BIWA: Feedback and Criticism

[momothefiddler]

Well, I registered my company today; I am now the sole proprietor of Heartbreaker Press. Got my business account all set up as well this afternoon. So that was pretty cool.

Shit! Probably means I should finish this sooner rather than later.

78) Wow. I completely failed to recognize that slang, even though I've heard it a bunch of times. I have no excuse.

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81) p29: Man on Fire: What the fuck. I love this. Do you take damage?

82) p29: Various typos and an unfinished ability. I don't think I'll point those out any more, since they're comparatively obvious.

83) p30: Dynamic Entry. I like this power too. Vanguards are cool. That said: "Exceptionally hard or reinforced barriers (such as
reinforced concrete or adamantine) may be Hard or Improbable respectively." Is it easier to break through adamantine than through reinforced concrete? Because without the parenthetical that's what this says. And the parenthetical is just confusing because of the "respectively" and the order in which things are listed.

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Chapter 5: Skills

84) p32: "Skills cannot be raised more than 1 rank at a time." Does this mean that you can't raise a skill more than once per levelup or just that you can't bypass levels to spend fewer points?

85) p33: Animal Handling and Empathy seem to overlap in the area of "reading an animal". Is this intended?

86) p34: Magecraft's sample specializations end with "etc." while several others don't, but my impression is that all the lists are extensible?

87) p34: Does the non-human physiology specialization for Medicine change it from -10% to +10%, or from -10% to +0%?

88) p35: As 87, but with Science. Also, assuming these work the same way, they should have similar wording.

89) p36: Do the specialization defaults for Science and Medicine stack with the skill defaults, such that a character with no Medicine is working at -15% to operate on a vampire?

90) p36: Why sometimes binary?

91) p37: How do Hobby Specializations work?

92) p37: Is there a minimum Crafting time or can a sufficient MoS make it instant?

93) p43: Should both types of rope be the same break difficulty?

94) p49: Just a formatting thing, but having footnotes and quantities designated the same way is really hard to read

95) p51: Ammunition costs/counts?

96) p55: Unless I'm missing something, it's cheaper in Willpower to make a $1500 permanent magic item than a $100 permanent magic item?

97) p55: The example $ construction costs on the permanent magic items are all over the place. 1/100, 1/10, 1/10, 1/6, 1/5...

next: Combat and Danger

[Meikle641]

Sorry, not ignoring you. Stuff keeps coming up and firefox keeps crashing.

Well, I've got a revised document here: https://www.mediafire.com/?xozexzjtb6zv3mz

Some of your questions are fixed, but others haven't. Layout has changed.

81) I aim to please, haha. Took the idea from Dr McNinja. Intent is that the user doesn't take damage.
83) Fixed the word order.
84) Pretty much, yeah. I may change it, but I dunno. The intent is to force players to spread their skill points out some.
85) Yup.
86) ... Yeah, I need to fix this up some. Relic of an earlier revision, it seems. Basically the skill is supposed to cover casting of spells in addition to general practical knowledge. Plenty of specializations you could take, though (including specific spells), so I figure an etc will do the trick.
87) Yeah... As it stands, it cancels out to +0. I should change this up, but not sure how. May just get rid of the distinction, I dunno.
88) The same as 87, I guess.
89) I reckon they do.
90) Deleted
91) Clarified that they work like skills now.
92) I'm going to say no on minimum craft times. It might be realistic, sure, but I'm willing to ignore that. Craft times are almost universally screwed. Could take a look a d20 Modern's stuff, though...
93) I'm leaning towards no, but I could see reinforced ropes being a thing. Maybe it should just be a Rigging vs Brawn test.
95) Ammunution costs are in the general equipment section, where the rope and stuff is.

96) Well, permanent items with a cost more than 1k does Willpower drain. Attribute damage heals, but drain is permanent. So cheap stuff is common, but the expensive stuff is more rare, since it involves the permanent consumption of character resources.

[Meikle641]

So, belated release notes:
- Revised chapter order
- Added a section for Improvised/Primitive Weapons
- Added Menhir to the power type of Corpse Explosion
- converted cheap tricks into a free thing
- Changed the scaling of the attribute table
- Changed starting attributes to 20, 15, 15, 10 for PCs.
- Changed the Hrokr shapeshifting to corvids, rather than into humans.
- Clarified things for Hobbies
- Now Menhir Only: Armoured Flesh, Bestial Weapons
- Now Akashic Only: Amplify


------------

Been thinking on some new classes for the game, but the mechanics aren't even started yet.


Magician class:
“The difficult I'll do right now, the impossible will take a little while.”

The magician will be focused on thaumaturgy, summoning, and conjurations. Not entirely sure how to do them yet.

Nomad class:
"It all came to me in the wake of a dream / Bending space and reversing the stream"

Their shtick is short-range tactical teleportation and portals, like Blink the mutant and Portal. Redirect bullets, help hit people from impossible angles, etc.

