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Slapping the proverbial dicks out of Shitmuffin's mouth

 
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Prak
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2015 4:56 am    Post subject: Slapping the proverbial dicks out of Shitmuffin's mouth Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

I am opposed to going to someone's work and smacking the dick out of their mouth...but I will totally critique and analyze their technique at home.

or,
Crunchifying the fluff from a certain porn-adjacent game blog that shall not be named.

Shitmuffin certainly shows a lot of eagreness and willingness, but evinces an obvious apathy for actual crunch. MTP works for some, but my group is not that.

Basically, he's sucking that barrel of cocks all wrong.

Time Golem
Medium Construct
Hit Die: 12d10+20 (86 hp)
Init: +3
AC: 23 (+3 dex, +10 natural)
Spd: 2d6x10'
Bab/Grapple: +8/+15
Attack: Slam +15m (1d6+7 and Ebbing Fist or Time Theft)
Full Attack: 2 Slams +15m (1d6+7 and Ebbing Fist or Time Theft)
Space/Reach: 5'/5'
Special Attacks: Ebbing Fist, Time Theft, Temporal Slaves
Special Qualities: Construct Traits, DR 10/Adamantine, Darkvision 60', Immune to Magic, Low-light Vision, Time Sands
Saves: Fort +4, Ref +7, Will +4
Abilities: Str 24, Dex 16, Con --, Int 20, Wis 11, Cha 24
Skills: Bluff +17, Concentration +15, Disable Device +20, Hide +18, Move Silently +18, Search +20, Sense Motive +10, Spellcraft +15
CR:7ish?

A Time Golem is an oversized construct of magically hardened wood and glass. It's cranium holds a spherical hourglass, typically slowly rotating, but which will stop in a set position, and even change to another, while it fights. In either forearm, another hourglass is contained, just visible under thick glass. Thick, transparent tubes run from elbows to cranium, and sand can often be seen moving through these tubes.

The term "Golem" is actually inaccurate for these constructs. Most assume them to be golems, but they are not mindless. Their manipulations of time evince, and possibly grant, them a keen intellect. It is possible their initial creators intended them to be mindless golems, but the powerful chronomancy required for their creation spontaneously created the intellects they use--or worse, tapped into some alien mind which pilots the constructs from across the multiverse.

Combat
Time Golems are master manipulators of time, able to steal time from one subject and use it themselves.

Ebbing Fist (ex.) The fists of a Time Golem channel the temporal energy of the sand which fills it, and can slow or even freeze an opponent in time. When the golem hits a target, the target must make a Will save (DC 23) or be Sickened due to a mild temporal displacement for 1d6 rounds. If the target is already Sickened, they become Slowed instead, if already Slowed, they become Stunned, if already Stunned, they become Paralyzed. The duration is reset each time the target is struck.
If a target is already Paralyzed, they become Petrified as they are frozen in time. A target petrified through this power does not become stone or otherwise change, they simple enter a state of suspended animation that is mechanically identical to being petrified. The target is petrified indefinitely until they receive a Break Enchantment effect.

Time Theft (ex.) A Time Golem's touch is tinged with the sands of time. While slowing a target is one possible use for this energy, the golem can also steal moments from targets. As a standard action, or instead of their Ebbing Fist ability when making a slam attack, the time golem may drain uses of a target's abilities.
The golem makes a melee touch attack, or a standard slam attack, and if successful, their target makes a Will save (DC 23, Cha based). If the target fails, they lose 1d3 uses of a random ability that has limited uses, such as a barbarians Rage or a paladin's Smite Evil abilities. In the case of a spell caster, they lose a single spell slot, chosen randomly.
If the target is currently using such an ability, such as a barbarian in rage or a wizard who has cast a non-instantaneous spell, there is a 50% chance that the in-use ability is drained and their use of that ability ends.
The temporal energy stolen this way allows the golem to augment it's own abilities, represented as spell-like abilities below (all abilities are at will as Time Golems are also able to syphon energy in other ways and accounting for Time Points and ability equivalents is too much work for a DM in mid-combat).

