OSSR: Bastards and Bloodlines

[Prak]

Oh what the hell, I like this book, even if it's terrible. I combines some of my favourite things: new monstrous races, more feats, implications of transgressive sex, unfortunate implications, use of words that if applied to real people would count as racism, and LAs to bitch about.

Bastards and Bloodlines: A Guidebook to Drunk Sex Consequences Halfbreeds


Now you know.

Bastards and Bloodlines was written by Green Ronin Publishing in the magical era of Pre-Crackdown OGL, when WotC said "Hey, anyone want to use our money press?" and every game publishing company said "Hell yes." This is before Green Ronin took the press apart, and changed it just enough to be a distinct rules set they could own and stopped printing D&D books in favour of True20 and Mutants and Masterminds. Given that GRP is one of the few Third Party Publishers still around, obviously they did something right.

Now, I mentioned "Pre-Crackdown OGL" above. Around September 2003, WotC got it's knickers in a twist about the Book of Erotic Fantasy and said "Ok, no sexy stuff if you want to put the d20 System logo on your book." This of course didn't prevent the BoEF from being printed, since the OGL was separate from use of the d20 System logo. So it was just a branding thing.

I don't know how relevant that is to Bastards and Bloodlines. It was published in March of 2003, and so far as I know does not get any more explicit than the core books. I do, however, wonder if WotC would have been leery of B&B post-BoEF.

Anyway, Bastards and Bloodlines was part of Green Ronin Publishing's "[Blank] and [Blank2]" Races of Renown series, which also covered Planetouched (uncreatively "Aasimar and Tieflings"), Vampires ("Fang and Fury"), Drow ("Plot and Poison"), and Orcs and Half Orcs ("Wrath and Rages"). Because everyone knows alliteration sells D&D books.

Now, the table of contents is actually really important here. You could be forgiven for thinking this book was about the existing Half-X stuff in D&D--half-elves, half-orcs, half dragons, etc. Bastards and Bloodlines tells you straight out that's not the case. Hell, the cover shows an orcish guy with small goat horns swinging a pick at a dusky skinned chick with face tentacles throwing off some sort of fire spell.

The table of contents lays out four chapters-- "Half-breeds in your campaign," talking about how to use them, "Specific Half-breeds," giving new race writeups, "Making More Crossbreeds," not a Xenophilia Kama Sutra, but rather a chapter of templates and a short bit on "making your own half-breeds" which I'm sure is full of mediocre at best advice, and "Using the blood," which has feats, four PrC's (including one called "Changeling." I bet you could play a Changeling Changeling/Changeling if you looked hard enough for a base class called Changeling), spells and "relics" which are probably magic items. It also tells you it has an appendix of Reference Tables and an index.

The next page is the OGL, with a giant "RACES OF RENOWN" logo in the middle, because they had room to spare, or something. After that is an introduction that's basically serving as a mission statement or explanation for existence for the book. It gives a good line about how while a game world needs limitations, those limitations should be based on what's "appropriate and playable, rather than what's believable or realistic." It explains that D&D worlds have gods and magic which interact with the worlds with some regularity, and would logically occasionally produce odd results, such as the content of Bastards and Bloodlines.

It cites polymorph magic, natural shapeshifting, teleportation magic, rituals of power, and reality-defining deities as possible explanations of various half breeds, then talks about a bunch of classic "a god did it" monsters showing "every sign of being the offspring of normally incompatible races," such as centaurs, chimeras, griffons, harpies, hippogriffs, "medusas" (sic, and fuck you GRP, they're called gorgons, Medusa was an individual), minotaurs, and sphinxes "just to name a few."

Now, my mythology may be rusty, but only one of those was "offspring," the minotaur. The rest were divine creations and punishments. It'd be nice if they'd used that fact to support the first half of their paragraph were they basically say "Hey! It's not just about freaky sex!" They seem to want to use the term "crossbreed" to describe "monster part mash up," even though the use of the word "breed" in that word pretty much relegates it to describing the product of sexy times. In fact, one of their cited monsters has become a term to describe these monster part mashups--Chimera. Oh well, maybe they were math majors (hint- if the LAs in this book are any indication, they weren't).

It then has a "how to use this book" section, which doesn't just say "read it." It doesn't need to say anything else, but it does. Whatever. Then there's an About the Author, as if anyone gives a shit what Owen Kirker Clifford Stephens has done. Actually, I do find the first thing interesting, but not because some guy with a name like a gnome did it. Owen here attended "the TSR Writer's Workshop held at the Wizards of the Coast Game Center in 1997," ie, the seminar that WotC had TSR give when it bought the rights to D&D so they didn't need to rely on TSR writers. The fact that that happened is hilarious to me. He's got a wife and three cats, worked for WotC for a while, and then went back to freelance. Whoop. Then he has a special thanks, which is kind of cool for the people he thanks, I'm sure.


Now we're getting to the actual meat of the book, and I have to dock it points. The first non-logo illustration inside the book shows a pair of beholder-headed troll/ogre things (yes, seriously) attacking a trio of adventurers. Actually, I'm docking it two points, because it's "crackling energy around the hands guy," "sword and board guy" and "horny helmet dwarf guy." It's a wizard and two fighters. Goddamnit, really? The other point is because "Half-Beholders" don't show up until chapter three.

So, chapter one starts with a bit about introducing half-breeds, saying that you could just concentrate certain mixes in certain areas, and if you want, they could be full races rather than the results of drunken sexings. Certainly the Aeller (Elf/Giant Eagles) would probably make better Sky Elves than the official sky elves. It also talks about how the prevalence of half breeds is something you have to decide for yourself based on your players. I'd say thanks for the complete lack of help, but there are totally people who don't have that much common sense, so whatever.

It suggests not dropping new half races into areas the players have already been too, which is good advice, and again, not so common common sense, and suggests instead using it as an excuse to send players somewhere new, and gives some waffling talk about how existing half elves and half orcs can use some of chapter four's crunchy bits but maybe it's not good to let them do a rebuild (protip, it's probably a better idea to let them do a rebuild. No one will care, and anyone who does needs the stick removed from their ass and used to beat them). It also talks about using the stuff in character fluff--"Oh yeah, my dwarf is actually the legitimate heir of a clan of gargoyles, my great great grandpappy was half gargoyle on his mother's side." Or the elf wizard is asked to help clear undead out of their unicorn/elf ancestor's tomb. Not a bad thought, I'm behind it.

The next section of the chapter is called "Mommy, where do half-dragons come from?" and made to address the question of where all these walking sex misdemeanors come from. It presents a few options:

• Fecund Humans Humans can fuck anything and breed true. It talks about the "there are human/elves and human/orcs, maybe that's it, but maybe there could be elf/orcs, but maybe that's just a human" thing, then goes on to talk about it being reasonable to believe that humans can just fuck anything they want and make kids. Honestly, I like that line of thought, and there can be interesting things done with that. It suggests this as the "maybe you only want to add a few more half-breeds to your game" option.
• Mix and Match Orgy in the Wizard Party Coat Room. Here it suggests that any two sapient races can interbreed. Maybe it requires special circumstances, maybe it just requires good old fucking. Then it kind of suggests that maybe centaurs and minotaurs came from humans fucking horses and cows, respectively. Yeeepppp..... It cautions you that if you go this way, you need to think carefully, and maybe explain why there aren't quarter derro/drow/dragon/blink dogs running around.
• Somewhere in between the usual setting.

There's a bit about half-breed backgrounds, saying that chapter two just gives a typical background for each half-breed, and that there could well be others. Then there's a discussion about half-breeds in society, which is another important thing to address, since people are dicks. It talks about how most people usually treated as freaks and aberrations, could be the product of illicit love, have reputations as being "morally loose and a threat to law and order," etc. You know, all the stuff real interracial couples and their children went through.

Which makes me think about how the writer is trying to do a good and worthwhile thing here--using fantasy to examine real world truths is always good, but it's a bit clumsy here where you're equating halfling/blink dog kids to black/white kids.

It does a bit of a turn around on the usual D&D assumption, saying that half elves "commonly fit into human societies with little prejudice." Which I've actually never really seen. If the half-breed nature of a half-elf is brought up at all, it's because people do discriminate against them, even though elves and humans are usually not enemies or such.

It also broaches the subject of godly created half breeds, saying that those created by "well-regarded" gods may be treated well, and we'll talk about their example when we get to chapter two. Preview-the example is the Blinkling, a mix of Halfling and Blink Dog. That's right, the well received half-breed is the product of the ultimate doggy style, while half orcs have to scrounge for money.

The chapter has two suggestions for campaigns centered on half-breeds--the game where all the players play siblings, and the game where it's post apocalypse and everyone is screwing everyone because civilization has collapsed. One of these days I do want to do a fantasy post apocalypse game, but it seems that for what they're suggesting, you want a bit more of a mix and match system.

