honest person we'd get to talk to, and using psuedo-intellectual jargon he didn't quite grasp.

[Username17]

The thing that I notice is how gradually patterns of abuse appear. It's one of the reasons that I hate it when people blame victims for not getting out when the abuse "starts."

Take shitmuffin's repeated threats to murder his girlfriend if she got pregnant. That's obviously psychological abuse in the form of a pattern of threats of violence. But it started as a "joke." There are times when it's OK to joke about murdering your friends and relationship partners. It's "off-color" certainly, and not something you'd want to do where cops might hear you out of context, but it's a joke you could make that could be funny. How many times can you make that "joke" before people think you might not be kidding? Once the seriousness of the threat is in doubt, it recontextualizes all previous uses as threats as well. A pattern of domineering threats could be masked as a dark sense of humor for years - but the exact point people realize you've been openly threatening your girlfriend with violence to control her behavior will vary substantially from person to person.

Similarly the thing about loudly and intrusively "rating" other women. There are people whose relationships include threesomes, and having open discussions about the attractiveness or not of people outside the relationship would be reasonable. But there comes a time when it becomes clear that you aren't doing that because you're supporting the relationship threesome thing, but because you're tearing down your partner. When does it stop being "window shopping" and start being "negging" like a third rate pickup artist? I'm not sure. The line is very fuzzy, and honestly I suspect it could really go back and forth between the two for a long time before people realized you were being deliberately hurtful.

The reason people don't get out of abusive relationships when the abuse "starts" is because drawing a firm line on where and when the abuse "starts" is very difficult to do - even in retrospect.

-Username17

[MGuy]

Even if you tell a potential or actual victim of abuse that they are being abused there is no guarantee that they will listen. Anecdotally I've found it actually really hard to convince someone or warn someone who is headed into or in a potentially abusive relationship that they are 1: being abused or 2: they should start looking for ways out of their relationship.

I've got too many stories of trying to talk people out of these situations both to the abused and a few times to the abuser. Even my last ex has fallen into a relationship with a friend of hers she introduced me to while we were together and I pretty much explicitly told her, while we were together, that she was probably friends with an abuser and that it's probably best she not be friends with him. Cut to not so long ago she's been in a relationship with him for 8 months or so now (we were still friends after I broke up with her but he cut her off from talking to any former friends not long after they got together) and when I straight up ask if he's harmed her in any way she's distressingly quick to both assure me he wouldn't do so "intentionally" and to change the subject.

As many times as I have been personally outside of these situations looking in and wanting to help I still have a lot of trouble knowing what to do and getting people in or around these situations to offer some help.

[RobbyPants]

The reason people don't get out of abusive relationships when the abuse "starts" is because drawing a firm line on where and when the abuse "starts" is very difficult to do - even in retrospect.

I imagine it's effective in the same way that the foot-in-the-door technique is so effective. If the small escalations are normalized, it might be hard to see how much things changed since the start because it was so gradual.

[Pseudo Stupidity]

Is shitmuffin actually getting accused of a crime, or is one of his victims just coming forward with their story? I'm asking since the thread title makes me think he's being formally accused of something, instead of somebody telling their story of how they suffered at the hands of an abuser. I wouldn't call Mandy's post an accusation, but rather a fucking heartbreaking story of suffering caused by an absolutely wretched shell of a person.

I've gotta say, it's depressingly unsurprising that a guy who referred to people like Mandy as "his girls" is an abusive piece of shit. I usually think I'm being uncharitable when I assume people who use such creepy language are abusive, but maybe I should just take that as a sign to check up on the person they're referring to as an object.

Echoing MGuy's question, what is the best way to help somebody you suspect is in an abusive relationship?

[deaddmwalking]

Is shitmuffin actually getting accused of a crime, or is one of his victims just coming forward with their story?

Yes and yes. Sexual assault is a crime. Her description of prior events includes sexual assault. Just because a crime occurred does not mean that any prosecution is intended.

For example, I have driven a car at 5-9 miles faster than the posted speed limit without having received a ticket. If someone says 'I saw deaddmwalking speeding' I am being accused of a crime and someone is coming forward with their story. In that case, the crime is relatively insignificant, but whether I committed the crime is not much in doubt - whether I should be prosecuted and what evidentiary burden should be required for progressively harsher sentences remains a question.