Temporal Slaves (su.) The Time Golem's temporal manipulation powers allow it to pull creatures from other points in time, but only in the presence of those creatures in the present. As a full round action, the Time Golem may attempt to call into battle a temporal copy of an opponent. The Time Golem must make a special Search check to scan the stream of time for the creature (DC 10+target's HD).
If the golem succeeds at this check, an exact duplicate of the character, including weapons and spells prepared/known/cast, is created and fights at the behest of the golem, which can communicate telepathically with it. Issuing commands to a Temporal Slave is a swift action for the golem.
This check may be applied to each character separately if characters in the same party have different hit die, and the check is considered a success if it meets the DC for any single character. If the check meets the DC for multiple characters, the golem may chose which character to duplicate.
The golem may also acquire past and future versions of a character. A past version of the character is represented by applying negative levels, and every two negative levels lowers the DC by 1. A future version of the character can be represented by taking the penalties for negative levels and making them bonuses instead. A future version of the character has a DC 5 points higher for every level added.
The stream of time can only allow so much power to flow through it in this way. The Time Golem may only call 1 character which is equal to or higher in power than the party, but may call 1 additional character for every 2 levels lower than average party level.
example-- The golem is facing a four-member fifth level party. It may call a duplicate of the party wizard with a DC 15 Search check, a future version of the wizard which is 7th level with a DC 25 Search check, or a past version of the wizard which is 3rd level with a DC 14 check. If it calls the 3rd level past version of the wizard, it may also call a 3rd level past version of the rogue. If it called 1st level past versions, it could call the entire party (though the party would not be of much help).

Temporal Slaves persist for one encounter before returning to the time stream, unless the character which was duplicated is slain. In this case, the time duplicate takes their place in the temporal streams, and is freed from the golem's control. Temporal duplicates may, and often do, have their own personalities and goals distinct from those of the character they duplicated, and it is unlikely they will join the original character's party (treat as Unfriendly attitude).
If a past version of a character is slain, the real character must make a Fort save (DC 30-Character Level) or instantly take damage equal to the max hp of the past character.
Slaying a present or future version of a character has no effect on the real character.

Time Sands (ex.) The sand contained within the body of a Time Golem is charged with pure temporal energy. It is very powerful, very chaotic, and very contained. However, as a party smashes a Time Golem apart, the sand within leaks. Once reduced to less than two thirds of it's full normal hp, any successful hit on the Time Golem will loose a blast of time sand, which has highly variable effects on those touched. The sand sprays out in a fifteen foot cone in the direction from which the attack came (a Time Golem attacked from the south sprays a 15' cone of sand south). When a Time Golem is below two-thirds of it's normal max health and hit, roll on the table below for each character caught in the spray:
  1. The character regains 1d4 uses of any power limited to a certain number of times in a period of time.
  2. The character loses 1d4 uses of any power limited to a certain number of times in a period of time.
  3. The character is slowed for 1d4 rounds.*
  4. The character is hasted for 1d4 rounds
  5. The character benefits as if the recipient of Time Stop (1d4+1 free rounds)
  6. The character is affected as if everyone else in the encounter was the recipient of a time stop (loses 1d4+1 rounds of actions)*
  7. The character ages rapidly, advancing 1d3 age categories (middle age, old, venerable). They take age-related penalties as their bodies weaken, but do not receive age-related bonuses. They return to their normal age in 1d10 days.*
  8. The character rapidly de-ages to childhood, taking -3 to str and con and -1 to dex, and reduced 1 size category. They return to their normal age in 1d10 days, returning to their natural age. In this time, if they would gain a feat and otherwise qualify, they may take the feat Child Necromancer despite not being 1st level.*
  9. The character is slightly shifted in time forward relative to others, benefiting from a 50% miss chance when attacked for 1 minute.
  10. The character is slightly shifted in time backwards relative to others, suffering a 50% miss chance on attacks for 1 minute.*
  11. A recent wound never happened-the character is healed 1d8 points.
  12. A wound is pulled from the future, or happens again-the character takes 1d8 damage.

When the Time Golem is destroyed, the body rapidly crumbles to dust, but the remaining time sand can be harvested for 1 minute. 4d6 "uses" of time sand can be harvested from a Time Golem. One use acts exactly as a spray of time sand, except that it whirls in a small dust storm, affecting creatures in a 15' radius of where it touches ground. A character may make a Kn. Arcana check (DC 20) to limit the sand to only benefits or penalties (effectively halving the table above), or a higher check (DC 30) to roll twice and pick their preferred result.
Effects marked with an asterisk may be removed with a Break Enchantment effect.

Magic Immunity (ex.) The Time Golem has mastery over their own time line, as such, they are immune to the spells Haste, Slow and Time Stop when cast by others (meaning they may act normally when a character casts Time Stop).

Spell-like Abilities: The Time Golem may use the following abilities with a caster level of 12 at will: Repair Light Damage, Haste, Blur, Shatter, Knock



Ok, now it's done.
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Dean, on Paranoia wrote:
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Winnah wrote:
No, No. 'Prak' is actually a Thri Kreen impersonating a human and roleplaying himself as a D&D character. All hail our hidden insect overlords.


