Becoming a Better You

[Koumei]

I like too many individual songs to really have a set taste. I can't just say "I like orchestral" (though many of the pieces I like are orchestral) or "I like heavy metal" (some of which I do like) or whatever.

I have a mild interest in Dragonforce (which has overtaken diamond for the position of "the hardest metal"), though my all-time favourite band would be Oingo Boingo.

Then there's the Whitlams' song about a guy who kills himself because he lives in Sydney. I like that song. Mostly because I really hate Sydney and hope that someone drops an atom bomb on it.

Though the most recent playlist I listened to was... heh, wrestling intro themes. Yeah, maybe my taste in music does suck.

[power_word_wedgie]

I like Oingo Boingo as well - but take that with a grain of salt; I'm 40.

[Koumei]

My dad introduced me to their music when I was young, and he's in his 40s. So that would explain a lot, really.

[power_word_wedgie]

Oh, and by the way, if you really want to try to start a conversation with women, this guy had some good ideas:

Three Tips for Meeting Women

[Count Arioch the 28th]

This guy also has good advice.

http://herbzipper.com/

[power_word_wedgie]

... and on that note, I think I see your problem ...

[JonSetanta]

Wedgie had a good point 2 posts ago.
I took a break too, for 3 years. OK, well, I did *ahem* 'sleep around' and flirt, but no serious relationships; granted that's not everyone's 'thing' so I won't suggest that...
And it wasn't meaningful and hella sure not fulfilling (girlfriends are better), but then... BAM!
There she is just, that awesome geek/gamer girl, when I'm not looking for a girlfriend.

I gave up on that other thread. No use in redundancy. So here's one of the links I promised:
http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_ ... br][br]Now, don't laugh (at something I write, for once!), this is fucking good advice. Read the website for a while, process the info, and make it become part of your mental references. Just read an article every once in a while and think about how you relate to it as a male of the species homo sapiens sapiens.
Consider: Are you even close to the behavior recommended? If not, plan an appropriate change for yourself that fits within the advice. If you're at a loss there are also forums scattered around the internet for second opinions, but an older male to ask in person is ideal (not everyone can find a 'mentor'... I got lucky, maybe)
Then, the next time you are with girls, try something you learned.
... But preferably with girls you've never met and in a neutral place, so that when mistakes are made (and I guarantee, there will be many) you're safe. Mostly.
Note the results.
Then when you re-read the advice, see how you compare to what works, and plan what you'll change about your actions/word choice for the next time you "experiment".
Rinse, repeat.

Oh, and wear some body spray like Axe or Old Spice, tons of girls love a man that smells like he cleans every day. Or rather, as most guys do, wash every day and then apply a single spritz of the stuff.

[Fuzzy_logic]

Why on earth would I take dating advice from a writer who seems convinced that women don't enjoy sex?

Consider what life experiences would lead someone to that conclusion, and tell me if his is an example you want to follow.

[Koumei]

I agree with Fuzzy_logic here. Hell, the article is on a "We're MEN! Girls are stupid." site. I don't mind the existence of such sites, there are plenty of "Boys smell" sites too, but I wouldn't trust its advice.

[Cielingcat]

The fact that he's serious makes that a lot less funny than the "-4 STR" misogyny on /tg/. And that stuff is already not funny at all.

[Draco_Argentum]

1196000545[/unixtime]]Eh? Koumei hasn't revealed her taste in music.

Breaking it down for people new to the net: She doesn't like two bands that I do. Therefore her taste in music is bad and she is a terrible person.

[Count Arioch the 28th]

1196060510[/unixtime]]Why on earth would I take dating advice from a writer who seems convinced that women don't enjoy sex?

I've had several female friends tell me that women don't want sex in and of itself. they want sex only as a means to an end. They might want something as relatively innocent as closeness and intimacy, but they don't want it just to get off, like guys do.

Since I've gone from moderately successful blue collar worker to poor college student, I now don't have anything to offer those women.

[Judging__Eagle]

1196019456[/unixtime]]Eagle, you're pretty awesome, you know that?

Why do people keep telling me that?

No seriously. I'm not that awesome. I've got a long way to go yet.

1196070916[/unixtime]]

1196000545[/unixtime]]Eh? Koumei hasn't revealed her taste in music.

Breaking it down for people new to the net: She doesn't like two bands that I do. Therefore her taste in music is bad and she is a terrible person.

Draco, seriously, keep it to yourself.

One thing that I've learned is that there is always some one who utterly hates something that's on my play list.

Usually they don't want to kill me when they find out that some other band that I enjoy equally well is one of their favorites. That and I convince people that I'm not worth challenging unless they're willing to put their money where their mouth is, b/c I don't back down from threats*.

My problem is that I love music and singing, but I hate songs. After a while, listening to barry white makes me think of how similar it is to some gwar (well, sort of and only one or two songs) or how MSI and george thoroughgood share some things in their presentation and themese despite one being intentionally hyper-offensive rap/rock/punk and the other being badly mangled, badly-played, stolen-from-real-musicians R&B.