The chapter ends with 13 trite and self-explanatory archetypes for half-breeds:

• Brooder
• Builder (want to make something in your life)
• Explorer
• Gentle Giant
• Gruff Faker
• Hear of Hate
• Hunter
• Killer
• Lone Wolf
• Simpering Cur (make yourself look harmless, so that you can take people by surprise)
• Survivor
• Warlord
• Wide-eyed Innocent

Seriously, nothing really new here.

That's the chapter. Chapter two is the one where most of the horrible mental images will come in, so get your booze/brain bleach ready if you are of weak mental constitution.

[Koumei]

"medusas" (sic, and fuck you GRP, they're called gorgons, Medusa was an individual)

Except not in D&D. In D&D, the Gorgon is the metal bull thing that exhales petrification gas, and the Medusa is a species of snake-hair ladies that all have the petrifying gaze attack. Whether you want to call them medusas or medusae is up to you, Firefox refuses to acknowledge either one and I doubt there are any ancient Greeks in the room, but in the context of D&D (the product for which B&B is a splat book), they're correct to refer to the medusa as a species, and to say there's more than one.

Other than that, I can't wait for you to get to the crazy bits.

I think one friend wanted to try to fuse a Chronotyrin with a Choker in an effort to get four Standard Actions (and two Move Actions and two Swift Actions) per turn.

[Prak]

Yeah, I know, and D&D uses the inferior "griffin" spelling of gryphon. ...and Chrome agrees with them. It just... bugs me as a mythology geek.

As for the crazy parts, I had to go find a smut thesaurus because I got tired of typing "fuck."

[Prak]

Chapter Two: Specific Half-Breeds
Everyone thank the fact that fbmf would probably ban me if I illustrated each entry with the conception of the entry, because that's the only thing keeping me from doing it, because your pain rejuvenates me.

The chapter starts with an explanation of the format. It's basically an abbreviated form of the race write up from PHB. Then it gives a table summing up the LA, Ability Adjustments and parents of each type of half-breeds, and another table giving lifespans for each. Looking at the tables, there's a surprising number of half-breeds which modify five scores (none modify all six), and the best archer race may well be the elf/unicorn Alicorn, with medium size and a +4 dex with no other mods and only a +1 LA. The human/merfolk Mergs might be better, with no LA, +2 dex and no other mods, but I don't yet know if they're aquatic terrain only.

The longest lived races are:

• the elf/naga Sthein at 500+10d20 years
• the elf/ogre mage Wyrds at 600+5d20 years
• Alicorns which live 360+4d100 years
• the unaging humanoid/dryad Spring Children who grow to 16, then live another 50d20 years
• the elf/nymph Houri at 500+6d100 years
• the Dwarf or Human/troll Grendles who do not weaken with age and live 200+10d100 years
• and the dwarf/gargoyle Watchers who do not die from age at all.

Everything else lives for less time than elves, except the treatn/elf Woodwose, which lives as long as an elf.

There's also a table of average height and weight that doesn't go into random generation of a character's height and weight, and so is a waste of space.

Now, The Races:

Aeller
elf/giant eagle

We start out with the first of many "humanoid/intelligent animal" crosses, and it is explicitly the product of magiced up elves fucking intelligent animals. Basically, some elves really like flying. Of those elves, most are cool with just occasionally turning into a bird and flying around. Others find a way to permanently transform into giant eagles and live the rest of their lives that way, sometimes taking giant eagle mates.

...this does raise the question of why the offspring isn't just a giant eagle. But I'll put that on hold for "how the hell does an elf hatch from an egg?" because aeller are born in eggs, and are basically dark skinned elves with wings and sometimes feathers instead of hair. They have no other avian traits, and usually wear light clothing, and little of it because they need to stay light.


Wait, it's the ears, isn't it? Their egg-teeth are the tips of their ears.

The default aeller has the Builder archetype. I'm not sure why the book assigns default backgrounds, but whatever. They're usually chaotic and rarely evil, but nothing prevents them from being so. Usually they're raised by elves, because, well, picture a giant eagle trying to care for a baby elf. It's fucking priceless. Then imagine the artistic, angsty aeller teenager growing up in a fucking nest cave that is completely devoid of art.

Aeller have +2 strength, dex and wisdom, are medium, have 30' land speed and Fly 40' (average), with +4 spot, and +1 listen and search. That's pretty solid. Their favoured class is sorcerer, which... well, at least they don't have a charisma penalty, and they can kite from level 1.

Their listed Level Adjustment is a laughable 3. I would say this is a high +1, maybe a +2, but I'm very against giving higher than +1 without a damned good reason, and flying isn't that good of a reason.

Oh, and aeller means "featherborn."

Alicorn
elf/unicorn

Once again, elves are out in the woods schtupping intelligent animals. God damnit elves, humans are supposed to be the deviants.

Alicorns are the product of unicorn/elf romances. Seriously. The book started with this "hey! It's not all about freaky sex!" thing and the first two entries are about elvish husbandry.

Look, even I'm already tired of saying fuck, so I went out and tracked down an erotic thesaurus. I'm sure it'll come in handy.

The book says that alicorns frequently face bigotry and prejudice. I guess even elves can't look past the whole "you horsed a horse" thing. Young alicorns are basically all the worst parts of foals on an elf--gangly legs, big feet and ears, unruly hair, etc. Oh, and they have stupid looking nubs on their heads, because giving elves full horns would just be silly. Basically every alicorn is an ugly duckling story with what looks like a giant lump on their foreheads. "Dark alicorns" which are the product of drow and evil unicorns are explicitly said to exist because of course they do.


are... you happy to see me?

The default alicorn is basically the "gentle giant" because they grow up over sized and clumsy amongst the elves. I'm sure things turn right around when puberty hits and suddenly things don't fit so well anymore.

"It's twoo, it's twoo!"

Basically, when you're an alicorn, you're Harry Potter, sent to live with relatives who hate you because they disapprove of your parents, but it's ok because you're basically destined to be a great warrior for good.

Alicorn's lowest ability mod is a 2 to Strength. Dex, Con and Wis all get +4, and Cha gets +6. This is a a secret code which says "be a paladin." And why not, it may be the only paladin who won't lose their powers for mounting their sister.

They're medium, have a 40' speed, a low natural armour, Low light and darkvision, half elf skill bonuses, a natural slam that deals 1d6 (which I'm assuming it a headbutt), detect evil at will, the ability to spontaneously cast Cure Light if you're a spellcaster, and +4 against enchantment. Oh, and their favoured class is paladin (pst. play a paladin!).

They have a +5 LEVEL ADJUSTMENT.

Um...

no.

The ability mods are damned good, sure, but even they're not worthy of an entire LA on their own. No one cares about +1 to three skills. +2 Natural Armour is nice, but I'd say that's maybe a +1 LA when added to the stat boosts. If all you're putting on top of that is a 1d6 slam, dark/low-light vision, at will detect evil, and the ability to turn spells into 1d8 hit points, (alright, and a 10% chance of saving against enchantment you would otherwise succumb to)... I might grudgingly accept a +2 LA. It's sure as fuck not worth more than +8 strength, +2 Con/Int/Cha, +4 NA, 2 claws and a bite, immunity to sleep, paralysis and an energy, and the ability to breath fire once a day. Seriously, this is like the race version of "we'll give you a sword you can use all day, and we'll this guy over here the ability to conjure fire a few times a day, that's fair, right?"

Oh, and Dark Alicorns detect magic and spontaneously cast inflict light. That's not worth anything more (ok, I'd always take detect magic over detect evil, but I digress).

So, here's what I was talking about. The level adjustments in this book are completely fucked. Somewhere I have a chart of what I think they should be, but as it's not in one of the seven mead comp books to hand, I'm not going to go look for it.

Let's start with the fact that Level Adjustment, while a good idea, is completely fucked on it's own. I mean, sure, it's worth something to be eight points up on strength, and two points up on con, int and cha, especially if you're a wizard or sorcerer, and it's definitely worth something to have a breath weapon, but not a Hit Die with it's attendant BaB, Saves and Skills. I might be willing to pay hp. Like, 5 hp buys the ability scores, and you can't buy it before you have, like, fifteen hp. And I might pay 5 hp for the ability mods, but I'm not paying three levels and the attendant ability to stay standing in the game for a once per day rocket that people can dodge. And I'm sure as fuck not paying five levels to be a decent but not overpoweringly so paladin. Hell, the Half Dragon breath weapon could be a feat. "Half Unicorn" could easily be a feat that gives you the slam, the bonus against enchantment, the spontaneous cure light, and another spell like or two. That would be a fine feat. It's not worth 27 hp, +5 BAB, and four Fort and Will and 2 Ref (because if you're an alicorn, you're playing a paladin. Ok, a case can be made for sorcerer, but it's kind of weak), even with the stat boosts.

