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Giant Crabs!!!!
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FrankTrollman
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Joined: 07 Mar 2008
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 20, 2005 1:20 am    Post subject: Giant Crabs!!!! Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Holy shit! Did you see that stupid Giant Crab linked from Skip's Tirade about how only through Zen can Item Prices be determined through the power of a rigid formulae? Here it is again (half way down the page):
Giant Fvcking Crabs! Scroll about halfway down page!

OK, what do we notice?

First of all, it's CR three. And it's a bruiser. But it's also a fast bruiser - land speed of 40 and has a swim speed. It's got real bruiser status - large size and a 13.5 point attack. Two 13.5 point attacks.

Secondly, unlike other CR 3 bruisers, its relatively weak Will save means precisely dick, because it's a Vermin, and immune to anything a 3rd level party can dish out with a Will save.

Finally, we note that it has improved grab and a grapple bonus of 19. Also, it has 66 hit points and an AC of 19.

So how does combat with it work out? Like this, every damn time:

Round One: Giant Crab charges 80 feet and reaches out and touches someone (10' reach) for a +12 attack bonus. Then it does 13.5 damage. Then it Grapples, which it wins, and inflicts another 13.5 damage of constriction.

Round 2: Having just inflicted 27 points of damage on a 3rd level character in one round, it hurls the bloody carcass over its head and repeats the process with some other hapless 3rd level PC who happens to be within its 90 foot charge range.

Round 3: Having dispatched 2 PCs, it takes out the third PC.

Round Four: Assuming that the final character has not gotten a rush of brains to the head and hid, the Crab finishes off the last player character and dances around.

Motherfvckers! What the hell CR mismanagement is that shit!? This isn't one of those "It's a huge ass scorpion, dumbass, don't melee it!" problems - this is CR 3. You don't have any choice.




En garde, bitches.

-Frank

MOD EDIT: The original link no longer worked. It has now been updated.


Last edited by fbmf on Tue Sep 09, 2014 5:10 pm; edited 1 time in total
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MrWaeseL
Duke


Joined: 07 Mar 2008
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 20, 2005 3:22 pm    Post subject: Re: Giant Crabs!!!! Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

I love how the designers compensate for mindlessness with lots of HD adn a low CR, which doesn't work at both low and high levels.
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Count Arioch the 28th
King


Joined: 07 Mar 2008
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 20, 2005 4:27 pm    Post subject: Re: Giant Crabs!!!! Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

I don't know whether to be happy or sad.

On one hand, Giant crabs rock my face.

On the other, I don't want any 3rd level party dying so easy. If this was higher level, they could fly and pepper it with arrows, but not likely at level 3.
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Sir Neil
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 20, 2005 8:38 pm    Post subject: Re: Giant Crabs!!!! Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

ROFL

This is my favorite rant ever.
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Josh_Kablack
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Joined: 07 Mar 2008
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 20, 2005 11:36 pm    Post subject: Re: Giant Crabs!!!! Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

But Frank, surely you know by now that making a monster aquatic automatically reduces its CR by a full point...?


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The_Hanged_Man
Knight-Baron


Joined: 07 Mar 2008
Posts: 636

PostPosted: Fri Jan 21, 2005 12:09 am    Post subject: Re: Giant Crabs!!!! Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

lol @ Josh.
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RandomCasualty
Prince


Joined: 07 Mar 2008
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 21, 2005 12:21 am    Post subject: Re: Giant Crabs!!!! Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

MrWaeseL wrote:
I love how the designers compensate for mindlessness with lots of HD adn a low CR, which doesn't work at both low and high levels.


Yeah. The designers aren't quite sure what to do with mindless stuff, and I don't know if there is a great answer. Mindless stuff is almost always going to be an easy challenge, because it can't react to magic.
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SuicideChump
1st Level


Joined: 07 Mar 2008
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2005 3:57 pm    Post subject: Re: Giant Crabs!!!! Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

66 hp ???!?!?!?!?!??! At CR 3 ???!?!??!?!?!

besides, "...Once a monstrous crab has a morsel or creature in each claw, it retreats into the water to feed. Creatures held in its claws when it does so soon drown if they can't breathe water..." That would kill any low Con/low For ST character at 3rd level. And his fellows can do nothing to prevent that.

OK, Skip has dedicated himself to drug addiction.
Do we need any other proof to unveil the real nature of the 'formulas' GDs are using to balance the game? (i.e. their supposed-good sense).

Fvck that shit. Fvck it hard.
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FrankTrollman
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2005 7:39 pm    Post subject: Re: Giant Crabs!!!! Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

SC wrote:
besides, "...Once a monstrous crab has a morsel or creature in each claw, it retreats into the water to feed. Creatures held in its claws when it does so soon drown if they can't breathe water..." That would kill any low Con/low For ST character at 3rd level. And his fellows can do nothing to prevent that.


Who needs low Con? The Giant Crab inflicts 1d8+9 constriction damage per round. That means that a theoretical Dwarven Barbarian who only ever rolls max hit points and has a Con of 20 would die in 3 rounds of just the constriction (the crab also inflicts additional damage on its own actions of course). That's not even enough time for a con 6 elf to start having to make con rolls.

