Moments when a piece of entertainment completely lost you.

angelfromanotherpin · Post by **angelfromanotherpin** » Sun Dec 09, 2012 7:12 pm

cynic wrote:yes, Superhero Constantine is a bitch.

It could be worse...

Cynic · Post by **Cynic** » Sun Dec 09, 2012 11:44 pm

where is that from?

virgil · Post by **virgil** » Mon Dec 10, 2012 12:23 am

Doom Patrol, during Grant Morrison's run. He did a number of Vertigo characters in parody.

Cynic · Post by **Cynic** » Mon Dec 10, 2012 1:36 am

I don't even remember that. But it's been ages since I read Morrison's run.

Calibron · Post by **Calibron** » Tue Dec 11, 2012 9:53 am

Moon(2009) when spoilers spoilers spoilers spoilers. Nearly every scene was an experience to be rocked by. Hands down my favorite movie of all time.

Cynic · Post by **Cynic** » Tue Dec 11, 2012 1:01 pm

Calibron wrote:-snip- rocked by. Hands down my favorite movie of all time.

I think you've got the wrong topic. This is the entertainmaint that lost you. You need the one about how it rocked you.

Calibron · Post by **Calibron** » Tue Dec 11, 2012 5:30 pm

Whoops

Tumbling Down · Post by **Tumbling Down** » Tue Dec 18, 2012 5:42 am

So, Amazing Spider-Man 700 just got leaked, and /co/ (and any other media they've gotten their hands on, it seems) have exploded with immense rage and butthurt over the ending.

I guess I can't blame them though; I'm also having a hard time believing that Marvel would actually

have Doc Ock successfully bodysnatch and kill Peter.

So yeah, Marvel really hates Peter Parker it seems.

Lago PARANOIA · Post by **Lago PARANOIA** » Tue Dec 18, 2012 9:15 am

Sounds like the first step in a convoluted scheme to undo Peter Parker's deal with the devil!

Me gusta.

Even if it's done through stupid means.

Tumbling Down · Post by **Tumbling Down** » Wed Dec 19, 2012 2:35 pm

Lago PARANOIA wrote:Sounds like the first step in a convoluted scheme to undo Peter Parker's deal with the devil!

Me gusta. Even if it's done through stupid means.

I'm not exactly sure how that would work out.

Although "Peter Parker" is putting the moves on MJ, so maybe you're right.

Shrapnel · Post by **Shrapnel** » Wed Dec 19, 2012 4:08 pm

How long ago did this "deal-with-the-devil" thing happen again? I can't remember. I coulda sworn I heard about it in like the early 2000's, but surely it can't have been going on for that long...?

Username17 · Post by **Username17** » Sat Dec 29, 2012 11:24 am

So my wife and I have been sick and lying around the house blowing our noses. So we caught up on some movies that were getting mediocre reviews. Two of them stand out for their flaws: Snow White and the Huntsman, and Amazing Spiderman.

Snow White and the Huntsman

This movie is absolutely gorgeous. Everything about this film is really beautiful and great to look at... except Snow White. The title character is played by Kristen Stewart, who has buck teeth and a permanent sneer. It is not normally a problem in a movie if one character is more romantically sought after than another despite being less conventionally beautiful (love is weird, and besides maybe one of them smells better or something), but in this case it's incredibly jarring throughout the entire picture. See, literally the entire plot revolves around the fact that Kristen Stewart is supposed to be more beautiful than Charlize Theron. This is deeply absurd.

But while the whole "Whose the fairest?" this is painfully and distractingly front and center the entire time, the real problem with the plot is that literally every single thing that ever happens makes no sense. I mean, people say that various movies have huge plot holes or even that "nothing makes sense" hyperbolically - but in this case it's literally true. Let's take "The Huntsman" from the title. He is hired by the Queen to bring Snow White back alive, because he is the only person who has ventured into the Dark Forest, and the price is that he wants the Queen to use her sorcerous power to bring his dead wife back. So he finds Snow White and the Queen's brother asks the Huntsman to hand over the girl, but then he demands his payment even though his payment was that the Witch Queen who isn't fucking there was going to use magic for him, and then the Queen's brother tells the Huntsman that he is being betrayed and was a fool to trust them even though he hasn't actually got the girl yet. So Snow White and the Huntsman run off into the forest. Not to be deterred, the Queen's brother goes back to town and rustles up a posse of other huntsmen who are willing and able to track through the Dark Forest even though the entire point of grabbing the original dude even though he was passed out drunk in a horse trough was that he was the only fucking guy and now we have five more with no fucking explanation. And so on.