Paladin
"Insert flavour here.

The plan is for Paladins to be an asskicker with some inspirational and utilitarian tricks Get a magical smite thing, immunity to fear, being able to gain information from places ala Quest for Glory, etc.

Technomancer:
" "Flammable! Or inflammable. Forget which. Doesn't matter."
The technomancer will have a resource mechanic similar to Incarnum for some of its class features, for gadgets and such. Techpriest meets mad scientist.

------------

Also been getting some work on monsters done. I've written one or two, but the talented Mid Anwar has written up 8 new monsters for me, though I have to fix them up to fit the mechanics better.

From Me:
-Satori: A sort of malevolent telepathic yeti that lives in forests and mountains. Reads off the thoughts of a target as they think them, throwing them off. Has some other tricks.
- Wight: Undead that sucks heat with touch attacks in order to survive.

Mid did a fair bit, as we tried to figure out a modular-ish way for undead to be made. So we have a few undead with variants. Also wrote up some stuff for mimics.

More to come in future.

[Meikle641]

So, got some concept art from my artist. Made a post about it. Some input on the designs would be appreciated.

Been doing more editing and re-designing. Updating monsters that Mid Anwar made for me into Biwa fashion. All sorts of shit is being done.

Here's a new trick for Scouts to learn:
- Browning's Elevator: Scouts can use automatic weaponry to fly, with a little magic and ammo. As a Simple action the Scout can fire downward to fly, traveling 2 metres for every shot used. Additionally, targets within the weapon's line of effect take 1 damage for every 2 shots fired. This costs 2 strain per use.

[momothefiddler]

Fuck, it's been like a month and a half since I did anything with this. And I start a new (additional) job today, so I doubt that'll change any time soon. I'm sorry for leaving it unfinished like this. I hope some of this has been helpful anyway or something.

[Meikle641]

UPDATE: https://www.mediafire.com/?1vd6cs8fcsmbadc

- Revised chapter order

Chargen:
- Changed starting attributes to 20, 15, 15, 10 for PCs.
- Changed the scaling of the attribute table


RACES:
- Myrmidons: Changed how Fire Eater and I'll Be Back work.
- Humans: Updated Adrenaline Burst with modern terms. Also changed how Blood Rage and Murderous Intent works.
- changed how the vampire ability Spawn works.
- Changed the Hrokr shapeshifting to corvids, rather than into humans.

CLASSES:
- Removed the class bonus to certain rolls and replaced it with a varying bonus to Mental and Physical Resistances
- Berserker, Monk, Scout: Now have Fast Movement converted to a static bonus.
- Replaced Scout's Wind at My Back ability for Fast Movement.
- Added new scout ability called Browning's Elevator.
- Removed the bonus damage from the Monk's unarmed strike. Seems like it was overkill.
- Added a line about Man on Fire not harming the user.


- Taking Your Time
- Added a chart for NPC generation in chapter 10 with some revised numbers.

SKILLS:
- Removed the limitation on skill point spending
- Clarified things for Hobbies

GEAR:
- Added a section for Improvised/Primitive Weapons
- Unarmed strike weapons: They now add a bonus to damage rather than dealing damage on their own.
- Messed with High Power ammo. Raised damage, reduced shots.
- Changed rifles and shotguns to be Manual Action to start with, and made Single-Shot a weapon mod.
- Raised damage of rifles and combat rifles.
- Reduced musket cost to $100.
- Changed writeup for pistols and renamed them handguns.
-Tweaked the Repeating mod.
-Renamed High Powered to High Power.
- Clarified how Big Magazine works.
- Ballistic armour now gives full protection against guns, but Stab damage ignores 1/2 of its DR.
- Ammo: Messed with Armour Piercing ammunition. Added black powder ammo. Moved ammo from equipment to a place under weaponry. Changed how explosive arrows work.
- Messed with lasers. They are back to being stand-alone weapons. They deal low damage that ignores most armour.
- Bones of the Earth spell
- Added descriptions for: makeshift knife, shiv, zip gun (and slam bang variant)
- Added laser pistol, laser rifle, and monofilament wire.
- Added new weapons: busters and wands.

SPELLS:
- Featherweight now will dispel under certain conditions.
- Increased the damage of Pyrokinesis.
- Lowered the Essence cost of Ride the Lightning
- Changed how things scake for Murder of Crows.
- The Mesh series of spells are now Akashic only
- Added a sustain cost to mental static and change its casting time to Complex.
- Crumble changed to Menhir only
- Mountains out of Molehills is now Menhir only and specifies cubic metres, and specified it works on soil. Reduced cost to 2 strain and essence.
- Changed how Wings of Flight works.
- Increased cost of Raise Undead.
- Dragon Slayer's magic resistance piercing effect now works differently.
- Now Menhir Only: Armoured Flesh, Bestial Weapons
- Now Akashic Only: Amplify
- Added Menhir to the power type of Corpse Explosion
- converted Cheap Tricks into an ability called Parlour Tricks, available to all characters with at least Novice rank Magecraft. Detailed in the Magic chapter.



