Overheard at the table...

[fbmf]

Every message board needs a thread where you relate amusing things that happened in your campaign:

Setup: The DM has been using monsters which are immune to damn near everything except straight damage. These creatures were cleverly disguised as normal creatures so we would try instant kills and sneak attacks only to be told they were immune.

We encounter some dire bears.

Player 1: I want my surprise action.

DM: They see you. You don't get one.

Player 1: How do they see me?

DM: You're not hiding.

Player 1: I have a standing declaration to be "hiding".

DM: The Rogue?

Player 1: Yes.

DM: Sorry, I thought you meant the cleric.

Player 1: The cleric? Who gives a shit about the cleric? His only action is to take cover behind the pile of compost which is this adventure.

DM::flames:

Player 1: The rogue is taking his sneak attack.

DM: Fine. It's initiative.

Player 1: I want my surpirse action!

DM: Well you're fucked.

(Further vitriolic spewing deleted. It is finally determined that the rogue is hiding, and that he does get a surprise action. He rolls and hits.)

Player 1: Are they able to be critted?

DM: Of course. They are dire bears.

Player 1: I was just making sure they weren't bullshit dire bears.

Game On,
fbmf

[Ramnza]

I got one that stands out in my mind.

The scene:
Player 2 is sitting in a lazy boy kind of drifting off to sleep. Can't say that I blame him actually.

Player 1 is on the floor messing with a d20.

The DM is reading box text or something like that.

Player 1 realizes that Player 2 is falling asleep. Very quietly, she sits up from laying on the floor and takes aim with the d20.

Keeping his eyes closed, Player 2 says:
"You know, I sometimes DM for this campaign and it would not behoove you to throw that die at me."

Then his eyes opened.

Player 1:

Player 1 slowly lowered the d20 and looked at the floor, didn't say a word, as the rest of the group said "Oh daamnn."



Mod Edit: Fixed Emoticons.

[Jack_Lurch]

Player 1: What happened to your butler?

Player 2: He eloped with my gardener.

Player 1: I thought your gardener was a man.

Player 2: He was.

-Jack

[Count Arioch the 28th]

This was stated by a Cha 6 dwarf fighter a few adventures ago.

Butler: "Mi'Lord, a message from Ashtear."

Raiyn: "Did you go down on the messenger?"

Butler (Flustered) "Err . . No!"

Raiyn: "Then what the [sexual intercourse] am I paying you for!"

[Edit: Realized I could be a bit more graphic since the head dude just said shit a couple times here )

[fbmf]

[Edit: Realized I could be a bit more graphic since the head dude just said shit a couple times here )

Sweet! I've been appointed head dude by the Count.

*-*-*-*-*-

"Have you met Thade, the Wonder Bitch?"

Game On,
fbmf

[Count Arioch the 28th]

You should make it your title.

And one more from me:

"Oh, shut up, Mr. Pig Ninja!"

[Essence]

[action]ponders the value of being called the 'head dude' by someone who just posted about going down on a messenger[/action]


To contribute:

A multiplanar movie star, rock star, and saint to a young ninja with obvious 'hopes': "Don't be ashamed. I'm sleeping with a few dozen mortals, many of whom are drow men who have very interesting ideas of what sex is. Not to mention the devil, the deva, or the god that join me on a regular basis. It's not like I haven't seen and been through anything that you could possibly be thinking of...I promise I won't hurt you."
...
Ninja: "You're a saint?"
...
Saint (smiling): "I'm sure you'll understand shortly."


Essence

[Mole_2]

The party were trying to make contact with an agent. Code phrase "The Winds are from the North", response "Yes it is always cold this time of year".

We wait for several days, taking it in turns to hang around on the street corner.

Dodgy looking NPC who has been loitering approaches the party rogue and says
"The Winds are from the North"

PC replies "Look, peasant, I don't care about the weather, I don't want to chat, I am here to meet someone important so just piss off".

He did.
Next plot please !

[Count Arioch the 28th]

Hobgoblin guard: "Your people allow your females to speak to males as equals? I find that very unusual."

(Female) PC Druid: "I find your odor very unusual."

PC Dwarf fighter: "Yeah, ya smell like BALLS!"

[fbmf]

After a 2e Teleport gone awry killed the party wizard...

Player 1: I'm not paying to have myself Raised. I didn't even want to do the damn Teleport.

Player 2: You bet your ass you're paying for the Ressurection.

