Old Game Review: Ninjas and Superspies (TM)

[Koumei]

That's right, another dice-game review by Krystal "Team Fortress" Brooks!

I will post this meme until you like it.

This time we go back to 1988. Except not really because the revised edition is copyright 1990. Except this is the revised seventh printing so it's 2000. Except it probably isn't MUCH revised, so what the fuck. It's either older than some of you, or "old enough to consent to sex in most countries that aren't America".

Please, don't fuck books.

Anyway, here it is, Palladium (R) presents, Ninjas & Superspies (TM)


Now, the drink of choice is of course Glenfiddich single malt scotch whisky. The music shall be Everybody is Kung-fu fighting. An obvious choice.

This is written by Erick Wujcik, with three editors, one RPG Design Editor (Kevin), one Art Director (also Kevin), five artists, and also the typography and keylining are by other people with the last name Siembieda so probably just Kev's family forced to do it at gunpoint. It is allegedly compatible with Heroes Unlimited (TM) and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (R) RPG and the After the Bomb (R) series.

This book has TWO disclaimers! The first one is not to get your gi in a twist if the martial arts presented are inaccurate (he knows what martial art fanatics are like, I guess), because they are not to be confused with the martial arts in the real world. So everything is to fit the game world or for game balance. Yes, game balance, by the creator of RIFTS (TM). So anything unbalanced from here on out means DRINK ONCE. Why can't he just say "Because it's a game and also I didn't actually study every martial art in the world, I'm taking my cues from some old books that give two pages on each of twenty martial arts, and a bunch of HKAT films"? Okay to be fair he DOES say "And, where I didn't have the data, I just made it up". This predates Wikipedia, so I guess that's okay. I mean, before Wiki, that's how literally all research ever was done, right? Just make it up if you don't happen to know it? Also he points out that in the real world there aren't actually any Good or Evil martial arts, and even all the ones that place emphasis on honour have their own definitions of honour, so any alignment things included are just for the game.

Disclaimer 2 is the standard "This is an RPG, don't actually try this stuff or think you are a kung fu master because you played one in a game" crossed with the standard "We know martial arts are cool, but don't learn it from a book, learn it from a proper master and don't injure yourself" which was standard for basically any book that mentioned martial arts back then. They don't say that now because these days you can learn chokeholds on youtube. Performed by sexy ladies.

I am going to be ruthless in skipping a lot of shit apart from when it's particularly different from the norm. So for instance, it uses the "Most Palladium (TM) games" thing for stats where 16-18 gives you an extra d6, but not the Ninja Turtles thing where sixes explode on bonus dice. You choose an OCC in this game, and then choose skills like normal (as in, skill programs like in Heroes Unlimited (R) or TMNT (R)), except unlike RIFTS (TM), you don't just grab a HtH skill and be done with it, you instead have a bunch of martial art options which have a bit more impact on your character. For some characters, half your fucking skills actually come from your martial arts. Also some Martial Arts will let you choose martial arts powers. But I get ahead of myself. BUT SO DOES THE BOOK.

Oh I should mention this game doesn't use MDC. That's probably for the best, even if it does rule out giant robots (ruling them out is never for the best). It goes straight into the rules of damage, SDC and HP as well as optional random tables for side effects of injuries. It also mentions Chi, which is basically PPE. Or simply your attention, as it explains "distracting a kid so you can take something out of their grip" as a Chi thing. Um, okay. I'm going to have a drink, my Chi has been disrupted.

Also, you need at least 1 Chi before you are able to be healed in any way, whether naturally, by magic or by medical practice. That's right, you need fucking acupuncturists around for surgical operations. Do you carry your healing crystals, Frank?

So Chi is PE + any bonuses from Martial Arts (a couple of them provide multipliers, which apply after bonuses, but you can never have more than one multiplier so even if you COULD take two of the multiplying arts, which you can't because they're all Primary Arts, you still wouldn't want to). You can regain lost Chi by sleeping or meditating, unless you have DISRUPTED Chi, in which case you need to use a Chi Skill (or find a slightly racist stereotype Chi Master to do it for you). If you have zero or negative Chi, you have to make weekly saves against getting sick and wasting away. This ends as soon as your Chi rises above zero, and as dumb as Chi-based health is conceptually in a world where you have to argue with dickheads about fucking vaccinations versus homeopathy, the idea is obviously so you can have a character be "poisoned" by someone jamming a finger into their thorax and activating a deadly Chi point that cases Chi Wasting.


This is a deadly attack. I was actually looking for the thing where Toutaku poisoned Hakufu's chi, but this will have to do.

They still haven't explained what you can do with your Chi. Alignments are still in, and they still have the rant about how there is no such thing as Neutral. Normally it's just Good (Principled, Scrupulous), Selfish/Self-Serving (Unprincipled, Anarchist) and Evil (Aberrant, Miscreant, Diabolic). Sometimes Anarchist is put in the same basket as Evil for certain requirements, whatever. This time around, they also look at it from the perspective of Honourable (Principled, Unprincipled, Aberrant), Non-Honourable (Scrupulous, Anarchist) and Dishonourable (Miscreant, Diabolic). They also throw in a thing on the principles of Bushido, reduced to "enough to fit on a playing card".

Experience... Insanity... oh hey skill programs! Now we get an idea what some of these skills do! You didn't come here to see lists of skill percentages and shit though, so I'm not going to list them. Okay? I'll just mention that the programs (which are groups of skills) fit into the following categories: Gimoteer (a specific OCC), Medical, Espionage, Military and Basic. I will point out that they go into more detail as to what the skills are used for and how they work than in RIFTS (TM) where you just sort of HAVE the skills and that's that.

Yes, physical skills still boost your stats.

Now, here are all the OCCs you can pick:
-Martial Artists: Dedicated Martial Artist, Worldly Martial Artist
-Espionage Agents: Cyber Agent, Gadgeteer Agent, Operator Agent, Wired Agent
-Free Agents: Private Eye, Professional Free Agent, Thief Free Agent, Wandering Free Agent
-Gizmoteers: Dreamer Gizmoteer, Gizoid Gizmoteer, Tinker Gizmoteer
-Mercenaries: Academy Officer, Commando Mercenary, Cyborg Soldier, Veteran Grunt

Here is where I leave off for now, but rest assured, I will be back to mock things, and to provide pictures for what I think the classes are meant to represent. Even if the book predates the things I think of because seriously, I was only 4 in 1988 and I consider anything before my time to be pre-historic.

