The Gaming Den

npc310 · Journeyman Joined: 06 May 2012 Posts: 100

Hello fellow gamers.

I've been looking around here and there for a message board where I can ask questions about the games I play in and run. This site came up in a google search. I don't exactly remember the search phrase, but I've read a little here and there, and it looks like you folks chat about all sorts of interesting things.

I'm not exactly sure what the etiquette is for barging in on an established community. I certainly don't want to intrude, so I'll just ask plainly.

May I join you?
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RobbyPants · Prince Joined: 06 Aug 2008 Posts: 3164

Well, you don't need an invention, so yes. Tongue

Edit:
Do note that you won't get sugar-coated responses. People are often blunt or rude while being quite accurate. Try not to take it personally.
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DSMatticus · Duke Joined: 14 Apr 2011 Posts: 2291

npc310 · Journeyman Joined: 06 May 2012 Posts: 100

So, the group I game with is experiencing conflicts with real life. We've been on hiatus for several months. Actually, the funk we're in dates back about a year, with a spattering of 5 or 6 sessions in January and February 2012.

Sometimes I run the game, but usually it's this other guy who does it. I relieve him from time to time when the adventurers "get sent East" to deal with whatever giant ocean beast (quick what is the reference) threatens the populace over there. To put it succinctly, the part of the world I run and the part of the world where we usually play are separate. When I run the game, the other guy tries to do stuff that he would never allow. I am at a loss for an exact example for you, I apologize, but it is this general feeling I get. He wants his character to be able to do things that he would never allow any of us to do. To top it off, the guy is pretty easily offended. If there is a serious disagreement or differing interpretation of the rules, he has to be approached very delicately.

So, what I hope you folks can provide is a solution for me, and a way to approach the guy that will not piss him off. Do I just need to keep my mouth shut, secure in the knowledge that I have a legitimate beef with this guy, but I choose not to bring it up because he's such a baby?

I'm just rambling now...

Have any of you experienced this kind of situation? How did you handle it?
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"If you’ve got a business, you didn’t build that. Somebody else made that happen." -- Pres. Obama, Roanoke, VA, 13 July 2012

fbmf · The Great Fence Builder Joined: 07 Mar 2008 Posts: 2101

Orion · Prince Joined: 07 Mar 2008 Posts: 2968

This board is probably not the ideal place to turn to for social advice, as the average EQ here is... not good.
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Silent Wayfarer · Master Joined: 21 Jun 2009 Posts: 201

fectin · Duke Joined: 01 Feb 2010 Posts: 2144

Ignore wayfarer. Talk to him however you think is most likely to get you a result you want. If the best way is walking on eggshells, do that; if blustering will be better, bluster. But do pick an approach that will get what you want.

Generally, my advice for negotiations is "talk about your feelings." Dont say "you're a bad person for exploiting chain binding," instead say "I have a hard time building challenges that are level appropriate for the whole group when you gate in Tiamat." if you're talking about your problems instead of his, its inherently less confrontational and you're (generally) more likely to get cooperation.

One thing to think about first though, is exactly why you're unhappy about his hijinks. If you can't clearly articulate the change you want, then you won't get it and you'll have stressed everyone out for nothing.

Another thing to think about is why his hijinks make it hard for you. The is clearly some broken-ass shit in RAW. Many games are able to roll with that though (not necessarily that you should). If you can solve your problem by seamlessly incorporating his shennanigans, that is the best possible world.

Sorry to give such generic advice, but I didn't get a lot of specifics to go on.
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Cynic · Duke Joined: 07 Mar 2008 Posts: 2422

ishy · Duke Joined: 05 Aug 2011 Posts: 1186

Depending on how important the continuity between yours and his part are, you could try seperating your part of the world and his more. And just choose which one you'll play in advance.

So that you can make it clear to everyone you are playing with different rules and customs etc.

Because it sounds like 'the other guy' might be afraid that a ruling you make might affect his game.

Otherwise, try identifying your exact problems and lay down some ground rules before play.
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npc310 · Journeyman Joined: 06 May 2012 Posts: 100

You're correct. No gaming is better than bad gaming.