COMBAT:
- Changed HP to Brawn + 5 per level + applicable bonuses
- Changed the movement speed system

ENEMIES AND ALLIES:
- Updated the NPC chart
- Updated Dragons to newer formatting, system terms and mechanics.
- Added ghouls, blight carp, wights, and re-done versions of skeletons and zombies.

[Meikle641]

So, I had some more concept art done, refining some of the details of Orcs and Myrmidons.

Also, I'm looking for some new spells for Biwa, if anyone is up for some work.

I'm in a big need of illusion magic for my upcoming update, but I could also use some more general spells for mostly Akashic and Celestial casters.

Looking for about 100 to 200 words per spell at 7 cents (US) per word, so about $7-17.5 each. If a given spell might need more length, the cap can be raised.

If you're currently living within North America, I'd prefer to send payment via cheque from my company account. Otherwise, I'll have to use Paypal or something if that isn't possible.

[virgil]

I'll try to write some stuff after I learn the system; which will take me a day or so.

[Meikle641]

I'll have to send you my current file. Changed some things with my upcoming update.

Link to my current file: https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B93id5 ... sp=sharing

WIP Change Log:

CHARGEN:
- Changed attributes to 20, 15, 10, 10 with 5 points to put wherever you like. Formerly was 20, 15, 15, 10.
- Changed the Character Resource table and included a 1st level summary for it.
- Changed how spells are acquired. Essence is no longer a thing, at least in its original form. Now characters gain spells in a more D&D like manner. For example, 1st Level Starting Spells: 3 Common, 2 uncommon.
- Kitsune, Lycanthropes, and Vampires are now moved to the Enemies and Allies section.
- Changed how Myrmidon's Tincan Hitman ability works, due to Essence being removed.
- Boosted the speed bonus for Lizardmen's Heatwave ability.

- Corrected the wording for Mental and Physical test modifier calculations in Chargen and Combat

Attributes:
- Added section on attribute modifiers.
- Added writeups for Demoralization and Intimidation options for Persuasion.
- Renamed Awareness to Perception.

SKILLS:
- Decided to streamline skills. Instead of having each level of training have a specific cost? Gone. You simply get a certain number of skill upgrades over the course of a level; same with specialties (formerly specializations).
- Magecraft is now Intelligence only.
- Mentioned how spell specialties work, and how passive spells interact with specialties.

GEAR:
- Firearm ballistic damage has changed: instead of ignoring 1/2 of DR, they simply ignore a set amount per type of ammunition. Pistol is -2 DR, Rifle and cannon -4, and shotgun -3.
- Changed the name for Ceramic material to ceramite.
- Clarified how crafting works slightly in regards to attribute damage. Removed the mention of Essence.
- Fixed the writeup for Runner Shoes (magic item), gave it an effect that made some sense. Also changed its duration from 15 minutes to 5, due to the improved effect.
- Added two mods for the Buster weapon and mentioned that it is used by Menhir. It also does damage as brass knuckles.
- Split gun ammunition into 3 types: handgun, rifle, and shotgun. Cannon rounds are still their own thing.
- Mentioned that Fighting Gloves deal non-lethal damage by default, and boosted the damage of boxing gloves.


MAGIC:
- Added new spells: Bonded Weapon, Exorcism, Final Rest
- Tweaked the detonation cost mechanics for Corpse Explosion and Gem Bomb.
- Bestial weapons now deals 2 damage per level.
- Added Bones of the Earth to the Uncommon spell list, as I put it in on ver 28. Also fixed its volume; it is now 125 cubic metres.
- Removed Combat Drone until it is worth listing.
- Changed Raise Undead to $20 per level from $100. Also fixed a typo.
- Raised the area of Shove to 5 metres from 2.
- Fly's effects and cost have changed.
- Armoured Flesh: Changed bonus type to magic and increased the bonus to 2 per level, but with the same caveat for armour.
- Eidetic Memory's effect was fixed.
- Razor Wind's range dropped and changed the writeup slightly.
- Wings of Flight is now called Personal Flight and cost changed to 10 strain
- Forcefield's effect was changed.
- Gate had the cost for "to another plane" changed to 15 from 25, and Willpower related costs were clarified.
- Haste's bonus to initiative and bonus attack effects clarified and cost increased to 10 Strain.
- Inferno's damage was changed, and a rider effect was added to its difficult terrain.





COMBAT:
- Initiative is now Agility + Intelligence + applicable modifiers
- Strain limit is now 1/2 Willpower + level + applicable modifiers. Simpler that way.
- Added details for swimming and flying
- Added placeholder template for poison
- Changed how Hurt condition works.
- Messed around with fear effects. We now have Scared and Terrified.
- Added Exhausted condition.
- Updated the mechanics for Charging.
- Redid the section on action types, and when you can use them during turns.