[OgreBattle]

I like how the cover shows a Ninja and a Superspy

[erik]

Please, don't fuck books.

On the one hand I have Koumei telling me not to fuck books. On the other hand, Frank and Ancient History keep telling me to fuck the Victorian Age Vampire book.

Dilemmas.

[Prak]

Just be careful of paper cuts, erik.

[DSMatticus]

Please, don't fuck books.

You just don't understand our love! No one understands!

If I had to fuck a book, I think it'd have to be something AH wrote. Makes great conversation, brings plenty of weird into the bedroom.

[Koumei]

Okay, so let's talk about martial artists. The first thing to know is that you have to start training at a young age. If you're old enough to drive, it is too late for you to take up martial arts.

Dedicated Martial Artists start at age 12 before you add training times from their styles. They get TWO Martial Arts, one Primary and one Secondary. Alternatively they can just have one special Exclusive one that counts as both choices. They are Literate and know maths + 2 Secondary Skills, but that's it for their skills other than those granted by Martial Arts.

So basically you'd be playing:




Worldly Martial Artists, on the other hand, start at 15 + training times, but only get one martial art (can't be Exclusive). They get an extra three Physical Skills, a few Skill Packages, and some extra Martial Arts Powers as well. As such you would be playing:

---

Now, Espionage Agents come next, and even here, you can potentially pick up a martial art form. As an agent you're either part of a government secret service thing or part of a secret international spy organisation.

Cyber Agents have crippling stat requirements of IQ 8 or more. Oh wow. They don't get to do a martial art form, instead starting with HtH: Basic, which can be upgraded to Expert (one Secondary skill) or "Martial Arts" (two Secondary skills). Remember that HtH: Martial Arts is not the same as a martial arts form, it's just the best of the "standard generic" ones. Honestly we're not even talking "It's the equivalent of having Full BAB", because even the attacks/round and bonuses tend to stay roughly even. Anyway, they get +10% to their skills, and get 4 programs + 6 secondary skills. They then go to the Cyber Implant/Bionics section with a budget of one and a quarter million dollars (if combined with Heroes Unlimited (TM), you can use their bionics as well and get +1d4 million dollars).

So in other words:



Wired Agents aren't quite the same as Cyber Agents. They have a bunch of high tech implants, but don't get robo limbs. IQ 8+ PE 12+. You get one non-exclusive martial art form, 4 programs and 6 Secondary Skills. They also have a cyber-budget of a million dollars, but are limited to a total of four from Implants, Cyber-Attachments and Cyber-Disguises (maximum of one Cyber-Attachment).


I'm not even sorry for this.

Gadgeteer Agents need IQ 9+ and PP 9+, and get a martial art form. They have a $150K budget for 1 Implant or Cyber Disguise, 5 programs and 6 secondary skills. This isn't really different from the Wired Agent, you trade some cybernetics for more skills.

Operative Agents need 11+ IQ, and are all about skills. They get one martial art form, six skill programs and six secondary skills. Basically, you're supposed to be a pretty "serious" spy character, one who has a lot of training and doesn't fuck everyone he meets (Bond comes later on. He also comes frequently.)



Free Agents! They're like Espionage Agents except where they're not! Namely, they are more worldly, experiencing the decadence of life and learning everything hands-on.




These actually cover all the classes from this category. The majority of these characters have to take "basic" Hand to Hand skills, but the Wandering Free Agent starts with one MA form, and the Thief can swap a massive four secondary skills for either Jujutsu, Aikido, Tae Kwon Do, Moo Gi Gong.

Tune in next time for the rest of the classes!

[Koumei]

Okay, let's look at the Gizmoteer group now. These people get to make shit. That's the big deal. Even if they have the "wrong" Gizmo skills they still have a 5% chance (minimum) to build things. If you have any of the packages you get a Construction Skill that applies to all of your fields, starting at 50%. It's magical tea party all the way down though, so I don't even care. Maybe you can build nuclear weapons out of remote control toy cars, maybe you can't even turn a semi-auto rifle into an automatic. The different fields are Electronic Communication (Radio, TV/Video, microwave comms, sonar), Vehicle Construction, Weapon Construction, Explosives Construction, Telephone Hacking, Computer Hacking, Locksmith & Security Systems, Microchip Tech (lets you make the hardware but not program it, you need hacking for that), Cybernetics (doesn't let you implant them), Containment Fabricating (disguise items as other items).

The Dreamer gets a martial art, 3 Gizmoteer programs (with +3% to the skills!), 2 other programs and 8 secondary skills. They basically have a whole bunch of things they can do, but aren't focused in anything. So it's just skills and kung-fu.

With enough money and prep time to build stuff, they can be...


The Gizoid does not get a martial art, but gets 4 Gizmoteer programs (+2% to skills!) and 1 other, plus 4 Secondary. Additionally, has 2 things from Implants/Cyber-Disguises with a $500,000 budget. As they gain levels they are allowed to buy more cyber stuff to put in with a 100% success rate. Whatever.

They probably also look like a Masamune Shirow character. I am okay with this.

The Tinker also has regular HtH skills, 5 Gizmoteer programs (+6%) and 1 other, plus 6 secondary. And that's it. They are just very gizmo-oriented and could be very sciency if you wanted to do that, therefore the picture I will use...



The other option was the professor from Nichijou.

---

Mercenary classes are rooty-tooty-point-and-shooty people.

Academy Officers get a HtH skill, 7 skill programs and 5 secondary skills and that's it. But they can do a good job of having lots of military skills if they want that?



Commando Merc gets a somewhat limited choice of martial arts to learn, but there are a fair number there. They also get 5 skill programs and 6 secondary skills.



Cyborg Soldier is pretty much what it sounds like. Has Expert or Martial Arts HtH by default, but can spend skills to upgrade to one of a few limited martial arts forms. They can't do that if you boost them via Heroes Unlimited (TM). 4 skill programs and 6 secondary skills. $450K budget for cyber stuff, but if you let them take stuff from Heroes Unlimited (TM) you boost that by 1d4+1 million. Alternatively you can roll on a special "We can rebuild him" table for a bunch of stuff.




Veteran Grunt gets a martial art form, 5 programs, 10 secondary skills and a bonus to their Basic Military program (+15% on the percentage skills, +1 to Strike for the WP it provides).


