OSSR: Book of Erotic Fantasy

[Essence]

anything removed from your body reverts to its original form and thus you cannot impregnate anyone with polymorph under any circumstances).

Unless, of course, you polymorphed from a human into a troll, raped some poor human wench, and then got her pregnant as the <ahem> cherry on top of that particular cake. That totally works.

[Prak]

Yeah, you can totally impregnate people while polymorphed, it just won't be with polymorph-form spunk.

[K]

According to Greyhawk novels, you can produce children while polymorphed and they end up being hybrids of both forms and potentially were-creatures.

That's just how 1e and 2e rolled.

[ishy]

Sure, of course you want there to be a fake cock that turns a woman into a futa and lets her impregnate people - but one hundred and twenty pounds of gold? That's probably as much as the lady you want to give it to weighs in the first place.

Does it require you to be female, or does it also work on asexual creatures/animated objects?

The piece has a tirade about how in a sexual campaign, the gods are probably running around knocking people up and making heroes, demigods, and monsters.
-Username17

Does it also include ways to avoid getting raped by gods?

[RadiantPhoenix]

Does it also include ways to avoid getting raped by gods?

I doubt they thought of it, but I would assume that the Foresight spell would give you enough time to consent first.

[Username17]

Does it also include ways to avoid getting raped by gods?

I doubt they thought of it, but I would assume that the Foresight spell would give you enough time to consent first.

Or you could just start right now (NSFW).

-Username17

[Username17]

Chapter 7: Adventures & Organizations

The final chapter is upon us. The opening photo is the lady who I think represents the paladin having a sword fight with a guy wearing their demon armor and a monster masks. They are fighting with swords, and she has some gore on her cleavage. The only thing remotely erotic about any of this is that she has cleavage at all, which considering Dark Sun Happened and doesn't get an "erotic" tag on it, is something that I don't understand.

Anyway, the start of the chapter is a chart with one hundred adventure ideas. Normally, I am totally in favor of stuff like this. Heck, I've even written several long ass lists of adventure ideas. These are in general pretty useful. Unfortunately, the ones in the Book of Erotic Fantasy are by and large both useless and terrible. Let's give a concrete example:

The mayor of a large city has recently announced that he is gay.

That is not an adventure seed. They promise that they are adventure seeds that we can use to "spur sexual adventures and scenarios" within our campaign, but I'm really not seeing it. There is no conflict here. There is absolutely nothing that the players or anyone else need to do about this announcement. There's not even a context for us to tell if there will be any fallout that might create a situation the players might care about. He's not even a count or an earl or someone whose hereditary position requires an heir - he's a fucking mayor. Mayorships are elective positions, and if he dies childless nothing special happens. Depending on the cultures involved, such an announcement might create tension with other authority figures. But then again, it might not. If the mayor of 14th century Paris had announced he was a sodomite, that could involve a papal edict and people getting burned, but if the mayor of a Spartan tributary city had announced he liked touching dudes no one would give an actual fuck. Bereft of context, there's nothing there to even attempt to build a story around.

To be sure, there are some in there that are pretty neat. I like the one that states that a new law decrees all men who aren't married by the age of 20 have to be drafted into the army. That is something where the player characters might be forced to quickly develop sham weddings to village girls or something and have hilarity ensue. It's clear how that would create conflict and amusement within the game. It could even be used for "sexual adventures", because of course the characters might be asked to prove they were really really married (what with being 8th level Rangers or some shit and thus highly desirable recruits for the local captain). But these are rare in the list.

Some of the adventure seeds are basically just wank fodder. As an example, there's one where all the Elven women go into heat. I find that sort of thing puerile, but I'm not about to say it is out of place in a book called the Book of Erotic Fantasy. They are well within their rights to have "sexual adventure seeds" that are the fantasy equivalent of "pizza guy comes over, asks if you want extra sausage on your pizza". And they totally do.

But a fair number of them don't seem to have anything to do with anything I would classify as remotely erotic under any circumstances. I know, I know, Looners Exist and thus I probably shouldn't speak too soon about how something isn't sexy. Because if the internet has taught us anything, it is that everything is sexy to someone. Rule 34 and all that. But fuckity fuck fuck, one of the seeds is:

Goblins are breeding at an even more accelerated rate, and are beginning to flood the countryside.