MONSTERS:
- Tweaked the monster template; takes up 2 less lines.
- Added Satori
- Updated and revised the Dragon entry
- Kitsune, Lycanthropes, and Vampires are now moved to the Enemies and Allies section.
- Added outline for Demons. Stats forthcoming.

Assorted:
- Changed all references to "incorporeal" to intangible
- Messed with the font some. Went from Times New Roman to Calibri for now.

[Meikle641]

Update time! This took forever and isn’t perfect (looking at you, skills and monsters), but I needed to get this out the door, if only to clear my change log, haha. This is a big update, and a lot of things were changed.

Download Link: https://www.mediafire.com/?5o32mmiohu10d76

CHANGE LOG:

ASSORTED CHANGES:
- Changed how difficulty modifiers work. Previously Easy doubled your bonus, Hard halved it, and Improbable quartered it. That was clunky and required division, which is generally a slow form of math for most people. So now Easy gives a +50 bonus, Hard a -30 penalty, and Improbable a -50 penalty.- Ammunition is now abstracted. An attack isn’t always just 1 shot, it is often a series of shots where some actually connect. In the first round of attacking, no need to roll unless Full Auto or certain spells are used. Otherwise you roll after each attack to see if you’ve run out of ammunition, rolling a 1d10 plus Magazine bonus where a 10 or higher is a success. Going full auto gives a -4 mod on Ammo checks.- Changed the term “Test” to ”Check”.
- Changed Health Points to Hit Points.
- Akashic is now changed back to Horizon.
- Removed stat bonuses to melee and ranged damage bonuses.
- Changed all references to “incorporeal” to intangible
- Messed with the font some. Went from Times New Roman to Calibri for now.
CHARGEN:
- The attribute system is changed. Characters start with an array of 4, 3, 2, 2 and 3 points to allocate. and arrange as they please. The attribute is multiplied by 5 to get the Attribute Bonus, which is used for skills and most things (with some exceptions). The Attribute chart was also tweaked a little.
- Changed the Brawn and lifting chart in chapter 2.
- Changed the Character Resource table and included a 1st level summary for it.
- Changed how spells are acquired. Essence is no longer a thing, at least in its original form. Now characters gain spells in a more D&D like manner. For example, 1st Level Starting Spells: 3 Common, 2 uncommon.
- Corrected the wording for Mental and Physical test modifier calculations in Chargen and Combat
- Finished the Aging chart and detailed age effects. Moved it from Races.
RACES:
- Messed with Race mechanics that involve attributes
- Kitsune, Lycanthropes, and Vampires are now moved to the Enemies and Allies section.
- ALFAR: Messed with the skills listed on Master Craftsman. Alfar’s Rainbow in the Dark changed to a form of Darksight. New spell called Rainbow in the Dark gives Darksight.
- LIZARDMEN: Boosted the speed bonus for Lizardmen’s Heatwave ability. Changed the effect of Cold Weakness.
- HUMANS: Messed with Murderous Intent, Blood Rage, and Adrenaline Rush
- MYRMIDON: Changed how Myrmidon’s Tincan Hitman ability works, due to Essence being removed. Also messed with their Battery mechanic and death defying part of Loyalty.
- Added the Duranta race, whose writeup was done by Frank Trollman.
- DOPPELGANGER: Added action type for Shapeshift. Changed range for Telepathy

SKILLS:
- Changed Hobbies back to Talents.
- Decided to streamline skill acquisition. Instead of having each level of training have a specific cost? Gone. You simply get a certain number of skill upgrades over the course of a level; same with specialties (formerly specializations).
- Changed how attributes are added to skills, and changed the values of each skill level. Also changed how Talents and attribute scores work.
- Gave some skills some expanded uses with tables. Very much a work in progress.
- Removed the penalty for untrained attempts.
- Changed Novice to Beginner, added Average skill rating, and deleted the Legend rating. Untrained -> Beginner -> Average -> Expert -> Master -> Godlike
- Added Acrobatics skill, and removed the Agility tag from Athletics skill.
- Deleted Navigation and folded into Survival
- Added back Intimidate and Bureaucracy.
- Added section on attribute modifiers.
- Added writeups for Demoralization and Intimidation options for Persuasion.
- Added additional skill uses for Combat and Marksmanship
- Renamed Awareness to Perception.
- Magecraft is now Intelligence only.
- Mentioned how spell specialties work, and how passive spells interact with specialties.

CLASSES:
- Scout’s level 10 ability Smoke And Mirrors is now called Special Tactics
- Scout/Vanguard Opportunist ability is now actually complete.
- Changed how Browning’s Elevator ability works, due to the changes in how Ammunition works.