As the victim, there were times that Mandy recognizes that she didn't believe they were crimes as they were happening, and I expect that even now she expects that they are not the kind of thing that could be/should be prosecuted. Certainly spending time testifying and being forced to defend herself just to see him walk free doesn't seem like a reasonable burden.

When a woman accuses a man of sexual harassment she is accusing him of a crime.

here will be potentially triggering descriptions of abuse, violence and sexual assault to follow.

If someone is in an abusive relationship, the best way to help someone is to make sure they have a way out and they know what it is. Abusers will deliberately isolate their victim and inhibit their ability to depart (for example, by controlling their finances). If there are resources for victims of domestic violence, you should know what they are. Understand that most victims return to their abuser multiple times - like anything else, you may know what's best for another person, but you can't make them do what you wish they would. Be patient, be supportive. Even if there is an actual crime committed (like assault), often taking action on behalf of the victim makes things worse.

[OgreBattle]

Help them towards financial independence, leaving a place for somewhere else, etc.


So did Zak S say that death thing on TGD?

[deaddmwalking]

So did Zak S say that death thing on TGD?

Yes.

http://www.tgdmb.com/viewtopic.php?t=55 ... c&start=25

Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2014 4:23 am Post subject: Re: Your Rule Sucks: The Zak S Social Currency Edition

He edited a lot of his posts after people responded to them because he is a douche, but he still hasn't changed that one.

[deaddmwalking]

So finding that encouraged me to read back through the three major threads Shitmuffin participated in. For your own sanity, do not do that.

But these quotes are pulled from them:

Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2014 1:23 pm

...someone attacks my girls, I go "That's not ok". A pig******goes "Perhaps you misunderstood..."

I'm certainly not going to go out of my way to find any context or give a fuck, but personally to me, the fact that he refers to people as "my girls" is creepy/terrifying/shitty.

Like, I am literally not capable of differentiating that statement from someone who feels like they own other human beings.

If he has only female children and more than one, then of course, my concerns will be relieved, because whatever, but if he is referring to the people I think he is... ick.

Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2014 11:26 pm
The thing I find weird and creepy about shitmuffin's insistence on defending 'his girls' is that the person who keeps bringing those women into arguments is... Shitmuffin. Go ahead and go back throughout this thread and try to count the number of times shitmuffin attempts to get people to shift the conversation to those women or even to contact those women directly and involve them in the argument. It's a lot.

In short, shitmuffin has been pleading and cajoling people to pretty please attack those women throughout this entire conversation. And apparently were anyone to take that bait, he'd go into white knight mode and think himself virtuous for defending 'his girls' from whatever slings and arrows he had baited people into aiming at them.

It's just really creepy. I understand that there are reasons to use a possessive and a diminutive to describe a free adult. But when combined with a blatant internet tough guy strategy of attempting to create insults to that person he can 'defend' them from, it sure looks abusive from here.

-Username17

[Whipstitch]

The reason people don't get out of abusive relationships when the abuse "starts" is because drawing a firm line on where and when the abuse "starts" is very difficult to do - even in retrospect.

-Username17

It doesn't help that people often have blinders for flaws that are similar to our own. I grew up in the good ol' edgy '90s, have a dark sense of humor and find insults really funny and as a young person with a self-awareness deficit I cared a lot about being viewed as smart and not a whit about being nice or respectful. In retrospect that attitude led to a lot of general dickishness and caused me to tolerate and enable some people who were for reals mean instead of just message board mean but at the time I never really thought about it in those terms--we're all the heroes of our own story, etc. In a weird way I feel like I owe those third rate pickup artists Frank mentioned a debt. When I read about douche bags in fuzzy hats giving seminars on false bravado and strategically placed insults it all sounded so profoundly lame that ever since I've felt like I'd curl up and die if some woman thought I was negging them.

[tussock]

Echoing MGuy's question, what is the best way to help somebody you suspect is in an abusive relationship?

Be an uncritical friend with a lot of time for them, or help make time for someone else who wants to do that where you can't.

Abusers generally work pretty hard at keeping their victims isolated, setting other people against them, and getting them set to distrust and reject everyone who might say anything about the relationship or the abuser's behaviour. Like it's a 2nd job for the abuser keeping the whole thing going.

If the victim should open up to you off their own bat, which they eventually will to friends, do what you can to not normalise or trivialise any of it, and if they talk about getting out, well.

