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PhoneLobster
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Post by PhoneLobster »

The latest game session just finished. Some actual adherence to the rules this time, and even a few moments I enjoyed a bit, but also a fair amount of hilarity and some truly monumental fuck you's as well so it should be a good one. But I may be as much as a day or two before I can write it up properly depending on what time I can squeeze in tomorrow.

But still.

Level 25, Number 2 the liche is LEVEL 25...

And there was a Slaad. A god damn SLAAD, in a dress. Because liche's and demons in the same house weren't enough...

And a big screw you on that spell book I was promised as well.

Well, more later...
Last edited by PhoneLobster on Fri Sep 17, 2010 1:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by Red_Rob »

PL, in the dark times remember that your suffering is bringing joy to millions, this is gold!

Seriously though, this thread made me smile. Great job.
Simplified Tome Armor.

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Post by For Valor »

Can't... stop laughing...
Mask wrote:And for the love of all that is good and unholy, just get a fucking hippogrif mount and pretend its a flying worg.
PhoneLobster
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Post by PhoneLobster »

Day 11 : Underground Demonic Rental Accommodation
AKA : This Monster Closet is a highly competitive tournament Monster Closet
AKA : Why ARE their so many songs about rainbows?
AKA : Attack Of The Dwarf With No Name?

It is the morning of the basement raid. I ask some questions of Number 2 and am rather amazed when he actually chooses to provide an actual map AND happens to tell me that the important bit is earthen walled (score thinks I with my ability to polymorph into things that probably can burrow).

The map is another product of his obsession with D&D miniatures. It's a D&D mini's map with one half marked "magic basement" (well OK, something else) and the other half marked "demonic lair" or something like that. It WAS more complex than a simple corridor into a large dark room full of demons, but the way it actually played out was such that well, it may as well just have been a corridor to a large dark room full of demons. Oh, and with a side alclove in the corridor for annoying Evil Cross Dressing Kermit the Slaad. But let's talk about how hard it is to be Green in just a second.

Before going in I identify the ring and the staff that were the only two magical items possessed by the 10th level fuck you plot device wizard NPC I killed the other day. Ring is a fairly nice +3 ring of protection, since NO ONE has even a +1 ring of protection, yeah, not bad at all.

The staff of abjuration has a mere 11/50 charges just as an added screw you for me having dared to have hoiked it and... IS NOT A STAFF OF ABJURATION. Yes there is ONLY one staff in the DMG that has dispel magic on it, but the GM took one look at the Staff section and declared that it WASN'T a staff of abjuration, indeed, it wasn't ANY of those staffs. And NO he didn't even realize staff of abjuration was the only dispelling staff, NO he didn't read the staff of abjuration entry, NO this was genuinely NOT a "fuck you you can't have a Dismissal stick before the demon fight".

It was WORSE. He looked at the staff entries in general. Saw that staffs let you cast MULTIPLE SPELLS often including some mildly nice ones and decided "fuck that for a lark" and declared my fancy new staff with dispel on it had ONLY dispel on it! Yes, unlike EVERY OTHER STAFF EVER, this staff is actually REALLY just a rather large wand and a somewhat sucky one at that.

First up That-One-Guy the DM felt that having a grid map "sped things up" as it encouraged people to get down to mechanical business and stop messing about trying to talk to things and such.

Fine. So we start taking combat actions. The DM asks how fast we move...

Which somewhat amazes me because as a wizard barring any spells I am the same standard human in a dress that any wizard is and I move at 30'. I tell him I move at 30'. This somewhat confuses him until he translates it into 6 squares. Suddenly it becomes clear why he never quiet grasped the movement and combat maps I was drawing when I was DMing, he exclusively understands the game world in squares, all those feet measurements are well something a bit alien.

More than that as our single action we then all move 4-6 squares depending and I say "Hey wait, surely we would at least double move?" to which he responds "...?" then I say "or if we are moving at half rate are we sneaking or something I mean..."

...

"...?" says he.

Sigh.

Anyway wanting us to get to it and get to the action and the turn over to Bard-DM fast with the grid map introduction and all he... immediatly confronts us with a green Slaad in a dress guarding a treasure alcove.

We now spend half an hour talking to it, people want it's treasure. I figure I can probably dispel whatever is binding it with my dispel stick in return for it's help in the fight against demons (which ARE a form of it's natural enemies).

But just to ensure the dispel stick isn't enough to get him lose some bullshit dress based curse is brought up with the requirement of kissing a human male to break it. "no thanks" thinks us all, loudly, and we walk on into the demon closet proper.

Carnage Demons! Five of them! Now these MM-somestupidlargenumberwhereeverythingisshit demons are actually nasty for their CR, about 10 to 20 could have done some serious damage to THIS party, even these five along side their boss could have done us a bit of a hit with our many low saves, low damages, poor ACs, almost no magic items and low HP. Who am I kidding we AREN'T a level 8 party.

But they WEREN'T along side their boss. They jumped out with enough of a gap before that to almost be an entirely separate encounter. And in the end they ARE only CR 4.