GEAR:
- Inserted section detailing damage types and how they behave. Also added stuff grouping/explaining how ranged weapons work.
- GUN MODS: Reorganized firearm mods. Rifling is now a mod for muskets and shotguns. Changed mods to account for the ammo changes. Blinged was changed to Ornate. The Heavy mod for machineguns is now just an alternate version, like other weapons. Deleted Linked, as Machineguns are linked by default.
- Firearm ballistic damage has changed: instead of ignoring 1/2 of DR, they simply ignore a set amount per type of ammunition. Pistol is -2 DR, Rifle shotguns -4, and cannon -5.
- Changed the reload and ammunition systems, both detailed in the Equipment chapter.
- Added writeup explaining explosives. Changed the tables. Added Canned Heat, Frost, and Lightning to Splash weapons.
- Tweaked bow stuff.
- Added Plate Carriers, and tweaked the Flak Jacket to match.
- Added new trick for shields, and the Pavise mod for Tower shields.
- Changed how armour in general works. Got rid of skill penalties, but added Armour and Shield soak bonuses, and a speed penalty system for armour. I also changed the table format with Frankto’s help.
- Changed the name for Ceramic material to Ceramite. Changed how some of the mechanics work.
- Changed some of the mechanics for Crystal equipment.
- changed mithral’s bonus slightly to account for the changes to armour. Also, change the bonus to a speed bonus.
- Changed Dragonhide’s bonus from a resistance bonus to +1 spell resistance.
- Changed Orichalcum’s bonus from a resistance bonus to +3 spell resistance and added DR bonus.
- Clarified how crafting works slightly in regards to attribute damage. Removed the mention of Essence.
- Fixed the writeup for Runner Shoes (magic item), gave it an effect that made some sense. Also changed its duration from 15 minutes to 5, due to the improved effect.
- Added two mods for the Buster weapon and mentioned that it is used by Menhir. It also does damage as brass knuckles.
- Split gun ammunition into 3 types: handgun, rifle, and shotgun. Cannon rounds are still their own thing.
- Mentioned that Fighting Gloves deal non-lethal damage by default, and boosted the damage of boxing gloves.
- Finished writeups for lamps, torches, and ink.
- Tweaked buckshot to +30 from +20

MAGIC:
- Changed how Strain is calculated and recovered. Again.
- Changed how Special Abilties scale again. Tied to skill proficiency rather than skill bonus.
- Deleted the BIGGER ATTRIBUTE power. Temporarily removed SUPERSIZE ME until I get size categories dealt with.
- Added Illusion spells: BACKGROUND CHARACTER, BLANK INFINITY, CAPTIVE VOICE, CONCEALED CARRY, DECOY, ENDLESS ROAD, FATA MORGANA, HOUND’S FOIL, IGNIS FATUUS, MESH OF AWARENESS, MIMIC, PLAYBACK, PSYCHE, REDECORATE, SMOTHERED SILENCE, SOLIPSISM
- Added: EXORCISM and FINAL REST spells. Rainbow in the Dark. Nova. Undergrowth. Field of Screams.
- Tweaked how Energy Resistance works. Upped the protection and specified the amount is a per-round resource.
- Changed how Bolt, Flame, and Frost target foes and their rider effects/modifiers.
- Bestial weapons deals 1 damage per level and is now a Quick action.
- Added Bones of the Earth to the Uncommon spell list, as I put it in on ver 28. Also fixed its volume; it is now 125 cubic metres.
- Removed Combat Drone until it is worth listing.
- Changed Raise Undead to $20 per level from $100. Also fixed a typo.
- Raised the area of Shove to 5 metres from 2.
- Fly’s effects and cost have changed.
- Armoured Flesh: Changed bonus type to magic and increased the bonus to 2 per level, but with the same caveat for armour.
- Eidetic Memory’s effect was fixed.
- Razor Wind’s range dropped and changed the writeup slightly.
- Wings of Flight is now called Personal Flight and cost changed to 10 strain
- Forcefield’s effect was changed.
- Gate had the cost for “to another plane” changed to 15 from 25, and Willpower related costs were clarified.
- Haste’s bonus to initiative and bonus attack effects clarified and cost increased to 10 Strain.
- Inferno’s damage was changed, and a rider effect was added to its difficult terrain.
- TITANIC MIGHT had its bonus changed.
- Tweaked the wording and effects of PERSONAL OVERCLOCK
- Deathblow’s caster costs changed.
- Moved “Parlour Tricks” to the Magecraft skill
- Re-Did the INSTANT ARMOURY spell.
- Revised wording of DEEP POCKETS
- Tweaked Ammo Cheat, Augment Weapon, and Steel Rain to comply with new ammo rules. Steel rain’s area increased by 1 metre.
- Army of One has an additional side effect. Clones being dispelled/killed deal Non-Lethal damage to the caster. Also dropped it to Uncommon.
- Boosted the effect of ATMA STRIKER.
- EMPATHIC HEALING renamed to WOUND TRANSFER. Added offensive use and tweaked numbers.
- Changed “100 metres + 10” spell ranges to “50 +”
- Percussive Maintenance now just gives temp HP. Casting time changed to Complex action. Duration changed to 5 minutes per level.
- Changed the forced movement mechanics of Throw, Fireball, Shove, and Push slightly.
- Changed Retribution to Common from Uncommon.
- Tweaked Raise Dead’s penalties to account for the removal of the Essence mechanic.