I trash the people that I like b/c what I say is true, doesn't make me want to not sing "your problem now" or "who do you love".

Fortunately, I learned to sing with tempo and can carry a tune; unfortunately I can't play any instrument. A harmonica would be cool since it can simulate a lot of different sounds, but w/e.



Also, someone mentioned old spice.

Old spice is so made of win. All of these new Axe and spin-off perfume/colognes are so fvcking girly imo. I use original old spice stick deodorant myself.


Count: That Herb Zipper guy, bloody hilarious. Of course everyone else figured you were being facetious.





*: The real trick is that you just need to always pick fights that you'll win and people will assume that you win all of your fights. No, seriously.

Challenge people who aren't as smart (or play themselves down) to being unwittingly hypnotized or mental challenges and challenge weaklings or cowards to physical or 'stressful' challenges. Of course, you have to be jocular about it and be willing to back your words up with works.

[Fuzzy_logic]

1196088935[/unixtime]]
I've had several female friends tell me that women don't want sex in and of itself.

This is simply *not true*

Why do women go to bars and participate in one-night-stands?

Why do they ogle attractive movie stars?

Why do they write slashfic?

I'm tempted to add some anecdotes form personal experience, but I won't.

The point is, women most definitely do have a sex drive.

[tzor]

1196088935[/unixtime]]I've had several female friends tell me that women don't want sex in and of itself. they want sex only as a means to an end. They might want something as relatively innocent as closeness and intimacy, but they don't want it just to get off, like guys do.

NB this is the single mostly celibate guy responding to this: There are always exceptions to every rule but I think that most people have or want to have sex because it's pleasurable and fun. That given, there are some major differenes between men and women. Think of women as a fine sports car, you have the accelerator pedal, the clutch, the gear shifter, and you got to work them all to achieve the proper effect. (Men are like automatic transmissions by the way.)

Men are mostly driven by a single desire to ejaculate. This desire is generally absent in women, and most women probably don't even realize when or if they do generate emissions from the utherial sponge through the uthera. More over they are probably more constrained by the popular expectations of what sex should be as men are, and the pressure for orgasm often prevents it.

If you view sex as "wham, bam, thank you mam" then few women may appreciate you.

But what do I know anyway. :tonguesmile:

[Crissa]

Be happy with yourself. Then other people will want to be with you.

-Crissa

Also, opiates have the minor problem of tending to block up producers as well as receptors, which is bad... It leaves the body in a spiraling state away from the direction you wish it to go; as it takes more an more of the stuff to produce the same reaction, while the body itself has turned off production of any similar stuff. LSD, MDMA don't have that problem - but society has some sort of problem with disassociates and hallucinogens being applied to fix or alleviate problems. Odd, though, that we still have nicotine, caffeine, alcohol freely when those are known to injure and kill a far larger portion of users. (One known cases of death via LSD, a handful via MDMA - all more likely to have been via other methods. The one death via LSD was from a dose so large that it was merely likely from the mere large amount of anything being placed in the bloodstream, and the MDMA cases were all exhaustion or caffeine related.)

[JonSetanta]

1196100278[/unixtime]]

1196088935[/unixtime]]I've had several female friends tell me that women don't want sex in and of itself. they want sex only as a means to an end. They might want something as relatively innocent as closeness and intimacy, but they don't want it just to get off, like guys do.

NB this is the single mostly celibate guy responding to this: There are always exceptions to every rule but I think that most people have or want to have sex because it's pleasurable and fun. That given, there are some major differenes between men and women. Think of women as a fine sports car, you have the accelerator pedal, the clutch, the gear shifter, and you got to work them all to achieve the proper effect. (Men are like automatic transmissions by the way.)

Men are mostly driven by a single desire to ejaculate. This desire is generally absent in women, and most women probably don't even realize when or if they do generate emissions from the utherial sponge through the uthera. More over they are probably more constrained by the popular expectations of what sex should be as men are, and the pressure for orgasm often prevents it.

If you view sex as "wham, bam, thank you mam" then few women may appreciate you.

But what do I know anyway. :tonguesmile:

You seem to know a lot more than most 'celibates' I've met.

Also,

1196060510[/unixtime]]Why on earth would I take dating advice from a writer who seems convinced that women don't enjoy sex?

Consider what life experiences would lead someone to that conclusion, and tell me if his is an example you want to follow.

The first page seemed relevant to Count's situation. Agreed though, the second page is crap. Perhaps my telescopic view has excluded the negative from that article and only seen the positive (and in b4 "it's all negative" comments, yes there is good advice there: compare to the comments below)
I'll find some other sites, there's a whole folder on my desktop with links.