GET TO THE CHOPPAH

---

There's then a thing on spy agencies, and on false identities, and then a list of cybernetics and a copy-pasta on building the super-vehicle. So tune in next time for the MARTIAL ARTS!

[Koumei]

GO NINJA GO NINJA GO NINJA GO

So, this book has 41 martial art forms (including the basic Agent HtH skills). This means if you have a group of 5 players plus the MC, and every player is a dedicated martial artist with different styles, you could still have about ten story arcs of "This gang uses 2-3 styles".

So if you have two styles, you have to tally your bonuses separately and choose which form you're fighting with. You don't get to blend your BJJ and Kempo.


Probably impacts your rating in the UFC games

The Boxing and Wrestling skills are not forms so their bonuses stack with martial arts as normal. Also the bonuses only apply to weapons if it specifically has a weapon kata for it.

I am skipping the Agent HtH skills (Basic, Expert, Assassin, Martial Arts), because they're the same in every Palladium (TM) game. Moving on.

AIKIDO


This is actually an exclusive art, meaning it has to be your primary choice. Basically, some (like this) are better than others and you can't take two of these better ones together, but have to pair it up (if you're a Dedicated Martial Artist) with something like Tae Kwon Do or Judo. There are also a couple of "takes both slots" ones, covered later. Takes fifteen years to learn. Like, not to master, just to get up to a level 1 proficiency, apparently. If this is taken, then learning Kyokushinkai, Jujutsu, Sankukai, Zanji Shinjinken or Taido as a secondary style is a lot quicker. No stat requirements, although you have to be Principled, Scrupulous, Unprincipled or Aberrant.

It gives +2 PP which is always nice (PP, being Dexterity, is of course The Best Stat) and +4 ME (so if you're a Psychic character in RIFTS (TM), you want to learn this) and flat-out doubles your Chi. Only 1 attack per round. From the very start, if you have someone in a joint-lock you can perform a knife-hand KO which does no damage but no-save knocks them out for 2d4 rounds. They get an automatic flip/throw, as well as automatic finger/wrist/elbow locks. A later RIFTER (TM) magazine specifies that this is a grappling art. It gives you 2 Atemi or Chi Mastery powers and 1 Zenjoriki power. Note that the former two are really rare amongst the martial art forms. Any power can be swapped for a Basic skill program (not physical though). You also get Japanese language, literacy, Zen training and two cultural skills like Go or ikebana. Eventually your throws crit like a scimitar and do more base damage and you double your Chi again, along with picking up more powers.

I give this an A for the Chi doubling, the auto-KO and the powers. If you are playing in a game that lets you take psychic powers, it gets an A+. I want to play a Mind Melter Aikido Master in RIFTS (TM) now. And that's hilarious, because Aikido ranks #2-3 for useless bullshit "martial arts" that are really just pretentious philosophy added to decent fitness training. (Just wait until we get to Tae Kwon Do and Wing Chun! It's just a shame that KILLING METHODS KRAV MAGA is not in this book.)

BOK PAI - CRANE STYLE



15 years to learn (or 6 as a secondary style), with no entry requirements. +2 PP, +4 Spd, +10 Chi and +10 SDC. 2 base attacks, punches for 1d8 damage, and has a lot of strikes available right off the bat. If you enter CRANE STANCE KATA (see: the ending to the first Karate Kid movie), you can't move around or dodge, but get +4 Parry, +6 Maintain Balance, +2 to Hit and the hit bonus counts towards critical hits (so if you roll an 18 it's a "natural" twenty). Gets 2 powers from Specialty Katas and Body Hardening Techs, which certainly aren't bad. They can be traded for basic (non-physical) skill programs, and you also get Chinese, Taoism, Fasting, and one cultural skill. I'm not going to bother mentioning "shortens training times of..." from now on, nobody cares.

Ends up getting some pretty crazy bonuses stacked on to the crane fist, along with a lot of stacking benefits to high rolls, and a variety of martial arts powers. It's a solid B, ideal for a secondary martial art or crit-fishing in general - by the end of it, in crane stance you crit on a 16+, Deathblow on a 16+ or 18+ (depending on whether you read the stance bonus to apply to everything or just the crit range) and Auto-KO on either 17+ or 19+.

CH'A CH'UAN KUNG FU


No requirements to enter, 10 years to study as primary or 6 for secondary. +2 PS +1 PE +15 SDC. 3 attacks per round right off the bat, but a very limited array of actual attacks. 2 Martial Art Techs or Body Hardening Exercises are gained, and can be exchanged as normal. You also learn Mongolian, Fasting, Desert Survival, Tracking, Horse Riding, Archery, Gymnastics, Prowl, WP Sword, WP Spear, WP Rifle. But no weapon katas so drink once and argue with the MC as to whether you can even use these things with your form. For the record, you can't but you should be able to. Note that Gymnastics gives some pretty solid attribute bonuses on its own, so the stat boosts for the style are actually bigger than they look.

You end up with almost +30' of leap distance from this. I just thought I'd mention that. My grade for this depends on whether you actually get to use your form bonuses with all those weapons (or for that matter, your basic Attacks Per Round with rifles). If you do, I give it a B because that's a nice thing and you also get all those other skills. If not, it's a C-.

CHI HSUAN MEN - THE WHITE JADE FAN


Okay that was funny, but seriously it's this:


Technically she is a ninja in KoF, but this is what you'd use to portray her in N&S.

Another Exclusive art, 15 years to study, no entrance requirements. +5 Chi, +1 PE, +1 PP, +10 SDC, 2 attacks per round. Has a fingertip attack and vital point paralysis attack, along with actual Weapon Katas for WP Blunt and Paired Weapons (specifically, the White Jade Fan). Has 2 Atemi or Body Hardening Powers, can trade as normal. Gets Chinese, Galligraphy, Go and Confucianism. Over the progression you get the usual array of bonuses, extra attacks and additional powers.

You get paired weapons and can stack on your Weapon Proficiency bonuses, so that's already awesome. Remember that just having WP Paired gives you +1 attack per round (presumably when dual-wielding, but it doesn't actually SAY that), and IIRC the standard rule for dual-wielding is "double your attacks, champ". So dual wielding fans and taking Boxing should give you 8 or 12 attacks per round, depending on whether this game also gives you +2 Attacks for being a player character. As it has to be your primary art, I'll give it a B+ only because paralysis attack actually has a save (and Palladium (TM) games typically make it easy to pass saving throws) and it doesn't give really awesome stat boosts. If I am right about doubling your attacks when dual-wielding, go ahead and bump it to an A- and just flurry away.

