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Scrolls of Lascivious Smut
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Prak
Serious Badass


Joined: 07 Mar 2008
Posts: 16187

PostPosted: Fri Dec 15, 2017 10:06 pm    Post subject: Scrolls of Lascivious Smut Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Quote:
As mentioned in AGQYWA, I started working on a Smut Sourcebook for D&D, because I have a group that can actually play a smutty game, and the existing books (BoErotic Fantasy, Guide to/Book of Unlawful Carnal Knowledge) are fucking terrible. Figured I'd go ahead and post what I've got here, get some feedback on it. Mostly I'm aiming for "doesn't ask you to devote character resources to fucking" and "isn't so depressingly simulationist that adventurers are all celibate and sterilized."


Table of Contents

  1. Sex in D&D
  2. Character Stuff (reserved)
  3. Prestige Classes (reserved)
  4. Magic (reserved)
  5. Monsters (reserved)


The Scrolls of Lascivious Smut
The Scrolls of Lascivious Smut are a series of treatises, essays, diagrams, and stories that most of polite society in the Multiverse ignore. At least in public. Unlike the Book of Exalted Deeds or the Book of Vile Darkness, the Scrolls of Lascivious Lust are well known, and much duplicated. Of course, the common person in a village, or on a farm, has probably only heard of them, but it’s not unusual for a well-read person in a town of any real size to have seen at least an excerpt. Not that they’ll admit it, usually.

Also unlike the Books of Vile Darkness and Exalted Deeds, there is no one real, full form of the Scrolls. The Scrolls are much circulated and added to. There are scrolls which are just bawdy jokes, erotic literature, and “scandalous” magical techniques. Some people believe that every sex act that has ever occurred is recorded in the scrolls, but this is untrue. It would take a truly staggering number of scrolls to do this, probably more than could actually exist in the multiverse, and anyway, there are many sexual acts that are boring, awkward and embarrassing, or horrific. The task of recording every single one is not a task any deity of pleasure, love or lust would dedicate themselves or their power to accomplishing. It is possible that a deity of records or something to the effect might have created an item to record such details, but it is not the Scrolls.

What can be found in the Scrolls, however, is an eclectic mix of entertainment, in the form of smutty stories and bawdy jokes, education, in the form of treatises on sexual techniques, risks, enhancements, and contraception, and, in certain volumes, magical power.

Sex in D&D
The subject of sex in games comes up in virtually every playgroup. There are a number of ways of handling it, from a G-Rated “We do not mention sex, and sexual jokes must be very veiled” to a PG-13 “We talk about sex a lot, but anything more than making out is off-screen,” to an X-Rated “We will go into graphic detail about who does what to who and for how many pickles.”

None of these styles is inherently better than any other. The best style is always the one which fits your group. When you’re running a game for a bunch of 10-year-olds, that’s the G-Rated game. When you’re running for teens, it’s probably the PG-13 (to R, because, let’s face it, graphic violence and copious swearing).

Most groups will never play an X-Rated game, but if everyone’s on board, and the group has compatible kinks and stances, it can be fun. Just… try to keep a lid on your hangups and don’t put your issues on others. Using gaming to work out who you are and what you like is fine, but don’t make others deal with that stuff if they’re not up to it.

Also, because as much as I wish it didn’t, it needs to be said-- don’t force sexually-charged gaming on your group. Don’t force sex on a player’s character. Unless the whole group is ok with it, put non-consensual events behind the black screen, don’t act/roleplay/describe them. It’s weird and squicks people out. If you’re all into it, fine, whatever, but make sure everyone’s cool with it before jumping in.

And really, that goes for all of this. More so than even normal gaming, when you’re contemplating smutty adventurers in your game, you have to make sure everyone’s on board for that sort of game. Not only that, but it helps if the whole group has the ability to tolerate what each other finds hot.

Doing the Actual Deed
Look, D&D doesn’t need huge complex rules for fuckin’. If you want to know how long someone can go for, handle it kind of like overland movement. A character can actively fuck (ie, pound away or engage with being pounded) for about 10 minutes. For each additional minute past that, the character must make a Constitution check (DC 10, +2 per extra minute). A successful check means the character can continue actively fucking for another minute, while failure means they take 1d6 nonlethal damage. A character who takes any nonlethal damage from these checks is shaken, which lasts until they heal the damage. It is vaguely possible to fuck yourself into unconsciousness, but most people will stop before that.

Damage taken from continued fucking heals at a rate of 1 per minute. So if you just stop pounding and do a little more foreplay, you can go for longer.

Active Fucking System:
10 minutes, plus 1 minute per successful Con (10+[2/add’l minute])
1d6 nonlethal per failed check.
Any amount of nonlethal taken this way makes character Shaken.
Heal this nonlethal 1 per minute.


Building to Orgasm
This is probably the thing most people would rather have some kind of system for, if for no other reasons than humour. This could go high simulation, but honestly, the kind of people who want that in their smutty fantasies are going to be disappointed no matter what I write. So here is a quick and dirty (har) rule-

Characters who are being penetrated take about 20 minutes from the beginning of sexual activity (including foreplay) to orgasm. Characters who are penetrating with a penis take about 5 minutes from beginning of stimulation of said penis.

There are various means of affecting these two numbers. Holding off orgasm is one means. A character who is trying to hold off their orgasm can do so for an extra minute per point of Con mod (minimum 1) by making a Constitution check (DC equals [2*number of checks]+10). There is no need for a special rule about characters who become shaken taking an extra penalty, because that quality already gives them a penalty to ability checks.

Time to Orgasm
Penetrators- 5 minutes from start of direct stimulation
Penetrated- 20 minutes from start of sexual activity
Hold off orgasm ConMod minutes per successful Con check (10+[2 per check])


Fucking With Style
Another common opportunity for low comedy in a game that involves adventurers explicitly engaging in sexy times is to roll to see how well they perform.

Some books want this roll to be its own skill, perhaps a type of Performance.

This inevitably leads to 90% of characters being incompetent in the sack.

So instead, we’re going to embrace the idea that there can be a lot of peripheral uses for mundane skills. A rogue who spends a lot of time picking locks and sticking their hands into contraptions to disable them is probably amazing at fingering people. A character who is super athletic can pound away like a damned jackhammer. Just pick a thing your character is good at, make a case for it being applicable in some way to fucking, and roll. BDSM is all Intimidation, Use Rope and Use Magic Device.