Still the demons won Initiative over the whole party and then wiped the nerf golem into oblivion with their charge/full attacks (yeah the whole move+standard attack thing is... not really something the DM seems to know about, indeed as soon discovered the whole action type system is a bit of a mystery to him).

Well back when we walked into the dungeon everyone cast ALL their crazy 1 minute per level + buff spells. When we heard the demons hiding in the darkness I cast my improved invisibility and dropped a Sudden Extend on it (yes I dug it out of Complete Arcane, Barbaromancer has splat book feats and DM uses splat book monsters so...). When we walked the nerf golem into the obvious ambush position I also cast Haste on all of us.

So. When I then threw a Stinking Cloud on all five Carnage Demons 3 failed their saves. I ended the duration on the cloud immediately so the party could walk in (because walking around it and such WOULD be a moderate challenge and you can guarantee some punk like the Sociopathic-Halfling would demand her right to stand IN the thing). But they were still out of action for 3 rounds.

The party full attack charged (like everything seems to) and benefited from haste. Dwarf With No Name rolled a critical with a natural twenty. And the two non-disabled Carnage demons went down. The other three scattered with their single nauseated move actions. They would never choose to act or move again until dead or until their nausea ran out. (which it did a round early because the DM counts durations funny).

Seeing the fight going poorly boss demon drops from the ceiling! As his entire action (hey gotta low ball it, just turning up is his big "OH MY GOD I'M SO SCARY WITH MY CR 11") moment.

He is a Chasme. Some sort of bullshit splat demon. He has a raft of confusing abilities like any higher CR demon and is actually pretty crash hot.

Since he is just standing there I black tentacles him and some already sick carnage demon. Tentacles fail to grapple him!

Party all advances into base to base contact with the Chasme. No AoOs from it's reach go off. The only hit do get damage through its DR 10/Fuck-You-I-Don't-Give-You-Guys-Even+1Weapons-At-This-Level was the Dwarf-With-No-Name's LATEST natural 20 confirmed critical.

Chasme picks it's LAMEST power, a minor debuff, and throws it at the four of them (I'm invisible and far away or something, but hell for all I know I SHOULD have been in range and he screwed it somehow). Only the bard gets debuffed. It comes CLOSE to canceling out all the buffs going on him. Chasme does NOT choose to step away from the black tentalces.

Round two I throw a stinking cloud at the Chasme. It fails it's save on a natural 1. The tentacles grab it. We now have seven rounds of a totally helpless Chasme. Party pummels it and cleans up carnage demons. Dwarf-With-No-Name again is the only one to damage it AGAIN with his obligatory natural 20 confirmed critical hit.

I glitter dust the Chasme for laughs and it is successfully blinded as well! I wander off to find the evil bullshit Gem we are looking for with locate object. Now... locate object has been going successfully ever since we got in here. Which is odd because LAST TIME I walked into this murder closet it was just a straight corridor so long that locate object DIDN'T ever register at all. And while I DID meet the Chasme that time and it WAS this monster closet we never actually saw any sign that the super long corridor even ever existed THIS time around...

But anyway, I find the crystal around the corner.

Meanwhile the party is whittling down the Chasme, I figure I have tons of time, if they can't kill it in seven rounds I will go back, disable it again, polymorph into a Remorahz or something and eat it. So I ask about the orcish children the DM is caught with his pants down and goes "Oh, yeah those are supposed to be here, er, they are in a cage right over there in the corner!" So I spend a couple of rounds releasing them, claiming to be the invisible helper spirit that rescues good little orcish girls and boys. They run off to the exit un-opposed.

The party is doing a REASONABLE job of whittling down Chasme but largely only because Dwarf with no name is managing a natural 20 and then confirming it on at LEAST one of his mere three attacks per turn. EVERY TURN. He has a warhammer. A regular god damn not even master work (I don't think they know about Master work...) warhammer. But at least its a x3 crit. Barbaromancer casts that blunt weapon version of the keen spell on it. It never applies though, he just rolls those fucking 20's and never even gets a 19.

Bard feels worried that they aren't killing Chasme fast enough. He reasons that the armory of weapons behind the Slaad are an obvious drop for weapons that can hurt the Chasme, Number 2 after all knows ALL ABOUT what weapons hurt Chasme and is a super rich super necromancer. Not to mention he figures the DM in some moment of sanity set it up like that.

So he goes off to try and negotiate with Evil Kermit the cross dresser. Ultimately giving in to the railroading intensity of Evil Kermit's hatred of any form of attempt to bypass his single stupid demand at all, and just kisses the blasted frog. Which does nothing but get rid of the dress and cause the bard to fail an ominous Slaad related Fort save. Kermit is STILL not freed NOR is Kermit letting anyone through into the armory. Bard says screw this and uses the unstoppable might of bardic music to fascinate and suggest his way in.

Now a brief side bar. When DMs don't really know the rules, or have a weird archaic fuck you philosophy they have strange ideas about how things work. So observing this DM I have notice for instance Charm spells against a fuck you NPC do basically nothing, while vs a thing you were supposed to kill are as good or better than a dominate. My greater invisibility makes me utterly immune to the entire universe that doesn't seem to know I'm there no matter how many spells I cast or how much I dance around claiming to be the invisible helper spirit of orcish children in peril and so on. Suggest is a weird one because the reasoning behind what it does and doesn't do is strange as all heck. Bard apparently COULDN'T suggest Slaad to unload the contents of the armoury outside of the edge of the area it was trapped in. But COULD be suggested to go stand in the corner while Bard looted the place.

