Florida Log

Shrapnel · Post by **Shrapnel** » Sun Jan 20, 2013 2:51 am

Captains Log, Stardate Saturday Night

Hey-ho, Denzians!

So, today is the first day (well, tomorrow, technically) of my Flo-ri-da vacation, and since I know I am a source of great interest to all of you, I shall (attempt) to keep a log of my travels.

For now, I am currently at the house of the friend who is taking me to Florida as her guest. Tomorrow, at around sometime in the morning, I will be wisked away by a plane to a magical kingdom inhabited by fairies and enchanted congressmen wearing tutus whatever nickname Florida is called.

And then a series of vaguely connected chains of cause and effect will occur and convalesce into a nifty thing called "time".

I'm kinda high right now.

More to follow, maybe.

Wish me luck, folks!

shau · Post by **shau** » Sun Jan 20, 2013 3:55 pm

I think they are the sunshine state.

Just remember, Florida is a land of deep economic disparity. You are probably going to to the touristy part, where everything costs at least ten times what it should, and people are constantly going to gouge you. You might want to leave the touristy part to save your money, but don't do this. You pretty much hit Deliverance with absolutely no forewarning.

Ted the Flayer · Post by **Ted the Flayer** » Sun Jan 20, 2013 5:27 pm

Also, stirges are real and live in Florida. It's an awful place and everywhere smells like crotch sweat.

Whatever · Post by **Whatever** » Sun Jan 20, 2013 5:53 pm

Shrapnel · Post by **Shrapnel** » Sun Jan 20, 2013 11:20 pm

Well, apparently Alan Grayson lives here, or something. According to my friend, this is a good thing.

And Ted, two things: Love the new avatar, and secondly, it so totally does smell like crotch-sweat.

Shrapnel · Post by **Shrapnel** » Mon Jan 21, 2013 4:52 am

Captain's Log, Stardate... whenever

Well, today concludes the first official day in Florida.

The place still smells, and the bugs are bigger than Alan Greenspan's sixth wife's gazongas.

Not much was done; the house we are staying at is fucking huge. It's owned by a fleshling known as "Mark", a pretty cool dude who owns a company that does IT stuff for SEC and Wall Street or something. The guy is loaded. Anyway, despite the fact that he is super conservative, he's really nice. He let's his employees use the house for free and shit.

But he believes some crazy shit.

Anyway, not much was done (did I already say that?). We went swimming in the pool (Jaime, the friend who took me, said that the pool water was really cold. The water was like eighty degrees. Wuss.) And then I ate some chips.

However, sometime this week, I hope to go to LEGOLAND, which is only 2 1/2 hours away from where we are.

People, please let these fine folks know, via the Den, that LEGOLAND is totally worth a 2 1/2 hour drive.

Anywhose, that's all for now. By the way, I'm posting from my iPad! Cool, huh?

Shrapnel · Post by **Shrapnel** » Thu Jan 24, 2013 7:49 pm

Hello Denners! Today is Thursday, which means it's roast beef time!

Florida is shitballs boring, and I have yet to see a crocogator (part croc, part gator, and two-thirds Pat Robertson).

I'm still truckin', though. Today, we may or may not go to the beach, and the entire house we are staying at smells like mustard gas.

On the other hand, there's only two more days of this hell. And then... I was going somewhere with this, dammit.

Last thing: if a friend invites you to Florida, RUN.

Maj · Post by **Maj** » Fri Jan 25, 2013 2:46 am

So, did you get a chance to meet this guy?

shau · Post by **shau** » Fri Jan 25, 2013 3:51 am

Maj's article wrote:The Lands told authorities that after shots were fired, Bruni began whacking the mole in their living room before heading into their son's bedroom to rub some clothing on his face.

I have no idea whether or not this is a euphemism.

Count Arioch the 28th · Fri Jan 25, 2013 5:14 pm

It is. For masturbation. It clarifies in the article.

Shrapnel · Post by **Shrapnel** » Fri Jan 25, 2013 10:17 pm

Alas, I have not met this strange yet wonderful man.

I did see a dolphin, though. I named it Ecco.

Ancient History · Post by **Ancient History** » Fri Jan 25, 2013 11:06 pm

Have you read the book about the man who fucked a dolphin? Only in Florida..

Maj · Post by **Maj** » Sat Jan 26, 2013 12:28 am

I was gonna post something in response to that, but Mr. Hands is from my state, so... Yeah.

---

And then I read that Brenner attended Evergreen. So... Double yeah.

Shrapnel · Post by **Shrapnel** » Sat Jan 26, 2013 1:44 am

Count should court a dolphin. After all the failures he's had with his own species, he might have more luck with a marine mammal. They're higher life forms compared to most human women I myself have met.

Count Arioch the 28th · Sat Jan 26, 2013 1:52 am

Dolphins tend to be rape-y. I have experienced more than enough of that.

Darth Rabbitt · Post by **Darth Rabbitt** » Sat Jan 26, 2013 2:09 am

Count Arioch the 28th wrote:Dolphins tend to be rape-y. I have experienced more than enough of that.

Shrapnel · Post by **Shrapnel** » Sat Jan 26, 2013 1:48 pm

Dolphin fun aside, today is the last day that I am in this hellpit. Good riddance, I say. All the water at the house we're staying at smells like sulfur.

Anyway, we ride at 11, and I should be back in the other hellpit that I call home sometime around 1-ish to 2-ish.

I'm trying to think of something clever to say, but I just can't think of anything.

Shrapnel · Post by **Shrapnel** » Sat Jan 26, 2013 2:54 pm

GOOD GOD THE SULFER

Ancient History · Post by **Ancient History** » Sat Jan 26, 2013 2:57 pm

Yeah, that's the recycled water. Most people just use it to water the grass.

Shrapnel · Post by **Shrapnel** » Sat Jan 26, 2013 3:44 pm

I swear, whenever I think of Florida from now on, I'll only remember the sulfur.

Stupid Florida.

fectin · Post by **fectin** » Sat Jan 26, 2013 4:52 pm

Southern MD has the same problem. Your two options are sulfur or chlorine.

Shrapnel · Post by **Shrapnel** » Sun Jan 27, 2013 12:09 am

I'M HOOOOMMMMEEE!!!!

Finally.