Fight! Super Robot Lifeform Transformers: 2010 The Thread

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Post by Shrapnel »

Ancient History wrote:What, no mention of the statutory rape card?
In all honesty, it entirely slipped my mind. I guess I don't respect Nicola Peltz (or her character) enough to rate her as a human being, and thus have human laws apply to her.

That said, she is much better than Megan Fox. Then again, slime mold is better than Megan Fox.
Last edited by Shrapnel on Tue Jul 29, 2014 11:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by Darth Rabbitt »

Shrapnel wrote:Well, it's taken a month of hemming, hawing, bathing, and general procrastination, but here, finally, is my totally unbiased review of TRANSFORMERS 4: AGE OF EXTINCTION, no longer in theaters.
Fucking finally!
Then the angry mollusks come down from space and start blasting the bejeezus out of everything in true Bay fashion, cyberforming the planet and shit.
I described this scene to another friend as "Aliens bomb the dinosaurs with a bomb thing."
killing the really annoying friend with a cyberforming bomb and turning him into a horrific but really awesome looking metalized skeleton stuck in a running mid-stride pose. The most metal part of the film, easily.
I really wish that the Beef, his "wacky" parents, and Megan Fox were shown being killed in this manner. I wish that so fucking hard. If that had happened I'd have almost been able to forgive Michael Bay for his crimes against humanity entertainment.
Ancient History wrote:What, no mention of the statutory rape card?
Yeah, that was really uncomfortable.
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Post by Darth Rabbitt »

Are you ever going to finish this review? Because you haven't even really gotten to the bad parts (well, except the statutory rape card, but as AH pointed out you really glossed that over. Apparently Michael Bay couldn't just have not-Katara be 18.)
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Post by Darth Rabbitt »

OK, so I'm going to finish this mess, because while Bay4mers was watchable, it wasn't good by any stretch of the imagination. As you might guess, I'm playing team rage.

So where Shrapnel last left off, Marky Mark's friend who could've been cut entirely out of the plot with no ill effects was killed. (No seriously, all he does is show that Marky Mark is a poor businessman, which we could gather from the fact that he's a failed inventor who can't afford his house, and he calls the CIA, which Marky Mark's daughter was in favor of doing anyways. Well, that and he dies a pretty cool death, but that could've been used killing off an annoying human character from the past 3 films, and in the process also explain what the fuck happened to the Beef and friends.)

So, Dramatis Personae:
The "Good" Guys
[*]Marky Mark: AKA Dirk Diggler. Failed inventor and overprotective father. Reasonably upset that his daughter is being statutory-raped (seriously, what's up with that? They could've just made Marky Mark be upset that not-Katara was lying to him about her relationship status.) Friend of Optimus Prime (below) and not really anyone else. Fills the role of "pointless human sidekick" that The Beef played in the last 3 films.
[*]Optimus Prime: Failed Autobot leader who destroyed his own planet in the last movie, and mercilessly kills helpless foes, as long as they're robots. Won't kill humans no matter how much they deserve it, and still really trusting of them for no real reason. Likes having faces given to him.
[*]Not-Katara: Failed Last Airbender starlet and apparent jailbait. Is in a relationship with a creepy Irish statutory rapist. Marky Mark's daughter.
[*]Statutory Rapist Irish Boyfriend: Failure of a human being with a terrible Irish accent who carries a statutory-rape card. A statutory-rape card. Seriously, Michael Bay, why the fuck did you do this? BUT AT LEAST HE CAN DRIVE, which is completely pointless in a movie that has self-driving robot vehicles.
The Bad Guys
[*]Kelsey Grammer: Actually not a failure. Known for his role in Frasier and voicing Sideshow Bob, he's now head of the CIA, and racist against giant alien robots. At this point all we know is that he and his department of the CIA are working with another giant alien robot in order to genocide off the Transformers.
[*]Lockdown: Pretty cool guy. He fights Transformers and doesn't afraid of anyone. Can't wait to see how Bay fucks him up.