Note that abusers are dangerous, and people do get killed trying to leave. Your friend might need money to leave the state or whatever at some point, because access to money is often tightly controlled, and you might just consider having that ready and then maybe never seeing them again so they can not be found.

Very happy for Mandy that she figured it out, got away, and is recovering.

---

And, like, shitmuffin's blog was pretty cool, really, in an oldschool way and then he turned up here when I linked it and everything was a disaster ever after as he desperately found a way to describe himself as the only person defending his woman who everyone else was always attacking, out of nowhere, except it's obvious in retrospect because that is the game for them.

Is the oldschool movement just all gamergaters? It can't be all of them. Surely.

And what exactly does this say about Mike Mearls? A poor choice of character, or is his somewhat consistent choice of character more revealing than that?

[shinimasu]

Is shitmuffin actually getting accused of a crime, or is one of his victims just coming forward with their story? I'm asking since the thread title makes me think he's being formally accused of something, instead of somebody telling their story of how they suffered at the hands of an abuser. I wouldn't call Mandy's post an accusation, but rather a fucking heartbreaking story of suffering caused by an absolutely wretched shell of a person.

I've gotta say, it's depressingly unsurprising that a guy who referred to people like Mandy as "his girls" is an abusive piece of shit. I usually think I'm being uncharitable when I assume people who use such creepy language are abusive, but maybe I should just take that as a sign to check up on the person they're referring to as an object.

Echoing MGuy's question, what is the best way to help somebody you suspect is in an abusive relationship?

There is no one size fits all method of helping people out of abusive relationships, the way you approach it will differ depending on the personality of the individual in question. Some people will have a lightbulb moment the first time you go "that's not normal" and some people will get angry and defensive. I guess the first skill to acquire is learning how to read the room really well.

Things that have worked for me in no particular order:

- Refusing to normalize the abuser's behavior. If they try and cajole you with "Oh todd's not so bad, his friends are all the same way" remain firm that Todd's behavior is awful and not normal.

- Role reversal. Ask them if they would ever do to someone else the things their partner does to them. Ask them what they would do if you came to them with this same problem. It's often easier to be kinder and more generous to others than to ourselves.

- Non-judgement. If I had a penny for every time I heard "But I can't admit to anyone they were right after they tried to warn me so many times, they'll think I'm an idiot" then I'd have at least fifty cents. The fear of ridicule seems like this looming insurmountable obstacle because their self worth has taken such a severe beating. If you can make yourself look like a soft landing space they'll be more likely to jump into your safety net.

- Reccomended reading. If someone is expressing doubt or worry about the health of their relationship I've had success directing them to Loveisrespect.org and telling them to take the quiz there. There's something about the impartiality of checking off boxes that seems to really drive reality home to people. "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft is also useful because it helps outline the patterns as patterns. Knowing not only is this deliberate, but that it's not even unique to your specific abuser, is powerful knowledge.

[Count Arioch the 28th]

Disappointing. I was starting to respect his work on LotFP.

Edit: not as disappointed as seeing someone you care about in an abusive relationship who recognizes it as such but can't leave due to mental illness preventing her from getting a job.

[Orion]

I remember the social currency thread. I remember being surprised that no one mentioned the most fundamental problem with his attempt to design a rule for "gratitude," which was that Zak appeared not to believe that gratitude is even a thing. Seriously, he proposed that if you do nice things for an NPC, then you get a bonus to rolls made to get that NPC if saying "no" would make them look bad to a third party, if they want future favors from you, or if they fear retaliation, but you do not get a bonus for past good deeds if you don't currently have any power over the person you're talking to. It creeped me out at the time and definitely hasn't aged well.

[Prak]

And what exactly does this say about Mike Mearls? A poor choice of character, or is his somewhat consistent choice of character more revealing than that?

This appears to be the official response, posted on Mearl's twitter


And some salient critique of that statement:

[MGuy]

Is shitmuffin actually getting accused of a crime, or is one of his victims just coming forward with their story? I'm asking since the thread title makes me think he's being formally accused of something, instead of somebody telling their story of how they suffered at the hands of an abuser. I wouldn't call Mandy's post an accusation, but rather a fucking heartbreaking story of suffering caused by an absolutely wretched shell of a person.

