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[Non-political] News that makes you Laugh/Cry/Both...
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Prak
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Joined: 07 Mar 2008
Posts: 16136

PostPosted: Wed Mar 29, 2017 2:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

erik wrote:
The real danger is if she goes to prison and the other inmates get sprung, cuz baby got back.



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Dean, on Paranoia wrote:
The book is a hardbound liars paradox.


Winnah wrote:
No, No. 'Prak' is actually a Thri Kreen impersonating a human and roleplaying himself as a D&D character. All hail our hidden insect overlords.


FrankTrollman wrote:
In Soviet Russia, cosmic horror is the default state.

You should gain sanity for finding out that the problems of a region are because there are fucking monsters there.


Last edited by Prak on Wed Mar 29, 2017 2:52 am; edited 1 time in total
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hyzmarca
Prince


Joined: 14 Mar 2011
Posts: 3445

PostPosted: Wed Mar 29, 2017 6:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

erik wrote:
hyzmarca wrote:
She used her own services.
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I'd buy that she's just a reckless idiot, rather than actively malicious, considering that she did that to her own butt. She still needs to go to prison, for everyone's safety.


I seriously doubt anyone's future safety is at risk considering she is unemployable in that field already. The real danger is if she goes to prison and the other inmates get sprung, cuz baby got back.


I really wouldn't assume that she's unemployable, considering how many desperate people pay to get caulk injected in their butts ven knowing the risks.

Apparently, Florida is the illegal butt injection capital of the world.
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Ancient History
Invincible Overlord


Joined: 18 Aug 2010
Posts: 11355

PostPosted: Sat Apr 08, 2017 5:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/06/science/cannibalism-human-body-calories.html
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Ancient History
Invincible Overlord


Joined: 18 Aug 2010
Posts: 11355

PostPosted: Mon Apr 17, 2017 2:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

http://www.foxnews.com/food-drink/2017/03/03/bright-pink-peeps-oreos-reportedly-have-unfortunate-side-effect.html
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Koumei
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Joined: 07 Mar 2008
Posts: 12793
Location: South Ausfailia

PostPosted: Mon Apr 17, 2017 5:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

How is it unfortunate that your shit turns bright pink? Even from a practical standpoint it probably shows up better against most skin, tiles and clothing for your basic "Note: your bowels have exploded. Washing is seriously needed here" purposes.
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Ancient History
Invincible Overlord


Joined: 18 Aug 2010
Posts: 11355

PostPosted: Mon May 22, 2017 9:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

http://lewisandquark.tumblr.com/post/159363915392/new-dd-magic-spells-designed-by-neural-network

Mind blark.
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angelfromanotherpin
King


Joined: 07 Mar 2008
Posts: 7444

PostPosted: Mon May 22, 2017 10:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

I demand that someone write these up as actual spells.
Quote:
Moss Healing Word
Hold Mouse
Barking Sphere
Heat on Farm
True Steake
Finger of Enftebtemang
Fomendís Beating Sphere
Purping Lightsin
Farming
Wrathful Hound
Qís Invisibility
Cow of Auraly
Mind Blark
Stone Share
Puijune Magic Furs
Grove of Plants
Conjure Velemert
Vicious Markers
End Wall
Mous of Farts
Cursing
Gland Growth

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"Now that we've determined that up to π angels can dance on the head of a pin, how do we determine the specific number (or fraction) of angels dancing?"
"What if angels from another pin engage them in melee combat?"
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Stahlseele
King


Joined: 14 Apr 2010
Posts: 5008
Location: Hamburg, Germany

PostPosted: Mon May 22, 2017 10:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Evan's Spiked Tentacles of Forced Intrusion
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Chamomile
Prince


Joined: 03 May 2011
Posts: 3887

PostPosted: Mon May 22, 2017 10:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

I imagine that "farming" is just the wizard grabbing a hoe and doing some actual farmwork.
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Ancient History
Invincible Overlord


Joined: 18 Aug 2010
Posts: 11355

PostPosted: Mon May 22, 2017 10:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Moss Healing Word (Conjuration/Healing)
Brd 1, Drd 1, Rngr 2

Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard acion
Range: Touch
Target: Creature touched
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: Will half (harmless); see text
Spell Resistance: Yes (harmless); see text

Using an ancient word of power known only to growing things, can heal one plant or fungus creature by touch, channeling positive energy to cure 2d4 +1 points of damage per caster level (maximum +10).