If you are actively trying to make someone orgasm quicker, it is DC 15+1/minute you wish to reduce their time to orgasm. If you want to make someone orgasm while they’re trying to hold off, your roll is opposed by their Con check. If their roll is higher, they add 1 minute to their time to orgasm, if your roll is higher, subtract 1 minute from their time to climax.

The Consequences of Sex
The main consequence of sex is probably childbirth. A lot of people won’t want to deal with this in game. Luckily for them, contraception was totally a thing going back to ancient times, and some of those ancient forms even worked! With magic, and the psuedo-modern Iron Age clusterfuck of D&D settings, it’s totally reasonable to say that reliable contraception is a thing.

There are other consequences of sex, everything from venereal disease to pissing someone off even if you didn’t catch anything and no one got pregnant. We are primarily concerned with pregnancy and venereal disease here, since pissing someone off is RP.
Pregnancy
Put simply, pregnancy has a lot of variables. The extent to which we care to model the chance of pregnancy is that healthier people are more likely to spawn. Assuming that the participants are fertile with one another (and not, say, a centaur and a lizardfolk), and no contraception is used, take their Con scores, add them together, and roll d%. The sum of their Con scores is the chance that one participant will become pregnant, assuming that’s a thing that can happen.

Contraception failure rates are per year of consistent and correct usage. There is no real way to model that with 100% accuracy. So we’re just going to say that NPCs who can get pregnant roll for possible pregnancy at the end of every sexual encounter that could result in pregnancy and keep a record of the times that results in a pregnancy. Then roll at the end of the year to see if they in fact got pregnant, using the failure chance of their least reliable method of contraception.

For PCs who could get pregnant, just assume that any non-rhythm method (ie, not pull out or tracking fertility or the like) is absolute. For rhythm methods, multiply the % chance of pregnancy by 20%, and roll chance for pregnancy against the resulting number.
Example--two average humans each with Con 10 have a 20% chance of one becoming pregnant during penile-vaginal intercourse. They use the pull-out method of contraception. 20% of 20% is 4%. There is a 4% chance that the person who could get pregnant will.

Failure Rate of Contraceptive Methods in D&D (For NPCs who can get pregnant)
Form of ContraceptionFailure Rate Per Year of Use
Spermacide28%
Fertility Tracking24%
Sponge18%
Withdrawal22%
Condom20%
Diaphragm12%
Sterilization.1% (roll d%+1d10, a roll of 2 indicates pregnancy)


In essence, Pregnancy works like a disease in D&D rules. It has an infection type of fertilization, an incubation period of 4 weeks, and a damage of Exhaustion.
"Disease"Infection TypeDCIncubationDamage
PregnancySexualSpecial4 weeksExhaustion


Humans and creatures with similar physiology will progress from Pregnancy to Labour in 36+1d6 weeks, assuming no intervention or complications. Yes, this means that elves have crazy numbers of kids if they don’t use contraception and anything like a regular amount of sex that might result in pregnancy. Elves probably don’t have that much sex which could result in pregnancy, then. Or they are much more willing to terminate pregnancies than modern humans. Either way makes an amount of sense.

Venereal Disease
Look, crabs happen. People have all kinds of hangups about sexually transmitted diseases, but the vast majority can be treated, and none of them indicate some kind of moral failing. It’s a thing that happens. Like the cold. Sometimes you get the sniffles, sometimes you get spirochetes. Go see a cleric.

"Disease"Infection TypeDCIncubationDamage
Astral CrabsSexual, ContactNone1 Day1 Con, Special
Bigby’s Clap (SD)Sexualspecial1d4 DaysSpecial
Ethereal WartsSexual, Contact202d8 Days1 Cha, Special
Shivering Quim (SD)SexualSpecial1d4 Weeks1 Dex, Special
Snake DickSexual152d4+1 Days1 Wis, Special
TentaculosisSexual, Contact?251d6 Days1d4 Str, Special
Wang Fire (SD)SexualSpecial1d4 DaysSpecial
Wondrous DischargeSexual201d4 minutesSpecial


Astral Crabs: This disease is actually an infestation of miniscule parasites from the astral plane.They do 1 con damage per day as they feast on your blood. Each day, there is a 10% chance they cause an element to manifest as they go about their business, dealing 1 point of elemental damage (roll a d4, 1 is acid, 2 is cold, 3 is electricity, 4 is fire) to you. You should probably get it looked at. You’re more likely to get this from astral inhabitants and outsiders.

Ether Warts: This disease can be contracted through close contact with inhabitants of the Ethereal plane. Creatures who contract Ethereal Warts find that their genitals slowly turn translucent, eventually becoming entirely ethereal after 2d20 days. Once this happens, the character seems to have a flat crotch, devoid of genitals on the material plane, while their genitals appear on the Ethereal plane. This can be problematic, as many Ethereal inhabitants don’t really have anything like an aversion to floating genitals, and may interact with them in awkward or dangerous ways. The character still receives sensation from their genitals when their genitals are Ethereal.

Snake Dick: Whether Snake Dick is horrible or amazing largely depends on the individual affected’s attitude. Contracted through intimate contact with scaly-kind, Snake Dick, once contracted, slowly turns the affected’s penis into a snake. This snake is still attached, but acts mostly on its own agency, and is effectively a Tiny Viper.

Tentaculosis: This disease is primarily contracted by people who have sex with aberrations or spend a lot of time in the lairs of such wading through brackish water. Aberrations are commonly host to colonies of a peculiar microorganism which seeks warm and wet places and will gladly pry its way into orifices given the opportunity, frequently genital orifices, including the urethra. Once the microoganisms are in a suitable environment, such as the testacles or womb of a humanoid, they grow out of their larval form into their adult form, a cluster of tentacles. When the infected engages in sexual activity, the tentacles will then snake out of their body and use the opportunity to spread the infection.
Though the result is quite painful, it is not uncommon for certain kinds of people to seek this infection out.

Wondrous Discharge: Commonly contracted through having sex with fae or people who wield wild magic, wondrous discharge is an awkward and embarrassing disease, where one’s genitals discharge random magical effects. Whenever the character is aroused or urinates, roll on the following table. Any effect which needs a CL uses the character’s HD.

