A few of my favorite things
Change? Anyone got some change?
"A few of my favorite things" is an adventure for the Unknown Armies, written in "Weep - Six scenarios of Woe and Ruin".
Introduction
The adventure opens with the PCs walking somewhere late at night. A hobo walks up to them and says:
The hobo walks away then. He doesn't respond if the PCs offer him money. If the PCs pursue him, he climbs into a dumpster and falls into coma. From now on players are not in the city they were before. This magical fantasy place has some differences from the real world: the phones aren't working, there are no street signs, all buildings are locked and empty, and the cars don't work and growl when touched.Hobo wrote:"You’re in my city now,” he barks, “and I really, really love you."
From now on the players wander around the unfamiliar city, having four encounters. The first three can be in any order, the four is supposed to be the last.
The intro is okay for a urban occult game, I think. Its big flaw is that players have nothing to do and no known goals, other than wander around until an encounter happens.
Encounter One: The Gun
The PCs encounter two drunk women arguing. One is screaming "I'm a gun!', the other screams "She is a gun!". The second woman hides behind the PCs, and the first starts shooting bullets out of her mouth. She rans out of bullets after 6 shots. If the PCs avoid killing her, then they can learn women's names and learn that they are drunk, heartbroken, and don't notice anything unusual about the city. When leaving, one of the women says "After this, it’s time for some change."
Sub-encounter: the Ambulance
At any point the PCs might encounter an ambulance driven by a single paramedic named Jesus (he is hispanic, so hay-soos). He is a recurring character in the Unknown Armies setting. Jesus doesn't tell you anything useful and can't drive you out of the city (except when he can). He can, however, heal the PCs and prevent them from dying.
Encounter Two: The Bible
The PCs enter a street where all buildings are covered with the Bible pages. They notice a fat guy on the roof with a stack of Bible pages. He is hard of hearing, and glues Bible pages because Word of God binds the world together. As he tries to hear what the PCs are saying, he stumbles and falls of the roof. He survives, but is badly hurt. If the PCs put some Bible pages on him, then he gets relaxed and happy. Soon Jesus arrives and takes the guy away. When leaving, he says "Ah, that changes everything.”
Encounter Three: The Flag
The PCs encounter a crying little boy. He explains that he and his sister were kidnapped, but he escaped. He promises to give the PCs some change if they help him. If they do agree to helpm he leads them to the Veterans of Foreign Wars building. Inside the players the following:
The dead bodies just float around there, not doing anything to stop you from rescuing the girl. PCs can discover that the bodies are tied to the girl's head by thin strings. If the PCs cut the strings, then dead bodies float away into the sky. The boy doesn't give you any change, but suggest you collect some that dropped on the floor out of the dead bodies. All the coins are minted in 1963.Weep wrote:In the large central hall, a small girl of six or so is sitting in a chair on the stage. Her hands are tied to the chair and she is crying softly, her eyes squeezed tightly shut.
Drifting in the air around her are the bodies of four dead boys, about eighteen years of age. Each has been dead for some time and they’re mostly desiccated, wearing the encrusted clothes they had on when they died in forgotten basements and warehouses. They bob around Lynn in complete silence like corks on water, making no motion except drifting, nudged by currents of air; their corpses are rigid and dry.
Occasionally something clatters to the floor: pennies, nickels, and other coins fall sporadically from the mouths of the dead floating boys. If possible, reinforce this by dropping actual coins on the floor during play a couple of times a minute during this scene.
Encounter Four: The Automobile
The cars that were previously just growling wake up and begin attacking the PCs. As the PCs try to hide, Jesus appears and offers to give them a ride. Inside the ambulance is a dead body under the sheet (it's the hobo guy from the intro). The cars are following the ambulance, and ram it in the back, breaking the doors.
Of fucking course. Obviously, right?!Weep wrote:Clever PCs will take the assorted hints throughout the scenario and begin throwing change into the open front hoods of the cars. (Less-clever PCs can be encouraged in this endeavor by Jesus.) Lacking cleverness or change, the PCs might throw other objects into the cars’ machinery, or use firearms or spells.
Resolve these attacks as you see fit, and allow the PCs to destroy some of the cars by screwing up their works. Assume that a given car needs 20 Wound Points to be disabled, and that each coin does 1 point.
What is obvious though, is that throwing coins is worse than shooting. It's also pointless, because cars spawn infinitely.
At some point the hobo wakes up and Jesus walks the PCs through some emergency medicine.
ConclusionWeep wrote:If for some bizarre reason the PCs hurl the old man’s body out the back of the ambulance at any time during the chase, Jesus screams as they do it and there’s a tremendous wreck; skip the moaning and the revival and go straight to the conclusion.
Final thoughtsWeep wrote:The PCs are on foot, unharmed, in a lonely part of the city late at night. They might be leaving a rendezvous with a contact, or on their way to a bar, or maybe you’ve just put them in that situation for the purposes of this session. It doesn’t matter.
As they pass an alley, a disheveled old man in a filthy trenchcoat takes a step out of the shadows and leers at them. “All I wanted was some freaking change. Next time stay outta my city. I don’t love you anymore.” The PCs can resume their journey.
We didn't learn anything, we didn't get anything, we didn't accomplish anything. This adventure is pointless. It comes out of nowhere and it ends completely randomly.
Fun skills
Three characters here are given a character sheet: the gunwoman, her friend, and a fat guy.
"Soul: Deny Misfortune 37%". The hell does that mean? What do you do with this skill?!
"Soul: Pick Up Older Men With Tracheotomies 44%". That's... oddly specific.
"Speed: Gunmouth 24%". Gunwoman can't actually hit anything ever.