It's like looking at a fractal or a kaleidoscope. Every single event, and I do mean every single one makes no sense when considered in light of the rest of the movie. Even the finale is that Snow White is personally fighting the Queen because Snow White's blood is needed to stop the Evil Queen because her magic makes her unkillable with mere daggers to the belly. But then Snow White doesn't actually use her blood for anything and kills the Evil Queen by... stabbing her in the belly with a dagger. You know, literally exactly the thing they tried in Act II that didn't work because of the Queen's magic. But it works now, because it's the end of the movie.

Amazing Spiderman

First off, I want to make absolutely clear that this is not the worst Spiderman movie. The worst Spiderman movie is of course Spiderman 3, which was a train wreck that did its level best to take a giant dump on the entire franchise. Amazing Spiderman is a reboot that was made for contractual reasons: if SONY didn't make a new Spiderman movie, they'd have to let the valuable franchise rights go to Disney, which they clearly did not want to do. So it being a contractual and formulaic reboot, there's a lot of change for change's sake. The love interest is Gwen instead of MJ, we get the web shooter gadgets instead of the natural web sprays, and so on. Such artistic decisions are basically arbitrary, and making the opposite ones in order to be different is no better or worse than the Sam Raimi version, but there's enough of it that it is noticeable, which is slightly bad.

Mostly the movie suffers from a lack of explanatory dialog. The main character almost never talks to anyone: his "character" is that he is tongue tied. I think he is supposed to be shy, because he talks up a storm while he is wearing the mask, but mostly the degree to which he doesn't tell his family members important things makes him come off as a douche. The fact that he basically never says anything to Gwen makes it hard to take the romance between them seriously, and the fact that she is left to stand in the rain guessing both that and why they are breaking up at the end while he stands there and says nothing makes him come off even worse.

This lack of explanation becomes an even bigger deal later on when Spiderman is captured by the cops and then they let him go because um... well... that isn't actually explained. There's a big crisis at Oscorp tower, but they have no actual evidence that this is true when they give Spiderman the sendoff. Peter even takes a picture of his fight with the Lizard to give to the Bugle for the reward money for evidence that this shit is real, and that would totally have been reason for people to believe that he was needed to go fight the Lizard - but that photo is destroyed and no one ever sees it.

Fundamentally, I don't actually understand why people do the things they do in this movie. It looks like someone set up a really tight plot, and then script doctors decided that "making sense" was "too predictable" and decided to change things up so that the plot twists were unexpected. Thereby meaning of course that nothing anyone does makes sense with what they are supposed to know within the context of what is shown.

-Username17

virgil · Post by **virgil** » Sat Dec 29, 2012 3:25 pm

FrankTrollman wrote:Even the finale is that Snow White is personally fighting the Queen because Snow White's blood is needed to stop the Evil Queen because her magic makes her unkillable with mere daggers to the belly. But then Snow White doesn't actually use her blood for anything and kills the Evil Queen by... stabbing her in the belly with a dagger. You know, literally exactly the thing they tried in Act II that didn't work because of the Queen's magic. But it works now, because it's the end of the movie.

Maybe they meant for the blood to be wielding the dagger, so Snow White could be the only one able to kill her?

Username17 · Post by **Username17** » Sat Dec 29, 2012 4:34 pm

virgil wrote:
FrankTrollman wrote:Even the finale is that Snow White is personally fighting the Queen because Snow White's blood is needed to stop the Evil Queen because her magic makes her unkillable with mere daggers to the belly. But then Snow White doesn't actually use her blood for anything and kills the Evil Queen by... stabbing her in the belly with a dagger. You know, literally exactly the thing they tried in Act II that didn't work because of the Queen's magic. But it works now, because it's the end of the movie.
Maybe they meant for the blood to be wielding the dagger, so Snow White could be the only one able to kill her?

Coming as it does at the end of a movie in which:

The protagonists escape through a tunnel into fairy land, and then the villains catch up to them anyway on horseback, despite the fact that no horse-traversable paths are every shown.
Upon escaping from the castle through the sewer, Snow White washes up on shore, and there is a white horse waiting for her to ride away on that is never explained or mentioned again after she shortly thereafter leaves it in a bog.
There is a tribe of women who scar their faces so that the Evil Queen won't drain their beauty/life force. They live on the outskirts of the Dark Forest where the Queen specifically has no power, and the Queen has only been here for a couple of years anyway, and the life draining thing was supposedly a secret even from people in the castle.
While in fairyland, they meet the Spirit of the Forest from Princess Mononoke. Seriously.
Snow White is kissed while being all dead after biting the poison apple by both the Duke's son and by the Huntsman. She does not wake up either time and comes back from the dead somewhat later with no salient event at all.