FrankTrollman wrote:
In Soviet Russia, cosmic horror is the default state.

You should gain sanity for finding out that the problems of a region are because there are fucking monsters there.


Last edited by Prak on Tue Feb 17, 2015 8:32 pm; edited 5 times in total
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JonSetanta
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 10, 2015 5:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Looks like something to keep at a distance when fighting.
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Prak
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 10, 2015 5:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

If you can. I think most golems are like that, though.
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Dean, on Paranoia wrote:
The book is a hardbound liars paradox.


Winnah wrote:
No, No. 'Prak' is actually a Thri Kreen impersonating a human and roleplaying himself as a D&D character. All hail our hidden insect overlords.


FrankTrollman wrote:
In Soviet Russia, cosmic horror is the default state.

You should gain sanity for finding out that the problems of a region are because there are fucking monsters there.
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Ice9
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 10, 2015 8:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Nice monster. I'm not sure I'd call it a golem though - it's not made of a single substance (admittedly there's some golems who are sketchy in that regard too), and it isn't immune to magic in general, just a few specific spells. Time Guardian? Time Collector? Time Animate? Something like that.

Mindless with Cha 24 is a bit odd. For DC reasons, I assume, but IMO Wis 24 (high because it perceives multiple timelines at once, perhaps?) and making the abilities Wis-based would be a better fit. Unless it's intended to be really charismatic somehow.

More nitpicking - Temporal Slaves needs info re: what happens to the duplicates when the Time Golem is destroyed. Do they disappear? Does their gear disappear? If I was the one in control of a Time Golem, could I pull an Astral Projection by having it summon copies of me and having them use all their consumable items for my benefit?


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spongeknight
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 15, 2015 2:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

For someone creating a monster apparently entirely devoted to showing someone else up, you basically failed. Half these abilities don't even function.

Ebbing fist: first of all, what's the duration on this? Permanent? One hit makes you sickened forever? Also, how do you possibly cure someone who becomes petrified due to this ability? Does Heal, Break Enchantment, ect work?

Time Theft: why does this exist? Why would this golem ever waste touch attacks to drain uses/day abilities instead of, you know, doing damage or something useful? Also, is this a standard action ability or can it full attack for two touch attacks that trigger this ability?

Temporal Slaves: Wow this is stupidly complicated. Why on Earth would you give a mindless golem an ability that requires it to assess the relative threat of every opponent facing it, decide how much of a gamble it wants to take on the involved skill check and then give it a variable amount of people it can even summon? And how long does this copy hang around, forever? Does it come equipped with all the gear of the person it copies? Spell slots? Typical spells prepared? Is the creature a normal creature of the same type, and if so why is it following the golem's commands? Can it be targeted with spells like Dominate? Does the golem communicate telepathically or verbally, and if left no commands what does the slave do automatically? Shit, this ability can't even be run because almost all of the fundamental questions of what the slave is or does remains unanswered. As the ability stands you can (maybe) get unlimited free loot and (maybe) permanent copies of your character with this ability.

Time Sands: stupidly abusable. Not only do half the abilities not have apparent duration (50% miss chance forever as an ex effect?), the aging thing can DESTROY a character and has no listed effects which can reverse it, so you're arbitrarily throwing in some "fuck you forever" abilities that require people to stop playing those characters.

Magic Immunity: You just have this ability backwards. Golems are immune to every magic spell except for a small list which have nonstandard effects when cast on them, not immunity to a tiny specific list and having everything else on them function normally. Also, how is it immune to Time Stop when cast by others? It's not targeted by the spell. If it gets to go during anyone's time stop then your rules for time stop have to be rewritten because they don't have functionality for that.

Spell-like abilities: no problems here

In conclusion all of these mechanics blow. If you were trying to prove that you are better at coming up with crunch than someone else you fail because this monster can't even be played without extensive house rules. To be fair, a second pass at this might create something usable.

Edit- I actually noticed that even the stat block was messed up because you didn't add strength to the golem's damage.
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Voss wrote:
Which is pretty classic WW bullshit, really. Suck people in and then announce that everyone was a dogfucker all along.


Last edited by spongeknight on Sun Feb 15, 2015 2:08 am; edited 1 time in total
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Prak
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 16, 2015 7:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Thanks. Sleep dep means my crunch creation is half-assed. Hilariously, I didn't even finish putting up saves because I was too damned tired to notice.

Also, my point wasn't that I'm better at creating crunch than Shitmuffin, but that I could do it at all. I just didn't even think about putting down durations, codifying how to end petrification, etc.