COMBAT:
- Added size categories.
- Initiative is now Agility + Intelligence + applicable modifiers
- Strain limit is Willpower attribute + Character Level + Class bonus + applicable modifiers. Simpler that way.
- Changed how Damage Soaks work, and limited them to 3 times per round. Slightly changed how parrying works and limited them to 3 times per round. Deleted counters, as Lock On does it with less hassle.
- Messed with movement rate calculations.
- Added placeholder template for poison.
- Changed how Hurt condition works and added the Dying condition.
- Messed around with fear effects. We now have Scared and Terrified.
- Added Exhausted condition.
- Updated the mechanics for Charging.
- Redid the section on action types, and when you can use them during turns.
- Changed the Dazzled condition into Distracted.

MONSTERS:
- Tweaked the monster template some.
- Added Satori, Berserk Ghoul, Troll
- Added a new monster type, Demon. Added the following demons: Luxuria, Troll- Updated and revised the Dragon entry
- Kitsune, Lycanthropes, and Vampires are now moved to the Enemies and Allies section.
- Changed Mook’s “Weak” class feature, and their Iconic Gear to include natural weapons. Changed the bonus to Mental and Physical resistance to 10.

[Meikle641]

Seen a lot of views, but no responses since the update. So, what am I doing well at, and what am I fucking up at, and how can I improve?

[Orion]

Intro sections are a little long and a little repetitive. You stop at least three times to tell us that we can do dungeon crawls, shadowruns, or empire-building adventures, and that we can war-game it or improv-theater it. For instance, the "ready for my close-up" page contained 0% new information.

I don't understand why you represent difficulty by dividing the skill bonus. The more difficult the task, the less relevant skill becomes. That's just weird. For an Impossible task, someone rolling +40 has a 10% success chance, and someone rolling +100 has a 25% success chance. If you simply made is DC 160, you'd be looking at 0% and 40%, which is more what I would expect.

Are you still soliciting spells?

EDIT: The prose is rough, which is to be expected for a draft. I wouldn't mention it if I hadn't noticed some specific trends to quash. For instance, you have a serious problem with word repetition. You'll eventually need this clean up by someone (maybe yourself) who can do more than check whether it parses, but actually overhaul the prose to be read better.

EDIT: You need to tell me what a "master' or "expert" skill does as soon as the terms are introduced. I'm assuming we're talking +10 +20 +30 but that should be explicit by the time we get to the chargen summary sheet.

EDIT: Before I got to the summary sheet, I did not realize that this game had character levels. That should have been mentioned when you talked about starting the game at various "power levels."

EDIT: Is it intentional that Duranta adrenaline doesn't give bonus damage? Because I would like it to give bonus damage.

EDIT: Adding a specialization for a conditional +10 appears to cost the same as adding a flat +10. The sentence about gaining hobbies is garbled.

EDIT: "ball damage" is hilarious, but probably not what you want to go with. Should be "blast damage."

EDIT: Is there a reason guns break 1% of the time? Is manufacturing complete crap or are they barely functional relics or something?

EDIT: Since "assault" weapons don't have autofire but do have ports for gadgets, and look cool, maybe "tactical" would be a better name.

EDIT: Is "SL" (spell level?) the same thing as SP (spell power?)? Why are there always-on passives scaling with SL?

EDIT: This prose is seriously terrible. The redundancies are having to fight for space, but crowded out by the ambiguities.

[Meikle641]

Sorry for the delay, been a bit tired lately.

Re: Difficulty:
- Are you using the version 0.34 file? Changed the division mechanic to flat penalties in the 0.34 update, since... Well, fuck division.

Re: Intro:
- You've got a point. My "co-writer" wrote that some time ago. Do you figure I should just get rid of the "Close Up" section?



Re Levels:
- Good point. How about this?

1) House Rules, starting character level, and expectations:
Check with your MC for any existing house rules or banned material. There should be some back and forth between the MC and players on the expectations for the campaign.

2) Arrange your attribute scores:
Find out what the starting character level of characters is, then arrange your attributes however you like. Keep in mind what attributes would be most beneficial to your character's role or shtick. Attribute scores are typically the following numbers, and are arranged however you like.
First level characters: - 4, 3, 2, 1 and 3 bonus points to put wherever you like.
For higher level characters, add +1 attribute point to the starting amount as per the benefits by level chart.

Re Duranta:
- Well, their Adrenaline Rush is identical to the human one. The idea was that the skill bonuses give a soft +1 bonus to damage, due to how Combat and Marksmanship skills work. I guess a flat bonus to melee/ranged damage could work, though. Probably would be simpler.