So Marky Mark and his funky bunch meet up with the rest of the Autobots, who now comprise of Honorable Samurai, Gruff American Soldier, Weaselly Brit, and Bumblebee, (who still talks in bullshit audio clips, for the thrid movie in a row after his voice box gets fixed--it wasn't funny or cute or endearing in the first movie, it's just more annoying every consecutive movie). Bumblebee has been de facto leader since Optimus' death, despite the fact that he's clearly the least competent of the bunch (or at least the most annoying.) Despite being a failed inventor, Marky Mark now has l33t haxx0r skillz and is able to find out the identity of the CIA's partners in crime: Evil Business Corporation. (I don't remember the actual name, but that's really all you need to know about them.) So our "heroes" decide to go there.

We then see Evil Business Corporation headquarters, where we're introduced to Asshole Businessman, who is the one human character I might hate more than Statutory Rapist Irish Boyfriend. More on that later. So basically they have discovered "Transformium," the "programmable matter" that Transformers are made of that allows them to break the laws of physics while transforming. (Shrapnel thinks that the stupid name is supposed to be stupid, but I don't think Michael Bay is self-aware enough to do something like that.) We're introduced to Galvatron. He was built by Evil Business Corporation (I'm going to call it EBC from now on) from bits of dead Transformers (mostly Megatron) but they can't get him to look like Optimus; he always comes out looking like Megatron. Obviously there's no way he's actually Megatron rebuilt. We're also introduced to the obligatory Michael Bay Little Annoying Robot (TM). He's been kept in a box and tortured for information on Transformium. Too good for him, I say. He should be stuffed into Michael Bay's asshole. How I hate that little fucker, even more than Asshole Businessman or Statuory Rapist Irish Boyfriend, even though there's more wrong with their characters.

So anyways, the Autobots storm the EBC HQ, where there are a bunch of missed jokes about the fact that EBC is trying to mass-market their Transformers. (No, really, it is.) where Optimus confronts Asshole Businessman and tells him he's been complicit in genocide and has been killing Autobots. Asshole Businessman is so callous about this that I thought he actually knew beforehand that he was killing Autobots, but apparently he's not supposed to have known. He says the whole "you're obsolete now" thing. At this point I want to see Asshole Businessman have his ass kicked at some point. Optimus is going to go apeshit on him, but Asshole Businessman points out that Optimus proves the bad guys' point if he does that. So everyone just walks off. (Little Annoying Robot even complains about this--there's something wrong with your film if the most annoying character is pointing out how little gratification you're giving the audience.)

Kelsey Grammer and Asshole Businessman meet, where it's revealed that they're business partners. BIG SURPRISE. Asshole Businessman needs something called a "seed," which is this Bayformer film's requisite plot device. Kelsey Grammer tells Asshole Businessman that he needs Optimus first, so Asshole Businessman sends out Galvatron to get them. Galvatron does some cool liquid metal stuff but otherwise this is a generic Michael Bay action sequence. Also Galvatron won't obey Asshole Businessman. It looks like he needs more Badges. So Lockdown intervenes and captures Optimus (and Not-Katara). It's never explained why Kelsey Grammer didn't just send him out from the beginning. Lockdown then gives Kelsey Grammer the Seed, before heading off in his spaceship.

We find out that Optimus is something called a "Knight" which is apparently a race of ancient Transformers, despite the fact that this is literally incompatible with any of the last three films (where Optimus was younger than Sentinel Prime, who was younger than the Fallen, and the Fallen was one of the first Transformers.) And that the Transformers were created by another race, when we were told in the first film that Tranformers were spontaneously created by the Allspark. And that the Creators wiped out the dinosaurs and made Transformers then, despite the fact that according to the second film Transformers first arrived on Earth when early humans existed. Also the Dinobots are the other Knights, so why Optimus turns into a truck instead of a dinosaur is beyond me.