Wondrous Discharge
RollResultRollResult
1Anything touched by the fluids is stained a random color until a dispel magic effect is used. Roll a d8:
1-Red, 2-Orange, 3-Yellow, 4-Green, 5-Blue, 6-Indigo, 7-Violet, 8-Pink
11Discharge is copious and extremely slippery. For a number of rounds equal to the infected’s Con mod, any square they pass through is affected as by the Grease spell
2Discharge acts as an oil of Invisibility on anything it touches other than the affected12Flowers and grasses grow wherever the fluids drip, sprouting up to 10x normal height.
3Heavy rainfall in a 60’ cone, originating from the infected’s groin.13Motes of light float out of infected, hovering about them for 1d6 minutes
46d100 Butterflies stream out of infected and flutter about, blinding everyone with 20’ of infected for 2 rounds14A ghostly song issues from the infected’s crotch, roll for type:
1-Dirge, 2-Ballad, 3-Barsong, 4- Aria
5Discharge manifests as sparks15Discharge acts as Faerie Fire
6A shower of flower petals gently float down from between the infected’s legs.16Infected levitates 1d4’ off the ground for Con Mod rounds
7Discarge acts as a potion of cure light wounds. It manifests as a glowing silver liquid.17Swarm of bees issue from infected and buzz around them, distracting them for 1d6 minutes.
8Discharge acts as an oil of Light on any item it touches18Discharge acts an aligned water opposite the infected’s alignment
9Discharge has an intense, random scent:
1-Honey, 2-Roses, 3-Peppermint, 4-Cinnamon, 5-Licorice, 6-Orange
19Discharge casts Arcane Mark on any square the character occupies for 1d6 hours.
10Discharge acts as an oil of Mending20Roll twice (reroll future 20s)


Spell Diseases
Spell Diseases are a special kind of disease where stressful situations will sometimes cause the disease to manifest a magical ability dependent on the sufferer’s HD.

In stressful situations (ie, situations where the infected is rolling dice with a real consequence for failure, such as any kind of damage, failing a save, or the possibility of worsening another’s attitude), there is a % chance equal to their con score that the affected body part will manifest the specified spell-like ability.

Targets are chosen randomly, and can include the infected person, though rays and such tend to be directed straight out in front of the infected. A person who has a Spell Disease may make a Ref(25) check to direct the spell-like effect as it comes out. Non-instantaneous effects, such as Flaming Sphere, may be directed as if the infected person were the caster. This commonly involves pelvic thrusting. All calls to Caster Level use the infected person’s HD.

The DC to resist contracting a Spell Disease is 10+half the vector’s HD+their highest mental modifier.
Example--a 6th level wizard with 18 Int has Wang Fire. The DC to resist contracting it from him is 17.

Bigby’s Clap: Look, a wizard probably did this. It is a form of the Clap which has developed magical abilities. It was named after the famous wizard both because of the specific magical effects it manifests, and because most people assume he was the person who caused this whole mess. Bigby’s Clap affects any and all forms of genitalia, use the below table to determine the spell-like ability when Bigby’s Clap presents:

Bigby’s Clap
Character HDSpell-Like Ability
1-3Mage Hand
4-5Tripping Hand (PH2)
6-7Slapping Hand (SpC)
8-10Disrupting Hand (PH2)
11-13Interposing Hand
14-15Forceful Hand
16-17Grasping Hand
18-19Clenched Fist
20+Crushing Hand


Shivering Quim: While many men will derisively laugh about this disease, it has legitimately saved the lives of many women who it affects. The truth of the matter is, that a fire-breathing cock is a neat trick, and a freezing vagina is an unintentional, but effective, defense against unwanted sex.
Shivering Quim is a Spell Disease which causes an affected person’s vagina to manifest Cold spell-like abilities.

Shivering Quim
Character HDSpell-Like Ability
1-3Ray of Frost
4-5Chill Touch
6-7Heat Leech (FB, affects anyone touching infected)
8-9Arctic Haze (FB)
10-11Orb of Cold (SpC)
12-13Flesh to Ice (FB, affects anyone touching infected's groin)
14-15Freezing Sphere
16-17Ice Claw (SpC, manifests reaching out of affected)
18-19Polar Ray
20+Fimbulwinter


Wang Fire: This disease is… often only seen as a bad thing due to its unpredictability. It presents asymptomatically in individuals without penises, but when contracted by an individual with a penis, it presents with unpredictable spell-like abilities. The penis of an individual “suffering” from Wang Fire becomes an accomplished, in non-sentient, pyromancer. Use the table below to determine the spell-like ability manifested when Wang Fire presents.

Shivering Quim
Character HDSpell-Like Ability
1-3Flare
4-5Burning Hands
6-7Flaming Sphere
8-9Fireball
10-11Dragon Breath (SpC, Fire only)
12-13Fire and Brimstone (CMa)
14-15Lingering Flames (CMa)
16-17Emerald Flame Cock (Fist, SpC)
18-19Deadly Lahar (CMa)
20+Deadly Sunstroke (CMa)

_________________
Dean, on Paranoia wrote:
The book is a hardbound liars paradox.


Winnah wrote:
No, No. 'Prak' is actually a Thri Kreen impersonating a human and roleplaying himself as a D&D character. All hail our hidden insect overlords.


FrankTrollman wrote:
In Soviet Russia, cosmic horror is the default state.

You should gain sanity for finding out that the problems of a region are because there are fucking monsters there.


Last edited by Prak on Sat Dec 16, 2017 12:00 pm; edited 4 times in total
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Prak
Serious Badass


Joined: 07 Mar 2008
Posts: 16187

PostPosted: Fri Dec 15, 2017 10:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Character Stuff

Fucking With Skill

Seduction
The main skill-based task people will want to perform when it comes to sex is seduction. To do this, a character rolls Bluff or Diplomacy, and it works like changing someone’s attitude via Diplomacy.
For the purposes of seduction, a hostile character would rather attack you than have sex with you. An unfriendly character has no desire to have sex with you. An indifferent person has no opinion. A friendly person is interested, and helpful means the person is actively aroused.
Fanatic attitude indicates the person is literally tearing their clothes off and begging you to fuck them then and there.

There are a lot of potential modifiers for Seduction. Some basics are laid out below: Assume that a person who is from a race that actively dislikes that of the seducer has a DC 2 higher, and a person who individually dislikes the seducer’s race has a DC 4 higher. A character who is not interested in the seducer’s presented gender is effectively one attitude worse for the purposes of DC. A character who is affected by a negative condition has a DC 6 higher.