It's not a golem anymore, because it really works better, and is potentially more interesting, as a construct that is sapient and people just erroneously call a golem. Gave it an Int, skills, rewrote some abilities slightly.
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Dean, on Paranoia wrote:
The book is a hardbound liars paradox.


Winnah wrote:
No, No. 'Prak' is actually a Thri Kreen impersonating a human and roleplaying himself as a D&D character. All hail our hidden insect overlords.


FrankTrollman wrote:
In Soviet Russia, cosmic horror is the default state.

You should gain sanity for finding out that the problems of a region are because there are fucking monsters there.
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Archmage
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Joined: 16 Sep 2009
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 17, 2015 2:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Prak wrote:
The term "Golem" is actually inaccurate for these constructs. Most assume them to be golems, but they are not mindless. Their manipulations of time evince, and possibly grant, them a keen intellect.


Prak wrote:
Time Golems are master manipulators of time, able to steal time from one subject and use it themselves. The fact that they are mindless and lack their own motivation to use this power is only a small saving grace...


Huh?

Edit: Oh, I bet you just didn't change the flavor text after you gave them an INT score.
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Prak
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 17, 2015 8:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Correct, thanks for pointing that out
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Dean, on Paranoia wrote:
The book is a hardbound liars paradox.


Winnah wrote:
No, No. 'Prak' is actually a Thri Kreen impersonating a human and roleplaying himself as a D&D character. All hail our hidden insect overlords.


FrankTrollman wrote:
In Soviet Russia, cosmic horror is the default state.

You should gain sanity for finding out that the problems of a region are because there are fucking monsters there.
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Zak S
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2015 6:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Prak, you made a bunch of mistakes.

First, it's ok to take my monsters and use them in your game but my game isn't "magical tea party". Second, I'm not apathetic to crunch, I just leave it open because: writing crunch is trivial for my D&D of choice, there's no need to tie the creature to any specific DC or level and people read my blog who play lots of different editions and games. Third, next time you're confused: ask, don't just assume something and run off to your locker room and post it. It creates unnecessary confusion. Fourth, don't use homophobic insults to describe trying to put stats on the monsters. Fifth, I didn't do anything "wrong" so either you fucked up when you wrote that. Sixth: leave a note on someone's blog saying "thank you" when you use peoples' ideas. Lastly, for anyone who'd like a much easier to use version of this monster, it's on my blog under the post title "time golem" which is pretty easy to google. Seventh: fwiw the golem I designed's made entirely of time, it's just that time takes different forms, just as sand can look like sand or look like glass.
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Foxwarrior
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2015 7:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Why does this monster make 'encounters' and 'the average party level' into physical attributes of the universe? Despite the length of this creature's description, it doesn't actually describe what "takes their place in the temporal streams" means, so it's not clear whether killing someone by summoning their time clone at them is a form of irreversible permadeath or not.

Time Theft also seems a bit obscure. Why does it make Barbarians lose nearly all their rages, but make Wizards forget a single random cantrip (well, it's going to be one of their lower half of spell levels more than half the time at least)? Why didn't you actually link Time Fist to one of their other abilities, like having their spell-likes be a free action they can use only after a successful Time Punch, or alternatively make Temporal Slaves be a thing you get by punching the Time out of people?

Also, it looks like the Zak S version has rules for all the parts of a monster that aren't normally rather copypasta-ish in a standard D&D monster block. He says many of the darnedest things, but this time wasn't so bad. His version still has a healthy dose of closet troll nonsense though.

Lastly, everybody should know that dnd-wiki is the place to submit 3.5e homebrew.
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Prak
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2015 7:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Zak, you made a bunch of mistakes.
Zak S wrote:
First, it's ok to take my monsters and use them in your game but my game isn't "magical tea party".

From my understanding, your games are rules light, and most mechanical rulings are made by the seat of your pants. This is, in Den parlance, Magical Tea Party. You're making up the mechanics, or significant portions thereof, as you go along. I will say today, because I implied otherwise before and was wrong, that there's nothing really wrong with that for your own group. Personally I do feel, however, that if you're going to put up stuff online, unless it's purely conceptual--your excellent "snakes are books" idea, for example--that you should do your readers the service of putting mechanics to it, because most people don't really know much about how to actually design game material. It's not their fault, it's a skill to be learned.

Quote:
Second, I'm not apathetic to crunch, I just leave it open because: writing crunch is trivial for my D&D of choice, there's no need to tie the creature to any specific DC or level and people read my blog who play lots of different editions and games.