So Marky Mark and the Autobots and Statutory Rapist Irish Boyfriend go off to stop Lockdown. Despite being shown to be generally competent and badass so far, Lockdown apparently is blind to people invading his ship, and so the two humans and Bumblebee rescue Not-Katara while the Autobots bust out Optimus. Apparently Marky Mark is capable of using an alien weapon despite being a failed inventor with no exceptional physical qualities. The Dinobots don't do anything here, despite the fact that we're like 2/3 of the way through this movie and the Dinobots were heavily advertised. Annoying Little Robot tells everyone that Galvatron is actually Megatron. NO WAI!!!!!1112

And that reveal will be my breaking point. More on this later, unless I catch whatever Shrapnel caught that stopped him from finishing his review.

EDIT: For some reason my head switched the terms "date rape" and "statutory rape." No fucking clue why. Should be fixed now.
Last edited by Darth Rabbitt on Wed Jan 07, 2015 3:07 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by Shrapnel »

Jeez, and I thought I took a long time to get around to doing things...

Anyway, BF4 was watchable, like you said. However, this is notable because none of the other Bay films were. So, while it is still bad that alone makes BF4 the Citizen Kane of Michael Bay's filmography.

Other than that, I have nothing else to say other than to keep up ze good work.
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Post by Meikle641 »

Uh... don't you mean statutory rape, rather than date rape? If the law legally says they're in the clear, and it was consensual it's merely... uncomfortable. It was still fucking weird to have in the movie as a thing, but yeah.
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Post by Prak »

date-rape card
I simultaneously wonder what the hell this means, and don't want to know anything about such topics.
Cuz apparently I gotta break this down for you dense motherfuckers- I'm trans feminine nonbinary. My pronouns are they/them.
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Post by Ancient History »

The character playing Mark Wahlberg's daughter in the movie is explicitly 17; her Irish douche-bag boyfriend is 20. Normally, this would be a case of statutory rape, since she is legally a minor - but Texas has a law where if the parties are within 3 years of each other, it's legal. Irish douche bag boyfriend has a laminated card in his wallet with the relevant law printed on it, and whips it out during the movie. Even by Michael "Robots Have Testicles" Bay standards, that was pretty fucked up.
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Post by Prak »

.... yep, I was right, I didn't want to know anything more about it.

I would ask in what universe that's necessary, but that implies that anything in a Bayformers movie is necessary...
Cuz apparently I gotta break this down for you dense motherfuckers- I'm trans feminine nonbinary. My pronouns are they/them.
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Post by Lago PARANOIA »

Apropos of nothing, you guys should really go read the Transformers Wiki if you haven't already, especially the articles that don't have anything to do with the stories and characters.

The people who write that wiki take the piss constantly and it's very funny, even for non-fans. I say this as someone who has not seen a single transformers cartoon nor the movie in about 20 years and has taken deliberate steps to avoid seeing the Michael Bay movies.
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In short, your entire post is dismissive of not merely my intelligence, but my agency. And I don't mean agency as a player within one of your games, I mean my agency as a person. You do not want me to be informed when I make the fundamental decisions of deciding whether to join your game or buying your rules system.
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Post by Shrapnel »

That's pretty much where I go when I'm not smanurking* about here.

*Substitute your own meaning.
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Post by Darth Rabbitt »

The worst thing with Irish Douchebag Boyfriend (I'm using that name from now on--thanks AH) is that as far as I can tell his only role in the plot is to fuck Marky Mark's underage daughter, and talk about doing the same. (It's Marky Mark who does most of the action hero stuff.) Given that Marky Mark's douchey friend also says at one point not-Katara is jailbait, I suspect that Michael Bay is just a really creepy motherfucker.
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Post by Occluded Sun »

That's a statutory rape card, not a date-rape card. Still a pretty creepy thing to carry around in your wallet.

Ooh, fun idea: find a disturbing fact, print it on a card, and pull it out and give it to someone at a random time.
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Post by radthemad4 »

Lago PARANOIA wrote:Apropos of nothing, you guys should really go read the Transformers Wiki if you haven't already, especially the articles that don't have anything to do with the stories and characters.

