[Cute Knight] I paid 20 dollars for this crap.

[the_taken]

My Gamespot Review for Cute Knight

This game is probably the result of the infinite monkey theorem at work. The one that states that if you have an infinite number of monkeys typing randomly over an infinite number of time, you will eventually have one monkey type out the complete works of Shakespeare all in one go. Meaning that in an infinite universe, everything is going to happen. Unfortunetly, it happened to us.

In this "Virtual Life" game, we the player take on the role of the 19yr old woman who's just been kicked out of the orphanage without an education. Confused and alone, we're met by a fairy stating that the protagonist is a child of destiny or something. Standard call for games; the player's character starts as nothing and immediately starts doing something awesome. Let's proceed on to the awesomeness of this pink haired protagonist:

This game sorta puts you in a sandbox style of play where you have no specific goal other than to start clicking and do something. The "sandbox" is a fantasy town with an inn, a library, a store, a school (that teaches everything?), a fountain, and an area around the dungeon. Clicking one of these places gives you a bunch of options where you either spend money to increase stats, or increase and decrease stats to earn money. Going back and forth between theses stats ups and downs, you continuously go back and forth between the sequence of increasing a set of stats by spending money, and earning money by increasing the same stats a little less. Over and over again.

Repetitious monotony, huh? Apparently it's not possible to win this game, just get an ending. Then you have to either load from a earlier saved game, or start again and try a different series of actions to perform to achieve a different ending, the difference being that you choose option Inn.work.barmaid instead of Shop.work.boxes. The only option that I would ending that I would characterize as being different would after performing that series of back and forth learning and working to improve might or magic, then you spend money to buy weapons then go down into the dungeon to rescue the princess.

The dungeon is simply and elegantly designed in interaction. You have a map, a direction you're facing, what you see from that, and a few options depending on all this. The dungeon's layout is also randomized for every new game. And that's were all the good features stop. The combat is simple, uncreative and uninteresting. You either start fighting and hope your numbers are high enough (no tactics), try to be friends with it, or run away. What's more stupid is that killing most of the monsters in the dungeon makes you more evil. What is this? Book of Exalted Deeds?
You also loose health for walking around the dungeon, for neither an explained reason nor a way to prevent it.
And one more time for the emphasis: If you initiate a fight with a monster, your only choice in battle is to hope your numbers are high enough to handle it.

This game would be tolerable, maybe even enjoyable, if it's target audience was young men. At least at that point I would care less about the intellectual aspects and enjoy the eye candy. But no. This game is about teaching little girls that there are video games for them too, and that it's OK to spend four hours a day on a computer instead of interacting with other people, presented in a high school art student's drawing level. Which it doesn't, or isn't. Quite frankly I would be insulted if someone gave any little girl this game.

I would not be surprised if this game showed up on Newgrounds for free. The whole game, 'cause this is at such an amateur level that charging me money for it is completely insulting. It's like the monkeys flung poo at the type writer, and the company decided to run with it. Well keep running, I want my money back.

[Captain_Bleach]

1200017058[/unixtime]]

This game sorta puts you in a sandbox style of play where you have no specific goal other than to start clicking and do something. The "sandbox" is a fantasy town with an inn, a library, a store, a school (that teaches everything?), a fountain, and an area around the dungeon. Clicking one of these places gives you a bunch of options where you either spend money to increase stats, or increase and decrease stats to earn money. Going back and forth between theses stats ups and downs, you continuously go back and forth between the sequence of increasing a set of stats by spending money, and earning money by increasing the same stats a little less. Over and over again.

Aaarrrggghhh!!! Sounds like a really bad "Anime" dating sim on Newgrounds!

[angelfromanotherpin]

Actually sounds a lot like Princess Maker 2. That got a lot of positive reviews, particularly from those people who enjoyed exploring the more extreme endings.

[MrWaeseL]

I guess it's not an underage incest rape dating sim.

[the_taken]

From what I've read by the other two reviews I can agree with, this is as much like Princess Maker 2 as D&D Lite is like D&D3.5. Horribly worse in many of the aspects and missing key components.

1200039296[/unixtime]]I guess it's not an underage incest rape dating sim.

I'd probably give those games a higher score, too. But then again, from the hints I get from the reviews on http://www.somethingawful.com/ I think I'll pass playing the games. Apparently, Hentai Logic is the most brain shrinking process known to the internet. Can't remember which review told me that... OH NO!!!

Gamespot doesn't host any content for games with the AO rating. So I won't bother anyway. Although Something Awful does such an inspiring job of ridicule.

[Captain_Bleach]

1200044796[/unixtime]]

I'd probably give those games a higher score, too. But then again, from the hints I get from the reviews on http://www.somethingawful.com/ I think I'll pass playing the games. Apparently, Hentai Logic is the most brain shrinking process known to the internet. Can't remember which review told me that... OH NO!!!

