Whored Out The Dragon Queen - A 5E Experiment

Stories about games that you run and/or have played in.

Moderator: Moderators

Post Reply
User avatar
Stinktopus
Master
Posts: 187
Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2013 5:07 am

Whored Out The Dragon Queen - A 5E Experiment

Post by Stinktopus »

Spoiler Warning: Don't read this unless you want elements of Hoard of the Dragon Queen spoiled for you.

So, my girlfriend is running Hoard of the Dragon Queen, the inaugural Adventure Path for Fifth Edition. We are rolling with the following group:

Rogue 1 - Shortbow focused lad with the Sharpshooter feat. My character.

Other Rogue 1 - Two shortsword wielding assassin with Dual Wield feat. I'm tempted to point out that Dual Wield makes it viable for him to use two rapiers, but I can't handle the mental image.

Fighter 1 - We have a rookie who wanted something simple and asked me to make her character. She wanted simple, so she's a Halberdier with the Polearm Mastery feat.

Wizard 1 - He built his own character and hasn't really done anything. He hasn't decided what his specialization will be.

Our first session was sort of a quick trial run. We ran into a pack of six kobolds on the way to Greenest, and surprised them. The rogues started taking kobolds down quickly, but the survivors got a round to fight back.

Kobolds hurt in 5E. The ability for everyone and everything to add Dex to damage makes the shady little fuckers a serious threat. They were dropping 4-6 damage on a hit, and hitting pretty frequently. The 1d4-1 days are over. Come to think of it... Now I have to look up the stats for a house cat.

Arriving in Greenest, we hit a pack of 8 kobolds menacing a damsel in distress... although she was actually defending her husband and kids... so she was sort of an empowered damsel in distress. I guess the husband had one of those crippling injuries you can't actually get in D&D-land.

Getting the drop on the kobolds and having an attack of opportunity won us the day before the kobolds could shiv us to death. At this point, we were asked to escort the woman and her family to the nearby castle... which was apparently not the focus of the enemy attack. I guess the kobolds were too busy shivin' civilians to take advantage of the castle gate being open.

As the family ran inside, I asked an out of character question.

"Hey, DM?" I asked, "Would it mess you up if we didn't go in the castle?" She looked at me like I had stabbed a close relative and mumbled an affirmative. "Sorry," I said, "It would totally be in character for me to suggest staying outside and fighting guerrilla-style in the streets, instead of being cooped up in the castle."

The DM looked like she was about to cry when I said that, so we all agreed to go into the castle.

That was where we left off. The next session is tomorrow night. I'll keep you posted.
User avatar
OgreBattle
King
Posts: 6820
Joined: Sat Sep 03, 2011 9:33 am

Re: Whored Out The Dragon Queen - A 5E Experiment

Post by OgreBattle »

Stinktopus wrote: Other Rogue 1 - Two shortsword wielding assassin with Dual Wield feat. I'm tempted to point out that Dual Wield makes it viable for him to use two rapiers, but I can't handle the mental image.
Dual rapiers was a thing in the 16th century, I've heard it called "case of rapiers" 'cause the two rapiers would be carried in one case/sheath

It makes you fight like Beedrill.

Image
User avatar
Stinktopus
Master
Posts: 187
Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2013 5:07 am

Post by Stinktopus »

The DM was drunk, depressed, and distracted. Good times...

So, inside the castle, we meet the mayor, who seemed largely unimportant. Then we met the head military guy, a dwarf named Escobar. An agrarian community with a leader named Escobar... Clearly, the Cult of the Dragon was here to score some coke.

Escobar gave us the key to ye olde secret exit, which cause the two rogues to say that it was clearly time to smash barrels and kill rats. Escobar cleared the barrels out of the way, insisting there was no treasure or potions in them. Then we fought rats.

Swarms don't seem to take extra damage from AE spells anymore, which was bad for our wizard. He rushed up in front of the group and cast an emanation AE for 7 damage. The swarms proceded to rip him up while he whined that each individual rat should take 7 damage.

The DM didn't see anything that made the swarms immune to sneak attacks, so the rogues and fighter drove them off.