CircumstancesSeduction Penalty
Target’s race hates seducer’s race-2
Target personally hates seducer’s race-4, and initially Hostile regardless of actual attitude.
Target is affected by a negative condition (Sickened, Shaken, Exhausted, etc)-6
Target is not interested in seducer’s genderAttitude is one step worse than otherwise would be
Target is a different creature type-10


Bragging Rights
So, in general, I’m all for people dictating their characters’ physical attributes. If you want your pixie rogue to have DD breasts or a 12” cock, whatever, I don’t really care. But some people will want to randomly determine these traits, because it can be funny. So here are some rules.

The Penis, Nature’s Speed Bag
So, in humans, in the real world, the average man is 5’5”. The average penis is 5.5”. We don’t have other humanoid species to serve as more points of data, but the data we do have suggests a roughly 12:1 scale between average height for species and average penis length. Animals don’t follow this, but ignore that.
So, if you want to randomly determine the length of a character’s penis, use the height rolls for their race.
If their race doesn’t have such a roll, such as goblins, either use a similarly sized race (so, halflings in the case of goblins), or look at the monster entry. Some entries will state the size range of the creature in question, and then it’s just a matter of figuring out the two dice roll that can produce that range of inches. You can look at the height rolls in the PHB as a guide.
If the creature’s entry doesn’t state a range, just an average height, just treat as if it were the most similarly proportioned creature, subtracting about half the average of the roll.
Example--a giant has an average height of 18’. Thus, we’re assuming the average giant penis is 18”. Closest proportion is probably orc, which adds 2d12 to their base height. Average for 2d12 is 13, subtract 15” from the average giant height, giving a base height of 16’9”, or a base length of penis of 16.75”. Roll 2d12, add that many inches. Call it good.

Breasts, What You’re All Here For
In humans, in the real world, cup size is, first of all, a proportionate measurement. This means that a 6’4” woman with A cups will have more actual mass than a 4’10” woman with A cups. Cup sizes are a measure of the difference between the circumference of a person’s ribcage and torso with breasts.
Breasts also follow a roughly normal distribution, and in general, the size of a person’s cups will correlate to their bodyfat.
Roughly.
Now, here’s where it gets sort of weird.
In D&D, overall robustness of body is represented by Constitution. A lean character may well have the same or less Con than an obese character, even if the obese character has artery walls made of fat. The lean character might actually gain Con if they become obese. Because D&D. Whatever.
So, to determine a character’s breast size randomly, if that’s a thing you want to do, roll 3d6, add your Con mod, and consult the following table-

RollCup Size
1-4AA
5-7A
8-11B
12-14C
15-17D
18DD


Results that fall below 1 indicate the character is entirely flat chested, while results that are above 18 are the realm of E and above cups.
_________________
Dean, on Paranoia wrote:
The book is a hardbound liars paradox.


Winnah wrote:
No, No. 'Prak' is actually a Thri Kreen impersonating a human and roleplaying himself as a D&D character. All hail our hidden insect overlords.


FrankTrollman wrote:
In Soviet Russia, cosmic horror is the default state.

You should gain sanity for finding out that the problems of a region are because there are fucking monsters there.


Last edited by Prak on Sat Dec 16, 2017 12:52 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Prak
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Joined: 07 Mar 2008
Posts: 16187

PostPosted: Fri Dec 15, 2017 10:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Prestige Classes

Pelvic Sorcerer
The Pelvic Sorcerer is an adventurer and rake who travels the known multiverse seducing starry eyed waifs with their charm and literal magic hips.

Requirements
Abilities: Con 15 or better
Skills: Bluff or Diplomacy 8r
Special: Must have bedded at least 20 people in a month, and seduced (improved to helpful or fanatic) at least one person who initially had an attitude of Indifferent or worse in a single roll.

Hit Die: d8
Base Attack: ¾ HD
Good Saves: Ref, Will
Class Skills: Bluff, Concentration, Diplomacy, Disable Device, Perform, Sleight of Hand, Spellcraft, Use Magic Device, Use Rope
4+Int Mod

Level
Special
1stCharm Sphere (Basic), Enhanced Sphere Access, Pelvic Sorcery
2ndVenereal Mastery
3rdEveryone Loves Me
4thCharm Sphere (Advanced)
5thAnything That Moves
6thCharm the Tusks Off a Troll
7thCharm Sphere (Expert)
8thEven Some Things That Don’t Move


Proficiencies: The Pelvic Sorcerer is a lover, not a fighter, and so gains no additional weapon or armor proficiencies.

Charm Sphere: The Pelvic Sorcerer gains the Charm Sphere at Basic Access. This access improves to Advanced at 4th level, and Expert at 7th level.

Enhanced Sphere Access: The Pelvic Sorcerer gains extra uses of the spell-like abilities
that they gain from their Spheres. The Pelvic Sorcerer gains a number of extra uses of any spell-like ability equal to half the number their character level exceeds the minimum character level to use the spell-like ability (rounded up). So if the Pelvic Sorcerer has a character level of 6, they would gain 1 extra use of a spell-like ability that is granted by one of his spheres at character level 3 and 2 extra uses of any spell-like from one of his spheres with a minimum level of 1.
At 7th level, the Pelvic Sorcerer gains a bonus feat as they gain Expert access to the Charm sphere.

Pelvic Sorcery: The Pelvic Sorcerer derives all their magical power from rhythmically moving their hips. Unlike other forms of Spell-Like ability, the Pelvic Sorcerer’s Spell-like abilities have Somatic components, but these components all revolve around their hips. So long as they can move their hips, they can use their Spell-like abilities.
The point of origin for all spell-like abilities gained from the Pelvic Sorcerer prestige class is the Pelvic Sorcerer’s groin.

Venereal Mastery: At 2nd level, the Pelvic Sorcerer learns to master the magical diseases others suffer from the unpredictability of. A Pelvic Sorcerer of 2nd level or higher may contract any Spell Disease regardless of their actual genitals (a Pelvic Sorcerer with a vagina can contract Wang Fire, and a Pelvic Sorcerer with a Penis can contract Shivering Quim).
Further, a 2nd level or higher Pelvic Sorcerer who has contracted a spell disease also gains Basic Access to a corresponding sphere.