Anyone who says "people who use this object for the obvious mechanical benefit whether it fits 'their character, man' is at least partially apathetic to crunch. Also there is totally a need to pin a creature to a specific number that represents how challenging it is to a group. That's how you know whether it is appropriate to throw at your group or not. This doesn't have to be CR, it can Zak S Threat Level which is a range that is entirely tailored to your players and their abilities. I really don't care. But D&D is a game, and games have rules, and following the rules is, usually, for the better. If you don't nail things down, at least in terms of your own group, you're playing Calvinball, and while that seemed like loads of fun when I was a kid, I sure as hell don't want to play D&D that way now.

Quote:
Third, next time you're confused: ask, don't just assume something and run off to your locker room and post it. It creates unnecessary confusion.

What am I confused about? Also, why not and what confusion? You wrote up an interesting concept. It lacked solid mechanics, but it set me to thinking, so I wrote up a creature similar to yours with mechanics so that it could actually be used in my games. Why should I not post this, not only when it is an interesting concept that I thought people on the Den might find intriguing, but also when in so doing I might get a chuckle out of people from a community I am a part of?

Quote:
Fourth, don't use homophobic insults to describe trying to put stats on the monsters.

I'm not sure what I said that you interpret as a homophobic slur, except possibly "sucking a barrel of cocks." Given that this is a Den-ism, and that I am quite absurdly pansexual and love to suck a good cock, I believe I am a better person than you, who I understand to be an ally but not actually queer (could be wrong), to decide what is and is not homophobic. At worst "suck a barrel of cocks" would be... Iunno, fallatiophobic? I mean it doesn't say anything about homosexuality, you just interpret it that way because you publicly present as male and it's being directed at you. Or I guess it could be the "slapping the dicks out of [your] mouth" thing in the thread title, which isn't a Den-ism, but still isn't homophobic. "I don't go down to your job and slap the dicks out of your mouth" is my favourite retort to someone telling a person how to do their job. Seriously, it is. It just makes me giggle. The fact that you're a porn actor just made it relevant enough that I could not resist using it. There are not many times in my life where I'll have an opportunity to actually use that line on someone whose job is actually dick-adjacent.

Quote:
Fifth, I didn't do anything "wrong" so either you fucked up when you wrote that.

You're right. I was being unfair to bend a tired Den-ism into use. Mea culpa.

Quote:
Sixth: leave a note on someone's blog saying "thank you" when you use peoples' ideas.

Honestly, I didn't make any mention, or use your name, because while it may seem otherwise from the tone in the thread title and preamble, I didn't want to start shit. I wasn't going to post on your blog and tell you how to write mechanics. I try to not shit on other peoples' carpets, because I expect the same courtesy. I actually recently had to cut ties with an acquaintance because they would not stop baselessly slandering the college paper I wrote for on my page. I take this sort of thing kind of seriously. I didn't use your name here because, whatever the cause may be, you always show up shortly after a person links to your blog or mentions your name, and I actually do kind of like you as a personality. You're a bit overzealous about some things (like when you declared a pansexual individual used a homophobic slur...), and I definitely disagree with you on a number of things both gaming and not-gaming, but I didn't want another thread I started to devolve into you and a bunch of Denizens shouting back and forth at each about stupid shit.

But, thank you. It was an awesome concept, I just wanted to put mechanics to it, and I didn't want to start stupid bullshit flamewars.

Quote:
Lastly, for anyone who'd like a much easier to use version of this monster, it's on my blog under the post title "time golem" which is pretty easy to google.

You and I both know no one here is going to want to use your "easier" version. Denizens (with a couple exceptions) don't like light rules. We don't get a lot of pass through traffic. People are more likely to stumble upon your blog from a google search than this forum. This statement would be like me going to your blog and trying to direct readers to the Den for what I consider to be an easier to use version of your monster. I'm pretty damned sure you'd object to that.

Quote:
Seventh: fwiw the golem I designed's made entirely of time, it's just that time takes different forms, just as sand can look like sand or look like glass.

Fair. Interesting. I just liked the wood and glass and sand imagery the idea evoked in my mind.

Foxwarrior wrote:
Why does this monster make 'encounters' and 'the average party level' into physical attributes of the universe?

Because, assuming I'm remembering correctly (hey, it's been like three months), it was the best way to balance the abilities.

Quote:
Despite the length of this creature's description, it doesn't actually describe what "takes their place in the temporal streams" means, so it's not clear whether killing someone by summoning their time clone at them is a form of irreversible permadeath or not.