For instance, this place was funny yet insightful. Don't believe evreything there as it (just like all forums) has both the geniuses and the morons, but it did have some good pointers. They will be very situation-specific so when you find a thread it may or may not apply to your situation(s):
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php? ... br][br]But a key point that has been mentioned in some form previously here is that every woman is an individual.
Generalities like these are a start, and stereotypes tend to be true, but a common failure for many guys is to treat girls like a (proverbial) notch on the belt. That's not a healthy mindset, nor very effective.

[CalibronXXX]

1196129659[/unixtime]]You seem to know a lot more than most 'celibates' I've met.

We tend to have an insightful outsiders view of the situation. I want to know as much about romantic relationships as I can so that when I meet the right girl I can do my best to keep the relationship healthy.

[Count Arioch the 28th]

1196100278[/unixtime]]

If you view sex as "wham, bam, thank you mam" then few women may appreciate you.

To be honest, it's been so long since I've had any sex at all, I view sex as something that other people have.

[JonSetanta]

1196131539[/unixtime]]

1196129659[/unixtime]]You seem to know a lot more than most 'celibates' I've met.

We tend to have an insightful outsiders view of the situation. I want to know as much about romantic relationships as I can so that when I meet the right girl I can do my best to keep the relationship healthy.

Same here but I believe that I have transcended the 'bachelor' stage of geekdom. I'm fairly competent with women, although it may not seem so online.
The next step for me is to prepair for engagement, marriage, etc. I don't have a clue what that's like or what to expect, just as.. say.. tzor would know a longterm relationship with a girl.
Sorry tzor you're the only example that comes to mind right now, since you'd stated at various times your status...

As usual I expect a crash course introduction to the transition.

However, I regret not being able to effectively convey how I shifted from 'single nerd' to 'boyfriend material', but it's been a long and painful process of mistakes, horrors, rejections and breakups.

[Koumei]

Crissa: Were there a legal avenue to do so, I'd prescribe limited amounts of opiates (Oxycodone, Vicodin, poppy flavoured tea, whatever) not as the regular medication, but an emergency reserve. I'm on Efexor, and though I'll be upping the dosage sooner, from 75mg to 150-200, some days I just feel like utter shit and the Efexor can't help.

I imagine plenty of others suffer from the same thing, and for those rare occasions, a small splash of "Wow!" would work wonders. For me, it'd be rare enough that I wouldn't become dependant and it would take years to grow tolerant. We're talking monthly at most.

Though I was talking with a doctor yesterday, and mentioned that should I get hit by a car or something, there'll be a plus side to it: Oxycodone.
"Yeah, but you don't want Oxycodone, that doesn't help."
"You can't fool me, I watched House!"

And I'm aware that people can just use cold water extraction on Mercindol, but the point is it would be better if there were legal, monitored avenues for those who need it.

[Crissa]

I gained alot of weight while on EffexorXR, and the doctor changed me to Cymbalta, which works much better as a mood regulator for me, although the former did help me get up and do things. Living in the city really takes it out of me. The side effects and 'discontinuation effects' of Cymbalta are much less, as well. That's handy.

But opiates just have that addiction and tolerance thing, which isn't good for regular use medicines.

There are days, though, that I can remember how much more poorly I acted before choosing to add medication to my life, that I'm glad to have a bit more handle on the thinking-before-doing part.

But having had to learn how to make friends the hard way, it means I do know how to do it a bit more detailed than people who do it naturally.

-Crissa

[JonSetanta]

Consider Vodka. It's an old tried-and-true brand that's helped me for years.
You can control the dosage, but I've found that after using it for 7-8 years I've developed a resistance.
Somewhere between 15-20 shots are required to put me in the desired state, sometimes more.

[Koumei]

It took about half a litre of vodka the first time I got drunk. I didn't realise vodka was strong, having only had cruisers before, which contained vodka and were weak. Heheh, WHOOPS. That was fun.

But it does tend to take an inordinate amount to get me drunk, even though the last time that happened would have been about a year ago, and I probably only have a single alcoholic drink once a month. I just have Australian resistance to alcohol, I guess.

Half-Australian (Inherited Template)
Saving Throws: Gain a +8 racial bonus on Fortitude saves vs alcohol.
Skills: Gain a +10 racial bonus to Knowledge: nature checks to tell how likely a given plant or animal is to kill you.
CR: Same
Level Adjustment: Don't make me slap you

[JonSetanta]

"Redheads" and similar people, which are mainly those with MC1R variations such as myself (I look like an Irish redhead... but have dark hair. go fig) are resistant not only to pain but to painkillers. Many northern-European whites could be part of this division.
Perhaps alcohol tolerance is tied in, as well as alcoholism.

Half-Irish inherited racial template
Gain a +8 racial bonus on Fortitude saves vs alcohol
You may use a Barbarian's Rage ability 1/day. If anyone insults your family, religion, heritage, or favorite sports team, you must pass a Will save with DC 15. Failure means you activate the Rage and strike them with your best melee attack.
While not under the effect of alcohol, apply a -1 penalty to all skills.