I've gotta say, it's depressingly unsurprising that a guy who referred to people like Mandy as "his girls" is an abusive piece of shit. I usually think I'm being uncharitable when I assume people who use such creepy language are abusive, but maybe I should just take that as a sign to check up on the person they're referring to as an object.

Echoing MGuy's question, what is the best way to help somebody you suspect is in an abusive relationship?

There is no one size fits all method of helping people out of abusive relationships, the way you approach it will differ depending on the personality of the individual in question.

That's for sure. I've had all kinds of reactions for offering to help ranging from very negative and a few positive. In addition to suggestions given I'd also add:

-discretion is important. The thing about abusers looking over the shoulder of their victims is very true. If the abused has reached a stage where they are afraid of retaliation or ridicule it is far easier to help them if you can provide a safe space in which they can air their issues without the added fear.

- be prepared for retaliation. Did is especially true if the abuser knows you exist and knows anything about you. It's probably pretty obvious but these kinds of people will do what they can to get at you and will rally anyone they trust to do so.

- know the enemy. In one of my most successful stories dealing with this issue this was probably the biggest aid though I don't know how often anyone else will be in this position. Knowing things about the abuser like their social circle, the ones in it who might disapprove of the abuse and those who are likely to be a part of it can be a big help. Social pressure and help from an in group can work wonders.

[erik]

Could that @crazeejay guy have taken a worse pic to prove his point that Mearls is underselling Zak Smith’s involvement? I’m just saying.

[Prak]

The pic is better in the actual tweet, it just got cut off when I cropped it. It shows Zak's credit.

[erik]

Ah! Then it's your fault! =-P

[virgil]

Zak's rebuttal

https://officialzsannouncements.blogspo ... ement.html

[deaddmwalking]

I find it disconcerting that his last line hearkens back to his prior conversations here -

One last thing: I don’t have anything to hide about Mandy, Jennifer, Hannah or Viv—if any of our friends have concerns, feel free to get in touch. I can clarify anything.

I'm sure he has a gish gallop of excuses, how nobody ever had any concerns or complaints, and how nobody would have withheld them if they did. I think his lack of awareness continues to be troubling. I also think his desire to drag someone else into it to defend him shows the same troubling behavior he had here.

In his rebuttal (and as a pattern of behavior) he invents reasons for people to feel the way they do that excuses him completely.

Note: If you're here because of "stubbazubba" on Reddit, you should know stubbazubba's just angry because he is or is like one of the offended min/maxers in the comments below. You can read and judge whether I'm being unfair.

What sutbbazubba calls a "tantrum" is me enforcing the rules you have to enforce in order to have
a blog that gets thousands of comments per day: 1) Don't suffer fools who didn't read the post 2) If someone asks a question, you answer it and don't dodge it. If you don't do that, the
comments become meaningless spam.

It is worth pointing out that there is an overt lie in stubbazubba's Reddit comment: I never claim to want a " a volatile board full of insults and intense arguments" I want a smart board full of people who answer questions about their argument when asked and never ever make personal attacks. Once someone fails to answer a question, however, they're demonstrating bad faith and they become a chewtoy. People who evade questions destroy all rational debate, and you can go ahead and call them whatever.

If you agree in any way with stubbazubba, feel free to leave a comment below and I will,
as always, address it and answer any questions you have.

Now, on to the blog entry that has poor stubbazubba so exercised:

If you don't like what he does in gaming, it's a problem with you. If you don't think he's perfect NOW, it's because he didn't let you join a photo shoot (which is totally reasonable) and it is all about revenge.

Basically, he doesn't seem capable of believing that people COULD have an actual problem with him as an individual.

[shinimasu]

As disturbing as I find this rebuttal, I am also always gratified when someone sets out to try and "clear their name" and only succeeds in making themselves look more suspect. It's like those "am I the asshole" posts where despite the author's best attempts to make themselves sympathetic anyone who reads it can tell that yes they are indeed the asshole.

Like many people on reddit have pointed out, the mention of lawyers is so blatantly a threat to his ex, because no competent lawyer would have green lit his posting this. If he does have legal counsel I imagine they're banging their head on something hard right now.

Someone else pointed out that his use of "our friends advised I seek counsel" is by itself weirdly manipulative. It starts on the base assumption that not only are their mutual friends still in contact with him, but that they are on his side, so clearly she must be crazy right?