I thought that was kind of self-explanatory. Obviously I was wrong. The time-clone takes the character's place. They don't disappear at the end of the encounter, they are now, for all intents and purposes, that character. Now, the fact that they just killed the original character may cause some friction with the rest of the party, but basically, they don't disappear, and anyone who did not see them kill the original will believe 100% that they are the original. This should not be an irreversible form of death for the character. I think it's perfectly in genre to be resurrected and have to get rid of your time-doppelganger.

Quote:
Time Theft also seems a bit obscure. Why does it make Barbarians lose nearly all their rages, but make Wizards forget a single random cantrip (well, it's going to be one of their lower half of spell levels more than half the time at least)?



Um, honestly, because I can't, at least off the top of my head, think of a way to make those level out and not require the use of charts and keeping track of more shit. Maybe have it drain 1d3 levels worth of random spells or something. I'd have to think about it.

Quote:
Why didn't you actually link Time Fist to one of their other abilities, like having their spell-likes be a free action they can use only after a successful Time Punch, or alternatively make Temporal Slaves be a thing you get by punching the Time out of people?

Because I didn't want to create a super complex monster, and "must have used Time Punch in the previous round" did not occur to me a simple way to thematically link them.

Quote:
Also, it looks like the Zak S version has rules for all the parts of a monster that aren't normally rather copypasta-ish in a standard D&D monster block. He says many of the darnedest things, but this time wasn't so bad. His version still has a healthy dose of closet troll nonsense though.

It also is just a cluster of special abilities. I would imagine Zak just sticks them on a level appropriate beater, or something, or maybe finds a beater that's a couple levels lower and sticks the abilities on. I don't know. He's posting though, so if he wants to say how he actually handles the minutiae of the monster's hit points, ac, attack bonus... you know, little stuff like that... he can.

Quote:
Lastly, everybody should know that dnd-wiki is the place to submit 3.5e homebrew.

Everyone should now start pimping their personal site to really drive this into the ground. Mine is in my sig.
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Dean, on Paranoia wrote:
The book is a hardbound liars paradox.


Winnah wrote:
No, No. 'Prak' is actually a Thri Kreen impersonating a human and roleplaying himself as a D&D character. All hail our hidden insect overlords.


FrankTrollman wrote:
In Soviet Russia, cosmic horror is the default state.

You should gain sanity for finding out that the problems of a region are because there are fucking monsters there.


Last edited by Prak on Wed Apr 29, 2015 7:50 am; edited 1 time in total
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Foxwarrior
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Joined: 11 Nov 2010
Posts: 985
Location: RPG City, USA

PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2015 8:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Prak wrote:
Foxwarrior wrote:
Why does this monster make 'encounters' and 'the average party level' into physical attributes of the universe?

Because, assuming I'm remembering correctly (hey, it's been like three months), it was the best way to balance the abilities.

While I don't dispute that it is a clear way to balance the abilities, as for being the "best" way, it suffers noticeably in terms of verisimilitude. A way that was slightly less balanced but didn't harm verisimilitude would be better in the context of making content for a role-playing game.

Prak wrote:
Because I didn't want to create a super complex monster

On my laptop, it's four and a half pages long.
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Prak
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Joined: 07 Mar 2008
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2015 11:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Yeah, that was the simplest I could get. Time phlebotinum is bullshit.
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Dean, on Paranoia wrote:
The book is a hardbound liars paradox.


Winnah wrote:
No, No. 'Prak' is actually a Thri Kreen impersonating a human and roleplaying himself as a D&D character. All hail our hidden insect overlords.


FrankTrollman wrote:
In Soviet Russia, cosmic horror is the default state.

You should gain sanity for finding out that the problems of a region are because there are fucking monsters there.
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Zak S
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Joined: 14 Nov 2011
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2015 8:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

I'm just going to zoom in on this because it shows you can't be trusted:
Prak wrote:
If you don't nail things down, at least in terms of your own group, you're playing Calvinball, and while that seemed like loads of fun when I was a kid, I sure as hell don't want to play D&D that way now.


You've conflated:

-"Here's a monster idea with a picture. Write stats for it, then have your players fight it. I did, but I'm not bothering to leave them here as that's not important, you can do that at home readers." (what I actually did)
with
-"Here's a monster, change the stats as you go along even midgame" (aka Calvinball, which, if you read my blog or any of my comments, you'd know I'd never do)

This is either intentional trolling or you being really stupid. Please don't ever do that again. It's designed to unite two separate narratives that don't overlap--one is that Zak and other OSR people write rules-lite material that you personally don't find useful but, hey, that's legit and the other narrative that Zak and other OSR people are just playing games that have no solid tactical or problem-solving backbone and are essentially made up as they go along (implied in the vague phrase "magical tea party"--which is variously described as insulting, a totally neutral description of non-gaming-den games, and, by Gaming Den folks a description of how, at the bottom, how ALL RPGS work -- it then becomes a nonsense phrase when you go "I don't play MTP" because allegedly everyone does. Who knows? Just stop saying it, it never made sense to begin with.). Repeating and encouraging that conflation makes genuine communication or idea-sharing harder, makes conversations slower and stupider. And until you recognize that as a terrible thing to do and apologize for doing that, nothing else you could say should be trusted.