That's the big problem with LA--it makes you a complete glass cannon above +1 or 2. Sure, it may come with a lot of offense, and maybe some defense, but it's at the cost of your actual ability to withstand hits and use the offense it gives you. LA doesn't work, as has been stated many times before here. And there are any number of ways to work "I'm a monster" into character resources, but the books have almost solely used terrible ones.

Oh, and alicorns are also called "illear," ("golden-born") because that's not confusing at all.

Blinkling
aka hoppers, puplings and fieldskippers
Blink Dog/Halfling

Ok, we're to what's probably my favourite race in here, because it's ridiculous and awesome.

Blinklings are a mix of halflings and blink dogs. Supposedly they were the result of a goddess answering a halfling druid's prayer for aid against an invading troll force by taking a blink dog tribe and the druid's halfling allies and smashing them together like play-doh. The result was a force of small guerilla warriors who constantly blinked in and out of the material plane. It's mentioned that other races make fun of them for what they consider more likely origins, because of course they originated from a halfling "giving a blink dog a bone." Blinkings can mate with both halflings and blink dogs, so even if the divine origin is true, you've still got... I'm not going to describe that. Blinklings always produce blinklings, regardless of whether the other parent is halfling, blinkling or blink dog.

Now, Blink Dogs are intelligent, Int 10, even. They have their own language, but they have a language, and no prohibition on learning others. They're also usually lawful good aligned, so while the idea of a halfling/blink dog couple may be visually disturbing to some, it's not like it's rape or somehow immoral (inherently, at least).

The pictured blinkling looks like a halfling turning into a werewolf. Not American Werewolf in Paris horror style, but more cartoony gradual transition style, with a halfling head, dog ears, patches of fur on his shins and forearms, and dog tail poking out of his trousers. I like the pic, partially because I find it amusing. If I were playing in a game where this was an explicitly available option, the pic would not turn me off the idea. The described blinking is much the same, but with slightly elongated faces, pronounced canines and, on the males, shaggy facial hair. Females "almost never have excess hair." And they have hair like a preteen lit broody protagonist ("thick and wild, resisting all efforts to keep it combed or pinned up").

Oh hey, picture:

"Hey Scoobs, what the hell was in those scooby-snacks?"

Demeanor wise, blinklings are kind of the more tolerable parts of kender. They're described as cheerful, playful, and enjoying simple pleasures. Blink dogs refer to them as "eternal puppies," and they're said to have poor focus. They're rash, and straight forward, but can be serious in the face of obvious danger. Other than that, they tend to procrastinate. They're usually good, and "generally lawful with a strong chaotic minority." It says that evil blinklings are extremely rare and usually the result of childhood abuse.

Unlike the last two half-breeds, blinklings are welcome in the societies of both parents, due to the whole divine origin story. They live only about 60 years, which kind of sucks, but there are plenty of routes to immortality in D&D.

They have poor strength and good dex, because they're still small. They're faster than halflings, but only by 5'. They get half halfling skill bonuses (+1 to Climb, Jump, Listen and Move Silently), can take the Bite and Scent feats (later in the book, I think), and can use Blink as a sorcerer of their level 1+cha mod times per day. Their favoured class is ranger, but face it, you're going to play a rogue.

They have a +2 LA, and I'd be ok with that. Blink is pretty good, but I'm not sure there's enough to make them +2. This is more like a strong +1 that would be acceptable as a +2 if you had to.

Burrower
Gnome/Umber Hulk


Beetle gnome, beetle gnome, friendly neighbourhood beetle gnome...

Hey, did you know there are umber hulk priests? And that they can perform complex rituals to evil elemental gods to apparently make beetle-ish gnomes?
Neither did I.

Finally we have something that is definitely not the result of strange buggering.

Well, maybe. It says that the ritual just makes it possible to make burrowers, and that once completed, "it is possible to create dozens or even hundreds" of them, so I'm really not so sure the ritual isn't to make the cross fertilization possible and the actual creation doesn't involve a crate and a line of captured gnomes.

Basically, these are big gnomes with chitinous plating and compound eyes that are pressed into service in umber hulk hives. Their faces are still basically gnomish, though. They do have massive, two foot long burrowing claws. Some have hair (~10%) and few wear clothes, because they're more bug than people. In general, they're docile and accommodating, just trying to get through life without risking life or pissing anyone off, and like people who are devoted to a cause, even a cause directly opposed to their own. They're basically worked hard from the earliest age they can be, so they're not particularly educated.

As for how they pop up outside of umber hulk hives, some are stolen, some get lost, and some actually decide to escape, and they're valued very minimally by the umber hulks, so it's not like they're hunted or anything. After that, they tend to just kind of wander without a home, unless an effort is made to welcome them. It explicitly says they don't understand barbarian rages, and dislike thieves, but don't much mind "rakes, scoundrels and assassins with similar skills."

They have great Strength and Con, but poor Int and Wis. It's a shame they explicitly don't understand rage, because that's a good barbarian base. They move normal medium speed (and are medium) and 20' burrow (or 1'/minute burrow in stone), +4 NA, low-light/darkvision, tremoursense 30', 2 2d4 claws, and are immune to "spells or effects causing confusion or panic."

Their favoured is Cleric, which is dumb.

+4 LA. No.

Bad Green Ronin.

---

I'm going to call it there for the night and pick it up tomorrow.

[Username17]

Now, Blink Dogs are intelligent, Int 10, even. They have their own language, but they have a language, and no prohibition on learning others. They're also usually lawful good aligned, so while the idea of a halfling/blink dog couple may be visually disturbing to some, it's not like it's rape or somehow immoral (inherently, at least).

This is true. Blink Dogs look like creatures that are non-sapient, but they are actually just normal people. So while we have dark suspicions about people who have romantic interactions with Blink Dogs, there's nothing actually wrong with it.

It's like hitting on Chibi Sue from Ghastly. We suspect you're a pervert, but we don't have any valid objections to you doing it.

-Username17

[Rawbeard]

"Wrath and Rages"

...

[TiaC]

Now, Blink Dogs are intelligent, Int 10, even. They have their own language, but they have a language, and no prohibition on learning others. They're also usually lawful good aligned, so while the idea of a halfling/blink dog couple may be visually disturbing to some, it's not like it's rape or somehow immoral (inherently, at least).

This is true. Blink Dogs look like creatures that are non-sapient, but they are actually just normal people. So while we have dark suspicions about people who have romantic interactions with Blink Dogs, there's nothing actually wrong with it.

It's like hitting on Chibi Sue from Ghastly. We suspect you're a pervert, but we don't have any valid objections to you doing it.

-Username17

They actually have a Wis bonus, so they are more sensible than any of the PHB races.

Also, isn't this the book with the horribly broken "Cast off any stat" feat?

[Koumei]

Now, Blink Dogs are intelligent, Int 10, even. They have their own language, but they have a language, and no prohibition on learning others. They're also usually lawful good aligned, so while the idea of a halfling/blink dog couple may be visually disturbing to some, it's not like it's rape or somehow immoral (inherently, at least).

This is true. Blink Dogs look like creatures that are non-sapient, but they are actually just normal people. So while we have dark suspicions about people who have romantic interactions with Blink Dogs, there's nothing actually wrong with it.

It's like hitting on Chibi Sue from Ghastly. We suspect you're a pervert, but we don't have any valid objections to you doing it.

But it's still okay (in both cases) to consider it icky and not want to hear about it, right?

Edit: TiaC, yes it is. The feat that is not just broken (hello, size increases/polymorph and Strength-based casting!), it's also a boring number shift. You'd expect that to appear in their next book, Boring & Broken.

[TiaC]

But it's still okay (in both cases) to consider it icky and not want to hear about it, right?

I have almost no ick reaction to ideas. Unless I'm actually faced with something like rotting meat, I'll just check if it hurts anyone and shrug if it doesn't.

[Prak]

I'd forgotten that feat was in there. Suddenly Burrowers' favoured class of cleric is more workable, but the alicorn is still inferior to rolling half dragon. Unless you can get your MC to let you pay a half dragon alicorn with that feat, then by all means...

[radthemad4]

I've always wondered why there weren't more half breeds other than half (human) elves and half (human) orcs. Now there can be. Playing siblings seems like a weird idea as you'd probably have the same race (unless you're half siblings and one parent really gets around). The post apocalypse scenario sounds interesting. I might use material from here someday (whether these'll be actual races, or a mix n match thing I haven't decided) so thanks for the review and sensible LAs. Looking forward to the rest.