I'm going to get some specifics and have a straight-up conversation with him outside of the game. I am not sure if it has penetrated his brain that he is trying to pull bullshit that he would never allow if he were in the big chair. Or maybe he is aware of it, and he's just the kind of guy who thinks "it's okay if I do it, because I'm me, but not okay if someone else does, because they're not me." I've got to find out if that is the case, and if it is, I've got to decide if I am going to:

silently suffer through it (not my strong suit)
step down as guest host (which I really only do as a favor to this guy so he can get some play time)
quit the group altogether (because hypocrites drive me fucking crazy, and I'll never be able to keep my mouth shut)
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"If you’ve got a business, you didn’t build that. Somebody else made that happen." -- Pres. Obama, Roanoke, VA, 13 July 2012

fectin · Duke Joined: 01 Feb 2010 Posts: 2144

It may be that he thinks you're okay with it. Just because he wouldn't stand for something doesn't inherently mean you have a problem with it.
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Dogbert · Apprentice Joined: 21 Apr 2011 Posts: 74

Why is it so damn hard for people to actually EXPLAIN THEMSELVES?

Some guy tries to pull shit in my games that he doesn't allow in his? I call him out on his bullshit (saying both our games are within the same genre and setting, that is).

Goose, meet Gander, talk about what's good for each other.

End of story.
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Josh_Kablack · Posted: Mon May 21, 2012 8:30 am Post subject: Re: Hello Everybody

deaddmwalking · Journeyman Joined: 21 May 2012 Posts: 158

You say you're in a shared world. What happens if you start handing out Vorpal Blades like Tootsie Rolls on Halloween? Surely what you're doing would have an impact on his game, right?

Presumably he'd object if the style of play you allow was too far from his own. If that were the case, using different characters and not allowing 'crossing' between the two would be most appropriate.

So, presuming that he does care what you do and that he doesn't want things from your game that would unbalance the game, call him out on it in those terms. You lack specifics, but when he says, "I want to gather piss and shit and salt peter and start making gunpowder", you can say, "You know, the rest of the PCs will see you do that. They'll be able to make gunpowder anytime they want. Is that what you want?"

If you allow him his 'shennaigans' but also allow them for the other players, there shouldn't be an issue. If he objects, it should be clear to him that he must police himself - but he has to understand that everyone will have the expectation that what happens in your game can happen in his game, too.

Also note that he might be 'paying you back' for similar activities. Most players want to better themselves and pick up 'uber' items that support their build. If he feels like he's reigning you in during his game, he may be trying to 'give you a taste of your own medicine'.

But before you talk to him, have some specific examples. If you bring it up now you're going to be saying 'it's just a feeling I have'. You need to be able to say 'when you did this, this is what I felt'. Without drawing attention to specific actions, you're basically just saying 'I don't like gaming with you', and that's not what you want your message to be. Or if it is, you should just tell him that.

fectin · Duke Joined: 01 Feb 2010 Posts: 2144

Guys, seriously: "fair" really doesn't matter here. What matters is what each of them is okay with.

Other guy could be running the neatest most open-ended sandbox ever, and NPC could be unable to run anything but published modules; Other Guy's mad skillz would in no way excuse derailing NPC's modules. That Other Guy as MC couldn't deal with Other Guy as a player is interesting, but completely beside the point.
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rasmuswagner · Master Joined: 16 May 2011 Posts: 228 Location: Danmark

npc310 · Journeyman Joined: 06 May 2012 Posts: 100

I am impressed that you pulled out Richard Jeni so quickly. Not many people are familiar.
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"If you’ve got a business, you didn’t build that. Somebody else made that happen." -- Pres. Obama, Roanoke, VA, 13 July 2012

JigokuBosatsu · Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 7:15 pm Post subject:

npc310 · Journeyman Joined: 06 May 2012 Posts: 100

As far as magical items are concerned, he and I are of a similar mind. We both frown upon having PCs covered in magical gear. A Longsword +2 should be a rare find, we feel, and something that the players celebrate. I have never awarded a Vorpal blade or anything even close to that. I've awarded scrolls and some other one-use items.
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"If you’ve got a business, you didn’t build that. Somebody else made that happen." -- Pres. Obama, Roanoke, VA, 13 July 2012

Aryxbez · Knight Joined: 15 Oct 2010 Posts: 441