I suspect that particular ruling was basically not based on the state reasoning of "er... unload armoury is not a single suggestion!" but more on the reasoning "fuck you, you WILL trigger the fuck you traps!".

Bard loots. Suddenly all the weapons are old rusty crap. Except for three cabinets with a magic aura each... oh yeah... it's...

OK look we didn't end up using these that fight but we identified them later so let me go over what the Bard gave up his virgin lips and Fort save for. At level 8.

1) A pair of matching rapiers. +1 rapiers. Yeah. That's all. No they don't damage demons.

2) 6 magic throwing daggers. They are Shocking daggers. Both in that they deal electrical damage and are Shockingly bad. I asked what bonus because you know, shocking weapons HAVE to have a bonus and the DM said... he said... oh god, he actually said... "Er... 1d4".

I mean how much is wrong with that answer? A) No, shocking weapons MUST have a plus bonus like any magic weapon as well (it ended up being 1) and B) Shocking is a trait that adds +1d6 electric damage, where is this bullshit 1d4 even coming from? C) A regular shocking weapon is crap at this level but a god damn throwing knife? And only 6? and LESS electric damage than regular? WHAT WHAT WHAT?

Oh and of course again, won't damage demons, who among other things are all immune to electricity (I mentioned this earlier, the DM didn't actually know that).

3) A magical hilt!

Score! The item that can possibly damage demons! Well, actually no a Brilliant Energy weapon won't get past the DR, but still, kick ass, something NICE for all the weapon users who currently don't even have a silver or a master work weapon between them!

We joked that it was probably just a flick knife.

Then we identified it.

And discovered it wasn't even that. It IS just a magical weapon hilt. We need to go and collect the rest of the multiple remaining pieces from around France if we want to assemble the entire (almost certainly self fucking) "Demon Sword".

And oddly enough a useless magical hilt ALSO doesn't deal damage to demons.

So in summary nothing in the armory could damage demons.

The Bard's desperate plan to save the party was based on reasoning the DM not only didn't share but either didn't notice or didn't care for after it was presented directly to him verbally.

Fortunately Dwarf with no name killed the helpless Chasme with his avalanche of natural 20's.

Only it wasn't ENTIRELY helpless. You see the DM doesn't understand most status effects, grappling is beyond him, the concentration skill may as well not exist and most of all action types and actions per turn confuse him.

So he discovered that Nauseated creatures could take ONLY move action and FREE actions (explicitly NOT including spell casting!) each turn he went "SCORE!" thinking he had actions he could take.

Because he thinks half the actions in the game are free actions, and also because he just didn't even know that the grappling also going on ALSO inhibited his actions even further.

So it was sheer luck alone that I managed to convince him that no, spell like abilities were basically NOT on the allowed to do list unless specially noted.

But he DID attempt his summon demon ability, while grappled and nauseated, because he thinks THAT is a free action, even though it's actually either a full round or a standard action. AND would probably require a concentration check (questionable DC) when grappled even if you COULD perform the action (which he couldn't).

Fortunately it failed, but the whole thing went off while I wasn't paying attention otherwise I would have been, "Wait you did WHAT while you were effected by WHAT?"

Anyway.

We then looted the place. After searching the place twice (once by saying "we are searching the place" and later by saying "can we search the place with an actual search roll this time and potentially find hidden things rather than the stuff which ISN'T hidden?")

We scored. A magic bottle of wine (which was my mighty and so far ONLY reward from this encounter) that remains unidentified because myself and everyone else FORGOT ABOUT IT BECAUSE IT"S CRAPPY.

We also found a niche full of junk. A bunch of nothing magic items that would be about right for a level 4 or so party (hey it's better than the level 2 style treasure the vamps had) and... a ring with 2 wishes left on it.

Groan.

A ring with 2 wishes. Oh yeah it's NICE. Yeah it's worth money. But good lord you just KNOW what "wish" means to these players DON"T YOU?

My current plan is to just trade the wishes in for hard cash and manually manufacture magic items with that cash, as soon as we get down time, which we sorta only half got later...

We went back upstairs and declared victory to Number 2. The orcish kids, and their well organized parents were vanished into the void of "wait who?". Number 2 then refused to turn over the promised level 10 wizard's spell book.

Why? Well I had looted HIS monster closet of stuff equal to that value...

Wait? What? I have a god damn magic bottle, it's almost certainly JUST A POTION. THAT is enough to match a level 10 spell book? Even if you count the other stuff the BULK of the loot belonged to the demons the only things that were Number 2's property were the +1 Shockingly Bad throwing daggers, the +1 Rapiers and the useless collectable sword hilt!

There was some argument over that but the GM stood by his fuck you on the basis of sanity and narrative. Because you know, he needs to maintain his high standards on those fronts.

We walked outside and planned the trip back. I said "well since we decided last time we aren't getting level 9 right now we will have to walk instead of teleporting"

Que the argument that really didn't even need to happen.