But it's still okay (in both cases) to consider it icky and not want to hear about it, right?

I thought hanging out in 4chan makes you immune to squick. Besides, I don't think this gets into details even though Prak is threatening to.

[Stahlseele]

why was this picture not used anywhere in this OSSR yet? <.<

[Koumei]

I was hoping we'd see this one:

[Maxus]

Having gotten a look at the rest of the races and their combinations via means I can't specify, I declare this to be "Bastards and Bloodlines: Elves Have Fucked Everything At Sometime or Another"

Seriously, there's a fuckton of elf crossbreeds in here.

[Stahlseele]

"we are so much better than you that it does not matter what we fuck! everything we fuck will have children that are just plain better than their parents!"

[Prak]

Yeah elves really come off looking like their favoured instrument should be the banjo, here.

And I found a better pic to use for the book as a whole.

Decataur
Centaur/Elf
aka elves love horse cock, apparently.

Apparently someone needs to just ship a crate full of horse dildos to the elves. That or I need to start taking ideas from this book for designs to submit to Bad Dragon so I can start making money.

A decataur is the infertile child of centaur and elf colting. There are two versions, though, bipeds and quadrupeds, depending on whether the elf or the centaur was the mother. Which is disturbingly good logic, because you sure as hell don't want elves pushing out babies that are going to grow to large size. The two types have entirely different racial traits, but "share enough common traits to be considered subraces of a single breed." You want to know what they share? Darkvision.

Quadruped decataurs are basically just elven centaurs:

this should just be it's own thing, except with more cervide bodies

Biped decataurs aren't pictured, but are said to often be mistaken for satyrs or fauns, with elven upper bodies and two equine legs and a tail. They're mostly elf, I guess, so they're slim and apparently appear gangly.

Apparently centaurs don't much go in for clothing, but decataurs do. I guess centaurs are somehow ashamed of buying things to cover their lower bodies in winter, and thus I guess centaurs need a bigger int penalty and much lower population numbers. And apparently decataurs refuse to use saddlebags or straps, or other such storage items actually designed to fit an equine body, so whatever, the stupid stubbornness breeds true.

When you have the body of a horse, crowds are uncomfortable, so decataurs are loners and dislike crowds. They're also really quiet in such circumstances, so people frequently mistake them for being rude, frightened or arrogant, which I would object to if I hadn't encountered similar reactions in my own life. Apparently they have a strong enough sense of privacy that they'll announce themselves before a fight so they can be sure they're not "interrupting a private moment." Which... honestly you have to figure it happens. What do you do when you realize the orc you just ambushed was masturbating?

Anyway, decataurs are usually neutral good and preservers of peace. They're rarely evil, and even more rarely lawful.

Young decataurs are normal angsty teenagers dialed up to eleven, which makes sense when you're either slighter built than you fellow centaurs, or have giant horse legs among elves. Most run away because they don't like their parents' questions of concern. But basically, they're loners. When they're adventuring, they really dislike people asking them to carry stuff, including people. Fair enough.

Biped decataurs have +4 dex and no other mods, are medium size with standard base speed, and darkvision. I can understand why Owen thinks they should be +1 LA, but that's really not enough for a LA, they're a kind of boring +0. Quadruped decataurs have +2 to all physicals, are large with a 50' move, darkvision, 2 1d4 hooves, and are quadrupeds so they use the relevant rules for carrying capacity. Supposedly they're a +3, but no, I might go with a +1, but even then... it's a weak +1 I think.

Green Folk
Human/Lizardfolk
AKA cold ones, scalies, gatormen

Green folk are hybrids of humans and lizardfolk, with a couple possible origins--one is logical, humans and lizardfolk goin bush-ranging, or gods getting pissed at people trying to reincarnate humans who died in swamps and sticking the soul in a lizardfolk egg. There's no definite origin there, they're presented as equally likely. So some green folk come from pissed off swamp gods, some result from humans going lizard-sticking.

The picture is basically a buff human with vaguely scaly shoulders and clawed hands, but with the description, you're basically playing Killer Croc from one of the times he was more human looking:

basically this, though a little more human.

Males are infertile, but females can interbreed with either race, but the child will always be a male green folk. So they don't have their own communities. Female green folk may be well respected in lizard folk tribes and become druids.

Green folk tend to take the attitude of their community towards equipment. Those in swamps live like lizardfolk, while those that go into human society live like humans. Some are barbarian humans, sticking to hides and such, but others get tailored suits and such.


yep, you're killer croc.

In demeanor, green folk are basically super stoic super emotional dichotomies. It assumes they all grow up in really tough settings, and have to hide all emotion lest it be seen as weakness. Most are neutral evil, because they're whiny emo "kill or be killed" schmucks. I mean, they care about their kin, and are loyal, but other than that... well, ok, I can kind of identify, but even so, they're schmucks. After neutral evil, the most common green folk alignment is neutral good, with lawful and chaotic green fold very rare.

Green folk raised by lizardfolk have a weird raising, where they're treated like normal lizardfolk kids, but have to prove that they're actually better than pure lizardfolk, or they're labled weaklings fit only for servitude. There's an analogue to black american experience here, but it's... again, really clumsy. Those raised by humans are assumed to be well treated by their foster family, but horribly treated by everyone else, facing bigotry and prejudice.

Which is really weird, because it seems that they're treated that way because they're half breeds, but there's so much crazy shit in D&D that it would equally, or even more likely, that people would just assume the kid was some weird esoteric true breed. Or they can lie and say "What, you didn't know there were male medusae? Yeah, we're just scaly people, no stone gaze or snake hair. Honestly, the females treat us terribly, I just want to live a peaceful life. We cool?" But maybe my expectations are coloured by my extremely xeno-tolerant mindset. I am strongly considering dropping a bunch of these halfbreeds into Greyhawk, however.

Green folk have good strength and con, and poor int, they're medium with standard land speed, +3 natural armour, 2 weak claw attacks, low light vision, a +4 on swim due to webbed hands and feet, and can hold their breath for 5xCon. They have a +2, which is a bit much. Honestly, I'd have to punch these things up to put them on par with my game's base races (I gave all the races an extra +2). I'd probably raise the claw damage and consider giving them an actual swim speed, maybe darkvision, and call it +0 LA.


Grendle
Dwarf or Human/Troll
AKA trulkund, trollkin, blackbloods

This is the first of several races with a variable parentage, also the first half breed which is neither a humanoid or monstrous humanoid (aeller, blinklings, burrowers and decataurs are monstrous humanoids, the rest humanoids. I'll start including type in reviews). Grendles are medium size giants. Because giant isn't a descriptor of size in D&D (well, it is), but more a descriptor of "big humanoid thing that is immune to certain spells." I'm honestly not sure there's really a good enough reason to make them giants, since the various [x] person spells should probably work on them.

Anyway, they're said to be pretty rare, because trolls kill them at birth. I guess they pop up in human and dwarven communities because humans and dwarves are less into infanticide. Oh and they are found "occasionally in the homes of hermit wizards and blacksmiths," because trope.

It requires shapeshifting or other magic to make a first generation grendle, but they're pretty clearly not talking about arcane experimentation, but a wizard and a troll go "clubbing." Grendles are fertile and can mate with humans or dwarves and produce grendles (and presumably, mate with other grendles to produce them). They are fertile with trolls as well, but that results in a normal troll. Because they breed true, they have their own, rare, communities.

Grendles are green skinned tall, "well-formed" and considered attractive by both humans and dwarves. They have pointed ears, yellow black or red eyes, and usually green or black hair. Dwarf parented grendles are a bit shorter but otherwise indistinguishable from human parented grendles. They're strong, stone faced, but not as durable as trolls, so they more frequently wear armour.


Somehow "Human+Troll" equals "kind of hot"...

Grendles are walking "I'm not a pessimist, I'm a realist" arguments. Seriously, their faces have a limited range of emotion, and the book says they're often seen as pessimists but view themselves as realists. They strive for self-sufficiency and tend towards a somewhat self-centered view, seeing others as not worth worrying about or potential threats. They make allies, but not necessarily friends, and tend towards keeping their word and loyalty. They're almost always lawful, and chaotic ones are insane. Weird, but whatever.

They're known as legendary metalworkers, and are often intentionally produced for use as guards, artisans or perpetuating a wizard's bloodline. They live close to dwarven lifespans, but don't deteriorate through age.

Apparently a lot become wizards so they can make magic items, which is.... well, they have an int penalty and you don't need to be a wizard to make items. But this was before warlocks and artificers were a thing, I guess. They dislike happy go lucky bards and rogues, but respect spellcasters, and are only impressed with martial classes who exceed them.

