Annoying Game Questions You Want Answered

[TheNotoriousAMP]

Therefore, we must make a kickstarter for overly pretentious porn.

As long as they are of the Sapphic persuasion, I would gladly support the production of various erotica.

[hyzmarca]

Therefore, we must make a kickstarter for overly pretentious porn.

I'm in.



Her flower was like an orchid in full bloom, its inner petals the color of the early morning sky. And the busy bee dined on the flower's sweet necter until its stinger culd no longer contain it's venom. And they were consumed by a holocaust that brought nougt but tiny deaths and the bittersweet sorrow of parting.

[DSMatticus]

Our tagline will be "by twats for twats."

[RadiantPhoenix]

Our tagline will be "by twats for twats."

No, "Of the twats, by the twats, and for the twats"

[Prak]

Clearly, whatever it's called, sucking a barrel of cocks needs to figure in somewhere

[RadiantPhoenix]

Clearly, whatever it's called, sucking a barrel of cocks needs to figure in somewhere

"Of the cocks, by the cocks, for the cocks", then.

[fectin]

Vox Cocks Press.

[Prak]

Galli ex Hydria Press

First book: Drowning in a Sea of Cocks.

[Prak]

New question: What would nicotine do as a poison in D&D? I'm going to have the dryad (name Nicotiana after the scientific name of tobacco) in my campaign basically weaponize her foliage by gathering a bunch of leaves currently growing from, or fallen from her in the last few days and refine them into poison, but for that, I need to know what the fuck it would do.

Hell, perhaps a better question is "what is an appropriate poison to use against level 3 characters?"

[TiaC]

Here's a start.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicotine_poisoning

[Prak]

Yeah, I skimmed through that. I'm not sure how to translate the symptoms to game mechanics, though.

[Koumei]

Pure nicotine is really toxic, you only get a tiny amount in your actual cigarettes. Anyway an appropriate poison for a level 3 party is shit like:
-DC 13, 1d6 Str/1d6 Str (on a bulky monster that can catch you in a web)
-DC 14, 1d6 Dex/1d6 Dex (on a fragile monster that can fly)
-DC 14, 1d4 Con/1d4 Con (on a big monster that can grab you with snippers)
-DC 14, 1d6 Con/1d6 Con (on a big snake that can't do anything other than deliver poison)
-DC 15, 1d6 Dex/2d6 Dex (on an Ettercap)
-DC 14, 1d4 Str+Con/1d4 Str+Con (on a plant that waves about and can't actually hit you)

Now, in order for a Poison to kill you, it has to do Con damage or drain (or just kill you, or do HP damage). This means if you want it to actually be something that kills people it's going to do Con damage.

Given you're apparently just stapling this onto a CR 3 monster and still calling it CR 3, you're probably looking at it being DC (10 + 1/2 HD + Con), 1d3 Con/1d3 Con.

[Grek]

Raw nicotine causes muscles twitching and ataxia at first before transitioning into coma. Sounds to me like a DC 15 contact poison, 1d4 Dex initial, 1d4 Cha secondary.

[Prak]

I was thinking something along the lines of "a dryad with an affinity for a toxic plant can basically pull a flask of poison out of her arse as if she carried around actual flasks of poison that she paid for." Because I'm not actually convinced a dryad is really much more than a long fight for level 3 characters.

[Koumei]

If you give one a bow and a dagger, they are an acceptable challenge, as they can Entangle the party and get a round or two of shooting in before it comes down to "we swing at each other for a bit as you chip away at my DR and I mostly miss you in melee". Oh and they can Charm one PC, which will generally result in that PC going "I don't want to take part in this fight!" or trying to stop others without actually attacking.

That sounds like an acceptable CR 3. That it doesn't have a high-damage attack or any abilities it can use repeatedly throughout the day just makes it bad as a PC, which isn't usually happening anyway unless they're bound to a pot-plant.

[deaddmwalking]

Galli ex Hydria Press

First book: Drowning in a Sea of Cocks.

Valley of the Penises

"Go on", Rebecca said softly, "Touch me." Diana leaned down slowly and brushed Rebecca's bare stomach with her fingertips... It felt good. Like a penis. A soft, but sturdy penis that felt warm to the touch. In Rebecca's mind, she suddenly felt like she was surrounded by penises. They were all around her, flopping all around and slapping her face. It was as if she were in a redwood forest of penises. They presented themselves tall and mighty all around her, with...

New question: What would nicotine do as a poison in D&D? I'm going to have the dryad (name Nicotiana after the scientific name of tobacco) in my campaign basically weaponize her foliage by gathering a bunch of leaves currently growing from, or fallen from her in the last few days and refine them into poison, but for that, I need to know what the fuck it would do.

Hell, perhaps a better question is "what is an appropriate poison to use against level 3 characters?"

This sounds like the comic villain Poison Ivy. I'd suggest a contact poison that causes either sleep or paralysis. Actual ability damage is a major pain at 3rd level. Drow Poison seems the 'core option' that makes the most sense.

In fact, suggesting that drow poison is ultra-refined nictoine could tie into some interesting drug-cartel style economic situations that could expand your campaign in interesting ways.

[Prak]

Actually, I could see raw nicotine placing a Sickened condition, and then giving a penalty to str and dex checks (ie, attacks).

Yeah, the more I work on her, the more and more like Poison Ivy she is. I resisted the temptation to make the Thorn working with her into Harley.

[Koumei]

I think BoVD might also have an Evil Tobacco drug. I know it has Evil Alcohol, Evil Marijuana and Evil Opium. Because the regular versions in the real world aren't particularly evil and have never been known to cause harm, you know.

Actual ability damage is a major pain at 3rd level.

