Crappy magic items

[Judging__Eagle]

Stone of Honing: This magical honing stone has been magically treated such that it can actually sharpen magical weapon; granting an Enhancement bonus equal to the weapons current bonus for all non-combat tasks the weapon is used for. If used on a mundane weapon, it makes the weapon count as magic for one hour. Mundane weapons sharpened this way Disintegrate upon the end of the effect, without a saving throw.

Animated Automatic Chamberpot: Once filled, this chamber pot is able to unerringly follow its owner with a speed of 10' on its stubby clay feet; slowly dissipating its content to fuel its movement. On a full load, it may do so for up to 8 hours; before needing a refill.

Dark Mask: This mysterious looking mask of black felt makes the wearer perceive their environment as being Dark, and suffer a 20% miss chance. Attacks on the mask wearer are also subject to this miss chance. If the wearer is already within a Dark area, the miss chance for delivering attack and incoming attacks is rolled twice.

Scroll Editing Case:This magical object is a flat wooden case with a handle at one of its longest sides, and hinged opposite its handle. When a scroll is placed inside the case and securely clipped in place (1 full Turn) it discharges the magical energy in scrolls in a harmless manner (1 Round per Spell level). Allowing for the scrolls to be inscribed with new spells. The inks used in the scroll are extracted & stored in a series of vials at the bottom of the case, and may be reused.

Secure Mallet of Loosening: This mallet allows for pitons, magical spikes, nails, etc. to be secured with a single attack roll against the size of the object. A second attack roll allows for the secured item to be loosened. [For reference, a wood nail's head it a Tiny immobile object, is AC 13 (+8 Size; -5 Dexterity)]

[Stahlseele]

If it's gone, probably a Tornado/Hurricane.

Alternatively, Orcs.

Binky
This soft, children's blanket is usually some pastel color and printed with childish imagery, such as ducks, bunnies, teddy bears, or the like. When held or draped over the shoulders, it confers a +2 morale bonus on all saves against fear effects. However, it also confers a -3 competence penalty to Intimidate checks. If a full round action is spent cuddling the Binky, a character affected by a Fear effect may make a new save at the original DC. If they are cowering, they automatically get a new save each round.

Firepoker
This is an ordinary fire poker, save that it appears to have been used to beat someone over the head, indicated by the large bend in the shaft. It is an improvised weapon, and suffers a -4 attack penalty, dealing 1d8 piercing or bludgeoning damage (it can be used one or two handed). Alternatively, you can lessen the penalty to -2, but deal 1d6 damage by holding it about halfway up the haft. The firepoker is imbued by childlike trust and fear such that it only hurts monsters. It passes through those of non-evil alignment as if incorporeal.

Why is Susans Blanky called Binky? O.o

[Prak]

Binky is another term often used for the generic child's blankey. I'm sure it's something to do with regionalism. Being an American, I of course get media references using both terms.

[Stahlseele]

Ah o.O
Never heard of a childrens blanky being called binky before.
Thank you, gonna file that away for eventual use at a later point in life.

[Prak]

I'm considering adding a power to the Binky to paralyze monsters when put over their head, but I'm thinking that might make it too powerful.

[Stahlseele]

Not all monsters of course.
A Dragon or some such will not care.
A Boogie Man equivalent on the other hand?
edited because of sudden realization how racist the 1:1 translation from german probably looks to you lot . .

[Prak]

Ok, looks like I was wrong, binky is a pacifier brand name. In context, it tends to be used as a term for a generic comfort item, and Urban Dictionary presents both meanings (along with others that range from "ok, whatever" to mildly disturbing in the context of a word with the mentioned definitions). I'm going to do some reworking on that item.

Ok, now it gives a slightly larger bonus, takes only a move action to allow a new save, specifies that a panicked character will not drop it, and gives you invisibility against aberrations and undead with Int<20, and a paralysis affect on same.

[Kaelik]

Ok, now it gives a slightly larger bonus, takes only a move action to allow a new save, specifies that a panicked character will not drop it,

Which still means that Frightened and Panicked people can never use it, means that for no reason Cowering, the worse condition, is somehow better than either of those.

[Prak]

Because I didn't bother to look at the text of the conditions... fixed now, you can cuddle it while fleeing as an exception to the text of the conditions in question.

[hyzmarca]

The Deck of Few Things: At first glance, the Deck of Few Things appears to be a Deck of Many Things. However, the deck only holds three unique cards, in equal proportion. When drawing a card from the deck, roll 1d6.

1-2: The person who draws this card permanently changes mental gender, but not physical sex. If the person drawing the card is genderless, roll 1d6, on 1-3, he becomes male, on 4-6 he becomes female.

3-4 : The person drawing this card immediately teleports to the first location on the same plane that he thinks of, as if he had cast Greater Teleport.

5-6: The person who draws this card will not have to eat or drink for a fortnight. However, once the 14 days are, the person who drew the card painfully vomits up a adult housecat, who is hostile.

[rampaging-poet]

Bag of Transformation: This small sack appears similar to a bag of tricks, except it radiates an aura of transmutation instead of conjuration. Anyone drawing one of the small orbs out of the bag polymorphs into a random animal chosen from the same table as the same coloured bag of tricks for ten minutes. The bag functions ten times per week.

Eyes of Darkness: These simple black contact lenses were a failed attempt to harness devils' ability to see through magical darkness. While the wearer can indeed see in magical darkness, they are unable to see anything in any other lighting conditions.

Potion of Androgyny: The imbiber takes on an androgynous build for the next 24 hours. They do not suffer the usual -2 penalty to Disguise checks when disguising themselves as a member of the opposite sex.

Ring of Laser Eyebeams: This ring allows the user to create light or fire lasers (4d6 damage otherwise as a lantern archon) from their eyes at will. Creating light blinds the user for as long as it is active. Firing lasers blinds the user for 1d4+1 rounds. If the user fires more lasers while still blinded, the durations stack.

[deaddmwalking]

Hairpin of 1 Disquise While this item appears similar to a hat of disguise, the wearer has no control over the assumed form. Anyone donning the hairpin appears as a human woman of advanced middle age dressed in immodest attire. A Knowledge (arcana) check DC 35 reveals that the form is that of the creator's mother. A DC 10 Bardic knowledge check reveals a number of limericks inspired by this magician's matron as well as a number of jokes about her slaternly ways. The specific reason for its creation appears lost to history.

[Eikre]

Three-Headed Coin: A trick coin, used for japes and cons. When flipped, roll 1d6 to determine the result:

1-3: The coin lands heads-up.
4-6: The coin lands heads-up.
7-9: The coin lands heads-up.