Beat this monster!

[Jerry]

I thought that a rules-lawyer was someone who went strictly by the RAW, or someone who believes that rules take precedence over GM fiat.

[CatharzGodfoot]

I thought that a rules-lawyer was someone who went strictly by the RAW, or someone who believes that rules take precedence over GM fiat.

When you're arguing with the GM constantly, it tends to slow things down. Games with rules lawyers run smoothest when the GM is a rules lawyer as well. So too with power gamers.

[Talisman]

Terms like these are often relative. I consider myself a "rules lawyer" in the sense that I know the rules really well, and I'm the one the other players turn to when there's a rules question. However, I am comfortable with the GM makin' shit up when necessary, and I don't argue with him in-game (I may raise an objection, but if I feel the need for a discussion, I'll do it after the game).

Maybe "rules librarian" would be a better term, since I rarely argue unless I violently disagree with the GM's interpretation.

[Prak]

I'm also a rules lawyer who's perfectly fine with the dm making shit up... I just want him to say "oh yeah, I changed that for my games" when I look at them and say "what the fuck are you smoking? that's not in the books."


mind, I only say that when they're pretending that's the way things are.

[Koumei]

One DM referred to me as his rules lawyer in a positive manner. It basically went:
Fighter: Okay, I'm going to try to bullrush it. How does that work?
DM: Ask our rules lawyer *motions for me to explain*

A few other DMs say they love having rules lawyers there, as it means they don't have to learn certain things (such as "Does the ghost get the miss chance against my area of effect?") Granted, those DMs also like the fact that the rules lawyers in question also don't mind a DM decision overriding the rules as written.

But it is often seen in a negative light. Probably because lawyers are evil, bloodsucking fiends.

...no offence to K, of course

I consider myself a powergamer: I like high-power games. I like to play things that are powerful within the setting (worth being a main character as opposed to an NPC) and competent at what they do, and I like for the rest of the party to be the same, so that we're a team of awesome people doing awesome things.

Of course, I called myself a powergamer on the WotC forums and they quickly brandished their holy symbols.

[Prak]

But it is often seen in a negative light. Probably because lawyers are evil, bloodsucking fiends.

...no offence to K, of course

I think K has been speculated to be a fiend before... about the time everyone heard he got shot and walked away from it, iirc...

[JonSetanta]

Jerry, either post it on suptg or photobucket, NOT straight from 4chan. It won't last.

Regardless, thanks for posting the Midnight Bliss. I've only seen mention of it until now.

[Jerry]

Regardless, thanks for posting the Midnight Bliss. I've only seen mention of it until now.

Alright, I learned from my mistake, but I don't have the images on my hard drive, so they are lost in the depths of "404."

[Aktariel]

I happen to own PDF copies of both Immortals Handbooks currently out (Epic Bestiary and Ascension.)

I'd almost be willing to give Frank a copy just to have him review the damn thing. Anyway.

Here's the Neutronium Golem:

Neutronium Golem
"Neutraliser"
Large Construct
Hit Dice: 250d1000+1,310,720 (1,560,720 hp)
Initiative: +79
Speed: Fly 5,621,108,587 ft. (perfect) (1,124,221,717 squares)
Armor Class: 2223 (-1 size, -1 Dex, +80 gravitic mastery, +2135 natural),
touch 88, flat-footed 2223
Base Attack/Grapple: +187/+525
Attack: Slam +520 melee (30,720d10+246, average 169,206)
Full Attack: 2 slams +520 melee (30,720d10+246)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks: Gravitic aura, heat aura, pulsed x-ray, starquake.
Special Qualities: Accretion, construct traits, damage reduction 1500/-,
darkvision 60 ft., fast healing 1500, gravitic mastery, immunity to magic,
low-light vision, magnetar, superluminal, unearthly construction
Saves: Fort +163. Ref +162, Will +163
Abilities: Str 502 (+246), Dex 9, Con -, Int -, Wis 11, Cha 1
Environment: Outer space
Organization: Solitary or patrol (2-4)
Challenge Rating: 9721
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always neutral
Advancement: 251-499 HD (Large), 500-999 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: -

A ball of blistering heat surrounding this automaton is palpable. At its center
you can discern a dark grey humanoid shape, only slightly taller than a human,
but proportionally built like a stocky dwarf. The surface of the figure is featureless,
in fact it seems to bubble and ripple as if constantly boiling.