"But you ARE getting level 9!"

"Well then we level up and I teleport us home"

"No you can't just level up and learn new spells out of nowhere!"

"I assume I have been not only adventuring but studying and doing training montages in my off time like everyone does."

"No, I feel the need for you to have some form of training montage... " (ignoring that I just mentioned the existence of such things) "... to justify a new spell level, otherwise I wouldn't mind but a new spell level MUST require some form of montage."

"So... you want us to use the optional training rules but only every second level?"

"NO, the optional training rules suck, I JUST want you to go home and have some down time/training montage before you level up any level that gives you new spells."

"So... like I said in the first place... we aren't leveling up right now and I can't teleport us all home?"

The DM suddenly realizing he didn't really want to do the whole boring walk home (I mean it's a whole week of travel through empty land with nothing but one now empty inn in it ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN). Suddenly sparks on the fact that ACTUALLY he WANTS us to Teleport home.

So of course he gets his giant fuck you NPC to wave his dick around and do it for us.

Only he sorta screws that up too.

Because he gives us a scroll of teleport. I say "that's above my level there are like rolls involved..."

Bard says "well I have UMD I will do it".

*Bard Fails*

Bard says "well at least it didn't backfire!"

*Bard Fails Again*

I say "I've looked the rules up for wizards using scrolls above their CL, give that here."

"What is the CL of the scroll?" I say to the DM. "Standard for this sort of thing is CL 9..."

"It's not CL 9, Number 2 is higher level than that..."

"That doesn't matter" Says I "you can make scrolls a lower CL due to the cost and that's sort of one of the reasons why minimum CL is always assumed by the DMG as a standard and..."

"Number 2 sees no reason why he would ever make anything lower than his maximum CL ever, it wouldn't be dick wavy enough since he is after all a giant dick wavy fuck you NPC..."

"Oh. Well no biggy I mean it's just me making a level check against the scroll CL +1 so... what is the CL of the scroll then?"

"25"

...

"WHAT? LEVEL 25?"

Now the DM is amused, he LIKES his dick wavy NPCs all right "Yes" he says.

Sigh.

*I fail the scroll use*

*I pass the scroll mishaps save*

"Give that here!" says Bard

*Bard fails UMD, no mishaps*

"Let me try!" says I.

*I fail scroll use, no mishaps*

"I think it's safer with me!" says Bard.

*Fails UMD, no mishaps*

"Damnit give that here!" says I...

Number 2 steps in asks why the hell we are still here and waves his dick further just by casting the teleport for us. I keep the scroll to scribe from later.

Which means that ULTIMATELY that whole STUPID MESS that started with "No you can't level up and cast teleport so you can go home immediately" turned into "you can have teleport cast for you so you can go home and level up immediately"

At which point among other things I learned teleport from the scroll.

Then I spent a bunch of gold and learnt a bucket load of new spells because the DMing handed over to bard before we even handed in the crystal and he actually lets you do that a bit. That-Guy the former DM even levels up HIS wizard and ALSO uses the gold to scribe new spells business. Though he fails to see why I am interested in so many of the "crappy" spells at level 5.

Next time. Brief intermission, the Barbaromancer revolts, and a brief overview of the Bard-DMs upcoming adventure.

PS the Gem gets handed in and Venice and it's screw you economy ISN'T burning to the ground yet. I am disappointed.
Last edited by PhoneLobster on Sun Sep 19, 2010 12:34 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by PhoneLobster »

Intermission
AKA : Revolt Of The Barbaromancer

So it's been 3-4 sessions now, (they all blur together in insanity). And the change over the Bard-DM has just occurred.

So let's catch up on some side stories and out of game stuff.

A Wizard Named Trouble
So the former DM has a character. That character is a wizard. This is a terrifying thing in many ways, since frankly this guy is either unwilling or incapable of learning the minimal rules required to play a Fighter.

I received an introduction to this character WHILE this guy was DMing when I was recruited into the party and briefly shown around their not at all secret hide out in Venice.

(Well I say "shown around" it was more that I just stepped barely inside the front door to talk to them and arrange our way out of town on our job while Sociopathic-Halfling yelled things at me like "You Can't live Here!", "You wanna make a fight of it?", "I Hate You!' and "You are SOOOO gonna get it!")

So my French wizard steps into the house and the other wizard comes down from his isolated room in the attic where they keep him so he won't explode or set fire to stuff. (yeah) He is some sort of gnome or halfling or something but has this "hilarious" quirk of thinking he is human and responding with psychopathic murder to any suggestion to the contrary.

So much of our intro chat basically went a bit like.

Wizard-Named-Trouble : "Hi I'm a Wizard!"
Me : "So am I."
Wizard-Named-Trouble : "Cross me and I will destroy you with terrible fire balls!"
Me : "Er. Ok. I see you have a fine strong personality there, we will get on terribly."
Wizard-Named-Trouble : "I'M A HUMAN!!!!"
Sociopathic-Halfling : *excited, mostly muttering to herself* "Oh yeah Oh yeah Oh yeah baby!"
Me : "I'm a human too, but aren't you a bit short?"
Sociopathic-Halfing : "YOU ARE SO GONNA GET IT!!!!"
Wizard-Named-Trouble : "I AM NOT SHORT I AM SIX FEET TALL!"
Me : "Well I suppose you are on your own scale..."