It's a major pain to heal, but as for the effect on you as an adventurer it's not that bad - particularly Con damage. 2 Con damage at level 3 is 3 HP, which is less than a sword. At level 10, it's 10HP, which is a (weak) sword hit. Granted, it's also worse at higher levels because it comes in bigger amounts (the tea has black lotus extract, enjoy ~21 Con damage).

[Rand Brittain]

Christ! Chuubo's Marvelous Wishgranting Engine is thousand pages long! Who would read a book this long?!

What.
The.
Fuck.

HOW did that raise $90K+ ?

It's 1000 pages long because it's a backer PDF made from the .doc file the author turned in and it hasn't been laid out yet.

The finished book is going to be normal-sized.

[Prak]

I think BoVD might also have an Evil Tobacco drug. I know it has Evil Alcohol, Evil Marijuana and Evil Opium. Because the regular versions in the real world aren't particularly evil and have never been known to cause harm, you know.

I'm sure it does, but at the same time, I'm not sure which it should be. Agony definitely isn't, Baccaran could be, but it's a hallucinogen, Devilweed gives a strength bonus and has a side effect of basically sativa-like paranoia, Luhix definitely isn't it, Mordayn Vapor is the Evil Opium, I think, I have no clue what Mushroom Powder is supposed to be, Redflower Leaves seem more like Evil Speed or something, Sannish is Evil Morphine, Terran Brandy is Evil Alcohol, and Vodare is Evil PCP.

Actual ability damage is a major pain at 3rd level.

It's a major pain to heal, but as for the effect on you as an adventurer it's not that bad - particularly Con damage. 2 Con damage at level 3 is 3 HP, which is less than a sword. At level 10, it's 10HP, which is a (weak) sword hit. Granted, it's also worse at higher levels because it comes in bigger amounts (the tea has black lotus extract, enjoy ~21 Con damage).

I'll probably go with the 1d3 Con/1d3 Con.

[Avoraciopoctules]

In one of the games where I play a PC, my character is a kobold wizard who joined up with an organization dedicated to protecting humanity from ravages of dangerous monsters. You see, when he heard that the humans outside of Draketooth Jungle had none of the protections that came with willingly subordinating themselves to a draconic overlords every whim, my PC was filled with pity for these unfortunate scaleless creatures.

In addition to hunting down rampaging monsters and protecting mud farmers in general, my PC sees himself as a cultural ambassador for his people's way of life. That is to say, he is a pompous windbag convinced that toadying up to dragons is the One Proper Way.

I need some ridiculous arguments he can use for why other people should live like kobolds. For instance, Intelligent Design. You see, the mortal races are so obviously suited to serving dragons as treasure-makers and slaves that they must have been deliberately shaped for such a purpose. Any other ideas?

I've also established him as a Kobold Kollege graduate who majored in Bait Theory. When selling traps and trap accessories on the side, he can talk for hours about how the pressure plate is simultaneously a metaphor for how we are all held down by our earthly attachments. Perhaps I could work that into the drako-supremacist narrative.

[Koumei]

I'm sure it does, but at the same time, I'm not sure which it should be. Agony definitely isn't, Baccaran could be, but it's a hallucinogen, Devilweed gives a strength bonus and has a side effect of basically sativa-like paranoia, Luhix definitely isn't it, Mordayn Vapor is the Evil Opium, I think, I have no clue what Mushroom Powder is supposed to be, Redflower Leaves seem more like Evil Speed or something, Sannish is Evil Morphine, Terran Brandy is Evil Alcohol, and Vodare is Evil PCP.

I was at work when I typed that, so let's crack the book open and see what we have. But yeah, you probably picked a decent damage anyway.

Agony... seems to be the only one that's actually original and not just "an existing drug, BUT EVIL". It's a fantasy thing, you get it by torturing people (but extracting it ends their suffering, so if you ran about extracting it from people in a warzone/hospital rather than running a torture clinic, you'd be doing a good deed, whatever).

Baccaran is either cocaine or tobacco, given it's usually a powder but sometimes a paste: sounds like a snuffbox/rub-on-your-gums deal. The effects sound like any number of "You think you're really insightful but will believe any old bullshit" drugs, which is one aspect of cocaine, but also suits LSD and so on.

Devilweed is weed, duh. But you could also just call it Evil Tobacco if you wanted to, whatever.

If we assume "sprinkle into an open wound" is "We don't have syringes yet", then Luhix could be some kind of narcotic painkiller, yeah. Ignoring the bit where you are temporarily better at doing stuff. But just the "shove into bloodstream, feel no pain" thing says "heroin" to me.

Moradyn is very clearly opium.

Mushroom powder comes from mushrooms and helps you with your magic. You could even say it's made from magic mushrooms.

Redflower sounds like... yeah I'm not sure.

Never mind Luhix, Sannish is morphine/heroin. Except the staining thing sounds more like what you get from tobacco or khat. The main "drug" I know of that gives you blue lips after consuming it is cyanide, and that only numbs pain in the sense of killing you.

Terran Brandy is what it says on the tin, yeah.

Vodare being a bitter plant extract that you mix with honey or wine is yet another opium thing, but I imagine most drugs don't exactly taste like toffee.

[Prak]

Agony... seems to be the only one that's actually original and not just "an existing drug, BUT EVIL". It's a fantasy thing, you get it by torturing people (but extracting it ends their suffering, so if you ran about extracting it from people in a warzone/hospital rather than running a torture clinic, you'd be doing a good deed, whatever).

I totally want to play a cleric who does this, now.

[rasmuswagner]

So, Pathfinder has thing thing where a dude on a horse can't actually, by the RAW, make a lance charge against another dude. Turns out, it's a legacy problem from 3.5, not a new fuck-up.

[ishy]

Mounted combat has always been a mess, but which specific issue are you referring to?