True Story

Ancient History · Post by **Ancient History** » Sat Dec 20, 2014 9:28 pm

I had to promise my grandmother not to send my cousins any more weapons.

Lago PARANOIA · Post by **Lago PARANOIA** » Sat Dec 20, 2014 9:48 pm

One of my friends sent me a package of 500 Chinese restaurant soy sauce packets for Christmas. What most amuses me is that I made an offhand comment about how I could never find a brand of soy sauce that tasted quite like this (it's a perfect blend of umami and salt without being too acidic or sharp) almost a year ago, so I'm surprised she remembered.

Orion · Post by **Orion** » Sat Dec 20, 2014 10:03 pm

Until last year, the College of the University of Chicago had a phys. ed. requirement.

It also had a placement test for physical education.

MGuy · Post by **MGuy** » Sun Dec 21, 2014 3:33 am

My cousin is cheating on her "second" just out of prison boyfriend with a homeless man.

Count Arioch the 28th · Sun Dec 21, 2014 4:56 am

-I walked across a fire one time because my brother kept talking about how you totally could do that for real but kept wussing out at the last second. Have you ever been so pissed off you walked through fire? Because I have.

-A chick I was camming with one time overheard me talking to my cat. It seems that it's not normal to threaten to kick your cat's ass or to call it "assface"

-If a cat bites you, the proper reaction is not to bite it back. That just tells it "Hey, this is okay now!"

-The squirrel living in the backyard is so fat it literally pulled down the birdfeeder to get in there. I am keeping my camera near the back door so I can snap a picture next time.

ACOS · Post by **ACOS** » Sun Dec 21, 2014 7:31 am

A guy I was stationed with had a girl living in his wall locker for several weeks, until his squad leader found her during a surprise room inspection.

JigokuBosatsu · Post by **JigokuBosatsu** » Mon Dec 22, 2014 8:39 am

I was attacked by my cat during the recording of me singing a ZZ Top song. I kept going.

Whipstitch · Post by **Whipstitch** » Mon Dec 22, 2014 7:47 pm

The most nerve wracking drive of my life occurred when we hotboxed my passat on the way to the park and shortly after we got there 3 squad cars parked just across the street from us because because apparently that's where the local K9 officer would take his dog Tazer to train for the national police dog trials.

Maxus · Post by **Maxus** » Tue Dec 23, 2014 1:50 am

I spent about an hour last night on a porch, creating bubbles for a four-year-old to pop.

My arm feels like it's about to fall off from waving the bubble-wand around.

Post by **fbmf** » Tue Dec 23, 2014 4:10 pm

My router and I had an argument. I now have nine stitches in my right index finger and a roughly 4mm cube of flesh missing.

Game On,
fbmf

hyzmarca · Post by **hyzmarca** » Tue Dec 23, 2014 4:35 pm

Don't fight with power tools. They always win.

nockermensch · Post by **nockermensch** » Tue Dec 23, 2014 4:56 pm

fbmf wrote:My router and I had an argument. I now have nine stitches in my right index finger and a roughly 4mm cube of flesh missing.

Game On,
fbmf

Next on When Routers Attack.

RobbyPants · Post by **RobbyPants** » Tue Dec 23, 2014 5:10 pm

fbmf wrote:My router and I had an argument. I now have nine stitches in my right index finger and a roughly 4mm cube of flesh missing.

When I first read this, I was thinking "networking router" and not " spinning blade tool".

ACOS · Post by **ACOS** » Tue Dec 23, 2014 8:59 pm

RobbyPants wrote:
fbmf wrote:My router and I had an argument. I now have nine stitches in my right index finger and a roughly 4mm cube of flesh missing.
When I first read this, I was thinking "networking router" and not " spinning blade tool".

Yeah, me too. I found myself looking at my (network) router and thinking "what the hell was he doing?!".
Now realizing that it was of the power-tool variety, that seems legit. The machinery gods generally require the Blood Sacrifice in order to gain their blessings - applies to pretty much anything related to any/all of the construction and mechanic trades.

Ancient History · Post by **Ancient History** » Tue Dec 23, 2014 9:40 pm

I wrote a book on sex.

name_here · Post by **name_here** » Tue Dec 23, 2014 10:36 pm

Admittedly, my desktop fan got christened in blood. It's a giant metal radiator thingy, and apparently those work best with sharp edges.

Red_Rob · Post by **Red_Rob** » Wed Dec 24, 2014 1:45 am

Ancient History wrote:I wrote a book on sex.

Does that count as a true story or a chat up line?

Ancient History · Post by **Ancient History** » Wed Dec 24, 2014 2:01 am

Six of one.

Username17 · Post by **Username17** » Wed Dec 24, 2014 10:07 am

A patient's mother asked me what part of Canada I was from.

-Username17

RobbyPants · Post by **RobbyPants** » Wed Dec 24, 2014 1:10 pm

My wife writes romance novels, and a few times, she came to me to check the feasibility of certain... acts.

Mask_De_H · Post by **Mask_De_H** » Wed Dec 24, 2014 7:29 pm

I can drink a fifth of relatively strong liquor in one sitting and still stand still.

Josh_Kablack · Post by **Josh_Kablack** » Wed Dec 24, 2014 8:10 pm

Mask_De_H wrote:I can drink a fifth of relatively strong liquor in one sitting and still stand still.

Standing still is the easy part. It's the walking that gets hard.

And in keeping with the true story theme of this thread, I know because I once lost the following bet a friend proposed: "Josh, if you drink all that, I bet you won't be able to walk across the room without falling down 10 minutes"

Cynic · Post by **Cynic** » Wed Dec 24, 2014 8:21 pm

I once won 4$ for drinking an entire glass of Soy Sauce mixed with a glass of milk and another glass of COke.

it was an interesting night afterwards.

Mask_De_H · Post by **Mask_De_H** » Wed Dec 24, 2014 8:45 pm

You sold yourself too cheaply, Cynic. Drinking that unholy concoction is worth at least a fiver.

Cynic · Post by **Cynic** » Wed Dec 24, 2014 9:50 pm

It was my first year of college and I was* an idiot.

*probably needs to be amended to was/am/always-will-be because I would probably take up stupid bets like this any day. Any day because, well, did I mention that I'm an idiot?