Outside the tunnel, we ambushed another patrol of kobolds and cultists. Surprise really seems key to these encounters, since we could drop about half the enemies before they acted. The wizard spammed a poison bolt that required a ranged attack AND a saving throw as a cantrip.

So, the module sends you on few missions during the night. Mission one was a basic rescue in town that went smoothly. Mission two was to rescue a bunch of townsfolk from a temple besieged by cultists. So many cultists were attacking the temple that a fair fight was out of the question. The module seemed to have a specific way that the fight was supposed to go down, and the DM started dictating tactics to us. Apparently, we could ambush the group in the back of the temple, because it's smoky from a failed attempt at arson.

Before taking our approved course of action, the two rogues identified an enemy leader at the front of the temple. The rogues dressed as cultists, approached the leader, and asked him to help with an unspecified "situation" at the rear. Around the corner... stab, stab, stab, force lightning, stabilize, manacles and presto, one prisoner.

The cultist outfits also made it easy to get the drop on the backdoor cultists, who were apparently standing around in dense smoke (the movie kind that doesn't wreck your eyes and lungs) and couldn't figure out what the fuck was happening.

One yell of "open the door, we're totally trustworthy!" got us into the temple. The rogues started planning a diversion for the very large patrol that was circling the builiding, but the DM just told us that the cloud of smoke in the back was enough to get all the refugees out without a chance of being noticed.

We left off there for the evening. It seems like the module's back to back missions would be rough on a caster heavy party. The damage output of the rogues has been key to most of the fights.
User avatar
Stinktopus
Master
Posts: 187
Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2013 5:07 am

Post by Stinktopus »

Sorry for the pause in updates. Cancellations, life, that sort of thing...

So, we got to play another session of "Hoarders." We are still in the middle of the same night that we arrived in town, and the half-hearted siege of Greenest continues. Apparently, the opposing force noticed that someone has been out murderballing their patrols. So, we are approached by Pablo Escobar, who tells us that the invaders are apparently setting fire to the mill, which is full of a very valuable white powder.

The wizard questioned how somebody is having trouble setting a mill on fire, since grain dust is pretty damn flammable.

Setting out to the mill, we hunker down at maximum shortbow range and observe that a few cultists and kobolds are tending a couple of fires near the mill with apparent disinterest. Since they were standing next to fires, while we were huddled in a dark field, we murdered them at range with DM approved sneak attacks. I had advantage, because of Sharpshooter, while the other rogue was gaining advantage from being unseen and losing advantage from range. I think...

Inside the mill, four loser cultists and four better equipped cultists were waiting to ambush us as we entered. So, the rogues climbed in the windows while the fighter stomped through the front door. The cultists died messily and quickly. The wizard may have tossed out a sling stone at this point.

After we returned to the keep, the keep was approached by a half-blue dragon that was presumably a fighter. Big Blue presented four captives, and stated that they would be executed if we did not send out a representative to duel him. Big Blue then one-shotted the fighter, released the hostages, and left town with his army.

The DM informed us that we levelled up to second, and the fighter was healed by friendly clerics in the castle.

I asked the DM if the module ever specified the size of the attacking force, in the event that the party just went "Rambo: First Blood" all night long. Nope. The module basically says to just keep throwing kobolds at the party until their dice crack and/or universal heat death. So, there is no way to influence the outcome of the final scene.

Next time: Stuff the DM probably hasn't read yet!
User avatar
Stinktopus
Master
Posts: 187
Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2013 5:07 am

Post by Stinktopus »

So, the campaign is suffering from a bad case of shitty DM. She's not the sort of actively malevolent DM you'd expect to find in an RPGSite play by post, just constantly unprepared and moody. So, we're playing for about an hour every three weeks.

After the never ending night of proto-siege, the party is immediately tasked with following the invaders back to their camp to gather information. On the way out of town, you get approached by a guy with system-impossible injuries who would totally go with you to get his master, but he would just slow you down. The master totes-magoats knows all about the nefarious plans of the bad guys, and will provide the information if we jail-break him from Bad Guy Central Command.