Since undead plants are powered by negative energy, this spell deals damage to them instead of curing their wounds. An undead creature can apply spell resistance, and can attempt a Will save to take half damage.
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Stahlseele
King


Joined: 14 Apr 2010
Posts: 5008
Location: Hamburg, Germany

PostPosted: Tue May 23, 2017 12:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

The healing word being:"There there" of course.
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Koumei
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Joined: 07 Mar 2008
Posts: 12793
Location: South Ausfailia

PostPosted: Tue May 23, 2017 1:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Hold Mouse Enchantment (Compulsion) [Mind-Affecting]
Drd 0

Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Medium
Target: 1 Mouse, Rat or other partial-hit die rodent
Duration: 1 Round/level (D)
Saving Throw: Will Negates
Spell Resistance: Yes

This spell functions as Hold Animal, but only for rodents of less than one hit die.

-

Barking Sphere Evocation [Sonic]
Sorc/Wiz 1, Bard 1

Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Medium
Effect: 5' diameter sphere
Duration: 1 round/level
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: No

A pulsing ball of sonic energy rolls about, barking loudly. Each turn it may move up to 30 feet, directed by the caster with a Swift Action. The noise it creates drowns out normal speech within 30 feet of it, and Listen checks are required to hear shouting within this area (or speech between 35-60 feet), with a DC of 20. In order to maintain Concentration on a spell, casters must succeed at Concentration checks with a DC of 15 if 35 to 60 feet away, 20 if up to 30 feet away, or 25 if adjacent to or sharing its square.

-

There's my share. Fomend's Beating Sphere is presumably just a Flaming Sphere of Bludgeoning damage, like throwing a Katamari of Brock Lesnars at someone. Farming is probably "simulates a day's work in the field". Wrathful Hound is like Faithful Hound except more fierce. Grove of Plants makes plants grow, I suppose? End Wall simply Dispels all Wall spells. And Gland Growth could be some kind of weirdly specific Contagion.
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Ancient History
Invincible Overlord


Joined: 18 Aug 2010
Posts: 11355

PostPosted: Tue May 23, 2017 3:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Mind Blark Enchantment (Compulsion) [Mind-Affecting]
Sor/Wiz 3, Wuj 3

Components: Focus
Casting Time: 1 standard round or special; see text
Range: Self
Target: Self
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: No

With the casting of this potent spell, the caster clears their mind of all currently memorized or prepared spells. This spell may be cast normally, or it can be triggered automatically if one of the character's spells would be stolen, as by the Spell Thief ability or equivalent spell or ability. The casting of this spell automatically defeats such ability. While memorized, the character receives a +2 bonus to Will Saves against mind-affecting spells and effects.

Focus: A gem (worth at least 50gp) worn on the brow.
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angelfromanotherpin
King


Joined: 07 Mar 2008
Posts: 7444

PostPosted: Tue May 23, 2017 4:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

My new favorite trap is a potion of Mind Blark mislabeled as 'Fox's Cunning.'
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"Now that we've determined that up to π angels can dance on the head of a pin, how do we determine the specific number (or fraction) of angels dancing?"
"What if angels from another pin engage them in melee combat?"
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Wiseman
Duke


Joined: 09 Mar 2012
Posts: 1148
Location: lost... HELP!

PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2017 4:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

True Steake
Conjuration (Creatiion)
Clr 3 Sor 3 Wiz 3
Components: S, F
Casting time: 1 Round
Range: Close
Duration: 1 hour (see below) 10 minutes/caster level

By means of this (mispelled) spell, the caster creates the most divine, awesome, delicious steaks (1 per caster level) to ever grace the tastebuds. If not consumed within 1 hour, it quickly dissolves away into nothing though purify food and water can cause it to last for another hour each time it is cast. If consumed within this time (a minimum of 1 minute to eat), the consumer is filled with joy and energy from the sheer mind-blowing deliciousness of the steak.

They are healed as if by consuming a potion of cure light wounds/inflict light wounds (their choice), and gain a +2 morale bonus to attacks, checks, or saves, the bonus determined at the start of their round.

Focus: A well-used cooking utensil.
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angelfromanotherpin
King


Joined: 07 Mar 2008
Posts: 7444

PostPosted: Wed May 24, 2017 12:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Quote:
Q's Invisibility
Illusion (Glamer)
Level: Bard 3, Sor/Wiz 3
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Personal
Duration: 1 min/level (D)

The caster becomes invisible (as invisibility) and also inaudible, but these qualities are selective, allowing the caster to be seen and/or heard through this effect by anyone they wish. The caster defines who can see and/or hear them when the spell is cast, and can edit the lists as a swift action. As invisibility, the spell ends if the subject attacks any creature.