The people who write that wiki take the piss constantly and it's very funny, even for non-fans. I say this as someone who has not seen a single transformers cartoon nor the movie in about 20 years and has taken deliberate steps to avoid seeing the Michael Bay movies.
Oh hell yeah. I love that site.
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Iron Man, aka Tony Stark, appears to be the most sensible member of his species. While a normal, squishy human would be content to walk around vulnerable to attack, he has taken the surprisingly logical step of encasing himself in a metal suit carrying advanced weapons like a proper being.

In the real world, Mark Twain did not know Jules Verne personally. However, he also never had the distinction of fighting a giant mechanical cat from space,[citation needed] so make what you will of the story.

Soon is the name of the region in the time-domain (familiar to all marketing departments, and to the moderators and staff of Fun Publications) which sees release of all BotCon news, club exclusives, and other fan desirables. Soon is when then will become now.
Peculiar properties of spacetime ensure that the perception of the magnitude of Soon is fluid and dependent, not on an individual's time-reference, but on spatial and cultural location. A marketer generally perceives Soon as a finite, known, yet unspeakable time-interval; to a fan, the interval appears greater, and may in fact approach the infinite, becoming Never. Once the interval has passed, however, a certain time-lensing effect seems to occur, and the time-interval becomes vanishingly small. We therefore see the strange result that the same fragment of spacetime may be observed, in quick succession, as Soon, Never, and All Too Quickly.


Category: Things that don't exist
There is currently no text in this page. You can search for this page title in other pages, or search the related logs, but you do not have permission to create this page.

-Scale
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Hot dog

Human

Category: Real People

Fans realize something Hasbro does not: that robust 31-year-old billion-dollar franchises, while seemingly healthy, are in actuality as fragile as two bricks tied together with tissue paper. One mistake, one bad mis-step will cause the entire thing to shatter and fall apart; and Transformers would be ruined forever.

Things that have Ruined Transformers Forever in the past
-Killing Optimus Prime
-Transformers that don't transform
-Munkies
-Hippies
-Reboots
-Divorce
-Pokéformers
-Perverts
-Exclusives
-Bayformers
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-Bees
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Post by Shrapnel »

Rad, you just became one of my favorite Denners.
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Post by radthemad4 »

I remembered the Soon article from one of your posts actually.

Also, thanks
:)
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Post by Lago PARANOIA »

While we're bathing in Transformers-related UNSTOPPABLE RAGE, here's a question for you:

Why are Transformers video games so fucking rare in proportion to the memetic power of the franchise? Does Hasbro hate video games or something?
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In short, your entire post is dismissive of not merely my intelligence, but my agency. And I don't mean agency as a player within one of your games, I mean my agency as a person. You do not want me to be informed when I make the fundamental decisions of deciding whether to join your game or buying your rules system.
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Post by name_here »

Not all that rare, actually.

Granted, it's no Star Wars, but that's a pretty respectable list and the War For Cybertron series looked pretty good when I saw it LPed.[/i]
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Post by Stahlseele »

Because for the most part being a Transformer has the same advantages as having a jetpack strapped to a human character . . an added mode of movement, in many cases even groundbound, so only slightly faster.
What could you do with a Transformer that you could not do without one?
Have a car race? need no transformer for that. Have an armed car race? Still no. Have a massive shooty robot? Need not be a Transformer. Have a massive shooty robot that can move fast/different if needed? Still no.
Have a game set in the Transformers Universe? YOU STILL DON'T NEED ONE!
They have fucking transformer SUITS FOR HUMANS! And you can get out of them and get into places that a Transformer will never be able to get into due to size-restrictions and do stuff with your touchy feely fleshy appeandages more precise than these unvieldy big metal paws could ever achieve as well!
The Fall of Cybertron/War for Cybertron should have been made into an animated movie. I STILL get the shivers when i remember this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyW5KMMDjZw
Especifically this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mueopGQLmhc

Why the fuck not Spartan Kick Michael "Rapist of Childhoodmemories" Bay from the Crysler-Building and make this into a Movie instead of a game?!?