One more for today... CHI'N NA, THE ART OF SEIZING

Technically this is a submission hold, not a porno

No restrictions per se, but honourable characters will shy away from it. Takes 13 or 6 years to learn. This is another grappling art. Also you have to spend up to 100K to learn it and are then expected to keep making annual "gifts" of up to 5K at a time. So this definitely sounds like a criminal thing.

+5 Chi, +1 PS, +2d4 SDC, 2 attacks. Every Parry is also a Disarm attempt, which can be handy, has a paralysis attack and the chokehold - which in core rules is lame, but if you use the RIFTER (TM) errata on choking, it's fucking lethal and you will abuse this shit every chance you get.


It's an easy mistake to make.

Only has limb holds, not actual joint locks, which is weird, but whatever: you can choke people out. 2 Atemi powers and 1 Art of Invisibility, so you get to do sort of Ninja things! These cannot be traded out but you wouldn't want to anyway. You learn Chinese, Fasting and Taoism. You learn all the things you'd expect to learn, but for a so-called "grappling master of pain" you never learn any joint locks, so you will not be applying a heel hook or kimura.


This is not you.

I give it an A if you are using the RIFTER (TM) rules on grappling and chokeholds. Otherwise the powers let it scrape in at a B-.

[Koumei]

Right, let's go through another batch.

CHOY LI FUT KUNG FU


This is a pretty standard striking one, except it has three special strikes: a punch for 1d8, a punch for 1d10 but with a -4 to hit, and a punch for 1d10 that can't be Parried. So in other words, ignore the first two, it has an unblockable 1d10 punch. Also it lets you enter BEAR FORM!



In bear form you can't Dodge, Circular Parry, or retreat, and your attacks are limited to the special threeone this style gives you. But you get +2 to strike and parry and +4 to balance. Anyway, you get +5 Chi, +2 PE, +1 PP, +3 Spd, +10 SDC, 2 attacks, and Weapon Katas for the spear, short sword and paired weapons. And the "eighteen staff". Presumably the eighteen-section staff/whip thing. Which presumably actually fits under a WP of either staff or flexible, and isn't just two words thrown out there but what the fuck do I know?

2 powers from Specialty Katas or Body Hardening, can be traded. You also get Chinese, Begging and Taoism. Overall I give this one a C, upgraded to a B if you have a way to really boost your punch damage for the unblockable, downgraded to D- if I read it wrong and they actually mean "You can't parry in the same action count as you using this punch". That would make more sense from a "having three special attacks" perspective but would also be kind of shit. Alternatively, you can raise it to an A+ because SUDDENLY BEARS.

DRUNKEN STYLE KUNG FU


+3 MA, +1 PE, +10 SDC. Yes, the company spokesman should probably learn this I suppose. 2 attacks, and a special stagger: if you need to spend an action moving to enter combat, you use this as it means you also win Initiative and thus Always Go First for the rest of the fight (or until Initiative is next rolled, if you do it round-by-round). Has quite a lot of punches, kicks, leg-hook trips and stuff, and can choke people out. 2 powers from Arts of Invisibility and Body Hardening, can be traded. You also get Chinese, Singing, Begging, Disguise, Fasting, Gymnastics, Prowl, Swimming and Taoism. So basically it just about gives you everything a ninja would want except for elemental summoning, flight and an energy penis. This is a great secondary art, I'd go so far as to give it an A-.

FONG NGAN KUNG FU (PHOENIX EYE)

How to break your knuckles, chapter 1.

This is the art of punching you in the fucking face. +3 MA (so also good for a socialite), +1 PS and PE, +15 SDC. FOUR attacks per turn, not that many strikes but combo strike/parry, POWER PARRY ("does damage!" How much damage, asshole?), and one-handed choke that lets you keep fighting. Oh, and a special kick attack.


Here is a picture of some swollen purple plums. No reason.

It deals damage like a long sword and stuns the target for 1d4 rounds, but costs two actions. Anyway you also get 2 Body Hardening/Martial Art Techs which can be traded, and Chinese, Fasting, Climbing, Gymnastics and Taoism. This martial art is great, from the POWER PARRY and the stats (remember Gymnastics!), to the number of attacks, to the one-handed choke and the kick to the plums. Top stuff, I give it an A+.

FU CHIAO PAI - TIGER CLAW KUNG FU


+2 PS. +1 PP, +3 Spd, +15 SDC. 2 attacks per round, combo-parry/claw attack, bunch of strikes, dropkick, and a special two-handed claw attack that deals 2d6 damage but you lose your auto-parry for the rest of the round. So only do this if you pick up a way to get an auto-dodge with a halfway respectable bonus. Weapon Kata: Claws. Grants 2 Body Hardening/Specialty Katas and also Karumi-Jutsu (a Zenjoriki Power). Can swap them as normal. Chinese, Gardening, Cooking, Fasting, Wilderness Survival, Tracking, Climbing, Gymnastics, Prowl, Swimming, Taoism.

So... eh, it's all right I guess? It isn't terrible, but there's nothing particularly special there. If your primary is a very chi-centric or grappling-oriented one, this is probably a good switch-up secondary art, but even then there are still better choices. You know, like Phoenix Eye right above. C+

HWARANG-DO KARATE (EXCLUSIVE)


For mild smugness and pretension, you can have karate that is allegedly better than regular karate! Later on we will discuss Isshin-Ryu karate, might discuss Hapkido, and won't discuss Shotokan karate, but the same thing applies to all three: it's basically the same as any other karate, stop wanking yourself off. Fuck, it's not like you're even doing actual high-impact training where you actually punch each other in the face, so you still have zero training the first time someone leaps out at you from an alleyway.

I'm sure I haven't rustled any jimmies with that paragraph and can continue quite safely.

So in the game, you get +2 ME (yay for psionic characters?), +1 PS, +1 PE, +3 Spd, +10 SDC, and you get 3 attacks per melee. You get a variety of strikes, body flip/throw, and a chokehold. You can also pick one Weapon Kata - short stick, spear, sword or paired knives. You get two powers from Body Hardening, Martial Arts Techs, and Special Katas. Can trade them. You gain Korean, Gymnastics and Buddhism or Zen Buddhism.