Grendles have +6 strength and +4 con, a -2 intelligence and a -4 charisma, are medium, have standard base speed, +2 natural armour, darkvision, and fast healing that is not fucking fast healing. They regain 1 hp per hour and can regrow lost limbs over 2d4 days with a successful fort save, provided the limb wasn't lost to fire or acid. They have what's basically dwarven stonecunning, but with metal and includes disable device and open lock checks for metal items, a +2 vrs fear and despair, and their favoured class is fighter. They are maybe a good +1 LA race, but definitely not on par with Half Dragons as the printed +3 would suggest.

Half-Gnoll
Gnoll/Human
Medium Humanoid

The result of humans and gnolls having Ugandan discussions. Like half orcs, it's assumed that they are rape babies, but anyone who knows anything about hyena gender dynamics has to wonder just a little bit how that goes (I suppose I can understand male gnolls raping captive human women as a way of saying "you're lower than I am," and female gnolls raping captive human men to show dominance, but... ehhh). Some are the result of human barbarian tribes that revere hyenas as spirits of death and the afterlife, but they're basically considered so ugly that they're taken as a sign of a god's displeasure.

Note, they're talking about this:

Honestly, I think they look kind of cool.

Either the artist (who does all the race portraits, I think, if not all the art in the book, and does great work) didn't get a memo, or the art direction on this was confused. The text describes them as pitiable, ugly creatures, with hunched backs, furless canine snouts, bare chests and stomachs with patchy fur elsewhere, and naked tails, with large clawed hands and digitigrade feet. They are specifically said to be generally not-symmetrical, with unmatched lengths of fur (ok, see a barber) or humps on one side of their back (see a healer?). Seriously, I'm... understanding of their intent to create a half-race that's ugly, but if you're going to do that, tell the artist to make the picture ugly. It's somewhat endemic to this book that some of these half breeds are meant to look hideous or ugly, but the described traits aren't inherently ugly. Without the mention of asymmetry, half gnoll traits are either neutral (stooped back that's actually supposed to be stooped, hairless canine face, patches of fur in unspecified placement) or manageable (dock the hairless tail, or just hide it).

Anyway, it says they try to compensate with fine clothing, but that it doesn't really work too well because of their proportions. they're "defensive, hot headed, cowardly, underhanded and vicious." They prefer sneaky methods, like poison and ranged combat, and are said to not "like anyone or anything--themselves included." But poison excluded? They're said to be tenacious and lacking in pride that could get in the way of their goals.

While humans are apparently unwilling to kill grendle infants, they all over killing half gnoll infants, and when they don't go Spartan on them, employ them as menial servants heaped with taunting and abuse, with half gnolls raised by gnolls treated even worse. This is kind of like the Tome half orc write up, where half gnolls are weaker than their gnoll side and dumber than their human side, so they are usually sneaks and thugs.

Half gnolls have good strength and con, poor int, and worse charisma. They're medium, standard base speed, havd +1 natural armour, 2 1d4 claws, low-light vision and Iron Will as a bonus feat. Their favoured class is ranger, and Owen thinks they're a +1 LA. They're not, they're more of a mediocre +0.

After a break, Half Goblinoids, Half Kua-Toa, Half Ogres and Houri.

[spongeknight]

Now, Blink Dogs are intelligent, Int 10, even. They have their own language, but they have a language, and no prohibition on learning others. They're also usually lawful good aligned, so while the idea of a halfling/blink dog couple may be visually disturbing to some, it's not like it's rape or somehow immoral (inherently, at least).

This is true. Blink Dogs look like creatures that are non-sapient, but they are actually just normal people. So while we have dark suspicions about people who have romantic interactions with Blink Dogs, there's nothing actually wrong with it.

It's like hitting on Chibi Sue from Ghastly. We suspect you're a pervert, but we don't have any valid objections to you doing it.

But it's still okay (in both cases) to consider it icky and not want to hear about it, right?

If you're talking about you as a person not wanting to deal with that at the game table then that's a perfectly fine reaction- those things are similar to bestiality and pedophilia respectively, which are terrible things.

If you're talking about your character not being comfortable with them in a world in which they exist then your character is just a racist. Forbidding your teenage halfling daughter from marrying a blink dog is just as racist as forbidding her from marrying a black halfling if both pairs can create true-breeding offspring. Which is something I find utterly hilarious personally.

[Prak]

Half-goblinoid
Half goblinoid is actually three different half breeds (well, four, but I'm going to count two as one), so I'm going to break this up into three bits.

In general, half-goblinoids are supposed to be common in areas where goblinoid tribes have occupied another race's settlement, and can be as common as half-orcs where there are stable goblinoid kingdoms.

Now, as Frank has pointed out (over in the Orcs thread, I think), goblinoid is the second largest category of humanoids after humans (which is a bit odd to me, as I would think it'd be Elves>Goblinoids>Reptilians, then humans way down the line since, to my knowledge, there aren't lots of humanoid subraces, but I'll let him cover that). Tome has talked about the great inherent morphic adaptivity of goblinoids, and so you'd think that you'd really want either something like Hordelings, where you generate a custom goblin half breed from lists, or a half-goblinoid template. Instead, there are just four varieties of half-goblinoid in B&B, two using Goblin, and one each for Hobgoblins and Bugbears. The book says that these are the only mixes possible. Which is lame, I want my goblins to be more fecund and biogenetically adaptive than humans, rats, dragons and xenomorphs combined.

But I digress.

Half-goblin
Gnome or Halfling/Goblin
Small Humanoid

The most common half-goblins have gnomish parents, with halfling sired half-goblins more rare. At a guess, this is probably because gnomes fight goblinoids more, and of course the savage humanoids only produce half-breeds through rape .

Half-goblins look like leaner, more wiry gnomes and halflings with pointier ears and small fangs. Their skin is blotchy and piebald, and they have thin black hair with no facial hair. Apparently they claim their patchwork nature, because many are said to specifically buy tailored patchwork clothing.


again, if you're going to make them ugly, tell the artist.

Half-goblins are small, with poor strength and charisma, but good dexterity,30' land speed, low-light and darkvision, and a +2 on listen. So they're strictly worse than either parent. Favoured rogue, no LA.

Half-hobgoblin
Dwarf/Hobgoblin
Medium Humanoid

Half-hobgoblins are basically even broader half-orcs, bald, but with "impressive facial hair, ... generally wiry and black"


Basically you're Orc Dave from Rat Queens. Blue birds not included.

They're said to have pronounced canines, pointed ears and flat noses, and frequently tattoo their heads.

Half-hobgoblins (which I really want to call hoblings) have good dex and con, but bad charisma. If they were just going to mash together dwarf and hobgoblin bonuses, they should have given them +4 con, not +2, but whatever. They have a 30' base speed, 90' darkvision, and the book shows it's age, because they have Intuit Direction as a class skill, with a +4 bonus. For some reason. Favoured fight, no LA.

Half-bugbear
Elf/Bugbear
Medium Humanoid

Bugbears and elves are on such opposite ends of the physical appearance spectrum that I can't even imagine rape happening. Half-bugbears are like the children of Bears and Twinks if gay men could produce children without intervention.

They're taller than elves (7'), with tough white or pale tan (so beige?) hides, and thick black hair. Their faces are angular, and some accentuate that with swept back hair or ridiculous facial hair. They high set elf ears, and usually black eyes. Bugbear/drow crossbreeds are a thing, but not mechanically distinct.

Half-bugbears have good strength, dex and con with poor charisma, 30' land speed, +2 AC, low-light and darkvision, and elven sleep immunity/enchantment resistance, and half-elf skill bonuses. This does not warrant the +2 LA they were given, and I'm starting to wonder if a dart board was employed for determing LAs in this book. Favoured barbarian.

The text seems to assume all goblinoids act like stereotypical goblins, being impatient, uncooperative, arrogant and conniving. It does say half-goblinoids are cowardly, however, though it implies that goblinoids are. My goblin-identifying self is mildly offended on behalf of a fictional race. Half-goblins are reckless, while the other two dislike inactivity but are more tactical.

They're super possessive, which actually makes them good friends, and I'm reminded of a Pratchett quote*. I do like when things say that evil creatures can actually have friends. Surprisingly, evil half-goblinoids are only slightly more common than good ones.

Being a half-goblinoid sucks regardless of who raises you, because you're "not one of us" among the goblinoids, and a war rape baby among non-goblins. Sucks to be you. On the other hand, apparently they get on well with other races, and especially other half-breeds, which gives me the idea for a charismatic half-goblinoid organizing all the half-breeds of Greyhawk as a political force, which is cool. Their possessiveness makes them jealous of people with similar talents, which is kind of a cute touch.

I don't hate them, I just wish they'd been done better.