Oh, andů

Quote:
This statement would be like me going to your blog and trying to direct readers to the Den for what I consider to be an easier to use version of your monster. I'm pretty damned sure you'd object to that.


Of course I wouldn't, but I'd make you prove it.
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MGuy
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2015 10:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

God damnit Prak. You made him come here.
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Foxwarrior
Knight-Baron


Joined: 11 Nov 2010
Posts: 985
Location: RPG City, USA

PostPosted: Thu Apr 30, 2015 4:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Prak wrote:
Yeah, that was the simplest I could get. Time phlebotinum is bullshit.


Challenge accepted. Except the time golem thing is getting a bit overdone, and clearly there is a need for a demonstration that the time dimension isn't the only one whose sensicality people can be awfully cavalier about.

Wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey stuff? I raise you jibbly-jobbly spacey wacey stuff!



X Golem
Medium Construct
Hit Die: 11d10+20 (80 hp)
Init: -1
AC: 23 (-1 dex, +14 natural), touch 9, flat-footed 23
Spd: 30'
Bab/Grapple: +8/+14
Attack: X-Ax +14 (1d10+6 slashing and X-Axes)
Full Attack: 2 X-Axes +14 (1d10+6 slashing and X-Axes)
Space/Reach: 5'/5'
Special Attacks: X-Axes, extract x-clone
Special Qualities: Construct traits, damage reduction 10/adamantine, darkvision 60', immunity to magic, low-light vision, extreme speed
Saves: Fort +3, Ref +2, Will +3
Abilities: Str 22, Dex 9, Con --, Int --, Wis 11, Cha 1
Skills: --
Treasure: XP-Lotion, Exodus X
Organization: Solitary or with group of characters from far to the east or west.
CR:9

As water can take many forms, so can the physical dimensions of the universe. The x-axis, for example, can also be found in solid form as a material similar to onyx. The X Golem is a bowlegged humanoid statue with axes for hands, made of this exotic material.

Combat
X Golems combine the power of east and west for maximum victory.

X-Axes (Ex): When an X Golem successfully damages a creature with an axe attack, it slices away some of the creature's freedom of movement. This dispels freedom of movement from the creature, and halves the creature's speed when moving east or west. If the creature is damaged by this a second time, it stops being able to move east or west at all, and the X Golem saps some of this lost X Essence to immediately teleport as per dimension door, but limited to going east or west. The creature can only restore its ability to move with a remove curse.

Extract X-Clone (Su): The X Golem can examine the quantum vagaries of Dimension X to extract an exact duplicate of the target but for the ravages of position, pitting one against the other in the hopes of exterminating one or both of them. Choose two creatures the X-Golem can see which are directly east and west of each other: the one which is further to the east must make a DC 17 Will save to negate, or it is filled with a desire to kill the western one, as per a suggestion cast by a 12th level caster, but with no requirement for it to be reasonable and non-harmful. The save DC is constitution-based.

Immunity to Magic (Ex): An X Golem is immune to any spell or spell-like ability that allows spell resistance. In addition, any spell or effect that would teleport the X Golem may only teleport it east or west.

Extreme Speed (Ex): The X Golem moves four times faster when moving east or west.

If one of them dies, if it was the one currently further to the west, the other one takes damage equal to half the first one's maximum hit points.

Treasure: The following loot appears when the X Golem is slain:

XP-Lotion: Some of the X Golem's material turns into a lotion-like subtance. The first creature that smears this lotion on itself gains experience as though they had defeated a CR 6 threat.

Exodus X: Much of the X Golem's material shrinks to a small X that is some form of delicious candy. By eating this candy, a creature can teleport as greater teleport, but only east or west.

East and west: If it is unclear which directions should be east or west, observe the rotational axis of the nearest planet or moon.
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Neurosis
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Joined: 02 Sep 2010
Posts: 1034
Location: Ossining, NY

PostPosted: Wed May 06, 2015 10:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

[The Gaming Den]

I clicked on a thread called "Slapping the proverbial dicks out of Shitmuffin's mouth" having no idea and because of having no idea what the fuck that meant.