Huh? So Goblins were totally getting made crazy sex parties fifteen fucking years ago[/i], and now their children are out there committing hoodie crime? That seems like a fairly standard D&D plot, but and this is important: no sexual adventures are promised or implied for us now. I mean, not unless we get a time machine and it turns out that we're actually the daddy of all these extra Goblins or something. If the Goblins are "flooding the countryside", then the extra born Goblins have grown up, and the sexy times their presence implies are long over and done with. I mean some of those Goblin chicks are probably not that hot anymore.

There's actually a lot of adventure seeds that revolve around "such and such a person had a baby". I really don't know what we're supposed to do with that. Infanticide? I mean, I love stabbing vampires as much as the next adventurer, but stabbing vampire babies makes me distinctly uncomfortable. I really don't find that "erotic" or "sexual", and I don't want to be around anyone who does.

Remember how I said that I thought the whole idea of making Imagists "any non-evil" was a gross violation of genre? Apparently, the adventure seed authors totally agree with me! Here's an actual Imagist adventure seed:

An imagist asks the adventurers to help him kidnap a powerful druid's daughter so that he may use her as a subject for his "art."

I don't know what the most fucked up part of this is. Is it the part where seemingly the authors think you're going to accept the mission "totally kidnap that chick so this random other guy can rape her"? Or is it the part where despite the fact that this is an amazingly fucked up adventure seed, it's still about Imagists and the authors seem to be convinced that these are the good guys. I mean really, what the actual fuck?

But while I could probably write a hundred angry paragraphs about these hundred adventure seeds, I think it best to skip to the next part: the organizations. Now the first thing I think about when someone mentions "organizations" in the context of "erotic fantasy" is "Why the fuck would there be organizations in a book about erotic fantasy?" I mean, sex is generally not something that requires or allows much in the way of an organization. But then I thought: Aren't there mansions full of Playboy Bunnies? Aren't there crime rings that run brothels? Aren't there parody organizations in pornographic films? So sure, I'll allow it. Let's see what they got.

They have three. The first one is a group of masked wizards who get together once a month to have creepy anonymous sex. So like Eyes Wide Shut or something. But with wizards. The second is a crime ring that runs escort services and brothels. The third one is a thin parody of the Sensates. So superficially, they cover most of the ground you'd expect to cover in a book about Erotic Fantasy that felt the need to have organizations. Each one mysteriously comes with extra adventure seeds, sample characters, and in some cases sample battle maps in case you want to have a fight in a brothel that is fills half a football field and is several floors. The sample adventures are pretty weird and kind of repellent. Where for example you wander off into the jungle to attempt to find sexy young people you can convince to move to the big city and work as prostitutes. That's disturbing on a bunch of levels.

After that, we get to the appendix where they give an Appearance score to every monster in the SRD. We could spend a lot of time trying to analyze this shit, I mean the Cachalot Whale has an Appearance of 8. I would imagine that Cachalot Whales are probably fairly sexy to other Cahcalot Whales. I wouldn't think they would be sexy at all to anyone else. But a brief internet search proves that in fact I am wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong. Fucking internet.

Then we get a page that tells us the CR of all the monsters and characters in the book. Apparently to remind us how stupid the CR assignments of characters with PC classes are. Especially characters with bullshit classes like Harem Guard. And then the book is over.



-Username17

[Ancient History]

THey also finally had the What's New sex comic in the back, right?

[Chamomile]

I think a Book of Erotic Fantasy would have to start by creating an entirely new sex/romance mini-game that interacted with the combat mini-game somehow without actually being a part of the combat mini-game. The effort to make "sexes people in combat" a major part of all their classes (base and prestige) means they were pretty much doomed to have pretty much nothing but weird creepy rape classes. Which even that would be fine if they looked at their mechanics and said "okay let's write fluff for weird creepy rape classes," but they didn't. They looked at their mechanics and said "this looks totally consensual and one of these should be required to be non-Evil!"

[Username17]

THey also finally had the What's New sex comic in the back, right?

Yeah, but it was a reprint. It was originally published in a What's New compilation a few years earlier.

-Username17

[Count Arioch the 28th]

They could have the sex minigame work like psionic combat in previous editions. "Ah-HAH! My Neg Hit attack gets +2 when my opponent uses Bitch Shield defense!" "Ug, Emasculating Comment, cuts through my Douchebag Swagger!"