Half-kuo-toa
Dwarf/Kuo-toa
Medium humanoid

Half-kuo-toas are basically the obligatory Lovecraft shout out for the book. They pop up in coastal settlements where dwarven cults of elder gods of water where cultists willingly take trips up the Rhine with their kuo-toa masters. They can breed with other half-kuo-toa and dwarves. Second and more generations are more dwarven looking, but mechanically still half-kuo-toa.

They're very "innsmouth look." They have the build and height of dwarves, with large bulging eyes, and mostly to completely hairless. Some have sparse stubble on the tops of their heads and bristly black beards, and they're usually dark tan or black in colour, with some being green. They have internal ears. Demeanor wise, they're basically derro, grim and serious with no use for fun, only things which further the cult.


All I can think of is "you kung fu is no match for my Lollipop Guild stick style!" I don't know why.

They're usually lawful, and almost all evil, but of course individuals differ. The weird "Kuo-toas are very, very often monks" thing carries over here, so most half-kuo-toa are innsmouth shaolin monks. Those that have been led to questioning through their religious training in critical thinking and willpower flee home, and are often suspicious of religious people afterwards.

Good Constitution and Wisdom, poor Charisma, amphibiou, 20' land speed, 30' swim, unless they're wearing boots or gloves, then it's 10'. They have electricty resistance 10, low-light vision, have slippery hides that improve their escape artist checks, and good Listen and Spot , and a bonus on saves against poison, paralysis, hold and figments. Favoured monk, +2 LA, and no they fucking aren't worth +2. Even +1 is pushing it.

I don't know, I'm underwhelmed, probably because the Lovecraft shoutout is phoned in, kuo-toa are lame to me, and the whole kuo-toa monk thing never made any sense. Plus they look dumb.

Half-ogre
Human or Orc/Ogre
Medium Giants

This is at least the third half-ogre I've seen. Savage species had a half-ogre race, Dragon magazine had a half-ogre template. I guess this came out before either of those, so it's the first, but still. I don't know what it is about ogres that there's that much demand for them. Since I have all three open, I'll actually compare the B&B Half-Ogre to the Dragon and Savage Species half-ogres.

B&B says that in some areas, half-ogres are nearly as common as half-orcs. So combining that with the half-goblinoids, that means there are probably some areas, like the Pomarj of Greyhawk, where half-orcs, half-goblinoids and half-ogres all run around under the command of a dark lord. Those poor humans. More rape babies here, but some "are the result of breeding programs." Apparently orc/ogre crossbreeds are more common than human/ogres and often mistaken for full ogres. I'm really not sure how that works when there's no mechanical difference between the two--both are medium. So those orc/ogres are kind of puny compared to full ogres. They are, however, pretty well off on either side of their lineage, being stronger than orcs and smarter than ogres, so they can be leaders.

Savage Species basically says that ogres interact with humans almost identically to orcs, so half-ogres come about in the same ways that half-orcs do.

Dragon magazine veers more towards the "violent rape baby" equation, but says they're pretty well off in orc clans.

Appearance
B&B half-ogres are tall (7-8') half-orcs, with thick builds, broad shoulders, huge arms, and tough skin. Human blooded ones have big round ears and large noses, but other wise look human, orc-blooded half-ogres have full sets of predator teeth, strong brows and long pointed ears, and usually are black or green, with some albinos.


Also, they look like metal singers.

SS half-ogres are tall humans with yellow or brown skin and dark hair. Dragon half-ogres are bigger, bulkier versions of their non-ogre parents.

Demeanor
B&B half-ogres are basically the stereotypical big bruiser whose kind of good natured at heart. They like to fight and wrestle, eat and drink, and listen to good music. When they're comfortable and well-fed, they're social and good humoured. They have good work ethics, and leave the brain stuff to others, and are likely to feel friendly towards comrades who are the source of that comfort. Of course if they're hungry, wounded, angry, or otherwise distressed, they're basically a giant fucking ball of anger and violence. They tend to take things very personally, especially in these circumstances, and are the guys you have to hold back when a rival says a cross word in your direction. Orc/ogres tend towards evil, human/ogres follow their human parents' tendency of non-tendency.

SS half-ogres are similar, big bruisers who like simple pleasures, but with the addition that they think sophisticated pleasures exist solely to make fun of them. Oh, and they think they can sing, and are apparently wrong. Dragon doesn't say much about personality, since it's a template.

Background
Once again, a half-breed is treated as slaves, just this time by their human kin, with lots of justifying fallacies that were used for blacks in the real world. This is probably the first half-breed that explicitly has a better lot when raised by their non-human(ish) kin, as half-ogres frequently become heroes of their tribes. Half-ogres are frequently trained as laborers and warriors, and are supposed to have shorter childhoods, but Owen forgot that D&D humans are considered adults at age 15, not 18-20, so when it says half-ogres are apprenticed as early as six and put to work at 9... that's not really that different from their "childhood friends" they keep up with.

Stats
B&B half-ogres have high strength and good con, but poor dex, int and charisma, a 30' base speed, +2 NA, and darkvision. SS half-ogres have the same ability mods, are large with 30' land speeds, +4 NA, dark vision, and are treated as giants by effects that care about that. Dragon half-ogres gain a size and 10' move if the base race is small or medium, have two fewer points strength and no con boost, but no dex penalty, darkvision, +2 NA and are treated as giants by effects which care. B&B half-ogres are given a +2 LA, SS half-ogres a +1, and Dragon half-ogres a +1 if they gained a size category. Overall, I'd accept the +1 LA for SS's, but neither B&B's nor Dragon's are worth a LA. The flavour in B&B is a bit better than the other two, though.


Houri
Elf/Nymph
Medium Humanoid

At least this elf-breed is with something humanoid. Apparently elves just run around the forests with their dicks in their hands like Bender with his blender.


Thank you Netflix for making it possible for me to capture this specific scene.

Houri is one of those words you encounter frequently in D&D, usually in the dirty books, but almost never in actual daily use. Probably because it's not actually english. Google gives the definition "a beautiful young woman, especially one of the virgin companions of the faithful in the Muslim Paradise." So this is one of those legacy things that Gygax probably used a lot, and it just stuck around. I find it interesting that it's usually used in D&D to give an impression of seductress type behaviour when it originally referred to virgins, but, well, D&D. Medusa lost her sense of self and gryphons lost their intellects. What do you want for nothing, a rubber biscuit?

Anyway. Houri in Bastards and Bloodlines are the result of horny nymphs looking at an elf and saying "you'll do. Wear this bag." It says they rarely bear children, and almost exclusively with fae mates, which always results in a nymph. Non-fae cannot produce children with nymphs, unless they're elves, because elves are super special snowflakes (and really should have just fucking been fae). Houri are always female. Given that they aren't immortal like their mothers, they usually join mortal society, where people fall all over themselves to immediately accept the pretty new girl. Also do other things to her.

"Houri are among the most beautiful of all mortal races." Wow, with a line like that, they better have a huge charisma boost. It goes on to describe them, but basically it boils down to "all the ways elves are prettier than you, houri are prettier than elves." Once they hit middle age, they cease to look any older, and are literally forevermore as beautiful as the day they turned 30, because even their corpses are immune to the ravages of time. I suddenly want Houri-skin clothes for my next evil character.


Basically, they're super pretty elves

They love beauty, art, nature, music and good poetry, even amused by "the worst doggerel." They're of course intelligent and cunning and almost always neutral good and kind and just and fair and honest and-


Oh please Petey the Pistol, end my torment.

Sorry. Evil ones exist, but only to be tragic stories of good-intention paved roads where they seek to destroy the world to prevent more pain and suffering. Neutral houri for some reason think they should avoid mortals.

Houri growing up are basically the super attractive young girl who has to be careful what she says, lest she give unstable perverts bad ideas or make jealous older women want to kill them. No, seriously, that's the picture it paints.

Houri learn at an early age they can affect those around them without meaning to. As they mature they are cautious about what they say and who they say it to. A houri wishing to compliment a bard is precise in her wording, leaving no room for misinterpretation of her intention. Similarly, if a houri must correct or chide an individual, she does so in the gentlest possible fashion. Despite this most houri are plagued by jealousy, obsession and unwanted attention throughout their lives.

It says those raised in caring environments are usually taught to defend themselves early, and that they're cautious, but eager to make friends, because friends help protect them, "and allow her to enjoy friendly companionship with those she trusts not to ask for more than she is willing to give." They're usually spellcasters, but not bad paladins or rogues, and many have a level or two of druid.