Neutronium golems are immensely powerful constructs fashioned
from the super-dense material of a neutron star, sometimes known as
death stars. These juggernauts were created by the time lords, who refer
to the golems as neutralisers, for the purpose of defending the borders
between the higher and lower dimensions. Those who leave the confines
of their own universe and attempt to enter another are usually intercepted
by one or more of these extra-cosmic automatons. Very rarely, neutronium
golems will themselves enter lower dimensional space at the behest of
their creators to counteract some perceived threat. In these scenarios, the
golems could be likened to cosmic scalpels, with the universe as the
patient to be operated on.
Neutronium golems stand 8 feet tall, 7 feet broad and some 6 feet deep.
They weigh approximately 5,000,000,000,000 tons (effectively
10,000,000,000,000,000 pounds). Their unfeasibly high density gives them
+32 Virtual Size Categories.
Neutronium golems do not speak.

COMBAT
Neutronium golems are all but invincible opponents and generally
powerful enough to deal with even multiple cosmic level threats, or at
the very least delay them until a time lord arrives to investigate the
disturbance. Even approaching a neutronium golem is hazardous for all
but the most resilient opponents. Those struck by their powerful fists are
often exploded with a single punch, their remains briefly decorating the
neutronium golem before being incinerated and crushed to infinitesimal
fragments by the unrelenting heat and gravity. A typical punch (averaging
169,206 damage), is fully capable of destroying a planet (an Earth sized
planet would have roughly 80,000 hit points).
Accretion (Ex): Anyone striking the neutronium golem must make a
Strength check (DC 381) to be able to retrieve their weapon (or appendage)
from the automaton’s surface following each and every attack. The save
DC for this ability is Strength-based.
Damage Reduction (Ex): Neutronium has a natural hardness of 1500.
Fast Healing (Ex): The immense gravitational energy of the
neutronium golem binds it together allowing it to naturally heal 1500 hit
points per round.
Gravitic Aura (Ex): The great mass of the neutronium golem causes
gravitic disturbances within the localised area. Table G-1: Neutronium
Golem Gravitic Aura; details the myriad effects of this ability. The save
DC is Strength-based.

TABLE G-1: NEUTRONIUM GOLEM GRAVITIC AURA
Radius hp damage* Death Unconscious Stunning
20 feet 10% DC 461 - -
60 feet 2% DC 461 - -
200 feet - - DC 461 -
600 feet - - - DC 461

*Your maximum hit points are reduced by this amount each round.
Gravitic Mastery (Su): The neutronium golem is not subject to gravity
including its own. It can control the ebb and flow of its own gravity, giving
it a +80 elemental mastery bonus to its: armor class; attack rolls; checks
(ability checks); difficulty class (for any special abilities); initiative and
saving throws.
Heat Aura (Ex): The area surrounding this nuclear battery radiates
intense, blistering heat. Table G-2: Neutronium Golem Heat Aura; details
the damage experienced at different ranges.

TABLE G-2: NEUTRONIUM GOLEM HEAT AURA
Radius Divine Fire Damage
20 miles 62d1000 (average 31,031)
60 miles 15d1000 (average 7507)
200 miles 3d1000 (average 1501)
600 miles 1d1000 (average 500)

Immunity to Magic (Su): Neutronium golems are immune to all
spells and spell-like abilities that allow spell resistance.
Magnetar (Ex): Once the neutronium golem has identified a target
for termination the two beings are inextricably linked and the neutronium
golem can follow it anywhere. Treat as spell stowaway attuned to any
magical methods of movement.
Pulsed X-Ray (Su): The neutronium golem can emit a pulsed x-ray
each round as a free action. This wave targets everything within a range of
1000 miles. Those within the area of effect also suffer 125d1000 divine
fire damage (average 62,562).
Starquake (Ex): The death throes of the neutronium golem result in a
cosmic conflagration much akin to a miniature supernova. Table G-3:
Neutronium Golem Death Throes; details the amount of damage. Blast
damage should be treated as bludgeoning damage. The effect is roughly
equivalent to 150 petatons of TNT.

TABLE G-3: NEUTRONIUM GOLEM DEATH THROES
Radius Disintigration Fireball Blast Radiation*
140 miles DC 135 1400d6 2000d6 200
330 miles - 1400d6 2000d6 200
1000 miles - - 2000d6 200
1500 miles - - 200d6 20
2000 miles - - 20d6 2
2500 miles - - 2d6 -
*Ability damage to Strength, Dexterity and Constitution.