Everyone Loves Me: At 3rd level, the Pelvic Sorcerer is so charming that everyone is at least potentially interested in jumping into bed with them. Any character who meets and/or talks to the Pelvic Sorcerer cannot have an attitude worse than Unfriendly, and for the purposes of seduction, cannot have an attitude worse than Indifferent.

Anything That Moves: At 5th level, the Pelvic Sorcerer is willing to bed just about anything that moves (and consents), and is able to seduce anything that moves (and is sapient). Ignore any negative conditions that would apply a negative penalty to their Seduction check. In addition, ignore any circumstance penalties they would take to their Bluff and Diplomacy rolls for non-seduction tasks.

Charm the Tusks Off A Troll: At 7th level, the Pelvic Sorcerer is so charming, they can convince people to give them abilities. As a full round action, a Pelvic Sorcerer can make a Diplomacy (DC 15) check against a creature with an attitude of Friendly or Better to gain the use of one of that creature’s attacks, special attacks or special qualities on the Pelvic Sorcerer’s next turn.

Even Some Things That Don’t Move: At 8th level, the Pelvic Sorcerer is so damned charming, they can use Diplomacy to improve the attitude of non-sapient creatures and inanimate objects. These targets are treated as having an initial attitude of Indifferent, and inanimate objects are effectively animated when improved to Friendly or Helpful, but will not actively attack.
_________________
Dean, on Paranoia wrote:
The book is a hardbound liars paradox.


Winnah wrote:
No, No. 'Prak' is actually a Thri Kreen impersonating a human and roleplaying himself as a D&D character. All hail our hidden insect overlords.


FrankTrollman wrote:
In Soviet Russia, cosmic horror is the default state.

You should gain sanity for finding out that the problems of a region are because there are fucking monsters there.


Last edited by Prak on Sat Dec 16, 2017 11:53 am; edited 2 times in total
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Prak
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Joined: 07 Mar 2008
Posts: 16187

PostPosted: Fri Dec 15, 2017 10:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

It's Fucking Magic

New Spells

Hone Form
Transmutation
Level:
Brd 1, Clr 0, Sor/Wiz 0
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 hour
Range: Touch
Target: 1 living creature
Duration: Instantaneous
Save: None (Harmless)

As you cast this spell, you sculpt the flesh of your target, cosmetically shaping their body with your hands.
You can change one feature of a person per casting, such as increasing the size of an appendage (or pair of appendages, both hands, for example), give them sculpted abs, change the color of their eyes, and so on. You can also add appendages, but the target cannot gain any attacks or natural weapons this way (horns can be granted, but they cannot grant a gore attack, for example).
You can also make a person look worse through the use of this spell, but cannot take away any major parts (such as hands).
The recipient gains a +2 circumstance bonus (or penalty, in the case of negative modifications) to any skill check that would depend on their appearance, such as a Bluff or Diplomacy check for the purposes of seduction.

Sympathetic Transmutation
Transmutation/Divination
Level:
Witch 3, Sor/Wiz3
Components: V,S,M
Casting Time: 1 minute
Range: Close
Target: 1 Object, 1 Body Part
Duration: 1 hour/level (D)
Save: None (Harmless)

This spell transforms a prepared object such that it resembles a body part of your choosing. It perfectly resembles your own part, and relays sensation to that part on you as if the simulus were touching your own part.
You cannot control the transformed object, but it does react to stimulus as if it were the actual body part (the pupil of an eye will expand and contract and the eye may water, a hand may twitch, noses will sneeze, and so on)
Material Component-- An arcane oil composed of phasm juices, mimic slime, and powdered amber costing 10 gp/sq ft of object, which is applied to the object and your part prior to casting this spell.

Tasha’s Detachment
Transmutation/Conjuration (Teleportation)
Level:
Clr2, Witch2, Sor/Wiz2
Components: S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Close
Target: 1 creature
Duration: Permanent (D)
Save: Fort

With a snap of your fingers, you detach one external body part from your target, calling it to your hand or teleporting it to a location within close range of yourself.
The body part still conveys sensation, and this spell does no damage to the creature. The body part is cleanly detached as if the creature never had it.
Consult page 27 of the DMG for the effects of damage to various body parts. If a character loses a motive limb (leg, wing, etc) due to this spell, their speed is reduced by the percentage of motive limbs they lost (ie, the speed of a human whose leg is detached is reduced by 50%, or half; the speed of a horse whose leg is detached is reduced by 25%, or a quarter).

New Spells
Charm Sphere
Special: You gain a +2 bonus to Bluff, Diplomacy, and Sense Motive.
1: entice gift
3: suggestion
5: glibness
7: charm monster
9: sympathy
11: mass suggestion
13: project image
15: mass charm monster
17: harem of the planes (as abyssal army, heavenly host, hellish horde, or greater dragon ally, chosen on use)
19: shapechange

Bigby’s Clap Sphere
Special: You may use mage hand at will
1: tripping hand (PH2)
3: slapping hand (SpC)
5: disrupting hand (PH2)
7: floating hand (as greater floating disk, SpC)
9: interposing hand
11: forceful hand
13: grasping hand
15: clenched hand
17: crushing hand
19: crushing fist of spite (BoVD)

Shivering Quim Sphere
Special: You may use ray of frost at will
1: chill touch
3: heat leech (FB)
5: arctic haze (FB)
7: orb of cold (SpC)
9: flesh to ice (FB)
11: freezing sphere
13: ice claw (SpC)
15: polar ray
17: iceburg (FB)
19: fimbulwinter (FB)

Wang Fire Sphere
Special: You may use Flare at will
1: burning hands
3: flaming sphere
5: fireball
7: dragon breath (SpC, Fire only)
9: fire and brimstone (CMa)
11: lingering flames (CMa)
13: emerald flame cock (SpC)
15: deadly lahar (CMa)
17: deadly sunstroke (CMa)
19: meteor swarm
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Dean, on Paranoia wrote:
The book is a hardbound liars paradox.


Winnah wrote:
No, No. 'Prak' is actually a Thri Kreen impersonating a human and roleplaying himself as a D&D character. All hail our hidden insect overlords.


FrankTrollman wrote:
In Soviet Russia, cosmic horror is the default state.

You should gain sanity for finding out that the problems of a region are because there are fucking monsters there.


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Prak
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 15, 2017 10:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Monsters
(reserved)
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Dean, on Paranoia wrote:
The book is a hardbound liars paradox.