Quote:
Purping Lightsin
Evocation [Light]
Level: 3
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Close
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: Yes

As Scorching Ray, but the beams of light are particularly drawn to avian cloacae. The rays must target creatures with the hindparts of birds (such as achaierai, arrowhawks, actual birds, harpies, etc.) if possible, and if they strike such a creature, they do so as confirmed critical hits.

A light spell (one with the light descriptor) counters and dispels a darkness spell (one with the darkness descriptor) of an equal or lower level.

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"Now that we've determined that up to π angels can dance on the head of a pin, how do we determine the specific number (or fraction) of angels dancing?"
"What if angels from another pin engage them in melee combat?"
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Occluded Sun
Knight-Baron


Joined: 02 May 2014
Posts: 996

PostPosted: Thu Jun 01, 2017 10:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Conjure Velemert
Conjuration
Level: 3
Casting Time: one action
Range: 60 feet
Components: V, S
Duration: Concentration, up to one hour

You summon 1d4+1 Velemert worth no more than one GP each. Choose two of the following for their properties:
    emit almond milk as a cooling spray
    quiver rapturously for up to ten rounds, forcing Will saves to avoid distraction
    capable of casting Finger of Enftebtemang as a 5th-level caster once per Velemert
    rigid appendages
    flavor remarkably like marinated tuna
    at-will appordasion
The summoned Velemert are indifferent to you and your companions, but will gravitate rapidly towards nearby plumbus, dealing one point of sleem damage to anything within a thirty foot radius.


Last edited by Occluded Sun on Thu Jun 01, 2017 10:07 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Shrapnel
Prince


Joined: 06 Jan 2012
Posts: 2657
Location: Ho-hum diggidy dum

PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 2017 2:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

The word velemert makes me think some kind of wibbolous jellyslime.
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Ancient History
Invincible Overlord


Joined: 18 Aug 2010
Posts: 11355

PostPosted: Sun Jun 04, 2017 7:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

http://dangerousminds.net/comments/vhs_fan_builds_a_functional_video_store_in_his_basement
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hyzmarca
Prince


Joined: 14 Mar 2011
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 24, 2017 3:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

http://www.nature.com/news/female-insect-uses-spiky-penis-to-take-charge-1.15064

It's a big old, but it's new to me.

It will launch many fetish sites, I'm sure.
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Ancient History
Invincible Overlord


Joined: 18 Aug 2010
Posts: 11355

PostPosted: Sun Jun 25, 2017 11:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

https://japantoday.com/category/sports/wtf-world-taekwondo-federation-rebrands-over-acronym
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Josh_Kablack
Prince


Joined: 07 Mar 2008
Posts: 4983
Location: Online. duh

PostPosted: Tue Aug 01, 2017 7:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

I can't believe this has gotten so little coverage:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amanda_Coker

I know it's a wikipedia link, but it should have been news. Read some of the sources.
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Starmaker
Duke


Joined: 07 Mar 2008
Posts: 2330
Location: Redmonton

PostPosted: Tue Aug 01, 2017 7:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Josh_Kablack wrote:
I can't believe this has gotten so little coverage:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amanda_Coker

I know it's a wikipedia link, but it should have been news. Read some of the sources.

!!!
My hero.
Holy crap she needs to ride the PBP. Or RAAM. She'd rip everyone there a new one.
Thank you for sharing.
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Josh_Kablack
Prince


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Location: Online. duh

PostPosted: Tue Aug 01, 2017 9:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Speaking as an astounded nobody on teh interwebs: she needs to sell the movie rights. She's an amateur who supported this effort through a gofundme campaign that only raised like $12k. And medical bills from the 2011 collision forced her family to move into a trailer.

Speaking as a cycling enthusiast who is happy to have ridden a trio of centuries in 2017 - holy shit ! I would not have though those feats humanly possible!
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Zaranthan
Knight


Joined: 29 May 2012
Posts: 358

PostPosted: Wed Aug 02, 2017 6:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

hyzmarca wrote:
Apparently, Florida is the illegal butt injection capital of the world.

It's important to remember that the only reason Florida has a reputation for being weird is the Sunshine Law. Just as much weird shit goes down in the other 49 legal systems, but digging up the details requires that people do actual journalism.
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Koumei wrote:
...is the dead guy posthumously at fault for his own death and, due to the felony murder law, his own murderer?

hyzmarca wrote:
A palace made out of poop is much more impressive than one made out of gold. Stinkier, but more impressive. One is an ostentatious display of wealth. The other is a miraculous engineering feat.
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