So overall? It's reasonably solid, but there isn't anything that really sets it aside, and I don't think it warrants being a Primary. I remind you that Phoenix Eye is a thing that exists. Let's give it a B.

[JigokuBosatsu]

Oh, man, I emerge from my coccoon of pain and find this here. Well done!

It's been a weird week for high school nostalgia- between this review and the mixtape I digitized for my exgf, I don't even know what to feels.

[mlangsdorf]

One more for today... CHI'N NA, THE ART OF SEIZING
No restrictions per se, but honourable characters will shy away from it. Takes 13 or 6 years to learn. This is another grappling art. Also you have to spend up to 100K to learn it and are then expected to keep making annual "gifts" of up to 5K at a time. So this definitely sounds like a criminal thing.

So I have to ask: what the heck is that about? GURPS Martial Arts (which is at least 1000% better researched than anything Palladium has ever done) has this to say about Chi'n Na:

"Chin Na (roughly, “seize and control”) – also called “Chin
Na Kung Fu” – is a term for [grappling and seizing vital points]. It’s a truly ancient art. Grappling has been part of China’s martial tradition since before written record, and joint manipulation and locking techniques are equally old.

"Martial artists typically learn Chin Na as part of one or more other Chinese styles, most of which describe their joint-locking methods as “Chin Na.” Chin Na is also the subject of many texts on its own, however, and remains remarkably consistent across styles that teach it. It’s sometimes taught independently, to students from many arts."

So does Kevin explain why basic wrestling technique is considered unsavory and you have to pony up yearly fees to learn it?

[JigokuBosatsu]

Well, my guess on pretty much any question like that is that is thin air bullshit.

But considering one of the easiest chin na moves is "grabbing the love handles HARD" you might make a case for it seeming "unsavory".

[Silent Wayfarer]

Alternatively, you can raise it to an A+ because SUDDENLY BEARS.

Apocalypse World Style, I like. Does it also have random pedophilic encounters and taking damage/breaking your wrists/ankles with every hit you make?

[Koumei]

ISSHIN-RYU KARATE


Another bullshit "my karate is better than most" style, in a game that doesn't have the granularity to really make two schools of karate feel different. So what does this one give? +10 Chi, +1 to PS, PE and PP, +3 Spd. 3 Attacks per round, so this is workable so far, and a bunch of strikes including a combo Parry/Strike and combo Dodge/Kick. Also has Weapon Kata with the staff. If RIFTS (TM) actually had magic staves, I would suggest wizards look into getting this martial art. But it doesn't have magic staves, so even if they COULD learn this, there's no point. Anyway, they get 2 Martial Art/Specialty Katas and also get Bassai "Fortress Penetration" (if you know what I mean). These can be swapped. They learn Japanese, Gardening, Ikebana, Bonsai, Calligraphy, Haiku, Music (instrumental or singing), Cooking, Sewing, Dancing and Go. Fucking hell, it's a full Weeaboo Training Course. The philosophical training is Zen.

As you gain levels, you actually get a lot of "Roll high, cause awesome stuff" effects (Deathblow on 20, KO on 19-20, Crit on 18-20), a bunch of other powers and even Chi Mastery and Zenjoriki powers, and (right near the end) a doubling of Chi. So that's a pretty solid progression. Also at level 2 you just add 3 levels to your Staff WP. I like to think that at level 13+ this causes an overflow and any time you attack or parry with a staff the universe explodes. Anyway it's really A- all-up. The only reason not to take this for your "hit people" art is Phoenix Eye exists.

JUJUTSU



Spoiler: you cannot do any of the above jujutsu manoeuvres with jujutsu. That's a Zen thing.

Hey everyone, an effective martial art! We found one, everyone! Let's see how it's treated in the game. Oh look, Honourable alignments are not allowed, despite this being considered (with dubious accuracy) a martial art of the samurai, who in popular fiction were super honourable. I remind you that DICK-KICKING STYLE has no alignment restrictions.


Again, plums.

+5 Chi and SDC, +2 PP, +1 PE. Okay, things are reasonable so far. Only 2 Attacks per round, that's a bit sad. Combo Dodge/Kick, a bunch of strikes, body flip/throw, choking, and paralysis attack. Has a bunch of holds and also a wrist lock, but apparently they don't utilise any other joint locks in jujutsu. That is correct, you cannot apply an armbar or kimura. But hey, you can choke people out.


Like so.

You gain three powers from Atemi, Martial Arts and Special Katas, which can be traded as normal. So that's looking pretty good. I'll forgive the 2 attacks per round for this. Sadly, it only teaches you to speak Japanese, there are no other skills involved. So make sure your other martial art teaches Gymnastics, is what I'm saying. For anyone who isn't a Dedicated Martial Artist, you have the skills spare to pick it up on your own. No Weapon Katas either, which could be a problem - this doesn't impact firearms as they just (basically) always hit and don't get HtH bonuses anyway, so you can do just fine as a soldier with an AK and this.

It's considered a grappling art, so gets a bunch of bonuses to throwing people and stuff, also applying to holds and locks (see the RIFTER (TM) for more information), gains the scimitar critical range at 4th level, so that's rad. The progression gives a few more abilities but does not improve your Chi, which may be a problem. Overall though, this is a solid B+ that makes a great supportive art - you take it as someone who also shoots people, or to supplement another martial art, but you don't go "My entire shtick is this".

KUO-CH'UAN - DOG BOXING KUNG FU


No requirements. +2 PS, +1 PE, +1 PP, +3 Spd, +15 SDC, 2 attacks. Lots of flipping and acrobatic moves. 2 powers from Arts of Invisibility, Martial Art Techs and Body Hardening. Can swap them. Also gains Chinese, Begging, Fasting, Acrobatics AND Gymnastics (each with decent stat boosts), Prowl and Taoism. So already this looks like a great contender for "the martial art you take for passive bonuses but rarely actually use." The progression isn't exactly shitty, but has nothing particularly special to it. I'll give it a B, because it gives you good things but isn't noteworthy as an actual fighting style. Again, take it as a secondary, or just to boost up a character who will actually be shooting people.

KYOKUSHINKAI KARATE

I just want everyone to picture karate by the Four Yorkshiremen of Monty Python

This is another SUPER SPECIAL KARATE. Again, in a system that doesn't actually make one form of karate (or kempo or tae kwon do or half the kung fu styles) feel different from another. Why could they not do a "Build your martial art out of pieces" thing?