-Frank
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Josh_Kablack
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2005 10:03 pm    Post subject: Re: Giant Crabs!!!! Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List


Fortunately, giant lobsters are not quite so tough: Linky


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Wrenfield
Master


Joined: 07 Mar 2008
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2005 11:04 pm    Post subject: Re: Giant Crabs!!!! Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

What they don't tell you ... is that prior to his unexpected death, Bubba mauled the aquarium's resident monk and sorceror and tossed their weak, flimsy corpses into the shark tank. Thankfully, the carnage was stopped once the aquarium's Bard cast Calm Crustacean on the oversized antennaed shellfish.

The good news is, the aquarium's remaining staff ate well that night ...



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Thoth_Amon
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Joined: 07 Mar 2008
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 08, 2005 3:22 am    Post subject: Re: Giant Crabs!!!! Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

10k huh?

From the original --for those who had trouble finding it...

Skipper wrote:
Figurine of Wondrous Power (Limestone Crab): A limestone crab appears as a miniature statuette, often badly eroded, of a crab. When the figurine is tossed down and the correct command word is spoken, it becomes a living monstrous crab. The monstrous crab obeys and serves its owner; it understands Common but does not speak. The monstrous crab can serve as a beast of burden, a mount, or a combatant as its owner desires. Unlike a normal monstrous crab, the limestone crab retains some of the qualities of stone when animated and has hardness 3. A limestone crab can be used twice per week for up to 6 hours per use.

If a limestone crab is broken or destroyed in its statuette form, it is forever ruined. All magic is lost -- its power departed. If slain in animal form, the figurine simply reverts to a statuette that can be used again at a later time.

A limestone crab always feels damp to the touch, as if it had just been plucked from a tide pool.

Moderate transmutation; CL 11th; Craft Wondrous Item, animate objects, stoneskin; Price 10,000 gp.

No spell is analogous to what this item does (though the animate objects spell comes close). However, plenty of other figurines of wondrous power are in the Dungeon Master's Guide. A limestone crab is about as tough as a griffon (see the Far Corners of the World feature for monstrous crab stats), so pricing equals the bronze griffon figurine of 10,000 gp.


TA
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User3
NPC


Joined: 01 Jan 1970
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 20, 2007 9:00 pm    Post subject: Re: Giant Crabs!!!! Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Crab Battle
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fbmf
The Great Fence Builder


Joined: 07 Mar 2008
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 1:36 am    Post subject: Re: Giant Crabs!!!! Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

[The Great Fence Builder Speaks]
Guest post edited at the request of the Guest.
[/TGFBS]
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Brobdingnagian
Knight


Joined: 07 Mar 2008
Posts: 495

PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 5:00 am    Post subject: Re: Giant Crabs!!!! Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Jesus shit... if a regular crab can do that... no wonder Giant Crabs are so powerful...
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rapanui
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 5:21 am    Post subject: Re: Giant Crabs!!!! Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

OLIOLIOLOOOOO
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MrWaeseL
Duke


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 11:20 am    Post subject: Re: Giant Crabs!!!! Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

rapanui wrote:
OLIOLIOLOOOOO


super idiot then funny ^^
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Amra
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 12:18 pm    Post subject: Re: Giant Crabs!!!! Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Sir_Neil wrote:
ROFL

This is my favorite rant ever.


Mine too! ROFL

En garde, bitches... Awesome ROFL

Plus, I wanted to post to a thread that was not only called "Giant Crabs" but had three exclamation marks in the title.

The Giant Crab is mighty. Bow before the Giant Crab.

Actually, don't do that because it'll just mean that it's your ass he grabs first...
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MrWaeseL
Duke


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 1:11 pm    Post subject: Re: Giant Crabs!!!! Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Amra wrote:
Plus, I wanted to post to a thread that was not only called "Giant Crabs" but had three exclamation marks in the title.


There's 4 Razz
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Amra
Knight


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 1:19 pm    Post subject: Re: Giant Crabs!!!! Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

MrWaeseL wrote:
Amra wrote:
Plus, I wanted to post to a thread that was not only called "Giant Crabs" but had three exclamation marks in the title.


There's 4 Razz


But there are 3, are there not? Razz

The fourth exclamation mark is merely a bystander; an unnecessary adjunct to the majesty and splendour of the previous three.
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Maj
Prince


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Location: Shelton, Washington, USA

PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 9:49 pm    Post subject: Re: Giant Crabs!!!! Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Amra wrote:
En garde, bitches... Awesome


That phrase has become particularly popular around our house.
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Prak
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2007 8:08 am    Post subject: Re: Giant Crabs!!!! Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

Mindflayers mounted upon giant crabs... the seaflood platter revolts...
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FrankTrollman wrote:
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You should gain sanity for finding out that the problems of a region are because there are fucking monsters there.
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Judging__Eagle
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2007 4:46 pm    Post subject: Re: Giant Crabs!!!! Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

In any case, these CR 3 critters.... really, they're CR 4-5; are great brutes to work with other more fragile PC enemies.
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Cielingcat
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2007 10:58 pm    Post subject: Re: Giant Crabs!!!! Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

They should slaughter a 4th level party as well, but I'm not sure about 5.
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Draco_Argentum
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 3:14 am    Post subject: Re: Giant Crabs!!!! Reply with quote Add User to Ignore List

What about the Tome series characters. I figure they're screwed too since at level 3 a RoW fighter hasn't got that many goodies, same for the others.

Perhaps a human with lots of necromantic creation feats could gets his six CR1 creations to help cheese it?
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