They do in fact have a pretty damned good Charisma boost at +8, as well as +2 dex, int and wisdom. No negs, pretty solid. 30 ft base speed and low-light vision. They also have a version of nymph beauty, called Dazzling Beauty, which dazes creatures w/i 30' for 1 round on a failed save once per day. They also cast as second level druids by default, are immune to mundane diseases, and have Animal Empathy, Diplomacy, Handle Animal, Innuendo, Kn. Nature, Perform and Wilderness Lore as class skills.

I don't think they're worth the +5 LA it gives them, but, if you actually give them two druid HD and change the Animal Empathy class skill to the Wild Empathy ability to go with those casting levels, I'd definitely say they're equivalent to second level characters.

I'd actually have a lot of fun playing a more evil, reclusive houri who didn't get the fawning acceptance of people around her as a child, there could be an interesting character there. Probably a Houri Sorcerer Child Necromancer aiming towards Lich or Vampire to boost their charisma even more.

Tomorrow I'll pick up again with Jovians, Kestrels, Lashers and Lurkers.

“All witches are selfish, the Queen had said. But Tiffany’s Third Thoughts said: Then turn selfishness into a weapon! Make all things yours! Make other lives and dreams and hopes yours! Protect them! Save them! Bring them into the sheepfold! Walk the gale for them! Keep away the wolf! My dreams! My brother! My family! My land! My world! How dare you try to take these things, because they are mine!

[Koumei]

So for no apparent reason, the Hobling wins out, as a +0 race that has a net gain in ability scores and a couple of other little things. So they'd make a decent enough Cleric, Druid, Rogue or Wizard. I mean, those ability scores don't hurt them for Fighters, Monks, Barbarians and Rangers, but those classes aren't doing you any favours.

And B&B has the most awesome looking half-ogres. The one pictured there is basically Roman Reigns when he's getting ready to spear someone.

Note that in D&D, getting speared is worse for you than in WWE.

[Count Arioch the 28th]

I kind of want this book now. Mostly because I'm a deviant.

Props for using Andersson's bard character, Stahl. There's a picture I like a bit better though. Linking instead of posting because bewbs:

http://i.imgur.com/dc36Ktk.jpg

[Stahlseele]

i could not find that one on the quick but i remembered the dragonlayer ^^

[codeGlaze]

I find it odd that the half-troll is known for metalworking... when most metalworking involves fire. I guess it just isn't afraid of fire like normal trolls?

[Prak]

Yeah, I found that really odd and out of nowhere too, I mean, it makes some vague sort of sense for the dwarf-blooded half-trolls, but just half-trolls in general... it was odd. I want some kind of explanation there, and there's nothing.

That's probably the weakness of this book. It has 28 new half-breeds, not counting templates, each with a "Background" entry, but the background is always about what creature boinked which other creature, and what kind of prejudice the resulting child has faced. But they drop these bits, like half-trolls being known for metalworking, that imply there's something really interesting there in the background, and worse than the books that say "well, it could be this thing or this thing, you decide!" it doesn't give any explanation at all. Assuming I get the social system written up and continue working on Tides of Shadow, I will probably crib a lot of stuff from this book, because the "everything's sleeping with everything" works really well for a setting where there's tons of chaos and confusion because everyone's been yanked away from their homes. So there totally should be kids running around with troll and dwarf parents and halfling/kestrel kids and mind flayerstar spawn/human kids.

But I'm going to do a hell of a lot better of a job than this book does, and try to make something more diy. (yes, yes, laugh at me for my foolishness)

Jovian
Giant/Human or Orc
Large Giant

Another race with three type, Fire, Frost and Hill. Human and orc or half-orc parentage does not seem to change them mechanically.

Jovians are the result of a giant and a human or orc or half-orc bumping uglies, just occasionally as part of an "arcane breeding program." Jovians themselves are infertile, but known for "their great power and natural leadership ability." This is, I think, the first, and possibly only, entry in this book which acknowledges that the treatment of the half-breed in question depends on why they were created. If they were created to be muscle, they're seen as stupid brutes. If they are chance happenstance, they're seen as "rare heroes with great abilities." I think that's great, and this is one of those half-breeds which I think should be reasonably common in certain areas. In frost regions where there are big tribes of barbarians, there should be a certain number of frost jovians who are the result of humans and frost giants consensualy screwing, whether just for a night, or as part of a relationship. And of course there will be some number of jovian rape babies, but more so than any other savage race half breed, they should be really rare. First, because I doubt many giants, even evil ones, are going to bother to rape a human or orc, and second because of ...physical logistics. It's just... "my character is a rape baby" is the ultimate cop out for characterization. The dark ages may have been really horribly terrible, but do we really need to make our games "Game of Thrones dialed up to 11 and the knob broken off?"

I digress.

Jovians are truly large size, 9-10 feet tall, and tend to grow until middle age. Given how much giants are just "human proportionally increased to large size," jovians are of course basically big humans with appropriate colouration and a few key giant traits, like over-sized knuckles and foreheads for hill jovians, and pearly hair and eyes for frost jovians. Jovians with orc parentage look like big orcs/ogres, with large tusks that they may have cut short so they don't interfere with eating.


"Yeah, I can probably hit that guy over there with this guy here...

Jovians are, well, big. They're "outgoing, boisterous and confident ... violent ... (and with) a wide cruel streak." Evil ones like hurting people and causing pain, good ones enjoy cutting humour, witty insults and irony. And possibly sounding like Dr. Hibbert from The Simpsons. Hill jovians are classic barbarian heroes, heavy drinking brooding drunks with a preference to keep things simple, and attempts to convince them that a problem is too complex to solve with violence end up like Superman:

Fire jovians are obsessive extremists, they can't just learn something, they must become a master, they can't just defeat someone, they must crush them utterly. They think they're great, but they also think other people are great. I totally want to see a fire jovian bard with perform (motivational speaking).

Frost jovians are reclusive artistes who think that small and delicate things are examples of superb craftsmanship, meaning it's hard for them to live up to their own expectations.

Jovians among giants are mocked for being small, and might develop a complex about it that makes them call themselves puny and feeble when they fail a task. Jovians among humanoids are often arrogant and boisterous, but probably still given nicknames like "tiny," just ironically. Some are hyper aware of their size and strength, and possibly prone to World of Cardboard moments.

Jovians have different racial traits depending on giant parent. All jovians have 40' base speed, +4 NA, darkvision, Rock Throwing and Deflect Rocks.

Hill jovians have +10 strength, and good con and charisma, but poor dex and int, and nothing else.

Frost jovians have +12 strength, and no charisma bonus, but otherwise the same as Hills in abilities, and the Cold Subtype.

Fire jovians have +14 strength, -2 dex, +2 con and +2 charisma, and the fire subtype.

Hills are given a +5 LA, frost a +6, and fire a +7 LA. I would maybe go a +2, or possibly a +3, mostly because of their strength, but I'd give them a bit of hp for that LA. If you run a Jovian Fighter1 in a level 4 game, you're going to wreck most things you hit, but past about level 5, that strength is only vaguely helping them keep up with the casters. Now, of course, if you're a jovian barbarian or rogue, then your strength is actually even more effective, but still, even a Fire Jovian Rogue with two Large Shortswords and Two Weapon Fighting is only doing seven more damage per hit than a similarly built human or half-orc rogue. Which is a lot at first through fifth level, but sixth and beyond.... the spellcasters are probably making you feel small in the pants.

Kestrel
Halfling/Harpy
Small Humanoid

The kestrel is a disturbingly attractive mix of halfling and harpy. Basically, B&B posits jungles with small arboreal tribes of halflings which are preyed upon by harpies as sources of food, slaves, resources and "horrid torments for their own amusement." So basically evil cannibal amazons. Except the book posits male harpies, and says that kestrels are more generally the result of a tribes male population being devastated due to intertribal fighting. I think I prefer the idea of parthenogenic harpies, since my mind identifies harpies as female, much like (classical) gorgons or sirens or nymphs. It's just part of being a harpy.

Most kestrels are male, only about a fifth are female, and harpies tend to kill them so that they can't rise to power in the harpies' gynocratic society (because I seriously cannot see harpies caring about which mother is eldest... well, I mean, that could be interesting too, something like Lorwyn boggarts. I just don't think it's the default). So female kestrels are rare.

...but of course the picture shows a female kestrel.

She's really excited about the deal she got on that purse, it's Prada, you know. ...possibly also that thong.

As you can see, a kestrel is, visually, basically a winged halfling with talons. Apparently halfling genes are aggressively dominant. Their harpy heritage comes through primarily in their actions and behaviour. In general, they're halflings, but they move more like raptor birds, with "sudden bursts and staccato movements," and a preference for more violent/competitive forms of play, like hunting, racing and fighting. Also their idea of good food is more Klingon-like--"raw meat stripped hot directly from the bone." They're also incredibly social, instinctively creating flocks, especially when a group escape harpy tribes together, and are, well, vengeful. If someone betrays them or their trust, the kestrel ceases to see them as a person. That's actually kind of interesting.