Re: Skills
- Not seeing the problem regarding specialties. It's a +10 bonus on certain activities within a skill. Presumably that activity won't always be going on.

Re: Hobbies:

- Yeah, the wording is god awful. The intent is to have it a separate pool for more flavourful shit that doesn't come from the same pool as adventuring skills.


Re Spell Levels:
- Only found two references left for "SP" and none for spell power. Did I miss something?
- Well, figured a static scaling mechanic that doesn't rely on rolling would be a good option for passive spells. On a related note, I've been thinking to have passive spells count against your Strain, sorta like in Dragon Age with the sustained effects.

Guns:
- Well, ballistic is long enough to fuck with the tables, so I shortened it to ball within the tables. There's a note about that. I do like the sound of blast, though, since some explosives share the ballistic damage type already. I reckon I'll change it.
- Yeah, Assault is largely an aesthetic effect, intimidation bonus aside. It's for your standard 'scary black babby killing rifles' and such that are effectively identical to non-scary ones.
- Yeah... Probably should make that a thing that happens to sabotaged, dirty, or poorly maintained firearms. That said, I'm sure there are a some manufacturers guns that explode on accident a lot.

Re: Last Prose Edit/In General.
- My prose does inded suck, but do you have (a) section(s) in particular for me to try and clear up?

[Orion]

Somehow, i managed to download the .29 file by mistake. All comments were to that one.

Re: Adrenaline, it's not the soft damage that's confusing, it's the lack of hard damage. That is: Most players will assume that "+10 to agility based checks" is the same as "+10 to agility," but it's not. "+10 to ability based checks" gives an effective +1 damage, and "+10 to agility" gives an effective +2 damage. Flat damage would be easy to understand, but so would flat strength/agility. It's just "bonus to strength/agility checks" that's confusing.

The problem with skills is that it looks like if I have Sabotage +30, I can spend one skill point to get Sabotage +30 (traps) or instead spend one skill point to get Sabotage +40. Which is better.

I haven't checked for spellpower in the .34 file. I hadn't realized it was "ballistic" actually. I was skimming, and I'd only seen it on explosives, not guns. I wouldn't really recommend that regular guns do "blasting" damage, so "ballistic" might be the safe bet. Honestly though, guns and bombs are pretty different, and you might not want them to be the same... which I now see they often aren't. Your damage types are all over the places. I don't actually know shit, so maybe it makes sense that TNT and plastique are doing ballistic, but as a total layman I would have expected them to deal bash. Alternatively, you could make your bombs do "blast" damage, but chance most guns to deal "stab" damage.

As for prose, how many examples would you like?

EDIT: Okay, it seems like a good amount of it was cleaned up from .29. The Skills chapter is still a train wreck -- I'll be posting a line-by-line critique of that in a minute, but it takes some digging to find anything else that bad. Various spells, and some parts of the gear & combat sections, but nothing as prominent.

[Meikle641]

Well, as many examples as you like, I guess. Trying to make stuff less of a train wreck.

[MDT]

Too many commas. Far too many, commas.

Chapter 1 should have one description of Bastion and not three.

All of the everything could do with a polishing and redrafting.

[Meikle641]

In the "I hate the Oxford comma" sense or are there actually too many commas?

[MDT]

It just struck me when I first opened the pdf. "Holy fuck, that's a lot of commas."

It didn't give me the sense of fast-paced high-tempo fantasy-cyberpunk-y action that I think the game is supposed to have?


(Once you get into the mechanics it's no longer a problem. It's just the introduction chapter)

[Meikle641]

Yeah, I did basically everything but the intro section. I'll get back to the author on that.

So, what parts of the intro should be pared down/deleted?

[MDT]

An RPG introduction should:

• Explain the concept for newcomers. (Post-apocalypse of a technologically advanced fantasy world)
• Explain the setting briefly. (Unchecked urban sprawl of Bastion)
• Show what an adventure or game session might look like IC.
• Give an opinion What is Roleplaying.
• Introduce the basic dice mechanic(s).

That's all it needs to do.

[Orion]

Chapter 3 Intro (apologies for the delay)

Skill points represent the skill of a character at learning and performing skills and tasks.

You're not allowed to use the word "skill" that many times in one sentence. You may, if you must, mention it a few times, but not use it. I know you're allowed to do that in some languages, but not in English. In addition to being in poor style, this doesn't make any sense. What is "the skill of a character at learning . . . skills?" Yes, in real life you can be taught generally applicable techniques for absorbing data or the most efficient ways to practice any applied skill, but unless this is Fallout and you can take a "skilled trait" to increase the number of skill points you earn per level, your "skill at learning skills" is not represented in RPGs. You should either skill points represent your skill at performing tasks (which should really be your ability to perform tasks) or they represent an opportunity to learn and improve skills.

Typically a skill roll is a character's skill level bonus added to the skill's tagged attribute bonus.