And oh look here!
Some enterprising fan actually did it!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTfkg7s9BtA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=htP-ohk2nmg
Seriously! Just pretty this up a bit more maybe.
Make your booting of Bay a PR Stunt available world wide.
Bring this into Cinema all around the globe and you could make millions!
Last edited by Stahlseele on Wed Jan 07, 2015 9:28 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Shrapnel wrote:
TFwiki wrote:Soon is the name of the region in the time-domain (familiar to all marketing departments, and to the moderators and staff of Fun Publications) which sees release of all BotCon news, club exclusives, and other fan desirables. Soon is when then will become now.

Peculiar properties of spacetime ensure that the perception of the magnitude of Soon is fluid and dependent, not on an individual's time-reference, but on spatial and cultural location. A marketer generally perceives Soon as a finite, known, yet unspeakable time-interval; to a fan, the interval appears greater, and may in fact approach the infinite, becoming Never. Once the interval has passed, however, a certain time-lensing effect seems to occur, and the time-interval becomes vanishingly small. We therefore see the strange result that the same fragment of spacetime may be observed, in quick succession, as Soon, Never, and All Too Quickly.
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Post by Darth Rabbitt »

OK, so let's finish the review.

It turns out that Galvatron's plan is to detonate the Seed in Beijing, "the world's most populated city." Uh, what? By doing this, he plans to cause mass destruction and make lots of Transformium for him to use. He's gained control over the mass-produced Transformers made by Evil Business Corporation, which Evil Business Corporation plans to use to replace the U.S. Army. And Michael "I masturbate to the U.S. Army" Bay would not have that now, would he? Anyhow, Evil Business Corporation is conveniently planning to detonate the Seed in the Mongolian Desert, so Galvatron doesn't have to go far to plant his Seed. There's a short interlude where Marky Mark decides that Irish Douchebag Boyfriend is good enough to "take care of [his] daughter," apparently forgetting the statutory rape card and the fact that Irish Douchebag Boyfriend is a douchebag. After that, Marky Mark calls Asshole Businessman on his cell phone to warn him about Galvatron. It is never explained how Marky Mark has Asshole Businessman's cellphone number. But that isn't the stupidest part of this scene. Marky Mark literally says "I know you have a conscience because you're an inventor like me." I had to stifle a laugh during this part, because that seriously sounds like something out of an Asylum film. Apparently Marky Mark has never heard of Thomas Edison.

But Asshole Businessman believes Marky Mark because he couldn't control Galvatron earlier. So he asks Kelsey Grammer if they can wait a bit, but he's deliberately vague. Why he doesn't just say "I think one of my creations is being taken over by the enemy, give me some time to think about it" is beyond me. So Kelsey Grammer points out that Asshole Businessman is just a businessman, while Kelsey Grammer is trying to keep the world safe (even though he's actually causing more trouble than he's preventing). For some reason we're supposed to sympathize with Asshole Businessman, but I honestly liked Kelsey Grammer more here. He's racist against Transformers, but he's trying to do what's best for the world and his racism isn't completely unfounded (in both Bayformers 2 and 3, the Autobots are even bigger psychos than the Decepticons). Asshole Businessman just wants money, and is only backing out to save his slimy ass, since the destruction of Earth will kind of kill him along with the actually innocent. If Kelsey Grammer is a Nazi who sincerely believes his horrible ideology, Asshole Businessman is a businessman who profited off of Nazi concentration camps. That's right, I just fucking Godwinned this review. So yeah, honestly the guy Michael Bay wants us to think is worse comes off as a less terrible (if more misguided) person. Asshole Businessman runs off with the Seed, and both Kelsey Grammer and Galvatron send their forces after him.