Was I dancing near death? Damned if I know but that's what the DM told me. Did I care or did that conversation alone remove pretty much any sense of self preservation I might have instilled in my character leaving me inclined to dance on the edge of utter bullshit like a guy who knows he will win THAT magic duel hands down in the night? Hell yeah.

But anyway the wizard named troubles big "thing" is that he likes to fire ball all the time, and primarily fire ball his own party all the time, often for no good reason. Now yes, I am aware fireballing your own party is actually not entirely a bad idea (I mean tactically, not because this party largely deserves it) and sure the apparent accrual of fire resistance items among them all in paranoia at the friendly fire, (at god knows what cost considering the magical item economy in action here) makes it a BETTER tactical option.

But we all know that isn't why he is doing it don't we? We all know it's real motivation here is basically pure juvenile dick waving most of us learned to get over some time in our teens.

Proof in point? The entire quite unnecessary social encounter with that stupid typical pyro-loon wizard that was itself basically a pure dick waving event.

Well anyway he now joins the party for the up coming Bard-DM run, assuming the group holds together that long. I have reasons to doubt that.


Revolt Of the Barbaromancer
Barbaromancer is moderately rules literate. Barbaromancer is kinda playing it low key being a quietly self nerfed buffing clerical beat stick.

He doesn't do flashy things, he just slowly beats things to death with his self buffed fighting and at the same time has basically the best defenses in weakling town so he pretty much only gets close to dying in events where his companions drag him down really badly (like the first murder closet in France).

But while he casts cleric spells, a true cleric he is not!

He is an "archivist". SOme sort of gimped cleric from heroes of horror. A quick skim and it looks to me it is basically "Many of the advantages of the cleric, now combined with all the disadvantages of a Wizard!"

The big thing the archivist gives up a number of cleric type advantages for is the ability to add cleric spells to a spell book like a wizard. Thus ultimately getting Cleric spells, Cleric Domain spells, Druid spells and every other divine spell under the sun.

However. Unsurprisingly Barbaromancer is being utterly screwed on the divine scroll front. He apparently could not buy the damn things, and as it turns out in his 8 level carreer got a whole ONE DRUID SPELL. Thus having minimal spells known just like if he had been a wizard screwed out of every scribe source ever, with just ONE SINGLE additional spell beyond that.

He was, how you say, "Displeased". But he is a quiet and not entirely assertive guy and frankly That-One-Guy is a bit of a bully by nature (not that That-One-Guy would know that).

Anyway. That-One-Guy had basically no idea this was going on. I mean hell I knew it was going on. Why? Because Barbaromancer told me. In person. Several times. About at least once each game session. Starting with the first one I attended. IN FRONT OF THE DM AND EVERYONE ELSE.

But DM, and also Bard were actually surprised when Barbaromancer took the opportunity during intermission to say something along the lines of.

"I am very disappointed with my character that is not getting any of the cool stuff he was supposed to get, I never get divine scrolls of any form, I want to change my Archivist levels to Cleric Levels."

That-One-Guy-Outgoing-DM and Bard-Incoming-DM were surprised. Dare I say shocked (1d4 only). The expressions on their faces were along the lines of stunned mullets, they were floored by the event. Despite the player bringing the topic quietly up in front of them for every game that I attended the whole issue completely blind sided them.

There was talk among the itty bitty DM comity of trying to offer better access to divine scrolls.

Barbaromancer felt he would prefer to just be a Cleric. Which I feel is telling of his level of trust in them to actually carry through on such an offer in any meaningful way.


We Shall Never Speak Of It Again
Here is something I didn't mention. Apparently there used to be a whole additional DM.

He ran some sort of long ongoing adventure arc for them for a while. We are talking multiple character levels worth of stuff here. Among other things he gave out actual magical items, and even gave Barbaromancer access to divine scrolls!

But somehow that was all bad in some undisclosed way, and having retroactively reverted the entire history of the game back multiple character levels and described those events as "all a dream" they shall never speak of it again...


The Beginning Of The End
AKA : what increasingly appears to be part of a cycle for these guys

Well. I think I've manage to pretty much let slip to That One Guy that I think he is a kinda a really really crappy DM... (I would like to announce that after the last game I have down graded him from "not the worst I have seen" to "wait, yeah, come to think of it, actually the worst I have seen")

But I have been having a small argument with him... somewhere else... about basic DMing philosophy. (You know the old "basket weaver vs rules lawyer" bullshit I had hoped had largely died it's last deaths five or more years ago).

He has pulled out the most amazing. "I think your entire problem is that you just feel you aren't fitting into my D&D group, which coincidentally you aren't, oh and the only problem in my group is you because you are a problem!".

Which is kinda remarkable since I look around his group and see a fractured disfunctional gaming group.

This guy's (unfortunate) son is a mildly intelligent lad (I think, it's hard to tell), but so incredibly stepped on by his domineering parents that he utterly lacks the basic social assertiveness to play this game well, pretty much at all, let alone with them and the way they play it. It... kinda makes me really sad for the poor little fella.