Gamespot doesn't host any content for games with the AO rating. So I won't bother anyway. Although Something Awful does such an inspiring job of ridicule.

Face it. Trying to find Hentai with class is like trying to find an openly gay Jew in Afghanistan.

[Crissa]

1200044796[/unixtime]]Gamespot doesn't host any content for games with the AO rating. So I won't bother anyway. Although Something Awful does such an inspiring job of ridicule.

...And people wonder why there aren't any good AO games, or why games have to meet the nebulous 'Mature' rating so badly.

Still, the game you reviewed is exactly like a series of PS games than I can't remember... You fought through a randomized dungeon to win 'pieces' of the town, which were then placed on the map. The map then unlocked other features of the game.

The dungeon fighting was so boring and random that half the time you failed anyhow, and even when you moved to a new 'level' it was no more inspired. Nothing you got from the towns 'helped' or made it more interesting. I don't really understand it.

The games are like Rune Factory but without any tactics and less interesting combat and construction.

-Crissa

[shau]

1200017058[/unixtime]
I would not be surprised if this game showed up on Newgrounds for free. The whole game, 'cause this is at such an amateur level that charging me money for it is completely insulting. It's like the monkeys flung poo at the type writer, and the company decided to run with it. Well keep running, I want my money back.

That's what I was thinking. It really sounds like a free ware game from how you are describing it.

[Count Arioch the 28th]

1200085073[/unixtime]]
Still, the game you reviewed is exactly like a series of PS games than I can't remember... You fought through a randomized dungeon to win 'pieces' of the town, which were then placed on the map. The map then unlocked other features of the game.

Dark Cloud series. Never got too much into them, but my ex loved them for some reason.

[Crissa]

Yes, that's the one.

I'm starting to wonder how much mindless button pushing (where you merely repeat the same short sequence of presses) and how much randomosity (where you merely have to reset the game or spend huge amounts of time or both to complete the story) is 'okay' in a game I buy.

Rune Factory has too much of both, but just small enough that I can manage to squeak through with burnout coming close on my heels. I couldn't get through Dark Cloud and neither could my spouse because there was nothing to watch during the boring parts and nothing really changed when you finished a segment. The reward was more time spent doing the boring part.

I'd rather run around Warcraft, picking flowers.

-Crissa

[Leress]

Dark Cloud was okay at best, but I like the improvements in Dark Clould 2. (No water gauge, weapon breakage didn't screw you, fewer characters, and improved Geo-mod)

Cute Knight really does remind of Princess Maker.

[Cielingcat]

1200095310[/unixtime]]I'd rather run around Warcraft, picking flowers.

-Crissa

That's actually fun though.

[JonSetanta]

1200114000[/unixtime]]

1200095310[/unixtime]]I'd rather run around Warcraft, picking flowers.

-Crissa

That's actually fun though.

I've seen my girlfriend repeatedly possess her pet and bounce around Horde towns, gathering others to do the same.
Clumps of bouncing animals leaping around rooftops.
For half an hour or more.
This is what she pays Blizzard to play, but I won't judge it since bouncing wolves and pigs makes her laugh more than anything else online.
Well, that and lolcats.

[Count Arioch the 28th]

1200114000[/unixtime]]

1200095310[/unixtime]]I'd rather run around Warcraft, picking flowers.

-Crissa

That's actually fun though.

I disagree.

[Koumei]

Nah, I can see the fun in that. And at the end of the day, that makes it money well spent.

In other news, you can get really shit games that actually require purchase instead of being "released-free-over-the-Internet" games! Wait, that isn't other news...

It sounds like a lot of games you could legally play for free, except worse. This saddens me.

[JonSetanta]

Guys... don't spend money on stuff like Cute Knight.
Go play this. It's kept the interest of one of my brothers for years: http://www.ferryhalim.com/orisinal/

Or the ever-classic: http://www.virtualnes.com/list/a.html

[the_taken]

1200136103[/unixtime]]Guys... don't spend money on stuff like Cute Knight.
Go play this. It's kept the interest of one of my brothers for years: http://www.ferryhalim.com/orisinal/

Or the ever-classic: http://www.virtualnes.com/list/a.html

I learned my lesson. Thank you.
Thanks for the links to the free stuff. Some of those are pretty neat.

[Cielingcat]

1200124579[/unixtime]]

1200114000[/unixtime]]

1200095310[/unixtime]]I'd rather run around Warcraft, picking flowers.

-Crissa

That's actually fun though.

I disagree.

It is for me. I've had people abandon leveling with me because I spent half the time chasing after herbs.

[tzor]

1200095310[/unixtime]]I'd rather run around Warcraft, picking flowers.

Never played Warcraft. But I can say that spending a nice evening on Everquest with a fishing pole catching fish and taking them to an oven to make into fish cakes was actually fun. It was just like fishing only you didn't have to gut the fish.

[angelfromanotherpin]

For my free gaming, I check out
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