Meanwhile, the Autobots are planning to just leave Earth (like in the last two movies) but Marky Mark makes a really dumb speech that convinces Optimus to save Earth from Galvatron, despite the bulk of Earth hating Optimus Prime. Since Optimus can apparently only stay mad at his own species, he agrees to help. Marky Mark, his daughter, and Irish Douchebag Boyfriend all tag along, despite the fact that they are useless in this scenario. Even the Beef had plot-device relevance; Marky Mark's got nothing. So Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch join up with Asshole Businessman, and never really bring up the whole "you were willingly working with the person who killed our friend, destroyed our home, and you're complicit in genocide" thing; we're just expected to think that Asshole Businessman is OK because he's an inventor. This really pissed me off, actually. They could've had him actually feel bad about being involved in evil plans, that discovering that he was killing Autobots made him realize what he was doing was wrong. But nope, he was completely OK with that back in Evil Business Corporation HQ. He even taunted Optimus by saying he was old technology. Asshole Businessman only regrets that the world might be destroyed, not any of the bad things he did that led to that. But this is a Bayformers film, so the "good guys" have to be unlikeable assholes.

So there's a lot of running around in Hong Kong, because apparently the film forgot that Galvatron's plan was in Beijing. Despite being an inept inventor, Marky Mark holds off kills Kelsey Grammer's top CIA hitman, and Optimus goes off to recruit the Dinobots. He beats the crap out of their leader Grimlock (in the name of FREEDOM. That's our Optimus) and this gets them to follow him. He returns to Hong Kong, and drives off the remainder of Galvatron's army. Galvatron basically goes "You'll pay for this," and walks off. Kelsey Grammer returns to hold Marky Mark at gunpoint.

Optimus confronts Asshole Businessman while riding Grimlock, but instead of doing something cool just tsk-tsks him for a moment, because again Optimus apparently can't hate humans, not even the ones complicit in killing his people. This is also crazy inconsistent with his character in this movie, since earlier Optimus freaked the fuck out upon seeing what Asshole Businessman did to Ratchet and the other dead Autobots (actually one of the better parts of the film.) As far as I can tell, Prime only didn't kill Asshole Businessman back in his HQ because Asshole Businessman uses the "if you strike me down your journey to the dark side will be complete you'll prove my racism against Transformers correct" card. A card which Optimus then completely forgets, since he kills Kelsey Grammer to save Marky Mark. Aargh.

Lockdown finally realizes that Optimus has left his ship and turns back to Earth, and heads down to Hong Kong, using a giant magnet that he didn't use earlier for some reason. Optimus destroys it, making it moot. The Dinobots basically do nothing after this. So they appear in the film for like all of 10 minutes, after being hella advertised in promotional material for the film. Fuck you, Michael Bay. Lockdown comes down and stabs Optimus, once again being competent for a minute. Don't worry, he'll forget to again, The humans (minus Asshole Businessman) save Optimus, and Lockdown doesn't blow their brains out despite having a long time to do so. Optimus kills Lockdown, and then lets the Dinobots go. I wasn't kidding when I said they appear for like all of 10 minutes. Marky Mark and not-Katara realize they have no home now, but Asshole Businessman returns and says he'll fix that. SO IT'S TOTALLY OK THAT HE DID ALL OF THOSE BAD THINGS THAT HE SHOWS NO REMORSE FOR.

Optimus grabs the Seed and flies off into space to confront the creators. Hopefully this means that the next Bayformers film (and we know there will be another) will not have anything to do with Earth or annoying human characters. And while I'm wishing for ponies, I like to imagine that the surviving human characters in this film, in addition to the ones from the previous ones, got killed offscreen, in the same way Marky Mark's annoying friend did.