Player 1: No I'm not! I didn't even want to cast the damned Teleport!

Player 2: When I take the money out of your pouch, you are paying for it.

Game On,
fbmf

[erik]

Some highlights from one of my DM's DnD gaming quote pages (he used to record gaming sessions for the very purpose of being put up for posterity's sake)...
http://www.geocities.com/sarcastro747/P ... ][br]After a short but frenzied melee in the forest at the edge of Glenn Hollow, Justin and Max try to justify their killing of what the GM considered a "key" NPC...
Justin: How many people did he kill with that blast?
Jim: None!!!
Max: But what about that shower of limbs?
Jim: TREE limbs!

-=-=-=-
Max starts singing to the tune of that one hit wonder, "Breakfast at Tiffany's."
Max: And I said what about getting into a fight for once?

Apparently level one of Rappan Athuk isn't as fast paced as some people in the group would like.
-=-=-=-=-

Justin has just evaluated the worth of the crown of Saracek, the hastily defeated undead nobleman and ex-warrior for the dark forces. The ornate crown's estimation at being worth approximately 250 gold pieces doesn't impress Max. Especially when coupled with the overall scant nature of his tomb.

Max: What kind of king was this guy? King of the poor?! King of the losers?!
-=-=-=-=-=-

Mark's character, Dungeonmaster, is about to get up and speak at the funeral of a prince he has never even met.

Erik: Wait. How will you know what to say?
Mark: Erik, I was a chaplain on a pirate ship. I've probably made shit like this up hundreds of times.

[Username17]

Here's an obligatory thread that we don't seem to have:

Crazy shit that people actually said in game.

From tonight's Shadowrun game:

"Your bat fvcking that dead woman totally ruined my chances with my woman! Voodoo Ben owes me the phone number of a beautiful woman!"

"I think more games should be invented by pirates."

"Don't worry, she's just about the friendliest baby-eating goddess there is."

"Yep. That's why I wear a grass skirt."

"We should hang a tarp on those zombies so they don't scare off people we bring over for dinner or sex."

"The blue flavor spigot is broken, so you won't be able to make any purple or green flavored food products either."

"I think just about any amount of red meets your daily requirement of red."

-Username17

[Count Arioch the 28th]

"the only name I can think of right now is Fancy Cheese".

For some reason, that name cracked up everyone in the group for fifteen minutes. Who knew a kobold wizard called Fancy Cheese could be so funny.

When the cleric player asked my brother to get him a soda, he looked in teh fridge, and stoped for a second, and said: "For a second, I actually was looking for some fancy cheese."

[Crissa]

I have friends. You only know some of them.

But they're always coming up with ideas for games, videos, and sometimes, maybe rarely, they do it. But they do enough that I take them seriously.

Anyhow, here's the latest 'overheard' I'm sharing with you-all plus Frank:

Yes, it's my idea for a new animated film, Rock Shasa! Featuring LE tiger-headed medium outsiders with backwards hands who form a band and go on a gigantic extraplanar roadtrip across the great Modron March.

-Crissa

[Crissa]

Detention Sword. Any sword which looks like something you would have drawn during detention in high school, ie, decorated with copious skulls, fake gems, elaborately useless ricasso, and potentially quite useless in the event of actual combat.

PS - Thanks, fbmf, for finding the thread for me!

[fbmf]

Not a problem.

Game On,
fbmf

[Crissa]

New responses to Frank's Unhinged Jaw Rogue:

'He does do what?'
'...'
'Bulemic Elf Death Kiss!'

My girlfriend had a dozen more...

-Crissa

[PzAz04Maus]

1109586602[/unixtime]]Here's an obligatory thread that we don't seem to have:

Crazy shit that people actually said in game.

From tonight's Shadowrun game:

"Your bat fvcking that dead woman totally ruined my chances with my woman! Voodoo Ben owes me the phone number of a beautiful woman!"

"Yep. That's why I wear a grass skirt."

"The blue flavor spigot is broken, so you won't be able to make any purple or green flavored food products either."

"I think just about any amount of red meets your daily requirement of red."

-Username17

Sounds just like Firesign Theatre...

[shirak]

Me, threatening players:Either you shut up or I hit you with the axe.
Player: Dude, it's a freaking nerf axe. Wtf?
Me: No, it's the Axe Of Losing Levels!!!


Three years from this incident it is still an artifact in our campaigns.