Following the <1 day old tracks of a small army is not hard, so we just march in the direction of the kobold shit. We hit a small camp and start to run into flavor text that directly contradicts the tactical realities.

The DM describes a mixed camp of 12 kobolds and 4 humans. She says that the two don't seem to like each other, and the humans are pushing the kobolds around. Since it's getting dark, we had the fighter and wizard set up a decoy camp on a nearby hill, then had the two rogues wait in ambush along the best approach.

The DM then states that the humans are camped 40 yards away from the kobolds, suggesting that they were meant to be two encounters. The humans were apparently pushing the kobolds around with telekinesis.

The kobolds broke and ran after we shot the crap out of the humans (serious HALO flashbacks here), and we cleaned up another easy fight.

At this point, the DM tells us that we notice another camp, but it's full of badasses that we can't beat. Then she says that maybe we could beat them, but some would get away and warn Bad Guy Central Command to be on lockdown. Then she just says that we don't actually catch up to that group, they get back to base.

So, she ended the game, mumbling about how the module abruptly goes into "hard mode" and that she needs more time to prepare. Resisted urge to yell, "It's a module! Just read, bitch! Read!"
Miryafa
Apprentice
Posts: 67
Joined: Sat Sep 10, 2011 6:15 pm

Post by Miryafa »

Thanks for posting, these were fun to read. One thing tripped me up though:
Stinktopus wrote:So, we are approached by Pablo Escobar, who tells us that the invaders are apparently setting fire to the mill, which is full of a very valuable white powder.

The wizard questioned how somebody is having trouble setting a mill on fire, since grain dust is pretty damn flammable.
Huh?
name_here
Prince
Posts: 3346
Joined: Fri Mar 07, 2008 7:55 pm

Post by name_here »

Fine dust of various types burns or explodes like crazy. Even some things you wouldn't expect to burn at all can cause a dust explosion.
DSMatticus wrote:It's not just that everything you say is stupid, but that they are Gordian knots of stupid that leave me completely bewildered as to where to even begin. After hearing you speak Alexander the Great would stab you and triumphantly declare the puzzle solved.
Miryafa
Apprentice
Posts: 67
Joined: Sat Sep 10, 2011 6:15 pm

Post by Miryafa »

Yes, that part I get. The part I didn't understand was how Escobar tells the party that invaders are setting fire to the mill, and then the wizard asks how they're having trouble setting fire to the mill.
User avatar
Prak
Serious Badass
Posts: 17340
Joined: Fri Mar 07, 2008 7:54 pm

Post by Prak »

So, wait, I'm confused. In your first post, you say your girlfriend is running, but then it sounds like you're playing with some random shmuck from the internets.
Cuz apparently I gotta break this down for you dense motherfuckers- I'm trans feminine nonbinary. My pronouns are they/them.
Winnah wrote:No, No. 'Prak' is actually a Thri Kreen impersonating a human and roleplaying himself as a D&D character. All hail our hidden insect overlords.
FrankTrollman wrote:In Soviet Russia, cosmic horror is the default state.

You should gain sanity for finding out that the problems of a region are because there are fucking monsters there.
Grek
Prince
Posts: 3114
Joined: Sun Jan 11, 2009 10:37 pm

Post by Grek »

Completely unrelated, but Stinktopus, your avatar is so gross that I had to block it with adblock. Eww.
Chamomile wrote:Grek is a national treasure.
User avatar
Aryxbez
Duke
Posts: 1036
Joined: Fri Oct 15, 2010 9:41 pm

Post by Aryxbez »

I'm guessing she got demoted from GF to some schmuck for being unwilling to read?
What I find wrong w/ 4th edition: "I want to stab dragons the size of a small keep with skin like supple adamantine and command over time and space to death with my longsword in head to head combat, but I want to be totally within realistic capabilities of a real human being!" --Caedrus mocking 4rries

"the thing about being Mister Cavern [DM], you don't blame players for how they play. That's like blaming the weather. Weather just is. You adapt to it. -Ancient History
Post Reply