Winnah wrote:
No, No. 'Prak' is actually a Thri Kreen impersonating a human and roleplaying himself as a D&D character. All hail our hidden insect overlords.


FrankTrollman wrote:
In Soviet Russia, cosmic horror is the default state.

You should gain sanity for finding out that the problems of a region are because there are fucking monsters there.
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Prak
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 15, 2017 10:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Look, we all know I'm dumb and probably underestimated how many posts I'll need reserved
(reserved)
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Dean, on Paranoia wrote:
The book is a hardbound liars paradox.


Winnah wrote:
No, No. 'Prak' is actually a Thri Kreen impersonating a human and roleplaying himself as a D&D character. All hail our hidden insect overlords.


FrankTrollman wrote:
In Soviet Russia, cosmic horror is the default state.

You should gain sanity for finding out that the problems of a region are because there are fucking monsters there.
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Koumei
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 16, 2017 4:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Before I read this, I just want to make it clear I am absolutely going to mock you for this one. But I'm going to read it anyway, just, if I find things that are good ideas I'm going to go out of my way to mock you regardless.

Edit: okay after seeing there are rules to get in the way of anyone's sexytimes and dumb/icky diseases there, I am not worried about finding good ideas.
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 16, 2017 5:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Eh, people mock me for everything here, so whatever.

Note, the rules for how long someone can fuck are explicitly "if you want to randomly determine, here are rules based on forced marching" and the diseases are actually mostly hilarious/awesome things like "your dick randomly breaths fire when you're stressed." Even the non-awesome ones are things like "you have crabs FROM SPACE THE ASTRAL PLANE, they do minor damage, go see a cleric" and "you've been wading around in an aboleth's lair and now you have a tentacle coming out of your dick. It kind of hurts."
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Dean, on Paranoia wrote:
The book is a hardbound liars paradox.


Winnah wrote:
No, No. 'Prak' is actually a Thri Kreen impersonating a human and roleplaying himself as a D&D character. All hail our hidden insect overlords.


FrankTrollman wrote:
In Soviet Russia, cosmic horror is the default state.

You should gain sanity for finding out that the problems of a region are because there are fucking monsters there.
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Cervantes
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 16, 2017 6:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Where the fuck are the rules for foreplay

e: nevermind i found it, the 20 minutes for orgasms includes foreplay


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Prak
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 16, 2017 8:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Yeah, I mean, I haven't gotten to rules for pleasuring specifically yet, but it's pretty much going to be "Skills specifically for sexing are dumb, make a case for how your time picking locks or playing woodwinds makes you super good at finger/blowing someone, and roll that. I seriously don't fucking care."
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Dean, on Paranoia wrote:
The book is a hardbound liars paradox.


Winnah wrote:
No, No. 'Prak' is actually a Thri Kreen impersonating a human and roleplaying himself as a D&D character. All hail our hidden insect overlords.


FrankTrollman wrote:
In Soviet Russia, cosmic horror is the default state.

You should gain sanity for finding out that the problems of a region are because there are fucking monsters there.
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 16, 2017 11:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Pelvic Sorcerer and peripheral rules for that class (seduction, spheres) are up.
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Dean, on Paranoia wrote:
The book is a hardbound liars paradox.


Winnah wrote:
No, No. 'Prak' is actually a Thri Kreen impersonating a human and roleplaying himself as a D&D character. All hail our hidden insect overlords.


FrankTrollman wrote:
In Soviet Russia, cosmic horror is the default state.

You should gain sanity for finding out that the problems of a region are because there are fucking monsters there.
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Thaluikhain
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 16, 2017 4:48 pm    Post subject: Re: Scrolls of Lascivious Smut Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Prak wrote:
Characters who are being penetrated take about 20 minutes from the beginning of sexual activity (including foreplay) to orgasm. Characters who are penetrating with a penis take about 5 minutes from beginning of stimulation of said penis.


Erm...ok, yeah, that's how it often works in fiction, and the game is fiction, but still.

Prak wrote:
We don’t have other humanoid species to serve as more points of data


Other primates aren't humanoid? IIRC, they tend to have proportionately smaller penises.

Did anyone look at rolling for breast size and rather puerile magic STDs and was reminded of a certain infamously bad RPG? Infamously bad for lots of things other than breast size rolls and magic STDs, of course, but still, it might have poisoned the well. The Book of Erotic Fantasy might not have been impressive, but IIRC, it was tasteful. But each to their own.
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 16, 2017 6:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

I looked up actual averages for time to orgasm and called it done, because one of the problems with the existing smut books is trying to be too simulationist.

I'm not sure these rules aren't themselves too simulationist.

The exact meaning of humanoid is... not vague, but... fuzzy. From dictionary.com: "having human characteristics or form; resembling human beings." This could either mean "two arms, two legs, a head, upright posture" or "that, but also sapience" and then you get to argue whether non-human primates are sapient! But it's a fair point. I'm open to better wording.

And Book of Erotic Fantasy, tasteful? I mean, at least it didn't have "essays" titled things "Has anyone played a gay character?" which are accumulations of early-90s Usenet feeds or whatever, but it still had magical stds. Also, tables for randomly determining breast size are things that a sizable number of gamers will want, because its an opportunity for low comedy. You'll notice I only included "how to determine the size of Hrothgar's wang and tits, if that's a thing you want to do" and not his anal circumference.
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Dean, on Paranoia wrote:
The book is a hardbound liars paradox.


Winnah wrote:
No, No. 'Prak' is actually a Thri Kreen impersonating a human and roleplaying himself as a D&D character. All hail our hidden insect overlords.


FrankTrollman wrote:
In Soviet Russia, cosmic horror is the default state.

You should gain sanity for finding out that the problems of a region are because there are fucking monsters there.
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Ancient History
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 16, 2017 8:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

I'd be lying if I hadn't thought of doing something like this, though Prak takes it their own way. The "erotically charge sexventure" crowd isn't really catered to very much outside of things like Corruption of Champions and comics like Oglaf.
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 16, 2017 9:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

That is a perfectly vague review, AH Tongue
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Dean, on Paranoia wrote:
The book is a hardbound liars paradox.


Winnah wrote:
No, No. 'Prak' is actually a Thri Kreen impersonating a human and roleplaying himself as a D&D character. All hail our hidden insect overlords.


FrankTrollman wrote:
In Soviet Russia, cosmic horror is the default state.