Anyhow, that's Bayformers 4. It kinda reminds me of The Dark Knight Rises, in that it's a confusing mess of a mindless action movie sequel that goes on way too long and squanders any of its good ideas in wave after wave of incomprehensible plot twists and way too many added characters for its bloated body to support. Also like The Dark Knight Rises, it left a slightly bad taste in my mouth the first time but the more I think about it, the more the film infuriates me. That being said, I stand by my claim that it's "watchable." Just barely. The biggest problems with the film are the same with the last ones: the movie focuses too much on the stupid human characters we're supposed to sympathize with for no reason other than that they're human, there are annoying robots whose purpose is to be annoying, and there's Michael Bay's painful attempts at awkward "humor." There's less of the problematic than in say Bayformers 2 or 3, but you don't get an award for being less bad than some of the worst movies ever made.

Edited out a bad link.
Edited in the actual quote from Marky Mark to Asshole Businessman.
Last edited by Darth Rabbitt on Wed Jan 14, 2015 8:58 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Ancient History
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Post by Ancient History »

Wasn't there an annoying little robot jerking off at some point?
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Darth Rabbitt
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Post by Darth Rabbitt »

Ancient History wrote:Wasn't there an annoying little robot jerking off at some point?
Probably? I can't remember, and I'm not eager to find out.

The sooner I forget about the movie, the better. Bayformers 4 needed to be torn a new one, but now that I've actually reviewed it, I don't want anything more to do with it.
Pseudo Stupidity wrote:This Applebees fucking sucks, much like all Applebees. I wanted to go to Femboy Hooters (communism).
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Post by Lago PARANOIA »

Ancient History wrote:Wasn't there an annoying little robot jerking off at some point?
Darth Rabbit wrote:The worst thing with Irish Douchebag Boyfriend (I'm using that name from now on--thanks AH) is that as far as I can tell his only role in the plot is to fuck Marky Mark's underage daughter, and talk about doing the same. (It's Marky Mark who does most of the action hero stuff.) Given that Marky Mark's douchey friend also says at one point not-Katara is jailbait, I suspect that Michael Bay is just a really creepy motherfucker.
So here's my latest and deadly conspiracy theory. First Michael Bay gets Middle America addicted to Megan Fox, then he has robots lusting over human women, and now he's trying to get us used to the idea of normalized underaged sex and the fetishization thereof.

By Transformers 5, humans will be fusing with Transformers. By Transformers 6, fused humans will be having sex with or as Transformers. By Transformers 7, 14-year old girls whom the movie will swear up and down are really 18 will join the cast. Thus by Transformers 8, this will be the end result of the franchise:
Image
Image
YOU CANNOT ESCAPE YOUR FATE, TRANSFORMERS FANS. :kindacool:
Josh Kablack wrote:Your freedom to make rulings up on the fly is in direct conflict with my freedom to interact with an internally consistent narrative. Your freedom to run/play a game without needing to understand a complex rule system is in direct conflict with my freedom to play a character whose abilities and flaws function as I intended within that ruleset. Your freedom to add and change rules in the middle of the game is in direct conflict with my ability to understand that rules system before I decided whether or not to join your game.

In short, your entire post is dismissive of not merely my intelligence, but my agency. And I don't mean agency as a player within one of your games, I mean my agency as a person. You do not want me to be informed when I make the fundamental decisions of deciding whether to join your game or buying your rules system.
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Post by Stahlseele »

i knew what i was going to see before i clicked on the spoiler there.
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Peculiar properties of spacetime ensure that the perception of the magnitude of Soon is fluid and dependent, not on an individual's time-reference, but on spatial and cultural location. A marketer generally perceives Soon as a finite, known, yet unspeakable time-interval; to a fan, the interval appears greater, and may in fact approach the infinite, becoming Never. Once the interval has passed, however, a certain time-lensing effect seems to occur, and the time-interval becomes vanishingly small. We therefore see the strange result that the same fragment of spacetime may be observed, in quick succession, as Soon, Never, and All Too Quickly.
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Post by Shrapnel »

Ancient History wrote:Wasn't there an annoying little robot jerking off at some point?
Your thinking of Revenge of the Fallen. And Dark of the Moon. And possibly the first one. But, surprisingly enough, Age of Extinction didn't have one. A rarity for Bay.
Is this wretched demi-bee
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Some freak from a menagerie?
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