...and so on and so on... I'm pretty sure that Snow White gut stabbing the Queen and having that actually work is just one of the many failures of writing and/or editing that made such a movie possible. I mean, shortly before that Snow White gets thrown face first into a stone wall, and then she has blood in her mouth. So she could have put blood on the blade or something, but she demonstrably didn't. Indeed, a few cuts later when she is doing her final knife stab, her face wound is mysteriously healed like they just decided to have her doing actual blood magic was too icky or something. Or maybe they just forgot?

-Username17

Koumei · Post by **Koumei** » Tue Jan 01, 2013 9:09 am

Okay, this one lost me on the advertisements for it before even watching episode one.

Arrow. Now I'll start with a fairly noncontroversial statement here: DC heroes are shit, and Marvel is better, so it's not a great start. Now here's the deal with Arrow:
[*]He's a rich guy with possibly dead parents, and has no super powers, he's just better than you at everything like all rich people are, but should last under a second in a fight against a superhero/villain. So he's Batman without all the black.
[*]It starts with a wave of crime attacks against the rich. We are literally supposed to feel sympathetic here and feel there is a desperate situation that calls for a hero.

What the fuck? Has everyone just forgot the past twelve months thousand years and suddenly rich people are our friends?

Could we get a movie or TV series for a non-shitty hero? Preferably one that isn't DC or Marvel? I'd love to see Witchblade given the full treatment.

Prak · Post by **Prak** » Tue Jan 01, 2013 9:45 am

I love how Green Arrow's first act in Arrow is to protect the rich people, where Batman's first act in Year One was to tell the rich people to stop abusing the poor and actually help them.

Koumei wrote:Could we get a movie or TV series for a non-shitty hero? Preferably one that isn't DC or Marvel? I'd love to see Witchblade given the full treatment.

Um. Hellboy? He's Dark Horse. And the only shitty thing about him (comics-wise) is that he's christian. Though it's completely understandable in a world where saint relics actually defeat evil, and he's not a crazy christian... Movies-wise, the shittiest thing was how blue collar they made him. I still enjoy both of the movies and eagerly await even just confirmation of 3 being in the works.

Winnah · Post by **Winnah** » Tue Jan 01, 2013 12:36 pm

Fuck Arrow. I want Strange.

Shrapnel · Post by **Shrapnel** » Tue Jan 01, 2013 3:12 pm

Koumei wrote:It starts with a wave of crime attacks against the rich. We are literally supposed to feel sympathetic here and feel there is a desperate situation that calls for a hero.

What the fuck? Has everyone just forgot the past twelve months thousand years and suddenly rich people are our friends?

Yeah, this certainly isn't the right social climate for making rich people likable. I know that I felt like going down the street and punching one of the owners of the mini-McMansions in the face when I saw that preview.

Winnah wrote:Fuck Arrow. I want Strange.

I know! Shuma Gorath, Dormammu, Dweller-in-Darkness, Zom... all these guys getting screen time would be awesome.

Parthenon · Post by **Parthenon** » Tue Jan 01, 2013 11:51 pm

Is that where Shuma Gorath comes from? I remember it from one of the marvel vs capcom games but I never bothered trying to find out where it came from.

Koumei · Post by **Koumei** » Wed Jan 02, 2013 12:13 am

Same, I had never heard of it before (or indeed, after) Marvel vs Capcom.

Darth Rabbitt · Post by **Darth Rabbitt** » Wed Jan 02, 2013 12:15 am

Yeah, Shuma Gorath was a Dr. Strange villain.

Most of the demons and Cthulhu Mythos style Marvel villains originally come from Dr. Strange.

The designers of Marvel vs. Capcom fucking love tossing in obscure characters (mostly obscure Capcom characters; Shuma Gorath and Blackheart were the only really obscure Marvel characters they used that weren't just palette swaps until MvC3) where they can.

Whether this is because these characters are popular in Japan, or because Marvel wants them trying to drum up popularity for old characters, or something far more sinister is beyond me.

John Magnum · Post by **John Magnum** » Wed Jan 02, 2013 12:32 am

Let's see if we can get the ball rolling on a Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose TV series.

Prak · Post by **Prak** » Wed Jan 02, 2013 10:39 am

John Magnum wrote:Let's see if we can get the ball rolling on a Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose TV series.

That's actually a fairly easy pitch. Go to WB, or HBO, I guess, and say "It's Charmed, but with more tits, and some extra appeal to the goth crowd."

Ancient History · Post by **Ancient History** » Wed Jan 02, 2013 11:14 am

"We spent over half the budget in breast implants."

Username17 · Post by **Username17** » Wed Jan 02, 2013 1:45 pm

Ancient History wrote:"We spent over half the budget in breast implants."

Haunted breast implants.

-Username17