You should gain sanity for finding out that the problems of a region are because there are fucking monsters there.


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 17, 2017 2:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Sorry. Your approach is, so far, very d20 system-centric, whereas a lot of the actual D&D sex shenanigans tend to revolve around more timeless things like interspecies compatability, wacky/practical sex spells, wacky/practical sex magic items, and plot devices that revolve around sex in some form or function. Your material so far doesn't seem to really address that, because it's focused on level-appropriate abilities and foreplay rolls.

That's not to say it's bad, but you have to wonder if the hypothetical audience really wanted to play a Pelvic Sorcerer or use Bigby's Clap Sphere. You're writing material for a subset of a subset of a subset of the audience which might just consist of you - even Steve from 4chan is probably going to want to homebrew something to make the Pelvic Sorcerer fit his private erotic D&D fantasies.

Part of the problem with sex in D&D is just addressing why you would have that and how you would include it at the table, so that's a basic thing that should be in there. You'd ideally want to hit major tropes like virgin sacrifice, tentacle monsters, when magic makes "hung like a horse" and "chest fit for a herd of cows" a reality that some people have to live with, belts of gender-changing and what they mean for your sex/gender identity, and maybe most importantly...

...how all this shit works in a fantasy world. Because while you do get talk about sex & magic in a lot of fantasy works, it's generally worked into part of the setting, not a fly-by-night third-party tack-on that people can easily ignore. "Prostitute" is an NPC class I could see before "Pelvic Sorcerer", and "Pelvic Sorcerer" doesn't even really address any particular sex magic need in the basic game - it's just something from your personal mindspace. It's idiosyncratic in a way that doesn't really add constructively to the game, because you haven't really established pelvic sorcery as something...lacking. Or really that different from being a bard.
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 17, 2017 3:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

From a simulationist approach, your Scroll doesn't handle the stated needs of reproducing things like Oglaf or Xxxenophile. From a narrative approach, it doesn't really fill any of the gaps in the setting that sex-related magic would seem to demand, nor is it easy to add in. From a system approach, the Pelvic Sorcerer is kind of meh and the magical STDs kinda make me think of the other disease-related Prestige Classes and how bad they are.
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 17, 2017 3:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

I was just amused by how your statement conveyed no particular judgement one way or the other.

I am far from done. I'm basically posting up stuff here as I write it into a Docs page. But basically, my femmefriend said they were interested in playing a smutty D&D game, so I talked to a group of queer players I'm playing with online who I figured would all be down, and they said it sounded fun. One of them was even willing to DM.

As I was poking around BoEF et al, I was reminded how absolutely horrible they all were, so I started tinkering.

I do have a species interfertility chart, it's just in Google Sheets and it would be a pain in the ass to make it in BBCode. I'll probably screengrab it and paste it in as an image. wacky/practical sex spells are coming, as are magic items.

It's far from a finished work. I work much more stream of consciousness.
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Dean, on Paranoia wrote:
The book is a hardbound liars paradox.


Winnah wrote:
No, No. 'Prak' is actually a Thri Kreen impersonating a human and roleplaying himself as a D&D character. All hail our hidden insect overlords.


FrankTrollman wrote:
In Soviet Russia, cosmic horror is the default state.

You should gain sanity for finding out that the problems of a region are because there are fucking monsters there.
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Ancient History
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 17, 2017 3:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Well, I know it's unfinished. And it's going to be idiosyncratic, I don't want to dictate your project, any more than I'd want you to dictate Space Madness! to me.
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 17, 2017 4:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

That's fair. Suggestions are always helpful, though.

Of the things I've written so far that aren't pasted over, I have a table of interfertility that includes the PHB races, celestials, dragons, fiends, doppelgangers, giants, dryads, gnolls, goblins, lizardfolk, merfolk, minotaurs, nymphs, ogres, satyrs, serpentfolk, and trolls; a couple of magic items pulled directly from Oglaf (box of desire, ring of bliss); and I've started writing up some basic entries on the sexual mores and customs of the mentioned races (humans, dwarfs and elves are done so far).
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Dean, on Paranoia wrote:
The book is a hardbound liars paradox.


Winnah wrote:
No, No. 'Prak' is actually a Thri Kreen impersonating a human and roleplaying himself as a D&D character. All hail our hidden insect overlords.


FrankTrollman wrote:
In Soviet Russia, cosmic horror is the default state.

You should gain sanity for finding out that the problems of a region are because there are fucking monsters there.
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Thaluikhain
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 17, 2017 12:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Prak wrote:
I looked up actual averages for time to orgasm and called it done, because one of the problems with the existing smut books is trying to be too simulationist.


Google "vaginal orgasm" and you'll find a zillion articles on how many/most women aren't able to orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. Now, there is of course argument over this, that people are just doing it wrong, but as it stands, it's very common for penetration alone not to result in orgasm.

Prak wrote:
The exact meaning of humanoid is... not vague, but... fuzzy. From dictionary.com: "having human characteristics or form; resembling human beings." This could either mean "two arms, two legs, a head, upright posture" or "that, but also sapience" and then you get to argue whether non-human primates are sapient! But it's a fair point. I'm open to better wording.


Oh...just thought, wonder if there are other species of humans preserved well enough to examine their penises. I don't feel like googling "Neanderthal penis" at the moment, but I bet there's some info (and weird results).

Prak wrote:
Of the things I've written so far that aren't pasted over, I have a table of interfertility that includes the PHB races, celestials, dragons, fiends, doppelgangers, giants, dryads, gnolls, goblins, lizardfolk, merfolk, minotaurs, nymphs, ogres, satyrs, serpentfolk, and trolls; a couple of magic items pulled directly from Oglaf (box of desire, ring of bliss); and I've started writing up some basic entries on the sexual mores and customs of the mentioned races (humans, dwarfs and elves are done so far).


Actually, that looks like it could be much more interesting. Though writing sexual mores and customs of humans...that's a full time job for people, the subject is just too big. And then to do the same for each species, either that's a hell of a job, or you'd have to exclude details to the extent of making it pointless.

Also, if species can interbreed, how doe that affect their culture? How long till the purebreeds disappear? If they can't, how hard is it to find a mate when you are in a city full of incompatible types? Do all species have a 50/50 ish gender divide? What happens when two very differently sized and shaped creatures try to breed? Are the aboleths selectively breeding their slaves? Which races find other races physically attractive, or desirable mates?