And just have anyone who isn't interested in fucking just not be available.

But of the random erotic adventure ideas, I like the one where everyone wakes up with a blue ribbon tied around their penis. I think I've told that joke to people.

[Prak]

I know the song about the ribbon.

[hyzmarca]

But a fair number of them don't seem to have anything to do with anything I would classify as remotely erotic under any circumstances. I know, I know, Looners Exist and thus I probably shouldn't speak too soon about how something isn't sexy. Because if the internet has taught us anything, it is that everything is sexy to someone. Rule 34 and all that. But fuckity fuck fuck, one of the seeds is:

Goblins are breeding at an even more accelerated rate, and are beginning to flood the countryside.

Huh? So Goblins were totally getting made crazy sex parties fifteen fucking years ago[/i], and now their children are out there committing hoodie crime? That seems like a fairly standard D&D plot, but and this is important: no sexual adventures are promised or implied for us now. I mean, not unless we get a time machine and it turns out that we're actually the daddy of all these extra Goblins or something. If the Goblins are "flooding the countryside", then the extra born Goblins have grown up, and the sexy times their presence implies are long over and done with. I mean some of those Goblin chicks are probably not that hot anymore.

There's a game called Corruption of Champions that handles the goblin breeding plotline quite well. Goblins are both hardcore childbirth fetishists and naturally talented alchemists who use magic potions to accelerate their pregnancies so that they give birth to fairly sizable litter an hour or two after having sex. And the children keep growing at an accelerated rate until the potions wear off, by which time they're fully grown adults and it's only been a day or two.
So if you have sex with the main goblin often enough, either consensually or by losing combat, (and you will, because she's a fairly high level character in a low-level area) you'll eventually end up being accosted by dozens, potentially hundreds, of your daughters who all have a huge Electra complex. This potentially leads to a bad end in which you're chained up and gangraped by your own daughters forever, each one producing hundreds of successively more inbred incest babies who will also rape you once they're fully grown in a couple of days.

With that rate of reproduction, you could easily put together an army capable of conquering the world through sheer numbers alone.

I'm surprised the BoEF didn't do something like that, because rapid breeding using magic potions is something that you should totally be able to do in D&D, pregnancy fetishes are an actual thing, so you can totally play to that, and it's actually useful for building huge armies of cannon fodder NPCs.

[Ted the Flayer]

... dafuq did I just read?

[Maxus]

You don't want to know more.

Trust me.

[Ancient History]

Corruptions of Champions is worthy of its own drunk review, but I kinda doubt we'd ever get Frank to play it.

[schpeelah]

... dafuq did I just read?

There apparently exists an extremely niche genre of "Flash-based, text-based sex RPG catering to transformation fetishists" that AFAIK consists of 3 games total and this is the one not completely overrun with furries.

Its fans are even weirder than you'd take it from this description because they bring it up in odd contexts. Last I've heard of it, someone suggested a crossover with My Little Flippin' Pony on fucking Spacebattles.

Corruptions of Champions is worthy of its own drunk review, but I kinda doubt we'd ever get Frank to play it.

I don't even know how that would work in that style. Like, a drunk let's play? Last time I tried to play it, I got stonewalled by dozens of repeats of the same encounters and gave up. If you got past that, would there be even anything to talk about?

[Koumei]

Yeah, every plot that revolves around "X is breeding, the offspring are a problem!" (the god bastards thing, the goblin army etc) relies upon magical acceleration where the fucking and the proper challenge happen within the same week.

[Libertad]

I don't know what the most fucked up part of this is. Is it the part where seemingly the authors think you're going to accept the mission "totally kidnap that chick so this random other guy can rape her"? Or is it the part where despite the fact that this is an amazingly fucked up adventure seed, it's still about Imagists and the authors seem to be convinced that these are the good guys. I mean really, what the actual fuck?

Despite their proclamations of "rape in RPGs is bad, m'kay?" the authors still act inconsistent towards this.

The fiction for the Fallen Cherub monster with the Big-Dicked Orc and the Elf Girl? Sex brought by mind control arrows.

Hell, even the normal Cherub is Good-aligned, yet his arrows can bestow uncontrollable lust on their targets. And it's implied that the Cherub does this to "speed on" or bring about new "relationships."

The Bliss Motes? They molest people yet are non-evil.

Hypocrites.