I saw D&D 3.X stats for a Time Golem.

[/The Gaming Den]
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My name is Devon. I freelanced for Catalyst game labs from 2011-2016. I got fired for making this the fourth post in this thread. I totally deserved it, but watch out. It could happen to you.

Secret's out: I own End Transmission and we make kickass games.

Trank Frollman wrote:
One of the reasons we can say insightful things about stuff is that we don't have to pretend to be nice to people. By embracing active aggression, we eliminate much of the passive aggression that so paralyzes things on other gaming forums.

hogarth wrote:
As the good book saith, let he who is without boners cast the first stone.

TiaC wrote:
I'm not quite sure why this is an argument. (Except that Kaelik is in it, that's a good reason.)


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Prak
Serious Badass


Joined: 07 Mar 2008
Posts: 16084

PostPosted: Wed May 06, 2015 11:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Zak S wrote:
I'm just going to zoom in on this because it shows you can't be trusted:
Prak wrote:
If you don't nail things down, at least in terms of your own group, you're playing Calvinball, and while that seemed like loads of fun when I was a kid, I sure as hell don't want to play D&D that way now.


You've conflated:

-"Here's a monster idea with a picture. Write stats for it, then have your players fight it. I did, but I'm not bothering to leave them here as that's not important, you can do that at home readers." (what I actually did)
with
-"Here's a monster, change the stats as you go along even midgame" (aka Calvinball, which, if you read my blog or any of my comments, you'd know I'd never do)

Ok, you're right. I blathered and got myself mixed up tackling a couple different things. The latter part is something that is frequently seen, often in ___ World games, but not necessarily what you were doing. I'd claim an "it was late" defense, but 12am is actually my 8pm. I have no excuse for that.

Quote:
(implied in the vague phrase "magical tea party"--which is variously described as insulting, a totally neutral description of non-gaming-den games, and, by Gaming Den folks a description of how, at the bottom, how ALL RPGS work -- it then becomes a nonsense phrase when you go "I don't play MTP" because allegedly everyone does. Who knows? Just stop saying it, it never made sense to begin with.). Repeating and encouraging that conflation makes genuine communication or idea-sharing harder, makes conversations slower and stupider.

Talis sermo est, such is language. I use it, and the way I seen MTP used most, is to describe non-set rules, where the rules may not change scene to scene (though they may) but are very likely to change session to session, because the "rules" of the game are almost entirely "directive" and give value statements, rather than mechanical, procedure statements.

Quote:
And until you recognize that as a terrible thing to do and apologize for doing that, nothing else you could say should be trusted.

Dude. Cool it on the ad hominem. We're not all liars. Hell, very few of us are. Some of us are young, some of us have some bullshit arrested development, and some of us are just a bit dumb, but very few of us intentionally lie. We leave that to posters like Occluded Sun.

mguy wrote:
God damnit Prak. You made him come here.

Hey, I tried to not cross the streams. Given the time delay on this, I think he was actually just browsing the forum anyway. That or google brought him here because he searched "time golem." Or Shitmuffin. Who knows.
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Dean, on Paranoia wrote:
The book is a hardbound liars paradox.


Winnah wrote:
No, No. 'Prak' is actually a Thri Kreen impersonating a human and roleplaying himself as a D&D character. All hail our hidden insect overlords.


FrankTrollman wrote:
In Soviet Russia, cosmic horror is the default state.

You should gain sanity for finding out that the problems of a region are because there are fucking monsters there.
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Bihlbo
Master


Joined: 19 Nov 2010
Posts: 263

PostPosted: Thu May 07, 2015 6:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Zak S wrote:
Third, next time you're confused: ask, don't just assume something and run off to your locker room and post it. It creates unnecessary confusion. Fourth, don't use homophobic insults to describe trying to put stats on the monsters. Fifth, I didn't do anything "wrong" so either you fucked up when you wrote that. Sixth: leave a note on someone's blog saying "thank you" when you use peoples' ideas. Lastly, for anyone who'd like a much easier to use version of this monster, it's on my blog under the post title "time golem" which is pretty easy to google. Seventh: fwiw the golem I designed's made entirely of time, it's just that time takes different forms, just as sand can look like sand or look like glass.

lol he thinks he gets to tell people how to behave. What a delusional buffoon.
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CapnTthePirateG
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Joined: 17 Jul 2009
Posts: 1438

PostPosted: Thu May 14, 2015 1:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Did we ever get a consensus on how the transferring the favor bonuses worked?
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