I've often thought ogres and centaurs would make a good pairing, as opposed to goblins or humans or something, which'd be too small for them.
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 17, 2017 1:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Thaluikhain wrote:
Prak wrote:
I looked up actual averages for time to orgasm and called it done, because one of the problems with the existing smut books is trying to be too simulationist.


Google "vaginal orgasm" and you'll find a zillion articles on how many/most women aren't able to orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. Now, there is of course argument over this, that people are just doing it wrong, but as it stands, it's very common for penetration alone not to result in orgasm.

Fair point, possibly getting too simulationist.

Quote:
Prak wrote:
The exact meaning of humanoid is... not vague, but... fuzzy. From dictionary.com: "having human characteristics or form; resembling human beings." This could either mean "two arms, two legs, a head, upright posture" or "that, but also sapience" and then you get to argue whether non-human primates are sapient! But it's a fair point. I'm open to better wording.


Oh...just thought, wonder if there are other species of humans preserved well enough to examine their penises. I don't feel like googling "Neanderthal penis" at the moment, but I bet there's some info (and weird results).


Nothing on page one of Google Results. But there was some conjecture that partner selection influenced evolution of penis length, so I'm kind of standing by what I have...

Quote:
Prak wrote:
Of the things I've written so far that aren't pasted over, I have a table of interfertility that includes the PHB races, celestials, dragons, fiends, doppelgangers, giants, dryads, gnolls, goblins, lizardfolk, merfolk, minotaurs, nymphs, ogres, satyrs, serpentfolk, and trolls; a couple of magic items pulled directly from Oglaf (box of desire, ring of bliss); and I've started writing up some basic entries on the sexual mores and customs of the mentioned races (humans, dwarfs and elves are done so far).


Actually, that looks like it could be much more interesting. Though writing sexual mores and customs of humans...that's a full time job for people, the subject is just too big. And then to do the same for each species, either that's a hell of a job, or you'd have to exclude details to the extent of making it pointless.

Also, if species can interbreed, how doe that affect their culture? How long till the purebreeds disappear? If they can't, how hard is it to find a mate when you are in a city full of incompatible types? Do all species have a 50/50 ish gender divide? What happens when two very differently sized and shaped creatures try to breed? Are the aboleths selectively breeding their slaves? Which races find other races physically attractive, or desirable mates?

I've often thought ogres and centaurs would make a good pairing, as opposed to goblins or humans or something, which'd be too small for them.

The sexual mores and customs are super generalized.

what I have so far wrote:
Humans: Humans in D&D seem to be gleefully interfertile with a large number of other races. In every major setting, humans are interfertile with orcs and elves. There are then a large number of other races that can interbreed with humans in one setting or another. In Dark Sun, the union of a human and a dwarf is a mul, which is infertile. In a lot of settings, humans can breed with giants, including ogres and trolls, and all of these produce a slightly different creature.
Humans show greater diversity of culture than other races, and thus will have a greater diversity of sexual customs and mores.

Dwarves: In general, dwarfs are fairly sexually conservative. Not in that they care about same-sex unions, but more in that they care about miscegenation. Traditionally minded dwarfs believe that only unions of two dwarfs are “correct.” Younger dwarfs, however, are more open to unions of dwarf and human, elf, gnome, or halfling. Largely, unions of dwarf and giantkind or orc are considered exceedingly taboo.
The dwarfish love of crafts extends to the areas of love and sex. Gifts between lovers are almost always the finest craftsmanship the individual dwarf can afford, though gifts made by the giver are particularly prized above other items of similar or even greater work. Dwarfs are eager users of stone and metal in sex, and some of the finest examples of stone or metal fuckgoods come from dwarfs, albeit few non-dwarfs are likely to see it.

Elves: Elves, in contrast to dwarfs, are very open to heterogenous unions (ie, unions of elf and non-elf). Essentially, young dwarfs are picking up elven attitudes about love and sex. Elvish society considers sex, let alone a relationship, with an orc to be a crime against the elven race. Of course, being a chaotic-leaning race, it is not uncommon for elves to do whatever the fuck they want as individuals, including orcs.
Elves are enthusiastic users of magic and living wood in the bedroom and courtship. Elaborate illusions and magic items are given as gifts and magic that manipulates ropes or heightens sensation is often used in sex, and generally. Elves are particularly fecund, partially due to their lifespans, and so they frequently use contraception, or engage in activities which cannot result in pregnancy. There are elven ballads about the myriad pleasures that can be had which don’t risk pregnancy that rival dwarfish epics in length and detail.

It's not perfect, and I'm going to take another pass on those after I've filled everything out. I want to take another pass on the table before I post it, too.

I'm thinking of stealing Oglaf's shapeshifters for the doppelganger fluff (namely that they don't understand human[oid] sexuality)
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Dean, on Paranoia wrote:
The book is a hardbound liars paradox.


Winnah wrote:
No, No. 'Prak' is actually a Thri Kreen impersonating a human and roleplaying himself as a D&D character. All hail our hidden insect overlords.


FrankTrollman wrote:
In Soviet Russia, cosmic horror is the default state.

You should gain sanity for finding out that the problems of a region are because there are fucking monsters there.
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Thaluikhain
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 17, 2017 3:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Prak wrote:
In a lot of settings, humans can breed with giants, including ogres and trolls, and all of these produce a slightly different creature.


How would that physically work though? Size difference would be a problem.

Also, as well as sex, relationships would be weird with something with a very different lifespan, and in D&D matured at a very different rate.
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 17, 2017 11:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

As far as humans having sex with giants- Based on real human proportions, the average cloud giant has an 18" penis. That's huge, but... people in the real world, are into fisting and sex toys that are even larger.

For lifespans- that's something that's always been handwaved, but it's a valid question. Honestly, the interfertility chart is about what's possible not what's common.
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Dean, on Paranoia wrote:
The book is a hardbound liars paradox.


Winnah wrote:
No, No. 'Prak' is actually a Thri Kreen impersonating a human and roleplaying himself as a D&D character. All hail our hidden insect overlords.


FrankTrollman wrote:
In Soviet Russia, cosmic horror is the default state.

You should gain sanity for finding out that the problems of a region are because there are fucking monsters there.
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Ancient History
Invincible Overlord


Joined: 18 Aug 2010
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 18, 2017 12:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Well, that's assuming giants have proportionate phalluses. They could be like gorillas.
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