Wind walkers are creatures from the elemental plane of air, and on the material plane prefer to live high in mountains or in great caverns very far below the surface. Their approach is detectable at from 10"-30" as a whistling, howling or roaring depending on the number coming. These monsters are telepathic and can detect thoughts within 10"-30" (as they work in series to boost range).
The number appearing is 1-3, meaning that if there are more of them they are louder and you can hear them from farther off, but they can telepathically detect your presence from an arbitrarily equal distance, meaning that as soon as they show up on the board, both sides immediately automatically notice the other. It's also important to note that their move is 30", meaning that even if combat begins at the "long range", it's actually still in move-and-attack range for the fucking Wind Walkers.
They attack by wind force, each wind walker causing 3-18 points of damage per turn to all creatures within 1" of them who are hit.
[color]Is that a separate attack roll on each character in range? Is it a single attack roll that checks ACs separately? Is it just a template that automagically nails everyone without cover? Do you get a save? No one knows! But the key to remember is that even taking the most favorable possible interpretation, that is actually a fuck tonne of damage. A group of 3 Wind Walkers is handing out 9 dice of area effect damage in an era when most characters were lucky to have a Con bonus of +1 and people stopped getting hit dice after 9. They are listed as 7th level creatures.[/color]
Being ethereal, wind walkers can be fought only by such creatures as djinn, efreet, invisible stalkers, or aerial servants, or affected by spells such as control weather (unless save is made versus magic, the monster dies), slow (affects monster like a fire ball), and ice storm (drives them away for 1-4 melee rounds). haste does one-half damage to wind walkers, but it also doubles the amount of damage done by the wind walkers. Magical barriers will stop them, but wind walkers will otherwise pursue for 2-5 melee rounds minimum. They are subject to attack by telepathy. Wind walkers are sometimes forced into servitude by storm giants (for obvious reasons).
Here's where we get to the what the fuck part. We could start in one asking how the hell storm giants force them to do anything when despite all their neat wind and lightning effects they don't actually have a single fucking thing on their list that will actually affect a wind walker in any way. Or we could start in on harping about the fact that haste is doing "half damage" when haste does not actually do any damage to be halved. Or we could ask what the fucking hell is supposed to happen with control weather considering that that fucking spell is not instantaneous and actually lasts a fuck long time. But really let's just get down to the brass tacks of how totally fucked you are.
So there you are, you're a 7th level party. 2 wind walkers show up and immediately get to start face raping you. Now, they are
invisible, meaning that you can't even target them with spells unless you have
see invisibility or something similar up. They are also intangible, so even if you had something bullshit like echolocation it wouldn't help. Of your entire party,
only the magic user can do
anything at all, and they go almost 3 times faster than you and will pursue for longer than you have hit points. Their area effect attack is actually their
normal attack, so if you try to run away they get to rape the whole party as their bonus attack for you trying to escape from melee.
Now let's talk about killing them. You aren't going to do it. They are 7 hit die monsters and have 30 fucking hit points. Their save against magic is pretty good. Even if for some reason you recognize the source of the invisible and intangible ass kicking you are receiving
as wind walkers
and remember that they are only affected by weather and time spells, remember that
most of the weather spells actually aren't on their stupid fucking list at all, making them just as useless as the fighter's entire character. For example: Storm Giants have
predict weather,
call lightning,
control winds,
lightning bolt, and
weather summoning, all of which are not on the list of arbitrary spells that do fuck all. But when it comes down to it: a 7th level
slow is like 24 points of damage (save for half), and it won't actually drop a wind walker even if you have the
see invisibility needed to target the fucker in the first place.
Haste does some amount of undefined damage, but most people think we're talking a half strength fireball, so that's like 12 points (save for half), with a doubling of incoming damage every time you do that (meaning that isn't a solution at all).
Magical barriers are solid to them, but recall that they are fucking ethereal and can go through fucking walls. Also they are conspicuously Neutral and not summoned, which means that any magical barrier you can create at 7th level is either powerless against them on first principles or simply something they can fly over (or
under because they are
fucking ethereal). About the only chance you have is the
ice storm, which you probably didn't prepare (hope you have it on a scroll), and which will make them lay off for a d4 rounds while you run like hell. Although you do have to cast an
ice storm into
melee in order to get that to happen, so good luck explaining that shit to the rest of the party. Also, did I mention that they will chase you for a
d4+1 rounds
at the minimum (whatever the fuck that means)? Oh yeah, they are still like three times faster than you, so they can probably catch up to a d4 rounds worth of running the fuck away in a single turn.
Water Weirds were unfair as fuck, but at least they basically stayed in one place and gave you a 2 turn head start to figure out what the fuck was going on and run like hell in the very likely event that you did not have
purify food and water prepared.
-Username17