Anyway, +10 Chi and SDC, and +2 PS. 3 attacks per round, combo Dodge/Kick. 1 Martial Art Tech, 2 Special Katas (no Weapon Katas though), and Tamashiwara (at +4 levels, so you start with it as a 5th level power). Can trade as normal. Japanese, one Cultural skill (including Hojo-jutsu, which I choose to assume involves injecting Jenova cells into your body), and Zen or Bushido.

So it's a midcard style. I mean, on the one hand you don't get a huge variety of attacks and the progression isn't that exciting (although very late you do get to double your Chi). On the other hand, you get a good load-up of powers right off the bat. Let's call it a B+.

LEE KWAN CHOO


Apparently this is a non-violent martial art, and it is "impossible to hurt people with it". Basically, you have a bunch of attacks that deal no damage but no-save stun people for 1d6 rounds. It's the silly "punch up to an inch away from the target and send a chi-infused shockwave through the air to ??? them" thing that you need in HKAT. I approve. Also no-save stun-locking is fucking broken so that's awesome.

+10 Chi, +3 ME, +3 MA, +6 Speed. So psychics and spokesmen like it. Every Mind Melter, Mystic and Shifter in RIFTS (TM) is probably already going "Ooh, yes please". 1 attack per round, sadly, but hey, each attack that hits subtracts 1d6 rounds from your opponent, and then your friends aren't prevented from just stomping on their spine.

You get one Zenjoriki power and one Body Hardening or Martial Art Tech. Can trade. You learn Tibetan, Gardening, Calligraphy, Cooking, Sewing, Fasting, Mountaineering, Tibetan Lore and Taoism. The progression grants more powers, scimitar-style auto-KO, and two doublings of Chi. Very tasty, I give this a solid A.

[Koumei]

No reference to Apocalypse World with the Kuma Shock style. I think I'm happy about this.

And no reason for basic wrestling to be evil.


Aside from that.

Presumably because you're not just doing ARMBARS EVERYWHERE, but you're choking people out, and doing the mystic pressure-point grabbing that causes people's heads to explode in HKAT and does nothing at all in the real world. Because of the influences on this, you can pinch someone's neck in a way that causes total paralysis and eventual death.

[Hadanelith]

For reference, Koumei, Hojojutsu is the art of tying people up. In combat. I will let you draw your own conclusions from there.

[Berkserker]

For reference, Koumei, Hojojutsu is the art of tying people up. In combat. I will let you draw your own conclusions from there.

Yeah I was thinking the same thing. As well as, what the devil does any brand of punchy-facey have to do with bondage? That seems very off to me.

[Nebuchadnezzar]

I'd have to dig up a copy of N&SS to do so myself, but there might be value in comparing the MA styles to those in Rifts WB 25:China 2, since there is at least some overlap. I remember Nei Gong circle walking being kind of neat.

[Koumei]

LI-CHIA SHORT HAND KUNG FU

Boxing-distance kung fu. +1 PE and PP, +4 Spd,+20 SDC, 3 Attacks. Combo Parry/Attack, and a variety of strikes, mostly punches. 2 Body Hardening/Special Katas, which can be traded. You also get to speak Chinese, no other skills. This is a pretty boring style, and the most noteworthy thing is the bucket of SDC provided. C, and even then it's only because of the SDC and 3 attacks.

MIEN-CH'UAN - COTTON FIST KUNG FU

Apparently Mileena learned Mian Ch'uan some time in her busy schedule

It appears they fucked up and it's Mian Ch'uan. Anyway, Unprincipled, Anarchist, Miscreant and Diabolic only. It's a dishonourable Aikido apparently. +10 Chi, +1 PE, +4 Spd, +10 SDC. 1 Attack. Very few attacks and defences are gained, but you get 3 powers from Body Hardening, Chi Mastery and Special Kaas, which can be traded. You also gain Chinese, two Cultural skills, Geomancy* and Taoism.

You gain a few Chi doublings as you go along, as well as a number of martial arts powers, including Zenjoriki and Chi, but no Atemi. Still, there aren't many that straight-up hand out Chi powers from the start, so it's good for that. B-.

MONKEY STYLE KUNG FU


+10 Chi, +5 motherfucking MA points (pair with Drunk style or whatever for a total of +8 to a stat that is hard to boost through skills... and rarely actually gets used for anything), +1 PS and PE, +10 SDC. Only 2 attacks. A lot of strikes, holds, flips and acrobatic movements, and you can choke people. Also gain one of the following:
-Drunken Monkey: +2 Parry and hand-based Strikes, Auto-Dodge
-Lost Monkey: +3 Kick or Backsweep, only defence available is Multiple Dodge
-Tall Monkey: +2 to Strike and to Circular Parry, +3 Damage
-Stone Monkey: no Parry/Dodge, +1 Attack, +4 Strike, +2 Damage and Roll
-Wood Monkey: play dead then make a single surprise attack for +6 to hit, +4 damage
So basically, someone did additional studying for this form and had a hard-on for it in a way they didn't give a toss about a dozen other arts.

You also get 2 Arts of Invisibility or Body Hardening or additional Monkey Katas. Can be traded out, and yes, in future when you gain a special power you can instead learn a new Monkey Kata. You gain Chinese, Begging, Acrobatics AND Gymnastics, Prowl, Climbing and Taoism. So basically you get a handy unique stance or two (sure, it's just a stat change, nothing particularly special, but whatever), a good bunch of stat boosts (note the skills) and they put some effort in. I can't award less than a B for this.

MOO GI GONG

Actual in-book art

It's a very weapon-based variety of Hwarang-Do. +1 PE, +1 PP, +10 SDC, 2 attacks. Few attacks, but Weapon Katas for all Ancient Weapons (bonus +1 to hit, too) and Paired Weapons. 1 Body Hardening or Martial Art Tech, which can be swapped. You learn Korean, Archery and Buddhism or Zen Buddhism. All weapons crit like a longsword and eventually a scimitar, any small item (pencil, bottle, credit card) can automatically be thrown for 1d4 or wielded normally for 1d6 damage, and later on flexible things can be used to choke people. You get a pile of bonuses to hit and damage with "any weapon". So without the weapon stuff, I would give this a D ranking. Because of the weapons and the fact that you can murder people with a sock though, I'll give it a C+.