Sociopathic-Halfling has been so horridly conditioned from years of Gygaxian style gaming that she has these freakish, psychotic, and frequently paranoid responses to all sorts of things. I mean she can barely function as a gamer because she is alternatively wetting herself over how much someone is about to cop the Gygaxian Hammer of doom, or else twitching and paranoid and trying her best to weasel her way out of suffering said same Gygaxian Hammer Of Doom, using the strangest double think role playing I've seen outside of Paranoia.

Even the DMs loyal friend the Bard seems to quietly realise that That-One-Guy is kinda a dick and seems to be quietly adjudicating some actions that That-One-Guy gets utterly wrong correctly instead (so for instance when Bard performs a Move and Standard attack HE doesn't get full attacks...) He has been DM for approximately two seconds now and already doubled the story rewards offered from the prior guy.

They just recently lost their OTHER DM committy member in some sort of violent disagreement they shall never speak of again.

They ALSO have another gaming friend of theres (a guy I know) that is not only no longer part of the gaming group, but has been banned for all eternity from their household in general for reasons ALSO that they shall never speak of again.

But most of all Barbaromancer has been bullied and pushed into an obvious self nerfed character, which in turn was so FURTHER nerfed by horrid DMing techniques that he ultimately came out of his shell and shocked everyone (bar me) with a demand for a new character chassis.

And this is the really amazing thing. One single god damn day after his DMing had once again not only very clearly pissed me off, but ALSO very clearly pissed of Barbaromancer... That-One-Guy is mouthing off in some small local community I am part of about how "Well clearly your opinions about role play are just you acting out as the only source of trouble in my RPG group..."

I suggested to him that really he really REALLY doesn't want to turn an abstract discussion about RPG technique into a discussion about his personal and specific DMing skills. I expect he will ignore my advice. I expect he will regret it. I suspect I may never see Bard-DMs adventure arc.


Bard-DMs prospects
Bard-DM might be mildly interesting. Assuming the group doesn't alternately eject me, become intolerable or explode under it's own internal pressures without me... well... who knows?

However it is clear he isn't going to mess with That-One-Guys campaign altogether too much.

So for instance he is offering bigger rewards, by doubling the pocket change pay grade we were on.

He is however not giving us down time to get any item crafting done.

Acquiring cloaks of resistance came up, since I thought I might squeeze in crafting a cheapo one while waiting for the new adventure start.

He took that and ran with it and the new employer offered a +10 one, I quietly informed him that +10 was a touch crazy. But when he heard how insanely cheap a +2 one was he fairly sensibly had the employer say "well if you think you guys might need something like that I can offer you one of those each!".

But in a nod to the other Screw You DM he made sure to only offer them as loaners that the employer would want back at the end of the adventure arc!

There are already annoying aspects holding over, the merchants of Venice STILL don't want to BUY well, ANYTHING, the official response being that the Trade capital of renaissance Italy "Is pretty well stocked up already thanks".

And annoyingly not only is Venice not burning, not only is that bloody magic item merchant not burning, but that bloody magic item merchant, who now has a name like "Pistachio" or something, in the midst of refusing to buy or sell anything to any bugger has now become some sort of clearing house for new jobs or employers for no obvious reason and is the guy providing us with the guy who is going to employ us on the new job.

Oh and Pistachio also owns a Cafe now. I assume you can't get ACTUALLY buy coffee there and they wouldn't want your money anyway they have plenty already thanks!

There are already some vague points and inconsistencies in the up coming story. The job is to go to a "Monster Nursery" in the Swiss Alps (I have NO idea what sort of culture is in charge up there) which has been isolated by an avalanche and which apparently has lost a monster puppy of some form and needs us to find it or something.

Questions about the job have met some odd answers like...
Q : "what sort of monsters have you got up there?"
A : "Er, Griffons... and er... Dragons,.... and Everything."

Q : "Why do you do have a monster farm anyway?"
A : "I think nobles hunt them as a game animal or something like that."

Q : "You seem to have an air ship"
A : "Yes, I will be taking you to the pass buried in the avalanche and you will be searching from there for the top secret monster farm further on."

Q : "Why don't you just drop us at the monster Farm?"
A : "Nowhere to land."

Q : "No really you can just drop us off, we can like feather fall or fly down or..."
A : "Actually come to think of it the monster Farm is so secret I forget exactly where it is so you are going to have to walk from the avalanche to the place where it is that you can somehow find with the directions I give to the place I don't know about so you can somehow find it that way..."

For now I chalk it up to the malevolent influence of the other guy and a general lack of experience GMing.

Because I'm optimistic and unlike the other bastard I kinda like this guy so I really hope he does well.

The good news for him is he has a REALLY low standard to beat.
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Post by PhoneLobster »

Well the latest game was scheduled to tonight but is mysteriously not on without any specific reason.

Hmm.

And I was looking forward to seeing the Bard's run as a DM.