"is" is vague and colloquial, and only makes sense to a reader who already knows how to roll checks in RPGs. At a minimum, you need to replace "is" with "uses." Also, you talk about "skill rolls" here but "skill Checks" in a minute. You should probably be consistent. You should also decide if you really want "skill Check" rather than "skill check" or "Skill Check," and then use whatever it is consistently throughout the doc.

If the skill in questions has multiple attribute tags, choose what gives you the biggest bonus.

Okay, this one is a matter of taste. I prefer game books to use a professional, semi-formal register. In that relatively high style, your use of "what" in unacceptable. It should be a more explicit form such as "whichever" or "the one that." However, what's important is picking a register and sticking with it. This is actually pretty consistent with the rest of the book, which is (excessively, in my opinion) conversational. If you use my edit here, you should probably do a similar buttoning-up throughout, which is part of why I felt there was a pervasive problem with your prose.

To make a skill Check, roll 1d100
+ [Proficiency Bonus] + Attribute Bonus [5x Attribute score] + applicable bonuses [Tools, Aid, Magic,
etc] or Difficulty modifiers.

You're using brackets inconsistently. You have three terms, 1d100+A+B+C, and explanatory text on B and C. You've bracketed the primary term on A, and the explanatory text on B and C. That doesn't fly. You either need to remove the brackets from proficiency bonus so that brackets mean explanation, move the brackets to the other half of B and C, or re-word B and C so that the currently bracketed part is the term being added and the other term is your explanation. Finally, if you use brackets for explanatory text only, you should consider using parentheticals instead. I would render this either "Roll 1d100 + Proficiency Bonus + Attribute Bonus (5x your attribute) + other applicable bonuses (such as Tool, Aid, Magic, or Difficulty modifiers)" or as "Roll 1d100 + [Proficiency Bonus] + [Attribute Bonus], which is 5x your Attribute + [Tool, Aid, Magic, or Difficulty modifiers] as appropriate" or as "Roll 1d100 + [Proficiency Bonus] + [5x your Attribute], which is record as your "Attribute Bonus" + [Applicable Bonuses] such as tool, aid, magic, or difficulty modifiers."

Taking your time: When a character is isn't being threatened or distracted they may instead take 50
as their skill roll result, in place of actually rolling. Typically taking your time requires at least 1 minute,
but certain skills may override that.

"Taking your time may take more or less than 1 minute" is what you just said. It's an almost completely wasted sentence. Also, the comma between "result" and "in place" is optional. It's not wrong, but my personal style omits commas as much as possible.

- Success without Rolling: When a character has at Average level training

No.

they automatically succeed
on [Easy] tasks

I actually favor a comma here, though it is again optional

, and at Master on [Normal] routine tasks, being treated as though they rolled 100 for
the purposes of skill effects.

This is technically a valid absolutive, but absolutives of "being" sound terrible if you're not Thomas Jefferson.

Characters gain 1 skill point per level and gain one additional skill specialty per level, which can even
be used on specific spells.

This is again more colloquial than I would like. Also, there's no reason to mention this before you've even defined "specialization."

That's all I'm up for tonight. Allow me to offer you one possible revision:

BIWA characters receive skill points at first level and at every additional character level. They may spend these points to learn or improve the skills that enable them to perform various tasks by passing skill checks. When rolling a check, a character will receive a bonus based on their skill level and a bonus based on the Attribute which is tagged for that skill. If the skill has more than one tagged attribute, use whichever gives the highest bonus. To make a skill check, roll 1d100 + Proficiency Bonus + Attribute Bonus (5x your attribute) + other relevant modifiers (such as Aid, Tool, Magic, or Difficulty). Taking your time: When a character isn't threatened or distracted, they can skip rolling the dice and take a guaranteed 50. Tasks that normally take less than 1 minute will take 1 minute instead. Success without rolling: a character with Average skill automatically succeeds at Easy tasks, and a character with Master skill automatically succeeds at Normal tasks; use 100 in place of a die roll if you need to compute a numeric result. In addition to skills, characters may also learn specializations. They receive one skill point and one specialization per level.

[Meikle641]

Looks good. Thanks.

I admit, I've been wondering whether skill training should be simplified. Doing monster writeups got tedious after a point, thanks to skills. That and I've been wondering about this thread and numbers.

Figure it'd be as follows (basing it off Hobbies):
- Untrained: Attribute x10, no bonus.
- Trained: Same, but with +10 bonus added.
- Expert: Same, but with +20 instead.

That and get rid of skill points. You just get to upgrade 1 skill each level.

[Orion]

I'm sorry, how is that different?

[Meikle641]

To which point?

For training it'd be less stages to keep track of. I suppose Expert could be excised entirely; Specialties fit well enough.

[Orion]

I don't see how changing the bonus cap from 30 to 20 makes the game less complicated. It just makes the output range narrower, which might be good or bad, but isn't more or less difficult to compute.