NINJUTSU (Double Exclusive)



Whoops, wrong game, we already have a game for the last one!

This takes up BOTH choices, so is Dedicated Only, yet it still bothers to reduce the learning times for other martial arts taken as secondary ones. What is this I don't even.

+2 MA, +1 PS, +1 PE, +1 PP, +4 Spd. 2 Attacks per round. A lot of leaps and rolls, a bunch of strikes, standard throw, holds but no locks and no choking. Two Weapon Katas chosen from a whole bunch. 2 Arts of Invisibility and also 2 from Body Hardening/MA Techs/Special Katas. Can trade as normal. You also gain Japanese, Acrobatics, Archery, Climbing, Swimming, WP (Shuriken, Blowgun, Mouth Dart, Kawanga, Knife, Kusari-Gama, Kyoketsu-Shoge, Manriki-Gusari, Nekode, Shikomi-Zue), and Bushido. A few more skills there and it would basically be a full OCC on its own. Skills not included: Prowl, Disguise, Camouflage, any kind of deception or forgery skills or even "a bunch of cultural skills that let you fit in with X".

Basically, there are better ways to be a ninja, this one sucks. I award it a D not just on its own (lack of) merit, but because it locks you into playing a Dedicated Martial Artist with basically no other skills. Use this only for enemy Disposable Ninja Assassin groups.

Yes, I did want to include a picture from Karakuri Ninja Girl, but that's a hentai so I doubt there's anything worksafe.

*Geomancy does not let you ignore terrain effects and cause earthquakes like in Final Fantasy. It also doesn't let you change the bizarre rules of the battlefield like in Disgaea.

[Regularguy]

Monkey Kata. You gain Chinese, Begging, Acrobatics AND Gymnastics, Prowl, Climbing and Taoism. So basically you get a handy unique stance or two (sure, it's just a stat change, nothing particularly special, but whatever), a good bunch of stat boosts (note the skills) and they put some effort in. I can't award less than a B for this.

FWIW, Drunken Monkey ("similar to the bizarre imbalances and broken rhythm of the Drunken Style. All attacks are designed to look accidental") apes Drunken Style: "All attacks and defenses seem to be pure accidents, with a hand outstretched at exactly the right time, a stumble to the left just in time to avoid a blow, and so forth. It is said that the greatest masters can leave their opponents completely defeated but without a clue as to anything other than 'dumb luck' being the cause ... the actual moves are disguised."

If that's crunch, it maybe deserves a higher grade. If it's fluff, maybe not.

I can't tell from the book which it is, which is maybe the real point.

[Koumei]

PAO PAT MEI - LEOPARD STYLE KUNG FU


I liked leopard style for a long time and I can't remember why. Presumably I read somewhere that it emphasised a striking style that suited me or something, or it's just that the actual leopard animal is nice. Anyway, +2 MA, +1 PS, +1 PP, +8 Spd (that's a lot, shame Speed does literally nothing), +10 SDC, 3 Attacks. A handful of strikes, and combo Strike/Parry.

You get 2 choices from Invisibility, Body Hardening and Special Katas. Can trade them. You also get Chinese, Fasting, Wilderness Survival, Tracking, Prowl and Taoism. The baseline stuff isn't too bad, but other than that all it has going for it is Prowl and Arts of Invisibility. C+ because you might want it as a secondary or something, and stealth works just fine with setting up for a machinegun salvo.

SANKUKAI KARATE


HONOURABLE ONLY. I have very quickly stopped giving a shit about karate variants. But anyway it's +5 Chi, +1 PE, +4 Spd and +10 SDC. 2 Attacks, Auto-Roll, Circular Parry, Combo Parry/Attack, Combo Dodge/Kick, Combo Grab/Kick. 2 powers from Invisibility, Martial Arts or Special Katas (but not Weapon Kata), can swap. Also gain Japanese, two Cultural choices and Zen. Decidedly average, C.

SHAO-LIN KUNG FU


I'm pretty sure this is one of those overhyped wank things? I don't know? +2 ME, +2 PS, +1 PE, +1 PP, +10 SDC, 3 Attacks. Looks solid, and again Mind Melters are interested. Combo Parry/Attack, various strikes, limb holds, and DRAGON KATA: uses all actions and you only have Auto-Parry for defence, but your attack is an automatic Critical Hit (double damage), no attack roll needed. This is only really a good idea against really evasive foes.

2 powers from Body Hardening or Special Katas, can trade. Chinese, Gymnastics, Taoism. Pretty sad on the skills front, and I don't think you'd want to use Dragon Kata very often, but the general other stuff isn't too bad I guess, and the progression is reasonably solid. Call it a B-.

SNAKE STYLE KUNG FU


This is OBVIOUSLY for baddies, everyone knows that. I want to study it in real life to see if it makes me SUPER EVIL. Only available to Dishonourable and Evil characters. Depending on what they mean by "and", that means 2x Selfish and 3x Evil choices, or it means just 2x Evil choices. It's all about Yin and negative chi to fucking murder people with a finger jab.

Doubles your Chi (wait and it isn't even exclusive, that's awesome), +4 ME and MA (usual disclaimer about RIFTS (TM) characters), only 1 attack. Special fingertip jab that does zero damage but channels Chi attacks directly to hit points, other than that you have a palm strike and combo parry/attack. Oh, and you can choke people out.




I don't know why, but I love choke holds.

1 Invisibility or Chi Mastery power, 2 Zenjoriki. Can trade as normal. You also get Chinese, Calligraphy, Geomancy and Evil Taoism. The progression is what you'd expect - a few more Chi doublings, 18-20 crit range and a lot more powers rather than heaps of attacks and bonuses. This is really solid for using Chi and mystic powers. Also choking is broken if you use the RIFTER (TM). I give it an A.

SUMO (Exclusive)


You need PS and PE of 12+ and it has its own special height and weight table. +5 Chi, +2 PS and PE, +1 PP, +30 SDC, so great for bulky builds. 2 attacks per round. Power block/parry ("does damage!" HOW MUCH, FUCKFACE?), body tackle, body flip/throw, crush/squeeze, choke, body holds...

1 Body Hardening or Martial Art Tech, can swap. Japanese, one Cultural Skill, and Zen/Shinto. It's a grappling art so gets bonuses to that. It's not that special other than the bulk, but if you get to level 15 your body throw auto-crits with a base damage of 2d6 + bonus. C+ because it at least has some uses.