Superluminal (Ex): Neutronium golems travel at the speed of light.
This gives them a speed of 5,621,108,587 feet, the equivalent of 106,460
miles per round.
Unearthly Construction (Ex): These golems are fashioned by time
lords and similarly powerful beings. These cosmic constructs use d1000s
for Hit Dice and have maximum hit points per Hit Die.

CONSTRUCTION
A neutronium golem’s body is created from the heart of a neutron star.
Conjuring the body requires a DC 9721 Spellcraft check.
CL 9721st; Craft Construct, disintegrate, fireball, geas/quest, poison, reverse
gravity, wish. Caster must be at least 9721st-level; Price 1,939,000,000 gp,
Cost 969,500,000 gp + 77,560,000 XP.

[Cielingcat]

While dumb, it only takes a Dweomerkeeper with a CL 260 Blasphemy to kill one.

[Koumei]

While dumb, it only takes a Dweomerkeeper with a CL 260 Blasphemy to kill one.

Not as dumb as the idea (of the neutronium golem) itself. And the random numbers assigned to it. I mean, do I see a d1000 there?

[Jerry]

The Wish and the Word can easily beat the Neutronium Golem without even trying.

[Aktariel]

The Wish and the Word can easily beat the Neutronium Golem without even trying.

How do you figure? I can see the Wish maybe wishing it wasn't so, but the Word's one-shot fails - the Neutronium Golem has too many HP.

Also, to Koumei, yes, you do. And both books are kind of like that.

[Jerry]

How do you figure?

Permanent Walls of Force Surrounding it.

Oh wait, any high-level spell caster can do that.

[Aktariel]

Right. Which has been said.

When you say, "The Wish and The Word," it makes it sound as though you're trying to invoke them specifically because they have a power that is relevant.

It's like,

"My drain is plugged!"
"Call Mario!"
"...there's no princess at the bottom of my drain..."
"Yeah, but he's a plumber."

[Cielingcat]

While dumb, it only takes a Dweomerkeeper with a CL 260 Blasphemy to kill one.

Not as dumb as the idea (of the neutronium golem) itself. And the random numbers assigned to it. I mean, do I see a d1000 there?

I meant the golem was dumb.

What's the spell from Libris Mortis that gives you half your caster level as a bonus to caster level? Because if you layer that on itself a bajillion times (it doesn't stack, but every time you cast it you have a new, higher caster level, and so can get a bigger bonus) you can just cast whatever level Blasphemy you want.

[Prak]

@Aktariel: How much do you care about copyright law and such? because I'd love to have a look at those books...

[virgil]

Consumptive Field, but every increase to caster level requires a creature reaching -1HP or less. Although Greater Consumptive Field, a level 7 spell, works better since you can then have a very large pile of rats & birds in cages for you to walk down and cast repeatedly.

[Cielingcat]

Consumptive Field, but every increase to caster level requires a creature reaching -1HP or less.

How much do chickens cost?

[virgil]

2cp each. But the real limit/cost will be the number of times you can cast consumptive field, so you'll be wanting a few staves.

[JonSetanta]

2cp each. But the real limit/cost will be the number of times you can cast consumptive field, so you'll be wanting a few staves.

Or a constant/at-will use item.

While dumb, it only takes a Dweomerkeeper with a CL 260 Blasphemy to kill one.

lulz. "Only"

[Koumei]

I meant the golem was dumb

Oh right. I'm in full agreement there. I thought you meant "the standard blasphemy trick is pretty dumb". Because I think it is, but it pales in comparison to the stupidity of that golem.

Seriously, if someone wants to play Touhou d20 and have things that uber as their opponents, might I suggest "Create Touhou d20 instead of playing D&D at level OVER NINE THOUSAND"?

[Talisman]

2cp each. But the real limit/cost will be the number of times you can cast consumptive field, so you'll be wanting a few staves.

Or a constant/at-will use item.

So...eternal staff of consumptive field and a wand of summon nature's ally I (used for fodder).

Seriously, if someone wants to play Touhou d20 and have things that uber as their opponents, might I suggest "Create Touhou d20 instead of playing D&D at level OVER NINE THOUSAND"?

Or you could just reflavor standard D&D. Level 5 = demigod; level 10=lesser god, etc. Normal humans are literally powerless against you; anyone with levels is an epic adventurer (say, level 3), a god's proxy, an avatar or deity, or some cosmic force. A stone golem is a "primordial soul of earth from before Time's dawn."

As a friend of mine puts it, "Higher numbers mean you're having more fun!"[/sarcasm]