And just after I took my shrink item spell and double sudden extend down to market for a pile of carts, and chains and 25ft square fishing nets and 50' ladders and stupid junk exclusively to make the former GM and friends go "Wait... you have a WHAT in your pocket?"
Last edited by PhoneLobster on Fri Oct 01, 2010 7:47 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by Dominicius »

Would not put it past them to move to a new location without bothering to inform you thinking they are clever like that.
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Post by PhoneLobster »

It's entirely possible that totally regular events have interfered, or I got the scheduling a little off (it runs on some sort of pseudo-tri-weekly blue lunar calendar or something).
Last edited by PhoneLobster on Fri Oct 01, 2010 7:48 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by Princess »

Do we have some hope for sequel?
Or it suddenly ended?
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Post by Archmage »

I demand to hear the next chapter of this horrifying misadventure, assuming there is one to tell. Don't leave us hanging, PL!
P.C. Hodgell wrote:That which can be destroyed by the truth should be.
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Post by fbmf »

This was quality material. Further chapters eagerly awaited.

Game On,
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Post by Pariah Dog »

I strongly suspect PL was no longer invited to this game. Sounds like the only "problems" at the table could be traced back to him.
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Post by Dr_Noface »

hello
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Post by Roy »

Pariah Dog wrote:I strongly suspect PL was no longer invited to this game. Sounds like the only "problems" at the table could be traced back to him.
Hi Welcome

*insert quote about Hi Welcome being fine when used to greet new users*
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Mister_Sinister wrote:Clearly, your cock is part of the big barrel the server's busy sucking on.
Can someone tell it to stop using its teeth please?
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Koumei wrote:Shad, please just punch yourself in the face until you are too dizzy to type. I would greatly appreciate that.
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Standard Paizil Fare/Fail (SPF) Type I - doing exactly the opposite of what they said they would do.
Standard Paizil Fare/Fail (SPF) Type II - change for the sake of change.
Standard Paizil Fare/Fail (SPF) Type III - the illusion of change.
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Post by fbmf »

Roy wrote:
Pariah Dog wrote:I strongly suspect PL was no longer invited to this game. Sounds like the only "problems" at the table could be traced back to him.
Hi Welcome

*insert quote about Hi Welcome being fine when used to greet new users*
Where is this quote, exactly?

[/TGFBS]
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Post by Prak »

Pariah Dog wrote:I strongly suspect PL was no longer invited to this game. Sounds like the only "problems" at the table could be traced back to him.
No, there were a lot of problems at that table, just like there's a big problem when a guy basically treats his entire family as a harem to have rough sex with whenever he'd like. The individual family members may be so broken and soulless they don't object, or even see anything wrong with it, but that doesn't mean there isn't something problematic going on.

Now, granted, this is no where near as heinous as that hypothetical situation...
Cuz apparently I gotta break this down for you dense motherfuckers- I'm trans feminine nonbinary. My pronouns are they/them.
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You should gain sanity for finding out that the problems of a region are because there are fucking monsters there.
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Post by Pariah Dog »

What we have here, is a... failure to communicate.

I see the DM in question as problem. DM most likely does not see himself as a problem. He probably did not have these issues before someone capable of rational thought such as PL showed up.

The group in question seems almost used to this crap so they too probably perceive PL the problem too.
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Post by Prak »

there was still a problem before PL showed up. Granted, a rational person (what's that?) would likely have just left the game and let the weirdos have their badwrong fun.

but nerds are nothing if not unreasonable...
Cuz apparently I gotta break this down for you dense motherfuckers- I'm trans feminine nonbinary. My pronouns are they/them.
Winnah wrote:No, No. 'Prak' is actually a Thri Kreen impersonating a human and roleplaying himself as a D&D character. All hail our hidden insect overlords.
FrankTrollman wrote:In Soviet Russia, cosmic horror is the default state.

You should gain sanity for finding out that the problems of a region are because there are fucking monsters there.
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Post by TavishArtair »

Prak_Anima wrote:there was still a problem before PL showed up. Granted, a rational person (what's that?) would likely have just left the game and let the weirdos have their badwrong fun.

but nerds are nothing if not unreasonable...
The point is that the internal group dynamic will lead to blame being placed on PhoneLobster, even if PL is completely blameless, because they are in a cycle of scapegoat-seeking actions, due to inability to recognize their own onus of responsibility and interest in blaming it all on other things. Something, anything. They blame the rules, they blame the players, they blame the mysterious "other DM", et cetera.
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Post by Roy »

fbmf wrote:
Roy wrote:
Pariah Dog wrote:I strongly suspect PL was no longer invited to this game. Sounds like the only "problems" at the table could be traced back to him.
Hi Welcome

*insert quote about Hi Welcome being fine when used to greet new users*
Where is this quote, exactly?

[/TGFBS]
When Hi Welcome was originally banned from its original forum, it was accompanied by a phrase to the effect of 'This phrase is no longer acceptable except as a means of greeting new players to the community'.

New guy shows up...