[JigokuBosatsu]

Oh lord. This game was literally the best when we were 12. I remember if I wasn't playing Snake Style I was playing Moo Gi Gong. Probably thinking I was playing a cool Jackie Chan type character but in reality acting more like the fishmalk of N&SS.

One thing I will note that is hilarous in retrospect is the whole "zenjoriki" thing. This can be honesty hour. When I first started practicing Zen Buddhism I was keen to develop awesome powers, and was highly disappointed to find that I probably would not. Almost every source, in fact, mentions that if you do find yourself with some sort of supernatural power, it means that you are on the right track but to ignore those powers much like one would continue ignoring the television. Even if these powers are "real", they are still a "delusion".

As a Buddhist priest now I find it even funnier that in-game you can be a Zen expert and cultivate your wacky joriki powers. (compare and contrast qigong and the like: "Powers? You're on the right track. Punch this boulder!")

[Whipstitch]

So much krotty. I actually don't make fun of kyokushin though, since it appears the primary focus is punching dudes in their guts super hard so that they don't resist when you knee them in the head super hard.

[OgreBattle]

Is that the beginning of a porno or just girls in bikinis the whole time

[Koumei]

OgreBattle: it's MMA Candy, where attractive ladies in skimpy outfits demonstrate MMA techniques. This is the best way to learn martial arts.

TAE KWON DO


This is the thing that basically everyone could learn as a kid. What more is there to say? It's not special in any way. Although apparently it grants you four attacks per round right off the bat. +1 PS, +2 PE, +1 PP, +4 Spd, +15 SDC, okay, that's looking decent so far. Power Block/Parry, combo-Dodge/Kick, and a whole variety of kicks. Back when I studied it, I noticed there was a reasonable emphasis on kicks, so I suppose that makes sense. It has a special move that lets you simultaneously grab one opponent and kick another.

2 powers from Body Hardening, Martial Art Techs and Special Katas (no Weapon Katas), can trade them. Other than that you only get Korean and Zen or Bushido. I recall being taught none of the above, what a rip-off.

You get scimitar crits pretty early, and then KO on 18+ as well, and eventually you get Death Blow on 19+. So if you're not looking at using mystic powers and just want to make a bunch of attacks that each have a decent chance of doing massive damage, go for it. I'll give it a B- and hate myself for awarding such a high grade to fucking Tae Kwon Do, the karate variant that was used by zero Power Rangers and IIRC zero Street Fighter or Mortal Kombat characters. Even SNK only gives it to what, Kim Kap Hwan? Who uses that guy?


Admittedly I only ever played as Mai, and for reasons unrelated to the martial art used.

TAI-CHI CH'UAN


Calling this a martial art is a fucking stretch. In fact, that's what this is: stretching exercises. If a bunch of guys leap out at you with chains, knives, katanas and other "Art of Fighting" weapons, then you are not going to bust out your Tai-Chi. Anyway you get +15 Chi, +2 ME and MA, +1 PP and 2 attacks per round. You also get Auto-Dodge and Multiple Dodge, and a few attacks. You get 1 Zenjoriki power and 2 Chi Mastery or Special Kata powers, can trade. You also learn Chinese and Taoism. Over the course of your career you get four Chi doublings as well as a bunch of extra powers, so hilariously, fucking Tai Chi is one of the best martial arts in the game for unleashing loads of chi.

I'm going to be stingy and award a B to this. Basically, it's a fine secondary art, and what you do is you use all that Chi to pump your PS up to $TEXAS, then using the punching PHOENIX EYE art of your choice you make a load of attacks that do horrifying damage.

TAIDO

Synchronised Splash Attack

Honourable alignments only, and you also have to be Zen and have IQ 10+ and MA 8+. Apparently it's a REVOLUTIONARY NEW MARTIAL ART and looks fucking fancy. Feel free to make a "jerking off" motion with your hand (don't neglect the balls though).

"Anything worth doing in Taido is worth doing in a circular and complicated way".

+10 Chi, +3 MA, +1 PS, +1 PP, +5 Spd, 2 Attacks, however any time you use a special Spin or Turn move, you don't get to apply bonuses from PP or PS or Spd (there is no bonus from Spd anyway, mongo). Don't use those moves. In fact, don't take this form.

Anyway you get a SPECIAL "Turn with Punch/Fall/Impact" using only your Turn Bonus from the style progression but it reduces damage to a quarter, a Spin that causes the enemy to lose one attack (pro-tip: you spend an attack doing this and have a shitty attack bonus), a Turn that gets you out of melee range completely (so you can not only avoid the attack, but force them to also spend actions closing in), a Spin that uses your entire turn but is both a Parry and Dodge that works normally (using only Spin bonuses) against any weapons, even firearms... I've stopped caring, this is bullshit.

You get two Chi Mastery/Martial Arts techs and 1 Zenjoriki power, can trade them. Learn Japanese, Gymnastics and Zen. The advancement schedule isn't even bad for the Chi and powers, but the fact is your actual combat side suffers terribly. I award this a D for being stupid bullshit.

T'ANG-SU/TANG SOO KARATE


Oh look another Karate. +2 PS, +15 SDC, 3 Attacks, Power Parry, a bunch of strikes, Combo Strike/Parry, Combo Grab/Kick, Combo Grab/Headbutt (no Dodge or Parry possible during the attack). 2 from Body Hardening or Martial Art Techs, can trade them. You learn Korean, Fasting, Wilderness Survival, Climbing, Prowl and Bushido. There is nothing special so it gets a C just because it at least has a solid-enough base.

TE

Argue with Google, not with me

+1 PS, PE, PP, +4 Spd, +10 SDC. 3 attacks. A bunch of strikes, Combo Grab/Kick, 2 Weapon Katas chosen from Staff, Paired Sai, Paired Nunchaku, "Paired Weapons". Holy fuck it's the Ninja Turtles, guys. 2 powers from Body Hardening, Martial Art Techs and Special Katas. Can trade them. You gain Japanese, one Cultural skill, one WP (Staff, Sai + Paired, or Nunchaku + Paired), and Zen. It's not very special or interesting so it also gets a C.

This has been a pretty disappointing round. But next post I'll try to do the final seven, then we can move onto the MARTIAL ART SUPER POWERS! ARE WE EXCITED? (You shouldn't be)