[OgreBattle]

Heres an adventure seed: Aboleths. The memory fish

In the distant past a mega hedonistic kingdom knew secret sexy arts and one of them totally got eaten by an Aboleth so now the only inkling of memory of this civilization is in the aboleths slimy bisexual brain. Wat do.

[Prak]

There's a game called Corruption of Champions that handles the goblin breeding plotline quite well. Goblins are both hardcore childbirth fetishists and naturally talented alchemists who use magic potions to accelerate their pregnancies so that they give birth to fairly sizable litter an hour or two after having sex. And the children keep growing at an accelerated rate until the potions wear off, by which time they're fully grown adults and it's only been a day or two.
So if you have sex with the main goblin often enough, either consensually or by losing combat, (and you will, because she's a fairly high level character in a low-level area) you'll eventually end up being accosted by dozens, potentially hundreds, of your daughters who all have a huge Electra complex. This potentially leads to a bad end in which you're chained up and gangraped by your own daughters forever, each one producing hundreds of successively more inbred incest babies who will also rape you once they're fully grown in a couple of days.

Given that CoC goblins are all female, nymphomaniacs, and canonically look like candy-coloured punk chicks, with no clothes, bondage harnesses and "the good shit," whether this is a problem or not is entirely up to you.

In the distant past a mega hedonistic kingdom knew secret sexy arts and one of them totally got eaten by an Aboleth so now the only inkling of memory of this civilization is in the aboleths slimy bisexual brain. Wat do.

Locked Collar of Polymorph Any Object to change it to an attractive human. Tell it you will take the collar off if it teaches you the secrets. Still "rape," in that it's coercive, but less creepy than "go kidnap this woman so I can rape her."

[OgreBattle]

Aboleths 'consume' victims to gain their memories, but does it have to be the entire person, is it specifically their brain, or what? With a Vile Eroticism filter, jizz could be enough for it to consume and gain memories.

They can create layered full-sensory illusions whenever they want, and dominate enemies, and turn humanoid opponents into lame deep one clones. An aboleth is basically a one-fish mind-Brothel, and if jizz is sufficient to gain memories the Aboleth would be increasing his knowledge with getting more powerful customers and well traveled adventurers to partake in entertainment.

[shadzar]

Shadtardedness

Shad, WotC is now playtesting Fifth Edition/D&D Next, and has not supported 3rd since I was dating my last issue-y, emotionally immature girlfriend, five years ago. It is Old School by modern standards. Granted, us kids age things quicker than you old farts. My computer that is six years old is "old," and the Juke cellphone I was using before buying my smartphone is "ancient," simply because it was just a cellphone that played mp3s, and didn't have apps.

There's also the fact that the review posts have become known as OSSR, here. I could review the latest D&D Next release, and call it OSSR, and only receive minor grumbling because, alright, it's not old.

tl;dr: Fuck you, Grampa, it ain't your lawn.

Re: Spotted Hyena thing
Humon is an awesome artist.

and people wonder why the US is falling behind in education and the rest of the world is ahead... when in fact the entire damn world is getting dumber because of laziness and dependency on computers rather than gaining an ability to learn and function on their own..


OLD-School, isnt an age, but a style. this is the GAMING den, but only 2 serious MtG threads have i seen in my stay here.

calling these all Old-School, is like the RPGA douchery. it wasnt a role-playing game association.. it was a D&D only club.

if you are going to pick a name for something then to go along with all the people here that keep calling for it in game design, also apply intuitiveness to your naming conventions.

3.x isnt old-school, so dont apply it when you know it to be unintuitive. old-school is style of play, not meaning OOP, obsolete, vintage, etc.

ranch style houses are vintage design, but not all are old houses as the scheme is still used today.

because of the sex magic items in the book.. every twat and adult-child that i know of that played 3.x bought it and giggled "titties" everytime a picture of nudity came up.

BoEF is a book of complete immaturity, not suitable for the age-ranged that has the maturity level of its contents.

[Prak]

Ok, even if you want to say Old-school is a style, not an age, then I contend that in this day and she of D&D: the MMO: Tabletop, that 3e is still old school, because it plays more like 2e than WoW.

[Josh_Kablack]

Prak, please stop baiting the ignorant youngster. If you need a grumpy old man to argue with - I've actually got a few years on shadzar and an uphill walk to work through the snow today.