Are you saying greeting new people is unacceptable?
Draco_Argentum wrote:
Mister_Sinister wrote:Clearly, your cock is part of the big barrel the server's busy sucking on.
Can someone tell it to stop using its teeth please?
Juton wrote:Damn, I thought [Pathfailure] accidentally created a feat worth taking, my mistake.
Koumei wrote:Shad, please just punch yourself in the face until you are too dizzy to type. I would greatly appreciate that.
Kaelik wrote:No, bad liar. Stop lying.
Standard Paizil Fare/Fail (SPF) Type I - doing exactly the opposite of what they said they would do.
Standard Paizil Fare/Fail (SPF) Type II - change for the sake of change.
Standard Paizil Fare/Fail (SPF) Type III - the illusion of change.
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Post by PhoneLobster »

What's this? Posts on my largely dead thread?

OK so the update is that we have gone through like maybe 2 of the three quarter blue moon cycles or whatever it is that herald the dark event of this gaming group gathering together and each time it has been canceled at the last minute.

I am pretty sure the original "That one guy" GM of the group knows I think he did a terrible job, but it is unclear whether that has become a problem for the group gathering together especially with Bard GM scheduled to have a go, or whether poor organization alone is the reason for delays.

As to whether I have been uninvited and the thing is going ahead without me... who knows? I don't have sufficient contact with other members of the group to know, but I suspect it isn't, some of these guys don't strike me as being shy about disinviting people, they certainly weren't shy about the OTHER guys they disinvited, just about the reasons they did so.

As to "Being The Problem". I suspect it goes like this. I AM indeed a problem player, to some limited degree. I think I know more rules than the GM and everyone else at the table (because I do) and I get rather annoyed when they say they are using one rules set and then... don't... I'm picky and pedantic about the story and many other things.

But I'm not an utterly unreasonable or destructive player, I will let things slide if I see an upside to doing so and will try and HELP rather than hinder with my annoying rules knowledge and picking at gaps in the story. So for me to be more than a minor inconvenience for a GM... the GM has to be BAD.

Meanwhile as to being the ONLY problem amongst the group I can safely say this. No, this group has lost plenty of other players, and has caused some notable discomfort and dissatisfaction amongst some of it's existing players other than me. In addition it takes only a brief mention of some of the groups activities to outsiders in the local community to have them say "They did WHAT?, I'm not playing that game!" so the "problem" is extending now to would be recruits to the gaming group as well.

(edit: Ironically without me the group in fact wouldn't be playing at all and would be short at least two players AND a GM, see 1) They needed me for numbers to get started after a long lull, 2)That one guy had been "burnt out on GMing" until his sociopathic wife arm wrestled him into it and 3)My brief stint at GMing for this group apparently, god knows how, recruited his wife back into the game and had her arm wrestle him into running her preferred adventure. So hell, at that rate even for THIS group I seem to have done them more good than harm as far as I can tell...)

Next blue moon is like this Friday night, but... who knows? I know during the interval my interest in sticking to this masochistic endeavor is waning fast... Personally I am thinking now the only reason to go back is to be polite and let Bard GM have his chance at a turn in the GM seat.
Last edited by PhoneLobster on Sat Oct 30, 2010 9:36 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Post by Lago PARANOIA »

PhoneLobster, why are you trying to derail the DM's meticulously-plotted story? Is it because you hate minorities?
Josh Kablack wrote:Your freedom to make rulings up on the fly is in direct conflict with my freedom to interact with an internally consistent narrative. Your freedom to run/play a game without needing to understand a complex rule system is in direct conflict with my freedom to play a character whose abilities and flaws function as I intended within that ruleset. Your freedom to add and change rules in the middle of the game is in direct conflict with my ability to understand that rules system before I decided whether or not to join your game.

In short, your entire post is dismissive of not merely my intelligence, but my agency. And I don't mean agency as a player within one of your games, I mean my agency as a person. You do not want me to be informed when I make the fundamental decisions of deciding whether to join your game or buying your rules system.
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Post by PhoneLobster »

Oh, god, how much better would that one guy the DM have been if he DID have a meticulously plotted story he was railroading us into.

Instead he appears to be running on pure balls to the wall 2nd Ed style more vague and generalized "fuck you" railroad with a significantly-less-than-meticulous maybe-kinda-perhaps-theres-a-plot-but-if-so-I-blinked-and-missed-it-and-it-also-sucked.

I mean hell, I can compromise, fine, it's a railroad, but if the destination is just boring old "Fuck You" town then I want my ticket money back, and I might want to kick the conductor in the nuts.
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Post by Username17 »

PL wrote:OK so the update is that we have gone through like maybe 2 of the three quarter blue moon cycles or whatever it is that herald the dark event of this gaming group gathering together and each time it has been canceled at the last minute.
That is a shame, but better than I had feared. I do want to read more of these adventures.

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Post by fbmf »

Roy wrote:
fbmf wrote:
Roy wrote:
Hi Welcome

*insert quote about Hi Welcome being fine when used to greet new users*
Where is this quote, exactly?

[/TGFBS]
When Hi Welcome was originally banned from its original forum, it was accompanied by a phrase to the effect of 'This phrase is no longer acceptable except as a means of greeting new players to the community'.

New guy shows up...

Are you saying greeting new people is unacceptable?
[TGFBS]
No, I am asking you to show me the quote, or link to it, or PM it to me if I originally said it in PM.

I don't think you can, because I don't think it happened.
[/TGFBS]
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