Harpies basically treat the birth of a kestrel as the creation of a tool. Kestrels are universally born into slavery and bondage, prevented from flying through being tied down, heavily burdened or having their wings clipped, but harpies are, well, incompetent, because apparently most kestrels have found and taken a chance to escape by the time they're adults.

Kestrels have balanced stats with good dex and charisma and poor strength and int, a 20' land speed and 30' fly with good maneuverability, two 1d4 talons which the text says they can only use both of while flying, because apparently you can't kick with both legs from a stand... They take double damage from bludgeoning because hollow bones, have low-light vision and instead of Captivating Song, have Calming Voice, which gives a +4 on any charisma based check they can use their voice for. +2 LA, and... no. Maybe a +1, because flight is actually kind of valuable, but... ehh...

There needs to be some system where you have a level adjustment when the party is low level but then it gets replaced by a real level when the thing you have an LA for isn't a big deal anymore. So when a kestrel's party hits level five or six, they lose their +1 LA and gain levels sufficient to be where the party is at.

Lasher
Dwarf/Roper
Medium Monstrous Humanoid

I will give you a moment to picture Gimli getting intimate with a living stalactite, or Cheery Littlebottom from Discworld getting accosted by tentacles.

You're welcome.


Foreplay.

Anyway, you can discard those images, because Lashers are actually possible one of the few creatures in this chapter that are not the result of strange relations. Well, sort of. Apparently dwarf blood and roper blood "combine easily with magic and form a crossbreed able to mate with either." Because this book could have been called "Bastards and Boning." It posits two possible explanations for this fact (mutual tie to earth and rock, one creator god for both species) but doesn't give a direct reason.

Since they're actually fertile, lashers have built a few small communities, and I encourage all of you to drop lasher communities into your games so that players can come across small villages where apparent-dwarves proudly introduce the heroes to their roper wives.

Basically a lasher looks like a dwarf, except with larger hands, rocky looking skin that always matches any dirt or rock nearby within a few hours, and green or brown moss-like hair, everything rubbery in texture. When they fight, though, their teeth are revealed to be crystalline and sharp, and their boneless arms extend and stretch, more like tentacles than arms. I encourage you to imagine other portions of them are much the same.


Capture you own and you have endless supplies of Hanging Moss.

Individually, lashers are basically aggressive bullies, and in small groups, they are basically more like a bully hive mind, individually aggressive and bullying, but working for the good of the group. In large groups, they become catty bureaucrats, constantly fighting and struggling with one another so they actually become less effective. They also think everyone wishes them ill and is out to get them, which is probably broadly correct given that most people who know what they are are probably ignorant of the origin of the crossbreed. But I digress. They apparently are not paranoid egocentric conspiracy theorists, they just think that whoever they most rely on will turn out to be the one person who really truly does want to harm them. Their lives play out as you would logically expect the lives of paranoid half-breeds of dwarves and alien ambush predators created by wizards would play out.

Lashers have good strength and wisdom, great con, and poor.... dex. Um. Why do things with boneless tentacle arms have poor dex? Ugh, anyway. 20' land speed, +2 NA, 1d8 bite, darkvision, and 20' reach at the cost of -4 strength for any actions taken beyond their natural 5' reach. They totally don't justify a +3 LA, and I would hesitate to give them even a +1. I mean, sure, they can attack targets with a 20' reach.... with a -2 attack and damage. Who cares?

Lurker
Cloaker/Gnome
Medium Humanoid

Lurkers are gnome/cloaker mixes that basically look like sharp faced, tall gnomes with a thin leathery cloak and rictus grin, kind of like if you mixed Joker and Batman and shrunk it down, and supposedly originated from a Fly-esque magic mishap, where a gnome tried to escape a cloaker with shadow walk and instead merged with the shadow-manipulating creature.


Man, Joker's gag Batman getups are starting to look really good...

Two things-- first, great concept that breaks away from the Bastards and Boning and Rape Babies origins for most of the other creatures. Seriously, I think that's a great concept and a perfect origin for a new gnome subrace. Second, that's not a half-breed, that's the origin of a new race or subrace, damnit.

Supposedly, lurkers occupy a place in gnome folk lore similar to the boogyman, something to threaten gnome children into behaving with, and in general, gnomes think they're just a story, and the actual creatures are very rare, and range from, well, the Joker to the Batman, "many are rakes and villains to be sure, but others are silent defenders of small communities and hidden heroes who strike fear into evildoers from the darkness."

The text seems to take the Fly-esque origin as truth, and says that others were created by gnome illusionists and necromancers who want to know how that worked, but that Lurkers can breed with both sides, and so some few lurkers are born rather than created.

Lurkers take their height from cloakers, standing over 5', and so may seem like humans who are struck by some horrible malady, but they have fleshy mantles attached to their necks which has it's own spine to articulate the tail on the end, double rows of teeth, and blood-red eyes.

I don't know if Owen wrote these guys with the Joker in mind, but they definitely read as Joker. They're recluses who genuinely don't enjoy company, flit from scheme to scheme, and work in the shadows. The only thing you need to make them Joker is to have their plans always end in big flashy reveals.

Transformed lurkers lived as normal gnomes until they were transformed. Born lurkers are kept secret by both parents, with the lurker keeping them secret for its own purposes, and the gnome keeping them secret to protect them from the community. Born lurkers are more frequently good than transformed lurkers.

Lurkers have great strength and con, and good dex, int and charisma. So they're an amazing chasis for pretty much any character you want to make. Even wisdom classes at least have leeway to put their highest stat in wisdom and to hell with any others. Lurkers can fly, but poorly, and slowly. They have a 10' reach 1d4 tail slap, low-light vision, and Fearful Scream and Shadow Blend. Fearful Scream shakes creatures within 30' on failed saves for 1d4 rounds, and Shadow Blend grants half-concealment in dark and shadowy areas. They're given a +5 LA, and in no fucking way deserve it. They're a very strong LA 1, but that's about it. If your dm made you go 2 LA, you might be ok with it, but any higher, and it's a fucking insult unless you're getting basic hit die with it. If someone wanted to turn it into a 5 HD race that was treated as a fifth level character, and buffed up the shadow abilities for more theme, that would work, but they are not +5 LA as is.

[Koumei]

So I dug up my copy of this (along with some other old 3P splat books, like the awful Mongoose "Ultimate Prestige Classes"). Turns out I was misremembering a bunch of stuff - I think the "rules for actually fusing two creatures together" was from a different book that was all about weird crossbreeds (although that one focused on created races like Owlbears). And I thought this was the one with the "X can breed with Y" table, I guess it must be the Book of NeuroticErotic Fantasy.

Yeah, I found that really odd and out of nowhere too, I mean, it makes some vague sort of sense for the dwarf-blooded half-trolls, but just half-trolls in general... it was odd. I want some kind of explanation there, and there's nothing.

Look at the picture. Clearly, they're METAAAAAAAAAAL!!!

Jovians

Note how many of these have the art of "big guy with angry (and somewhat angular) face, sharp teeth, long black hair, lots of muscle". Seriously, a lot of these look like Roman Reigns (who in turn looks like just about every English heavy metal guy I've seen).

good ones enjoy cutting humour, witty insults and irony.

For what it's worth, few people are going to punch them for being like that.

Which is a lot at first through fifth level, but sixth and beyond.... the spellcasters are probably making you feel small in the pants.

Conversely speaking, they suffer the most at low levels for the hit points problem, and it's not the race's fault that fighting men suck.

There needs to be some system where you have a level adjustment when the party is low level but then it gets replaced by a real level when the thing you have an LA for isn't a big deal anymore. So when a kestrel's party hits level five or six, they lose their +1 LA and gain levels sufficient to be where the party is at.

Well there are actually two such systems for that, more or less:
1. Unearthed Arcana or Arcana Unearthed introduces an idea that basically everyone (who uses LA) uses. Once you gain (LA*3) levels, your LA is reduced by 1. As it stands, this reduces your XP total and means you'll gain another proper level quicker, but some DMs just convert that LA into an extra level on the spot. Basically at ECL 4 (level 3) an Ass-mart becomes LA +0, whereas a Drow becomes +1 at ECL 8 (level 6) and then +0 at ECL 10 (level 9). A Half-Dragon would become +2 at ECL 12 (level 9), then +1 at ECL 14 (level 12), then +0 at ECL 16 (level 15).

2. Tome goes with a more simple system of "this race cannot be played unless the party is level X. At which point it is also level X."

[erik]

Despite hating just about every half-x concept, I am liking a majority of the art.